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 Accepting / getting your friend's partner contact, A little debate.

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TSredracer2004
post Jan 19 2023, 01:22 PM, updated 2w ago

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I was debating with my friend about these 2 things, so let's see what you guys think.

1. If your friend's bf/gf asks for your number (and you are opposite gender), should you ask your friend permission before giving?

2. If you accidentally offended your bf/gf friend, you prefer the person (regardless of gender) telling you directly or tell your partner behind you and the partner coming to approach you?

Go!
-mystery-
post Jan 19 2023, 01:42 PM

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1. Depends on how close im with the guy, usually i wont ask for his permission cause its just a number

2. Tell me right on my face, it wouldnt traumatise me, usually im the one traumatises people
Napalm_man
post Jan 19 2023, 04:13 PM

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If strictly business or work related, then it’s ok.
McMatt
post Jan 19 2023, 04:22 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jan 19 2023, 01:22 PM)
I was debating with my friend about these 2 things, so let's see what you guys think.

1. If your friend's bf/gf asks for your number (and you are opposite gender), should you ask your friend permission before giving?

2. If you accidentally offended your bf/gf friend, you prefer the person (regardless of gender) telling you directly or tell your partner behind you and the partner coming to approach you?

Go!
*
1. There is normally no reason he/she would ask for your number. Since he/she is merely an acquaintance from your friend. I've been out with her friends before, and no matter how attractive they are, I wouldn't ask for their number, nor would they ask for mine. Unless it has been clear from the conversation that, perhaps there is a business opportunity to be had.

2. Be direct, I have no issue apologizing if it was unintentional on my part or will at least explain if it wasn't what he/she understood it to be. But if I had intended it to be, then I would reiterate my position again. At the very least say, "I can't help it that you felt offended. But that is my stand/position and I'll make no apologies for it."
TSredracer2004
post Jan 19 2023, 07:16 PM

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QUOTE(McMatt @ Jan 19 2023, 04:22 PM)
1. There is normally no reason he/she would ask for your number. Since he/she is merely an acquaintance from your friend. I've been out with her friends before, and no matter how attractive they are, I wouldn't ask for their number, nor would they ask for mine. Unless it has been clear from the conversation that, perhaps there is a business opportunity to be had.

2. Be direct, I have no issue apologizing if it was unintentional on my part or will at least explain if it wasn't what he/she understood it to be. But if I had intended it to be, then I would reiterate my position again. At the very least say, "I can't help it that you felt offended. But that is my stand/position and I'll make no apologies for it."
*
1. Let's just say the partner (either bf or gf) says she just wants the contact for any emergency or contingency purposes?

2. I mean like you prefer to be told by the person itself OR you prefer the person telling your partner then your partner tells you.
McMatt
post Jan 20 2023, 08:55 AM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jan 19 2023, 07:16 PM)
1. Let's just say the partner (either bf or gf) says she just wants the contact for any emergency or contingency purposes?

2. I mean like you prefer to be told by the person itself OR you prefer the person telling your partner then your partner tells you.
*
1. I don't need permission. But I will tell my friend that my number was asked, and I gave. Still, it doesn't happen in most cases, because there just isn't a reason to ask.

2. As mentioned, the person can tell me him/herself. Good can happen, is that I realise it and apologise. Worse, I don't see it as an issue and will reprimand that person for being overly sensitive or misconstrued my words.

This post has been edited by McMatt: Jan 20 2023, 08:56 AM
nihility
post Jan 20 2023, 02:38 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jan 19 2023, 07:16 PM)
1. Let's just say the partner (either bf or gf) says she just wants the contact for any emergency or contingency purposes?

2. I mean like you prefer to be told by the person itself OR you prefer the person telling your partner then your partner tells you.
*
1.Just response "You can get the contact through your bf/gf". It is a indirect decline. Your friend give or not, it is his / her decision & nothing to do with you. If he/she give, he/she permits it.

2. Being told direct. Only small ppl talk thing behind the back. Have some mercy on the partner, don't make him/her the middleman, the feeling is unpleasant to become a middleman.
TSredracer2004
post Jan 21 2023, 05:07 PM

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QUOTE(nihility @ Jan 20 2023, 02:38 PM)
1.Just response "You can get the contact through your bf/gf".  It is a indirect decline. Your friend give or not, it is his / her decision & nothing to do with you. If he/she give, he/she permits it.

2. Being told direct. Only small ppl talk thing behind the back. Have some mercy on the partner, don't make him/her the middleman, the feeling is unpleasant to become a middleman.
*
2 I agree. Why? Cause I like to be told face first but my friend feels it's very rude to tell straight to the face.
silverhawk
post Jan 25 2023, 11:47 AM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jan 19 2023, 01:22 PM)

1. If your friend's bf/gf asks for your number (and you are opposite gender), should you ask your friend permission before giving?

No, just give. It is the only action that makes sense.

Lets break it down.

Why would you not give? Its either your friend don't trust you, or your friend don't trust their partner. Only a distrustful person will have problem with requesting/giving numbers. Either way, its not your problem.

A trustful relationship would just view the number exchange as friend circle getting closer. There are a myriad of reasons why exchanging numbers would be useful. E.g. emergency contact, asking you to know the partner better, making surprise plans, etc.

QUOTE
2. If you accidentally offended your bf/gf friend, you prefer the person (regardless of gender) telling you directly or tell your partner behind you and the partner coming to approach you?
I would expect my friend to tell me, otherwise I would think our friendship means nothing if he/she does not trust the relationship to withstand some confrontation.

 

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