Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+

Advice Wanted Girlfriend caught me texting another girl

views
     
silverhawk
post Dec 22 2022, 09:47 AM

I'm Positively Lustrous
Group Icon
Elite
4,738 posts

Joined: Jan 2003


QUOTE(AnythingK @ Dec 21 2022, 11:16 AM)
Yes, the next thing I need to do is deal with my insecurity. Why am I insecure? I always feel inferior when I am in a relationship, always afraid what if she find someone better all sort of stuff. I am always in the situation of what if this what if that. Some times I will
*
Do you feel inferior OUTSIDE relationships? e.g. with family/friends, in your career, etc. If not, then your problem will be easier to solve. If you're inferior in other aspects of life, then you will need to address something deeper.

Assuming its only relationships, then you need to realise that your value comes from within and is affirmed/adjusted by others. You are afraid she leaves for another person because you don't see value in yourself, and ascribe her attention to you as your value. You feel valuable as long as she's paying you attention. The moment her attention goes elsewhere you no longer feel valued, and thus feel you're worthless. Of course you would then try to control and keep that attention so you remain "valuable".

Someone "better" is always out there. That is true for you, as much as it is for her. You can also find a younger, prettier, nicer, etc. woman at some later point in the future too. Relationships however are not built on specications. Its built on interaction between people. I have friends that are complete arseholes and also friends that are angels, what defines the friendship is what we went through together, not their looks, wealth, utility, etc.

A relationship is no different. You are building something with someone together, so focus on what is being built and if they no longer want to participate in that or show behavior that you can't partner with them, then drop them like a hot potato. You can only control what you do, not what others do. So choose wisely who should stay in your life.

QUOTE(AnythingK @ Dec 21 2022, 11:16 AM)
But what you said is definitely right, I cannot control people, if she just doesn't want to be with me, then no matter what I do, the consequences will still be the same.
Yes, but also a word of caution. Don't take this to mean you shouldn't do anything at all. Always put your best foot forward, do the right things for the relationship, if it doesn't work out then at least you know you did your best. The pain will still always be there, part of the risk. Just accept and embrace the pain as part of the journey.

QUOTE(-mystery- @ Dec 21 2022, 11:42 AM)
Thats why monogamy is doomed in 21st century.
*
This has been an ongoing problem for thousands of years la... monogamy still going strong laugh.gif In fact every civilization that strayed away from it has collapsed.
AnythingK
post Dec 22 2022, 10:00 AM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
218 posts

Joined: Jul 2008
QUOTE(Cubalagi @ Dec 21 2022, 04:26 PM)
You are likely insecure if you are all out committed to a relationship but you think the girl is not, at least not to the extent that you are.

In other words, you might be giving 100 percent but she is giving maybe only 60-70 percent.

The solution is not to give 100. Give some but then let the girl catch up, then can give a bit more. Even better is  to make the girl exceed you. As a guy, I think the optimum is to let the girl give 100 but you are maybe 80 or 90.

These numbers are just analogy, but hope you get my meaning. You cant precisely measure a persons feelings but you can gauge based on their actions.
*
Feels bad to hijack this thread, now people are advising me instead. lol

I got to agree with you a lot on this. I am always putting in 100% when I feel like I want to have something more with the girl. People always tell me to keep my options open, don't just settle for one. Its like when I am putting in my feeling and effort in someone, I can't do it to another person at the same time, even when we are not actually officially together yet. Where as I know the other party is actually keeping the option opens and seeing multiple people at the same time.


-mystery-
post Dec 22 2022, 10:26 AM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,342 posts

Joined: Jan 2021



QUOTE(silverhawk @ Dec 22 2022, 09:47 AM)
. This has been an ongoing problem for thousands of years la... monogamy still going strong laugh.gif In fact every civilization that strayed away from it has collapsed.
*
there are still social problems when it comes to parenting and kids, so boring see the same look everyday imaging staying under same roof. No wonder how compatible amd familiar you feel your partner, you'll still get bored.

QUOTE(AnythingK @ Dec 22 2022, 10:00 AM)
I am always putting in 100% when I feel like I want to have something more with the girl. People always tell me to keep my options open, don't just settle for one. Its like when I am putting in my feeling and effort in someone, I can't do it to another person at the same time, even when we are not actually officially together yet. Where as I know the other party is actually keeping the option opens and seeing multiple people at the same time.
*
When you initially know the girl, you dont know who she's other than her looks and basic demeanors, its not wise to put 100% efforts on her if you specifically mean about time money or mental investments, and the girl will think this guy is just fuck around why should i wait for him? If you have values she will wait or keep quiet or else ghost you to lock down a beta male
Cubalagi
post Dec 22 2022, 12:14 PM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
3,789 posts

Joined: Mar 2014


QUOTE(AnythingK @ Dec 22 2022, 10:00 AM)
I got to agree with you a lot on this. I am always putting in 100% when I feel like I want to have something more with the girl. People always tell me to keep my options open, don't just settle for one. Its like when I am putting in my feeling and effort in someone, I can't do it to another person at the same time, even when we are not actually officially together yet. Where as I know the other party is actually keeping the option opens and seeing multiple people at the same time.
*
You are taught since small that in order to get results, you have to work hard for it. So naturally you think this also apply to getting a girl. So u think that by giving 100%, you have a better chance of success then say, by giving 50%.

But, we humans, do not value things which we get for free. We treasure and desire the things that are hard to get and easy to lose.

