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> sexually-incompatible with wife of 6 years, what should I do? (Serious)

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achong09
post Apr 26 2022, 10:57 AM

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QUOTE(zetalpha @ Apr 22 2022, 05:33 PM)
We are a DINK couple with full time employment and reaching 40 years old. She is slim and healthy while I am slightly overweight like typical dad bod, but never obese. I'm well-trimmed, have good amount of hair and do not have bad breath or body odor.

I am however, personally frustrated with my sex life, because she is not into sex. She has a very healthy menstrual cycle and she never has menstrual cramps. She doesn't experience pain while doing it either. Whenever I ask her if her job is stressful, she said no and is already considered comfy compared to the jobs we had in our 20s.

She is just simply not interested in sex. And whenever she does it, it feels like "pity sex" which makes me feel more miserable.

It's been 3 years since we had our last sex. I don't want to feel like a sex maniac, but I must admit I am extremely sexually-deprived. I never resorted to cheating, having affairs or soliciting prostitutes because I feel it's a taint to our marriage.

I am not asking for a lot, once a week I believe is enough to keep my sex health in check. I am also not asking for professional porn performance, as I know that is fake. However when I watch amateur porn (real life couples that are not professionals), they enjoy the sex so much and it makes me feel I am missing out a good sex life, possibly for the rest of my life.

Whenever we do it, she doesn't allow saliva on her skin so I can only "dry kiss". I am also not allowed to ejaculate on anywhere else but her belly (sometimes inside during infertile days). She also used to perform oral sex on me but has stopped for many years. And she doesn't allow me to perform oral sex on her, or finger-penetrate her. Our sex can be described in this order, we hug and kiss, I make her orgasm (by rubbing outside with fingers), she rides on top, then finish with missionary, every single time. No doggy or other positions and absolutely no sex outside bedroom. I don't have premature ejaculation or "soft" issues, and my tool is standard-sized, neither too small nor too huge. At times she complained that I am taking too long to finish (because I get so little sex, deep inside I wanted a session to last longer).

In summary, no sex for years, if there is sex it is very specific and "templated" where a lot of things are not allowed.

Other than sex life, we are on good terms with everything else in life. Sex toys cannot save me  because I have tried and it just does not feel the same where a woman desires you and enjoys having sex with you.

Am I doomed to suffer a "dead bedroom" for life and it's my punishment for staying loyal to my wife?
*
Bro, you should consider lucky.. at leasts she let you piak ( she go on top you finish with missionary etc).. what else you want somemore?? dont be too "greedy"la.. got already want more.. aiyoh better than none right?? got whatever take it la.. dont complain dont ask for more... whatever extra is a bonus otherwise live with it.. most important now is live a healthy life, stay safe and hope no WW3 coming... console.gif console.gif
youngblood29us
post Apr 28 2022, 08:36 AM

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I think all the advise of going gym/romantic etc will not work as it is quite obvious your wife has low sex drive...her body/hormones are changing..
She needs to see a doc to check her hormone levels etc..If shes not interested, then theres a big problem..time to open up to her and get her permission to 'eat outside'..some women agree to it as they know they cant provide sex to their spouse..
youngblood29us
post Apr 28 2022, 08:37 AM

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QUOTE(achong09 @ Apr 26 2022, 10:57 AM)
Bro, you should consider lucky.. at leasts she let you piak ( she go on top you finish with missionary etc).. what else you want somemore?? dont be too "greedy"la.. got already want more.. aiyoh better than none right?? got whatever take it la.. dont complain dont ask for more... whatever extra is a bonus otherwise live with it.. most important now is live a healthy life, stay safe and hope no WW3 coming...  console.gif  console.gif
*
QUOTE
It's been 3 years since we had our last sex.

You didnt see this? doh.gif
christ14
post May 5 2022, 08:14 AM

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Can someone give TS a medal already? 3 years weh..... more than a thousand days.... fuh
Madgeiser
post May 5 2022, 08:53 AM

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I believe this is an issue that is quite common among married couples. I myself has not had any sex for about 2 years plus, since my daughter has been born into our world.

Yes, it is frustrating at times. The thought of eating outside has occurred to me many times, but I have suppressed it, due to the responsible husband and father notion.

Anyway, I believe communication is key in this aspect, depends on your partner willingness to talk about it. My wife has no interest in even talking about it sadly.

