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 Trust Issues with Wife

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Roadwarrior1337
post May 9 2022, 01:37 PM

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From the way your wife is now i strongly feel either both of you have communication issue or she is genuinely cheating on you.

Those dinners that they go together - no boss will ask an employee out a few times - its just not normal. Either she dumb to see the sign or the boss is one persuasive guy or like i said she is cheating. Cheating doesnt mean sex - the mere word of cheating and not being transparent to you is a lie already. Adultry is sex. Seeing how she is seeking oppurtunity i wouldnt for a minute doubt that she has opened her leg to him. If you notice she started to wear nice underwear or lingerie to work well here is the sign and with you she wear grandma panties

My friend i suggest you bring her somewhere, contain your emotion and ask her directly. Also please record that discussion for your sake and your kid sake for whatever the outcome is

Good luck and god blesss you. Cheating hurts and ive been hurt before. The very soul get sucked out knowing u are marries for 10 years but you still have the rest of your life to thinka bout
haturaya
post May 9 2022, 01:40 PM

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TS, layout a clear pathways for you and your spouse. If it diverge, then walk separately. Else, come back on same path. Talk with open heart and clear mind. Speaking from own experience, nearly 24 years married. sweat.gif biggrin.gif

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. It's up and down of marriage life. Some manage to stick together while some separated (not the end of the world, life goes on). Anyhow, do it in civilised way. At least for the sake of the kids.

Best of luck, no matter which pathway you choose.

This post has been edited by haturaya: May 9 2022, 01:41 PM
viole
post May 9 2022, 01:58 PM

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Let say things dont change.

Will you consider divorce?
megadisc
post May 9 2022, 02:02 PM

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wife will always do it for the children whether to stay or go away
nonexno
post May 9 2022, 02:05 PM

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QUOTE(TedMosby @ May 9 2022, 11:08 AM)
Lost soul seeking for an honest advice,

The Background
We have been married for 12 years, she is 39 & I am 41. We have 3 beautiful kids age 10, 5 & 2.
During the course of 12 years marriage, we do have our ups and down but I think we managed to solve conflicts we have.
I do not know if that is it or we are suppressing the issues we have.
We both dont really have issues with money as I earn more then her and our combine household income is over 20k a month which is sufficient to live comfortably,
Nevertheless money is never enough for anybody.

The Issue
Recently i found out that my wife was not being honest with the after office hours outings,
She claim that it was together with her colleague and boss as the boss has invited them for dinner.
This has happened over 3 times from December 2021(Dinner), January 2022(Dinner), February 2022(Dinner) and March 2022(Weekend lunch).
I found out after I notice an expensive branded shoe in her car during April 2022, I ask her when did she got it,
She hesitated and finally told me it was a gift from her boss. I ask if those dinner nights was it just you and your boss alone and she finally admitted the truth.
The shoe was purchase after they had lunch during the weekend at Pavilion.
I didn't really question her back during December 2021 as I trusted her right up to February 2022 I notice that the dinner was getting consistent, I texted her was it just you and your boss, when she replied no.
All these dinner they went were fine dining restaurants to rooftop restaurants around KL.
I know is ethically not right but I went through her phone to find out where exactly they have been and notice a messages back in December 2021 that her boss send her a link of top romantic restaurants in KL.
The boss has a driver that chauffeur them around.

She told me that she didn't suggest these outings and it was the boss, she claim that they have never been intimate together.
She just wanted to built rapport with the boss to gain opportunity in the company.
I ask why didn't she just tell me the truth from the beginning? She told me that because she feels I cant handle the truth.
I was devastated that my wife lied to me and went through depression and emotion state.
For weeks I was not in my best emotion and she notice that, she use that and strengthen her claim that she was right that I couldn't handle the truth.

I try picking myself up from this episode and move on, however recently i notice she started wearing the shoe.
She notice that I wasn't happy and I just kept to myself.
During my emotion state, i still carry out my duties as a family man, once the kids are asleep i just kept to myself and didn't spoke much to her.
I then found the time to explain how i honestly felt that I was not comfortable that she was wearing the shoe and she was insensitive to do that.
She stick by her belief that she done no wrong and is alright for her to be wearing it.
I even question her if it was the other way round and she was in my position, she is alright with me doing the same to her by wearing a gift which i knew was unhappy about on this episode.
She question me how long do i need to be in this emotion state as this issue has already been for a month.