When you give 100% and the girl give 60%, you are giving 40% free.

By giving so much of you for free, you are just devaluing yourself as a person before the girl. You actually become low value and less desirable. And since you have given so much, you are now insecure, making you even lower value and less desirable to the girl.

Conclusion: dont give 100% unless the girl give 100%. (But even better is u dont give 100% at all! ).

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Dec 22 2022, 12:30 PM
-mystery-
post Dec 22 2022, 01:27 PM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,342 posts

Joined: Jan 2021



QUOTE(Cubalagi @ Dec 22 2022, 12:14 PM)
Conclusion: dont give 100% unless the girl give 100%. (But even better is u dont give 100% at all! ).
*
life is based on maths, but if you skew towards that you'll hardly make connection with people. Thats why advice like 'youre five person that you hang out the most with' is error because what if you were forced to hang out with your secondary school friends etc

sometimes life is not just transactional hard cold cash
silverhawk
post Dec 22 2022, 11:23 PM

I'm Positively Lustrous
Group Icon
Elite
4,738 posts

Joined: Jan 2003


QUOTE(-mystery- @ Dec 22 2022, 10:26 AM)
there are still social problems when it comes to parenting and kids, so boring see the same look everyday imaging staying under same roof. No wonder how compatible amd familiar you feel your partner, you'll still get bored.
*
You need to hang out with more people that have long healthy relationships
Ramjade
post Dec 22 2022, 11:57 PM

20k VIP Club
*********
All Stars
22,199 posts

Joined: Feb 2011


QUOTE(silverhawk @ Dec 22 2022, 11:23 PM)
You need to hang out with more people that have long healthy relationships
*
He don't believe in long term relationship.
-mystery-
post Dec 23 2022, 11:10 AM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,342 posts

Joined: Jan 2021



QUOTE(Ramjade @ Dec 22 2022, 11:57 PM)
He don't believe in long term relationship.
*
she's not yours, its just your turn lmao
there's a reason why only few sperms out of billion per cum is able to reach the tail of uterus
Ramjade
post Dec 23 2022, 12:37 PM

20k VIP Club
*********
All Stars
22,199 posts

Joined: Feb 2011


QUOTE(-mystery- @ Dec 23 2022, 11:10 AM)
she's not yours, its just your turn lmao
there's a reason why only few sperms out of billion per cum is able to reach the tail of uterus
*
What does sperm got to do with long term relationship? It's just so that the best sperm wins so that future offspring is of the best quality sperm.
-mystery-
post Dec 23 2022, 01:13 PM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,342 posts

Joined: Jan 2021



QUOTE(Ramjade @ Dec 23 2022, 12:37 PM)
What does sperm got to do with long term relationship? It's just so that the best sperm wins so that future offspring is of the best quality sperm.
*
same goes to number of long term relationship that can last more than decades without dying passion
anakkk
post Dec 23 2022, 01:15 PM

Regular
******
Senior Member
1,565 posts

Joined: Apr 2013
did you text intimate message?
chtan
post Dec 23 2022, 01:17 PM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,283 posts

Joined: Jan 2003
Nothing a new iPhone 14 Max Pro cannot be solve.
redzipkay
post Dec 23 2022, 08:37 PM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
51 posts

Joined: Nov 2022


QUOTE(Ramjade @ Dec 23 2022, 12:37 PM)
What does sperm got to do with long term relationship? It's just so that the best sperm wins so that future offspring is of the best quality sperm.
*
not true, that is just a myth
Ramjade
post Dec 23 2022, 08:53 PM

20k VIP Club
*********
All Stars
22,199 posts

Joined: Feb 2011


QUOTE(redzipkay @ Dec 23 2022, 08:37 PM)
not true, that is just a myth
*
Why do you say that? Imagine our world today if sperm with chromosome problem is able to fertilize the egg. What we have today is majority of normal people.
redzipkay
post Dec 23 2022, 09:05 PM

Getting Started
**
Junior Member
51 posts

Joined: Nov 2022


QUOTE(Ramjade @ Dec 23 2022, 08:53 PM)
Why do you say that? Imagine our world today if sperm with chromosome problem is able to fertilize the egg. What we have today is majority of normal people.
*
something tells me you didn't study a STEM degree

-mystery-
post Dec 24 2022, 01:19 PM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,342 posts

Joined: Jan 2021



QUOTE(redzipkay @ Dec 23 2022, 08:37 PM)
not true, that is just a myth
*
the amount of high value guys is directly proportional to the longevity of long term relationship under monogamy setting in 21st century
Savor_Savvy
post Mar 13 2023, 10:06 AM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
Senior Member
2,743 posts

Joined: Jul 2006


QUOTE(cpyp0318 @ Nov 25 2022, 04:23 PM)
We chatted everyday before I met my girlfriend, I had a little bit of feelings for her previously, she still talked to me frequently when I am in a relationship, I just replied her as a friend, no other intention.
Sometimes she sent memes and funny videos to me, and I replied her casually.
*
Did you confess to her before? And if any, did she reject you?

This post has been edited by Savor_Savvy: Mar 13 2023, 10:07 AM
s-works
post Mar 13 2023, 02:43 PM

New Member
*
Junior Member
33 posts

Joined: Feb 2022


TS if i send a flirty msg to your gf how do you feel?

4 Pages « < 2 3 4Top
 

Change to:
| Lo-Fi Version
0.0142sec    0.29    5 queries    GZIP Disabled
Time is now: 29th March 2024 - 07:06 PM