27male
Graduated 3 years ago with a business degree
Dark history of me after I got my degree:

- public account assistant: quitted after 4 days because senior sucked at teaching and I felt just....quitted

- data analyst: quitted after a month, first time going through a 5 days continuous 9-9 and couldn't handle the sudden increase in workload, broke down when got questioned about my slow speed, went to see a government psychiatrist and got diagnosed with mdd, on second checkup got changed to panic disorder ( stopped going for further checkups because the drugs are useless and their responses/suggestions is something I've seen n times on the internet)

Similar stuff happened to 3 more jobs I gotten, including this one I just quitted last week despite only a week into the job (sales role)

I just don't know what is wrong with me, from nowhere in the middle of a workdau I'd just feel so hopeless useless and all sorts of thoughts I shouldn't have keeps coming in, and the next thing I know I've sent the resignation letter

Telling my parents about all these is just straight up pointless as to them only those successful people get to be depressed because they need to worry about lots of things, compared to this failure piece of shit and waste of space I am

I really don't know how to properly live my life anymore. I don't understand why I was the one born into this world instead of anyone else. My parents spent so much money and ended up with an inferior product like me when the rest of my siblings are all doing well in life. I wish i can just find a job where I can properly function and ....I just want to stop feeling wanna die anymore

These few days I just pretend everything is okay, go to work while I'm actually at somewhere browsing job posts....only matter of time my parents will find out about this

It hurts me so much to see their faces when one of their sons keeps quitting jobs despite being a degree holder when he is supposed to be working climbing the job ladder

I don't know what I like or want to do, I hate myself to be such a failure and I hate myself even more that I don't have the courage to off myself

It's so hard, I'm so tired, sometimes I really wished assisted s*icide is legalized in this country (maybe at least give my parents appropriate benefits if I'm gone) as the only valuable things I have in me is my organs

Yes, some places are toxic and overworked...some places have no direction.

Some places are ideal. Just keep on looking for a proper place to be.

There are some things you can control, some you just cant.

Like the first place..... senior cant teach...so you cant learn on your own or from someone else ?

Second one....cant say much. Some places are high strung....

May I ask, what are you passionate about in life? What are your personal interests?

Everyone is so busy that I can't seem to find the right timing to ask, when they teach me it's usually too fast and I cant seem to remember the steps....then I got this overwhelmed feeling mixed with all sort of ....negative thoughts
And I just stopped functioning

Actually the second one could be better as there is a better way of surviving it but I just....

Have thoughts of going back to accounting but commercial instead of public but ... I just don't have confidence at all

I'm so tired of kept quitting jobs and I don't even see myself as someone useful anymore

Idk, i hate myself

To be honest I don't even know if there is anything I'm passionate anymore

I can't even do things that everyone else can do easily aka keeping a job

Hey, I've been there..

I used to job hop every now and then due to my seniors, my managers, my colleagues.

I used to think that I need to be supervised by talented superiors so they can guide me to my success one day.

Then one day I realized that no matter where I go, there's always a shitty, selfish, self-centered, politic-playing seniors/manager/colleagues.
Cause nobody is perfect, and those superiors may have weaknesses and will not reach our expectation.

So what I need to do? I just do my best and perform what I can..

You said that your ex seniors suck at teaching, If you can self-learn then go ahead, if not, just do whatever you can, don't push yourself too hard.
If they not willing to teach you, then it's their problem..
Bear in mind, it's their role to guide you and achieve goals efficiently and effectively.

Please slow down and take a few days vacation, do meditation, take rest etc..
Don't stress out..

And please don't always think of want to perform and win a medal and show to those people. Be yourself...be comfortable..
Success needs patience..

That's why my question is not related to your job/career. That's just means to cari makan & survive on your own feet.
Think back to a time where you didn't have depression or low mental health.

What were your hobbies? What was your passion? What did you enjoy doing in your free-time?
You need to discover your internal motivations that drives you (not being influenced by anyone else, including parents/family/siblings, etc.), and you can pick yourself up again.