Thanks for reading.
*
Tough spot. I feel for you. But relationship can always mend. Esp if you got kids. Only thing is, is this thing real or just temporary for your wife.
megadisc
post May 9 2022, 02:34 PM

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QUOTE(nonexno @ May 9 2022, 02:05 PM)
Tough spot. I feel for you. But relationship can always mend. Esp if you got kids. Only thing is, is this thing real or just temporary for your wife.
*
safe to say she is enjoyin the attention and being pampered.
but once boss leave

she gonna fall down hard

probably depression sets in

and suicide mode activated .

gonna be a bumpy ride vmad.gif for the hubby and kids .
cdspins
post May 9 2022, 02:58 PM

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QUOTE(shadow_fax @ May 9 2022, 11:26 AM)
What advise you expect?
Different people different perspectives, opinions, advises.

Some would say you could also do the same have outings with a lady.
Some would say nothing wrong and it's you who overthink.
Some would say communicate with your spouse.

Me as an OUTSIDER, looking at your situation, I will prepare for worst if I were in your shoes.
Devastated, depressed, whatever you wanna call it... You have to get back up eventually, for your kids and you yourself.

Ask yourself first, even if the outings stop, but your wife still work for the same boss, are you ok with it??

If this happens to me, I label this a BIG RED FLAG and UNACCEPTABLE.
I'm gonna let her make her choice... Cause once trust is lost/broken, it takes forever to regain/rebuild...

Be strong man!!
*
Fully agree with this statement. Different people different personality.
I do know female friends who is quite straight forward and openly request gift or meals for "rich" friend of friends
It does not necessary means the female is interested with the other rich guy but ... yeah... this is the way she benefit from it.
Not saying it is morally right but yeah.... everybody have their personality.

The more sincere question TS need to ask himself if he can fathom the situation. If he can't, draw the line. Both he and his wife will need to choose what to let go and what to give in.
Engaging a marriage counselor will also help

All the best
amirulhakimiazman
post May 9 2022, 03:04 PM

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poor you. more pity your kids. hope you and your wife will find the solution. best of luck.


DontClick
post May 9 2022, 03:18 PM

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It seems your wife already put her wants ahead of the family needs (your emotion) here. Perhaps she is enjoying the attention and chase, but no self respecting wife would do that to her husband.

I'd suggest you confront her and ask does anything that she does take into account on how you or the family would react? If she knowingly knows on the reaction part and still insist in doing it, she already put her wants ahead of the family.

Better think through is this what you expect from your spouse?
-mystery-
post May 9 2022, 04:30 PM

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QUOTE(TedMosby @ May 9 2022, 11:08 AM)
She question me how long do i need to be in this emotion state as this issue has already been for a month.

Thanks for reading.
*
she's gaslighting you making you're the fault,
maybe you got complacent, bad fashion or got chubbier than what her 'ideal' man is in her mind.
trust me, she already checked out the relationship months ago
if you want to keep this relationship, put a hammer onto this and set strong boundaries

where is your fucking manhood.
-mystery-
post May 9 2022, 04:31 PM

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QUOTE(viole @ May 9 2022, 01:58 PM)
Let say things dont change.

Will you consider divorce?
*
hypergamy sucks laugh.gif
its time to let beta male swallow my pill

-mystery-
post May 9 2022, 04:33 PM

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QUOTE(Roadwarrior1337 @ May 9 2022, 01:37 PM)
From the way your wife is now i strongly feel either both of you have communication issue or she is genuinely cheating on you.

