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 Back on track at office

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J1g54w
post May 20 2022, 08:33 PM

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QUOTE(AshenOne @ May 20 2022, 08:18 PM)
POV from others are free from bias, I will take your word for it, I could not realize I am that self centered, what are the steps to start with to tackle this issue?

be more empathetic towards those who show affection/interest to you. if you are not going to reciprocate then do not keep them hanging and waste their time. make relationships clear cut. so are you interested in a serious relationship with A?

The power of gossip is enormous, I experienced it first hand in my ex-Co, which led to me having a miserable corporate life for 2 years.
That is why I am being so careful in this Co, always attempt to think if any of my actions can cause bad gossips.

Usually what do you look for in their fingers to suggest high probability of already married?

I remember I asked 1 of my female colleagues where she get her ring from, she told me she bought it from shop because it looks pretty, so the ring you see in anyone's finger can mean anything IMO.

The ring has to be on the left hand's ring finger. Other than that, any finger is fair play. If an unmarried girl wears a ring on this finger she's either trying to keep men at bay, OR she's plain stupid. No such thing as wearing a ring on ring finger to look nice.

In fact I spend a lot of time mega focused on my work, they all have the impression I am very busy with work. The stories happen when I was taking a short break away from monitor, or it is lunch hour.
I spread my attention evenly to all the girls in the gang, I hope I am fine.

which begs the question, why are you CONSCIOUSLY spreading attention evenly across the girls? normal people don't do this calculation, at least not consciously. what is it are you trying to achieve here?

Sadly, the one with the biggest breast is married, she likes to talk to me, and she's shorter than me, I can enjoy the view, can see but not touch.
That's precisely what I plan to do, if one is on track then I will forget everyone else, I don't want to backfire myself by trying to have it both ways.

Power of gossip is irreparable damage until you switch Co.

your Co all girls except you 1 guy? where are other male colleagues and do you mingle with them? if no, why not?
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TSAshenOne
post May 20 2022, 08:49 PM

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QUOTE(J1g54w @ May 20 2022, 08:33 PM)
be more empathetic towards those who show affection/interest to you. if you are not going to reciprocate then do not keep them hanging and waste their time. make relationships clear cut. so are you interested in a serious relationship with A?
I think there is no doubt that I want to be with her, but the world we live in nowadays, anything can happen, serious relationship may look like child's play considering divorce rate is so high.
One day she acknowledges you as her bf, suddenly one day she would say the relationship is not there to begin with, they change their minds easily.
I would not put any weight on relationship labels, nor the things they say.


The ring has to be on the left hand's ring finger. Other than that, any finger is fair play. If an unmarried girl wears a ring on this finger she's either trying to keep men at bay, OR she's plain stupid. No such thing as wearing a ring on ring finger to look nice.
Thanks for this big tip, I actually did not know this considering I lived this long, moving forward I know where to look.

which begs the question, why are you CONSCIOUSLY spreading attention evenly across the girls? normal people don't do this calculation, at least not consciously. what is it are you trying to achieve here?
Trying to not display favoritism towards any girl, which can invite gossip such as I am trying to hit on her, not sure about you, but it seems common sense to me.
At this point I think it worked quite well, I can sense they let their guard down now, more relaxed and open, maybe because the threat of trying to hit on them is not there anymore.


your Co all girls except you 1 guy? where are other male colleagues and do you mingle with them? if no, why not?
In my department, besides the biggest boss, I am the only guy there, the gender population here is overwhelmingly imbalanced.



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J1g54w
post May 20 2022, 09:12 PM

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QUOTE(AshenOne @ May 20 2022, 08:49 PM)

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ok, glad works for you. but then again if you show favoritism towards a girl naturally means you like her, and there's nothing wrong with that unless you are either not honest with yourself, or you probably just want to keep everything casual... in which case, you shouldn't even be asking about what to think of each girl to begin with.

based on what you said about serious relationship, is it correct to say you are afraid to commit and get hurt just because a girl "might change her mind"? if this is indeed how you think, then you're most probably not going to be serious with any of them? if this is so, then probably best for you to determine which one of them is okay with casual dating and not looking for a serious relationship with a guy.

most importantly, do you know what you really want? I have a few hypothetical scenario:

A. You want to be diplomatic at work, and none of relationship troubles. Meaning you will keep all of them at bay. Just want to focus on work.

B. You want to be the good guy for all the girls, hoping to get laid with multiple of them, but no serious relationships.

C. You want to wait until 1 girl commits seriously to you, and then you choose that girl to go serious with.

D. You want to learn more about all of them and eventually chase 1 of them and go serious.
jenniJenni
post May 20 2022, 09:25 PM

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Wowza working in the office seems interesting with this amount of romance stories ...
Only if all these stories are even real

Anyways no offense and OP can even just skip my comment Thanks.















QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ May 19 2022, 10:42 PM)
Geez u and your never ending office romance
*
Is is just me?
This Forummer sounds so much like another Forummer (cant even recall the name).

In the past, he used to come up with his endless romance stories in this section once in a while.

This post has been edited by jenniJenni: May 20 2022, 09:26 PM
Life_House
post May 20 2022, 09:28 PM

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Suggest that, observe for a few months the personality and traits carefully on the girl you're interested first, before you want to rush to start a r ship with someone

Can the girl generally provide herself enough sense of security, example not too clingy. Not feeling over sensitive when you talk to other girls at work or in work related chat.
This would be important if you want long term r.ship.

Can the girl don't mind A-A system when going out for,say a casual dinner. Or one time you belanja her, next time her turn.

Can the girl live her life quite independent and meaningful and strive for improvement from time to time.

Last most importantly, as no one is perfect, can the girl tolerate your bad sides when you're in certain stressful times.
AND, Can you tolerate her bad sides when the same happen.

Most girls easy emo when it comes to dating and r.ship.
Even though some girls can almost think like a guy very rational and calm.



This post has been edited by Life_House: May 20 2022, 09:29 PM
TSAshenOne
post May 20 2022, 09:30 PM

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QUOTE(J1g54w @ May 20 2022, 09:12 PM)
ok, glad works for you. but then again if you show favoritism towards a girl naturally means you like her, and there's nothing wrong with that unless you are either not honest with yourself, or you probably just want to keep everything casual... in which case, you shouldn't even be asking about what to think of each girl to begin with.

based on what you said about serious relationship, is it correct to say you are afraid to commit and get hurt just because a girl "might change her mind"? if this is indeed how you think, then you're most probably not going to be serious with any of them? if this is so, then probably best for you to determine which one of them is okay with casual dating and not looking for a serious relationship with a guy.

most importantly, do you know what you really want? I have a few hypothetical scenario:

A. You want to be diplomatic at work, and none of relationship troubles. Meaning you will keep all of them at bay. Just want to focus on work.

B. You want to be the good guy for all the girls, hoping to get laid with multiple of them, but no serious relationships.

C. You want to wait until 1 girl commits seriously to you, and then you choose that girl to go serious with.

D. You want to learn more about all of them and eventually chase 1 of them and go serious.
*
Nothing wrong with favoritism but it invites gossip, as if they all know you are aiming for Girl X, if you switch target abruptly, that act of favoritism ends up backfire and haunts you, at least that is what I believe.
So logically I am left with no choice but to stick to One if I actually succeeded in getting someone there.

I can be serious, but I need to keep in mind she can and will leave at anytime if that day comes, so there can never really be any disappointment if worst case end up materialized.

Probably answer D.
J1g54w
post May 20 2022, 09:32 PM

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ok then you found your answer. good luck 👍
TSAshenOne
post May 20 2022, 09:38 PM

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QUOTE(jenniJenni @ May 20 2022, 09:25 PM)
Wowza working in the office seems interesting with this amount of romance stories ...
Only if all these stories are even real

Anyways no offense and OP can even just skip my comment Thanks.
Is is just me?
This Forummer sounds so much like another Forummer (cant even recall the name).

In the past, he used to come up with his endless romance stories in this section once in a while.
*
Why would I waste my time here putting fake stories? If that is my intention, I might as well use my imagination to exaggerate the story.

QUOTE(Life_House @ May 20 2022, 09:28 PM)
Suggest that, observe for a few months the personality and traits carefully on the girl you're interested first, before you want to rush to start a r ship with someone

Can the girl generally provide herself enough sense of security, example not too clingy. Not feeling over sensitive when you talk to other girls at work or in work related chat.
This would be important if you want long term r.ship.

Can the girl don't mind A-A system when going out for,say a casual dinner. Or one time you belanja her, next time her turn.

Can the girl live her life quite independent and meaningful and strive for improvement from time to time.

Last most importantly, as no one is perfect, can the girl tolerate your bad sides when you're in certain stressful times.
AND, Can you tolerate her bad sides when the same happen.

Most girls easy emo when it comes to dating and r.ship.
Even though some girls can almost think like a guy very rational and calm.
*
I on the other hand have a vastly different view from yours, while waiting for the assessment you stated, the window of opportunity may be closed off and someone would have gotten her before me.
I have experienced a few times where I did not capitalize on the golden window of opportunity and never got a Second chance.
I had plenty of chances to make little progress each day due to my busy schedule, I think it is a way the Gods finally giving me a break.

However if you are talking about dating stage, not commited and assess her until it is time to go serious, then it will make sense.
After all, right now it is just infatuation doing its job for both me and that girl, we do not really know each other in depth.
Life_House
post May 20 2022, 11:18 PM

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Yes. That's what I'm trying to express. Seize the chance, give it a try, but give some months of observation.

It's only the right one who is suitable with you at your core values and her any less good sides are totally within your tolerance and acceptance,

Then only it can last longer and the backfire type of issues won't repeat.



