Hello everybody, I have no where to share. Hoping that I get some advices here

My husband and I have been together for 7 years now, married for 3 years. We are pretty fine but I found out that he has an addiction that I wonder if it's normal in the world of men?

Before married, I found out he has about 2k people in his IG following list. It's all GIRLS. You know, these girls tend to publish their explicit pictures. He literally save every picture that he likes. I can't even count how many pictures that he has saved into his IG.

I voiced out to him before years back, he promised to unfollow and unsave but eventually nothing happen. I was so sad back then till I gave up thinking about it, even comfort myself that it's okay, it's normal among the guys.

Well, now we are married. His IG following list has increased to 4k (including 3k of girls). I even found out that he has joined Porn Channels in Telegram, a long list of channel. I am so speechless when I see those things. Is this even normal? I'm helpless.

This post has been edited by blessingyu: Dec 18 2023, 01:18 PM

Respecting privacy is crucial, and refraining from scrutinizing someone's phone underscores the importance of personal boundaries. Each individual possesses a unique set of personal matters, and acknowledging and respecting these boundaries is an integral aspect of fostering trust and maintaining healthy relationships.

Addiction to or like to see porn is common, 80% to 90% have this issue, but to save picture into his phone is a bit stupid, if police roadblock or anything, they demand to look at your husband's phone, GG.

Police also know this statistics, so 8/10 (edit : maybe less la, because some are smart about it) of the phones they search will have ahem ahem (and they know where to search), so they will likely hit jackpot if they are given a chance to search their phones.

The very least, tell your husband to be smart about it, NEVER, EVER, save any explicit pictures on his phone.

This post has been edited by AbbyCom: Dec 14 2023, 01:30 AM

Pretty normal, not addiction but pure natural basic instinct.

what's more important is he's still intimate with you

The problem about women = blame game and only blame game.
I pretty sure you see this reply you also trigger.

I m not defending your husband, he made mistake. and maybe hurt your feeling.

But so far what i know was, as long as husband made mistake, Wife auto = Blame Game Trigger Mode.

If you unable to solve this problem with "Positive" method.
You are adding more hurt into this relationship.

I found woman today are very judgemental to their partner.

would u prefer him to look at girls or guys? normal men would be attracted to ladies with nice bodies...

anyway, u should only start worrying once he stopped hving sex with u.

so even if child porn one needs pass it off 'personal boundaries' and that is also ' unique set of personal matters'...

This..

Coming to porn, is your husband that free to do all that? Men's relationship with porn suppose to reduce over time...we get busy with work etc and hardly have time for porn..so find it weird when he joins porn group/IG etc..to me its porn addiction..need help

you already knew his behavior before marriage so why bring it up now?

were you expecting your partner to change, while you remain status quo?

how frequent do you have sex with him?

Maybe you should start increasing your IG following to 8k (double up) with majority of them male.
See what he has to say

I am guilty of this, but not so extreme as what TS stated.
I follow lots of hot girls, and would favorite their pics in my instagram saved pics if I like them very much, I even show them to my gf and we are cool about it. My gf would sometimes refer to the pics i showed her and try to copy how they dress or look like, and then surprise me with her new look. You can try it, instead of banning him of his harmless activity. He liked all those girls, but I doubt he is able to do anything with them, nor the intention to even try to interact with them. We know those hot girls are after the money and the likes, they won't even look nor respond to normal dudes like us.

My gf likes korean stars a lot and even set them as their phone wallpaper, and I'm cool with that. A comfortable relationship shouldnt have any controlling element in it, we are separate beings coming together to further enhance our quality of life, simple as that.

males watch udang normal only what, if u dont let him sex, then he use his hand apa salah

Give him sex 3-4 times a week. Problem solve for sure.

you scare he will cheat on you. How about he constantly asks you whether you'll go on a boat party with some random instagram star?

Its the same kind of insecurity
i think you both have better issues to focus on

drain him out haha
give him a nut b4 he goes to work, during his lunch break, when his tea-break, when he comes back from work and before he sleeps..

married for 7 years, unlikely to be that frequency
even im the husband, suddenly the wife so on
I will also think maybe she done wrong things behind me and try to compensate

let me check my insta... omg i only follow less than 200 girls ..... guess I am not normal huh?
afaik, its normal for guys to look at pretty girls, you should be worried :
- if he is looking at 6 packs guys photo
- if he is looking at underage girl photo
- if he stops having sex interest in you and MIA sometimes

otherwise, maybe you're thinking too much?
hey even my mom was cool and watch miss world together with my father drooling at those beauties, its all about how you accept the fact that he is a male.

It's called Biology? You can't stop man from looking and woman and vice versa.

I find woman very odd, they can look at anything they like but refrain man from looking.