Anyway, thought aside, I hope you will be able to solve it. Do post on how you got it sorted out, if you manage to. Else, I guess it is comforting that you are not alone in this problem. A lot of married people is having this same issue, some dares to talk about it, some is suffering in silence.

This post has been edited by Madgeiser: May 5 2022, 08:55 AM
100n
post May 5 2022, 12:44 PM

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Guys, welcome to the club. This is the reality of married man.

I had post my married life and how it keep going for so many year on previous post before.

date 10 years and married 13 years and counting. The ratio of getting intimate with my partner drop as my kids grow. Getting less and less as we aged and same like all married men here. I'm not happy about it.

Unlike other bro here, that can "tahan" years without sex. For me, 1 month without sex, my mood already swing badly. I used to question the justification on the rejection since we are legally married and love each other. me and my partner also talked about this issue and the standard reason given by married wife are the standard common reply.

tired, no mood, sleepy, kids not sleep yet , tomorrow wake up early, i only think of sex and nothing else, period came etc (typical reason for all wife).

Well, eventually I make a stand on this. I didn't actually told my partner that i will find outside, but my hint quite clearly stated that our relationship are not healthy at all. Finally we compromise and agreed that we will do it on weekend (at least twice a week). She still short change me weekly.

Let me share you the advice I received and also my own thinking on this issue.

1. You are not the first and won't be the last married husband have this issue.
2. Is divorce an option for you? Will you willing to sign that paper and restart again?
3. Can you accept this situation for next 10-20 year till your kuku cannot stand?

The first thing you need to do is to analysis your relationship situation (physically and financially). Then, have an honest talk with your wife. relationship without sex are bound for failure.





D10yrspain
post May 6 2022, 10:44 AM

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QUOTE(Madgeiser @ May 5 2022, 08:53 AM)
I believe this is an issue that is quite common among married couples. I myself has not had any sex for about 2 years plus, since my daughter has been born into our world.

Yes, it is frustrating at times. The thought of eating outside has occurred to me many times, but I have suppressed it, due to the responsible husband and father notion.

Anyway, I believe communication is key in this aspect, depends on your partner willingness to talk about it. My wife has no interest in even talking about it sadly.

Anyway, thought aside, I hope you will be able to solve it. Do post on how you got it sorted out, if you manage to. Else, I guess it is comforting that you are not alone in this problem. A lot of married people is having this same issue, some dares to talk about it, some is suffering in silence.
*
Its indeed very common among married couples. But usually the immature ones only blame the wife. Your reply is very neutral and on both sides.

*There are people silence about it
*There are wives sexual frustrated
*There are husbands sexual frustrated
*There are also both that suffer from sexual frustration

People resorted to many ideas like hormones pill, changing their diet plan and loads of other efforts. Yes communication is the key. Both are able to work together and accept new ideas and suggestion.

Blofeld
post May 7 2022, 09:02 AM

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QUOTE(Daprind @ Apr 25 2022, 09:19 AM)
3 years and only now you voiced out? Me did not give 1 year due to baby birth already kena bashed 996. let alone my partner was accused of beta male.

It's too late in my opinion. Its like rice has been cooked to porridge. She is already comfortable with that state. If both of you talk and irreconcilable, just channel your energy to somewhere else (hiking, cycling, outdoor activities, etc).
*
i think you should provide advice to TS

since you said your sex drive suddenly peaked, so you can advise TS on how to increase his wife's drive.
angelofpain
post May 11 2022, 02:44 AM

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Feeling glad as i found this thread.. not alone anymore. Frustrating and yes, feels not healthy and lost the intimate feelings with my wife after her pregnancy and now my son reached 1 year old. I given up on asking for it. Even disposed the protection i bought. Now i put all my desires aside and keep my mind busy. I also go watch football matches and find a team to support. My nights aren't lonely anymore. COYS!
Daprind
post May 12 2022, 10:56 AM

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QUOTE(angelofpain @ May 11 2022, 02:44 AM)
Feeling glad as i found this thread.. not alone anymore. Frustrating and yes, feels not healthy and lost the intimate feelings with my wife after her pregnancy and now my son reached 1 year old. I given up on asking for it. Even disposed the protection i bought. Now i put all my desires aside and keep my mind busy. I also go watch football matches and find a team to support. My nights aren't lonely anymore. COYS!
*
Just hang in there. I was like that too. New mother syndrome.
Daprind
post May 12 2022, 11:07 AM

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QUOTE(Blofeld @ May 7 2022, 09:02 AM)
i think you should provide advice to TS

since you said your sex drive suddenly peaked, so you can advise TS on how to increase his wife's drive.
*
What advise you want me to give? My condition and TS's wife is different. I'm not even reaching 35 while TS's wife is reaching 40.

