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Serious sexually-incompatible with wife of 6 years, what should I do?

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neo4ride
post Jun 23 2023, 10:04 AM

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I 100% understand bro and sis feeling in this marriage sexlife topic. Actually, we not really want to have sex with hot girl/guy. Hot girl can get easily in Malaysia. Few of my chinese colleagues show me photo/video of the girl to choose. Can choose before reaching the place leh.

What we normal malaysian want actually is just a steamy regular sex with our spouse. Intimate French kiss and cuddling in bed while gossiping about work. This is much more satisfying and priceless.

its sad to look at my close friend in his late 30s, going to spa just for happy ending on monthly basis. He has good 10-20 years before didi going kaput.
cycheah
post Jun 26 2023, 08:09 PM

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QUOTE(neo4ride @ Jun 23 2023, 09:10 AM)
Firstly, this is common issue for many marriage couple. Based on whatever TS already share, with limited info, the quickest and effective way to solve this problem is to get a divorce. Save both of hubby and wife life. Healthy Sex is important. We are not living in this world to work our ass off and pay the bills/bank only. We need passionate, healthy and satisfying sex. If not, life in the world have no meaning lorr.

Secondly, if TS still want to save his marriage, he need to know it needs a lot of times. It might takes years to solves. lots of self reflect. lots of discussion. lots of argument. lots of trial and error. maybe lot of session to psychiatrist/marriage counselor. To share my experience, when im young, innocent and single, I used to have affair with my ex boss. She kind of same description as TS wifey. Chinese woman with good career BUT having a sexless and dull marriage. I am no playboy. Not handsome at all. Back then, I’m just a normal skinny malay guy from kampung. But yeah, it takes creativity, compatibility, communication, and many more to have a mutual attraction with each other. Once u have that click, woahhh... your didi will be extremely satisfied. Silap-silap u need tongkat ali leh. yr wife will request every night one. hahahaha
Thirdly, my overall thought about this topic.  This problem is common to marriage couple. Based on my interaction its happened to my malay, chinese, indian and all races in Malaysia. For muslim, normally, some will tahan and not doing anything. some will discuss and solved the issue. some will discuss quarrel and end up dirvorce. it might be ugly divorce or divorce in a good term. Then they go separate way, remarriage. some learn from their first marriage and lead a good happy sex life. some not learning from mistake and do the same mistake again. Point is... to get a divorced is not that hard, and the law quite fair to both male and female. The procedure is quite straight forward, not taking time and there are clear understanding of the end game result. Both party can quickly restart their life.
However.. for non muslim, based from my interaction with many of my chinese friend (male and female), to get divorce require money. depend on the situation sometime the cost can go extremely high. and the result may not fair to both party. and bear in mind our civil marriage act not yet updated to current practiced in the west. if it is updated, then male will be in much much much more worst condition. I have few female chinese friend, who not happy in their sex life or marriage life. but divorced not an option. they are the one who pay most of the bills (house, car, groceries, kids) but if they divorced the asset not necessary will be theirs. Then their family will blame them instead of their husband. for their family, their husband is good catch. To divorce, the best if both party willing to mutually separate. If not.. it’s not walk in the park.

Based on statistic, its true muslim in Malaysia have higher rates of divorced. and non muslim have low rates of divorce even if we compare to developing/develop nation.

As such, many like TS, just continue living together but they have no sex/not happy for years. When I heard this thing first time (20+ years ago), marriage couple not having sex for many years nor enjoy their sex for many years, it’s quite shocking to me. But now, TS stories it’s not the first one that I hear/read lorr. It’s kind of illogical why couple still continue with their marriage, but if we go into details, talk to them, understanding the culture, then we understand why it happened that way.

The good news though... Based on Durex research few years back, our Malaysian Chinese brother and sister have better sex life compare to Singaporean Chinese. their sex life much more worst leh. Quite number of them (especially women) never experience orgasm worr. Except those t20 one la. can piap piap regularly with christabel chua, janella oii, or malaysian influencer. lol
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actually i don't really understand about muslim divorce being fair. I might got the wrong info from my colleague... but previously she was trying to divorce with her husband but her husband refuse to divorce. After that when the husband decide to divorce, but didn't turn up at Syariah Court, and that incident happened twice.

What i understand is the right of divorce falls on the husband's hand, even i have read the article online. or wife have the right to divorce the husband? Please enlighten me.
teslaman
post Jun 28 2023, 08:17 AM

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QUOTE(silverhawk @ Jun 23 2023, 12:29 AM)
laugh.gif

Don't need to say married, obviously you've not even been in a long term relationship.
Sex before marriage is no guarantee.

Life after marriage and especially kids; really changes the dynamic of the relationship. It takes a lot more effort to make sex happen, and must really put in the effort. This kind of commitment is not tested before marriage.
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sex is key of key
flying_manatee
post Jul 4 2023, 08:12 PM

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Honestly bro I think you should hit the gym and see if she is more attracted to a fitter version of yourself.

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