This post has been edited by Life_House: May 20 2022, 11:32 PM
WaCKy-Angel
post May 22 2022, 07:56 AM

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gsem984 is that u?
Pewufod
post May 22 2022, 10:18 PM

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QUOTE(jenniJenni @ May 20 2022, 09:25 PM)
Wowza working in the office seems interesting with this amount of romance stories ...
Only if all these stories are even real

Anyways no offense and OP can even just skip my comment Thanks.
Is is just me?
This Forummer sounds so much like another Forummer (cant even recall the name).

In the past, he used to come up with his endless romance stories in this section once in a while.
*
sasuke la
cactus_
post May 22 2022, 10:46 PM

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Why there are so many girls, imo just focus on one, girls like to gossip tho and news spread like yr previous company again
TSAshenOne
post May 22 2022, 11:59 PM

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Decimated by Girl E in badminton on Saturday, luckily the 2nd half of the match she used up her stamina too soon too fierce and I won the match at the end. It was weird to unexpectedly exposing my weak self but in some way I think we got closer after that date, we both laugh it off our weaknesses.

It's going to be another week of weekdays again, looking forward to seeing Girl A again, make more progress, hopefully get her out in a week or two.
Napalm_man
post May 24 2022, 07:39 AM

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I see your hands are full of girls, based on yr situation, the girl A looks promising.

If I were you, girl A of course.

"I don't know if she's attached, and can't be sure enough if she has any feels for me, but outlook is optimistic" - You tried as her out?
mezanny
post May 24 2022, 04:42 PM

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Seriously ?

R u looking for a one night stand or relationship ?

If its a latter, will you for crying out loud, focus on one target.
Case A, B, C, D, E....aiyoyo
TSAshenOne
post May 24 2022, 09:43 PM

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QUOTE(Napalm_man @ May 24 2022, 07:39 AM)
I see your hands are full of girls, based on yr situation, the girl A looks promising.

If I were you, girl A of course.

"I don't know if she's attached, and can't be sure enough if she has any feels for me, but outlook is optimistic" - You tried as her out?
*
I am not so convinced now, I am getting mixed signals,

a) In the system chat, sometimes she seemed enthusiastic in her reply with smileys, sometimes felt cold and just reply me for the sake of replying, which made me need to find fresh topic to keep it going.
b) In real life at office, sometimes she seemed happy to see me, sometimes she passed by me in the Public space as if I am invisible.

Asking out is really risky, I think I will try ask for lunch first, if can't seem to arrange one, then it might be that she just sees me as a friend / colleague, nothing more.

QUOTE(mezanny @ May 24 2022, 04:42 PM)
Seriously ?

R u looking for a one night stand or relationship ?

If its a latter, will you for crying out loud, focus on one target.
Case A, B, C, D, E....aiyoyo
*
Both genders do try out with different potential candidates, then filter out 1 by 1, before finally settled with the one you are satisfied the most, isn't it?
If only focus on 1, ignore the rest, then didn't work out, you will need to back to square one again very soon, at least that is how I perceived it.
TSAshenOne
post May 25 2022, 09:37 PM

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Made somewhat mixed progress today, didn't really agreed for lunch, but she did made effort chat with me today in system chat, I am suspecting she is playing hard to get, she won't let me easily progress fast enough, but gave enough positive signs to keep me going
TSAshenOne
post May 30 2022, 09:15 PM

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At the moment, for Girl A, I don't think I am going to make it.
There were numerous times she stopped the texting cycle the moment she went home, if my text ended that day with an open question, she actually will not reply back the next day. This is not what someone would do if there is interest to get to know more about someone.

I take it as I misjudged her interest towards me? She was never into me after all?
But what do I know? There were instances where the other girl didn't do great in texting, then I gave up, at the end for unknown reason they just come back to me like nothing happened. Girl A may turned out to be like that, or maybe not, doesn't matter.

I continued to make more progress with Girl E though. Rejected her invitation last Sun, but accepted this coming Sun.

EDIT: Girl A will put more effort in interacting with me only when she is absolutely alone and no one around, also she will reply with effort again if I just text her again after her "seen" in System Chat, didn't try to text her today. In general kind of a mixed signal to be honest, I am not sure if she is just playing hard to get, or there is really nothing much beyond friends...

This post has been edited by AshenOne: May 30 2022, 09:25 PM
Life_House
post May 30 2022, 10:52 PM

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Maybe, just maybe, Girl A is testing, or maybe the situations are testing, whether or not you can tame your emotions when it comes to dating & r.ship .

It's like after you see thru the up down trends in graphs yet still remain "stay grounded" and unfazed to the many patterns of the girl.


dattebayo
post May 31 2022, 01:36 PM

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avoid using office chat software to talk about intimate stuffs

if things turned sour it can be used against u for potential sexual harassments

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