Thanks for sharing your story, at least better than ghosting us

So, almost a year and you haven't changed your mind? I still cannot understand why it's such a scary thing for you, maybe you can share your fears here: what's holding you back? Personally for me, marriage is just a legal formality that also brings some benefits (see the other thread: https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/5449752 ). If you don't want kids, you can also be upfront about it. If you've studied the pros and cons about marriage and ultimately decided it's not for you, then you also don't need this thread anymore and you can tell all your future dates the same. I'm sure someone out there is on the same wavelength.

Now for your potential new date, I don't think it's wrong to date an ex's friend, but be very careful as you did not end on good terms. Your ex may sabotage your new relationship out of spite (or that you were really that bad and she was just brutally honest). Or, your new date friendship with her ex is ruined due to misunderstandings/difference in opinions, and she may not take it well, which in turn may affect your budding relationship. I guess it's best to first understand her intentions, then if she's really looking into a serious relationship then you'll need to set some expectations with the new date. For example, she can keep in contact with ex but do not talk about you, to avoid hearing biased opinions about you or TMI about your past relationship.

I like where you're going 👀 Well, from woman perspective looking into long term relationship, I fully agree that financial stability is a factor. Let's not kid ourselves: money can't buy all happiness but it sure buys many! We don't need to look for loaded rich man, but a bum/NEET would be very undesirable.

I've heard of this relationship advice, "don't find someone to complete yourself; complete yourself to find someone." It makes sense to me because burden is unattractive, like duh?

That said, onto the topic of long term vs short, the dynamic is very different.... Who cares if you're poor, if all I want is to have fun? Be it physical intimacy, or companionship, or platonic friendship .... Knowing you're not my future, I don't need to know your financial standing to enjoy short flings with you. It's never about money determining status, but more about the future of a couple.

I noticed the same, hence my last paragraph to distinguish long vs short term relationships. Don't forget he is allergic to the former, so I just realised that it makes a lot of sense he thinks that way. Maybe, just maybe... perhaps his reluctance of engaging in long term relationship is an escape from this reality: "no need to answer to the financial expectations if there's no strings attached."

Disclaimer to others: I'm not advocating "ada wang, ada amoi" philosophy, nor that money is the most important trait in men. You can certainly find your love without 20k celery, as long as you have something in your career.

Guilty as charged on that last statement Chinese culture is mmg liddat lah... To loosely quote a comedian, "we even greet people 'gong xi fa cai' to celebrate our new year (lit. congratulations on prosperity)."

Human is complex and full of nuances, so there's always a spectrum/grey scale as opposed to black and white. Just as some women flock to men good with words despite their lack of financial stability, there are also divorces citing financial reasons, so I don't want to pretend as if money doesn't matter at all.

Just as it's presumptuous of us to say you will want a long term relationship, it is also presumptuous of you to think "most women want to have fun".

Remember that this topic is about readiness for marriage. What you're telling me from your statement of bedding many hot girls, is not that you're a good boyfriend or husband, but more like you're good at bed... which, I guess that's true if you're not ghosted after first time, but I don't want to know anyway).

You may be right when it comes to initial attraction, that money isn't the main point (heck, anyone who talks about money on first date would be a red flag). However, all that amounts to nothing when it comes to marriage or along the lines of long term commitments. Anyhow, I guess you helped other readers who agree with you that they are also as unprepared for marriage as you.

Personally, I think you should balance both.

Building your career is important for your future, with or without a partner. Along the way, surely you work with people, so take the opportunity to mingle with colleagues and befriend those you click with. I found it easier to befriend non-single opposite gender to understand them better + practise talking to them, without getting into any awkward misunderstanding/mixed signals.

Whenever you have the spare energy, then find your date outside work and hope for the best meanwhile learn about yourself.

If your work isn't giving you any opportunity to hone your social skills, then consider changing job to work with people. Socialising is an improve-able skillset and will rust if you don't train your brain to read situations and people.

As for doing the deed to gain experience... Well, personally I think saving it to do it with someone who really matters is beautiful in a way. You'll both fumble and it'll be awkward but at least you'll both want to improve for the sake of the other, you'll talk and work it out together.

...Oh. Yeah well I think you're one of us now, fellow "SJW"

I guess he's lost it when he said

The more he tries to justify himself, the worse it looks for him in a subforum that isn't about body counting 🤷‍♀️