Every healthy man will look, regardless marry or not, even you are super attractive that can beat top models out there. They will still look. It's just how biology is, but it doesn't mean that we want them as wife or soul mate for life. It's just a physical attraction with no connection.

Hi TS,

Do the two of you talk about sex? Do you know what his sexual needs are? Do you know whether he is satisfied with his sex life with you?

If your answer is Yes to these questions, then you dont have anything to worry about.

4k following hot girls VS 4k following hot guy, which is worse?

The numbers seem alarming. I know guys look at hot girls and collect girls' photos, but to collect in thousands seems abnormal. If you give him a few more years, he'll probably have more than 10,000 girls collected.

He either has too much time and energy on hand (i.e. he's bored and unproductive in life), or he is rather stressed and uses lust and porn to release tension. This may indicate a lack of healthy hobbies and supportive social circles.

Its quite normal.

As long as its not intefering with his life and your relationship, it should be ok.

TS, actually what is your concern ?

a) you worry that his hobby, if found out by ppl within your circle of contact will become an embarrassment coz it is quite easy for the friend list to know who we followed / liked on IG ?

b) you worry his current activity of saving the photos & following porn will lead him to cheat on you ?

My view if based on both a) & b) scenarios.

a) Just talk to him to be more discreet when dealing with this hobby. Don't let friends or family to know who (girls) he is following as it may not do any good to his personal image at workplace & public if it is found out by ppl. His public image = your public image, he don't want face, at least put some effort to protect his family or wife face.

b) At this point I doubt so. If a man has the physical attraction attribute + financial capability , this is not what a man (who cannot control their lust/desire) will do. Sometimes, man kill of their desire/lust via porn. Watching porn, the fantasy / entertainment stop within the head , there is no further action in real life after that. If he cannot control his lust/desire and go look for women, then it will be few times worse vs the man who only look at it as the source of entertainment.

2ndly, only you as the wife know whether he has the attractiveness level to be seduced by wild flowers or he has the financial capabilities to look for the paid service. If he has none of it, I personally think it is harmless at this moment except for the potential embarrassment if it was found out by other ppl. On the 3k ~ 4k photos, I doubt he will look at the photos / files again after saving. Most likely the photos will end up in the his recycle bin when his device runs out of memory.

Sorry but im a guy and i think its not normal.

Looking at hot girl, yes normal but not until to the extreme level of following 3000 girls on insta and save their pic.

I feel I am extreme to have like 600+ followed on IG but 3000? Well, hell no man.

Hi Ts, I understand your concern and we can see how much you value the relationship with your S.O.

You named your thread "Unacceptable Addiction" perhaps due to fear of unforeseen infidelity in the future. But is what your S.O. doing an addiction from his POV? Are there addictions that you might be able to see eye to eye with your S.O.? Perhaps there is an underlying issue beneath the blanket of lust and curiosity.

If both of you truly wish to understand and improve the relationship, seeing a couple therapist might be the answer.

I'm a married guy and in my opinion it doesn't looked normal to me.
It's most likely related to his unsatisfied sexual craving/fantasy.

This is also related to you as his wife.
Probably there's lack of sex, or boring sex or you no longer dress nicely?
Increasing 2k to 4k is really a lot, and browsing all these on daily basis (how many hours are needed to go through that lengthy list??).
Imagine screening resume for interview also in hundreds only...lol.

To solve this issue, pls don't just blame on his sexual craving/fantasy.
He needs to tell you why he needs such visual stuff everyday and you need to be prepared to help him to overcome all this (eg. if he feedback lack of sex or the sex is boring, etc).
Don't push him away, but rather work together with him.
Acknowledgement is the 1st step to solving the problem.

Contradiction to everyone else, I think it is normal.

The numbers increased because he dont delete them, that's all. He got bored of the girls he followed earlier thus moved on to newer targets.

And i would see the similarities between all the girls that the guy follow.

Do they share same characteristic? Or same pattern of behavior? Maybe that will tell what he is looking for and ts can try to match.

There are some ex players who had threesomes and sexadventures before settling down, and having a great families now. But it can be minority

Wow… this is a very impressive and mature answer! Respect.

After certain level its no longer about how many times you can have. Not sure about other men i been thorough that

Yes, it cannot be... because that's not how biology works.

Small issue, he is not addict to gay porn and fap to it so you should be relieved

But what if the husband faps to hte saved sexy female pictures? Less of a wrong or not wrong at all?

amoi sekarang pun always watch gay BL porn or comic/novel and fap on it, wrong or not wrong then? Janji no cheat on you with another real person is good enuff, I personal would care less about private imaginary sexual fantasy

Fair point I suppose.

I mean sometimes emotional over physical. Now i know my sex drive is due to emotional

That exists.. make up sex, break up sex, sex after an act of violence... emotionally driven coitus.