Those dinners that they go together - no boss will ask an employee out a few times - its just not normal. Either she dumb to see the sign or the boss is one persuasive guy or like i said she is cheating. Cheating doesnt mean sex - the mere word of cheating and not being transparent to you is a lie already. Adultry is sex. Seeing how she is seeking oppurtunity i wouldnt for a minute doubt that she has opened her leg to him. If you notice she started to wear nice underwear or lingerie to work well here is the sign and with you she wear grandma panties
*
most of the time already sex happen, never seen this kind of boss being this patient laugh.gif
-mystery-
post May 9 2022, 04:33 PM

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QUOTE(anakkk @ May 9 2022, 11:36 AM)
maybe go marriage counseling
*
beta blue pill simping advice
doesnt help for most cases
4eyeco
post May 9 2022, 04:38 PM

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I would said collect evidence of her infidelity.

if it's proven, then go make a police report against her boss. Burn them both

Penal Code
498. Whoever takes or entices away any woman who is and whom he knows, or has reason to believe, to be the wife of any other man, from that man, or from any person having the care of her on behalf of that man, with intent that she may have illicit intercourse with any person, or conceals, or detains with that intent any such woman, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to two years or with fine or with both.
Arsenal21
post May 9 2022, 04:47 PM

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take care, so sad you have to go through with this.
Roadwarrior1337
post May 9 2022, 04:48 PM

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QUOTE(-mystery- @ May 9 2022, 04:33 PM)
most of the time already sex happen, never seen this kind of boss being this patient  laugh.gif
*
Has she gotten nicer bea / panties or lingerie from norm? If yes no need suspect can confirm. If a girl het sexy lingerie she will want to show husband and wear in bed and piap but if you yourself havent seen here in it…her boss probably have
-mystery-
post May 9 2022, 04:56 PM

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QUOTE(Roadwarrior1337 @ May 9 2022, 04:48 PM)
Has she gotten nicer bea / panties or lingerie from norm? If yes no need suspect can confirm. If a girl het sexy lingerie she will want to show husband and wear in bed and piap but if you yourself havent seen here in it…her boss probably have
*
gut instinct tells you what a guy needs to know
a lot of times men have this spidey sense that someone is going to snatch away his wife
ListenToTheWind
post May 9 2022, 04:58 PM

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I guess end of the day, if she still come back home, just pretend all is good, for the sake of the children. Provided you can carry on with the rest of your life (maybe not the rest, just until your kids is old enough to be independent then only break it to them) with no more love from her side.
Or it could be the boss can provide something to her that is lacking in your current marriage.

Whatever, it is prepare for the worst case scenario, can you raise your 3 kids with a single income?
Takudan
post May 9 2022, 05:50 PM

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Hi TS, I'd like to elaborate more later but for now, I have a feeling she isn't cheating (at least not yet), so I stand with you on going the vulnerable and open route to resolve this with trust still on the table, i.e. no PI, sneaking behind and whatsoever.

The boss may have ulterior motives but I'd like to see that she still values the family, and you too. Remember, sometimes we hide the truth because we think the truth may hurt or cast unnecessary doubt/problems. Ignorance is a bliss, and that applies in many situations. We then justify it by saying, we did not lie, they did not ask; there is no deception here! But of course... It's not that simple like what you're experiencing now. Sometimes we also want the choice to know and then decide ourselves how to react to it...
Blofeld
post May 9 2022, 06:55 PM

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QUOTE(Takudan @ May 9 2022, 05:50 PM)
Hi TS, I'd like to elaborate more later but for now, I have a feeling she isn't cheating (at least not yet), so I stand with you on going the vulnerable and open route to resolve this with trust still on the table, i.e. no PI, sneaking behind and whatsoever.

The boss may have ulterior motives but I'd like to see that she still values the family, and you too. Remember, sometimes we hide the truth because we think the truth may hurt or cast unnecessary doubt/problems. Ignorance is a bliss, and that applies in many situations. We then justify it by saying, we did not lie, they did not ask; there is no deception here! But of course... It's not that simple like what you're experiencing now. Sometimes we also want the choice to know and then decide ourselves how to react to it...
*
+1

i agree with this.

I too believe that she isn't cheating right now and she wants to build rapport with the boss for career-related reasons. And she's not telling TS to avoid any misunderstanding.

It's the boss that might have ulterior motives.

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