Imagine this, sex-free for 3 years + going to hit Menopause soon. That is a combo double kill.
AyamBlend
post May 14 2022, 02:15 PM

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QUOTE(Blofeld @ Apr 22 2022, 06:46 PM)
maybe try with housework

help her with chores

take her to romantic dinner/holiday

I'm sure that would make her feel happy
*
The only way for me maybe it's just alchohol which will take the 'rational' side off from her

Throughout the years of marriage I would say all those excuses they gave are utterly bullshiat, I mean today they say because of A, u solved A then they say B, never ending one.

Sexual life really need to put alot of effort to maintain it and express it openly to her all the time else things will get ' cool' after one period.

To simplify it, the husband is not in the top few priorities , when human grow older it's not about taking more responsibilities, more like 'ahh I will sacrifice this and that, in order to get that' instead of ' ok I will do this and do that'
achong09
post May 17 2022, 08:16 AM

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QUOTE(zetalpha @ Apr 22 2022, 05:33 PM)
We are a DINK couple with full time employment and reaching 40 years old. She is slim and healthy while I am slightly overweight like typical dad bod, but never obese. I'm well-trimmed, have good amount of hair and do not have bad breath or body odor.

I am however, personally frustrated with my sex life, because she is not into sex. She has a very healthy menstrual cycle and she never has menstrual cramps. She doesn't experience pain while doing it either. Whenever I ask her if her job is stressful, she said no and is already considered comfy compared to the jobs we had in our 20s.

She is just simply not interested in sex. And whenever she does it, it feels like "pity sex" which makes me feel more miserable.

It's been 3 years since we had our last sex. I don't want to feel like a sex maniac, but I must admit I am extremely sexually-deprived. I never resorted to cheating, having affairs or soliciting prostitutes because I feel it's a taint to our marriage.

I am not asking for a lot, once a week I believe is enough to keep my sex health in check. I am also not asking for professional porn performance, as I know that is fake. However when I watch amateur porn (real life couples that are not professionals), they enjoy the sex so much and it makes me feel I am missing out a good sex life, possibly for the rest of my life.

Whenever we do it, she doesn't allow saliva on her skin so I can only "dry kiss". I am also not allowed to ejaculate on anywhere else but her belly (sometimes inside during infertile days). She also used to perform oral sex on me but has stopped for many years. And she doesn't allow me to perform oral sex on her, or finger-penetrate her. Our sex can be described in this order, we hug and kiss, I make her orgasm (by rubbing outside with fingers), she rides on top, then finish with missionary, every single time. No doggy or other positions and absolutely no sex outside bedroom. I don't have premature ejaculation or "soft" issues, and my tool is standard-sized, neither too small nor too huge. At times she complained that I am taking too long to finish (because I get so little sex, deep inside I wanted a session to last longer).

In summary, no sex for years, if there is sex it is very specific and "templated" where a lot of things are not allowed.

Other than sex life, we are on good terms with everything else in life. Sex toys cannot save me  because I have tried and it just does not feel the same where a woman desires you and enjoys having sex with you.

Am I doomed to suffer a "dead bedroom" for life and it's my punishment for staying loyal to my wife?
*
Bro, we are all in the same boat... our chinese wife always think their pussy / boobs are super duper precious... once have kid all simpan already even to husband... they are not so öpen" as we thought they are... whatever you read in the internet or watch videos etc all bullshit one.. in reality this is not how it is with our chinese wife... anyway its up to us individually to live with it the rest of our lifes with them until we die or to go out and cheong or prob get caught 1 of the days.. god is great btw always remember that..... think wisely... doh.gif doh.gif
achong09
post May 17 2022, 08:18 AM

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QUOTE(angelofpain @ May 11 2022, 02:44 AM)
Feeling glad as i found this thread.. not alone anymore. Frustrating and yes, feels not healthy and lost the intimate feelings with my wife after her pregnancy and now my son reached 1 year old. I given up on asking for it. Even disposed the protection i bought. Now i put all my desires aside and keep my mind busy. I also go watch football matches and find a team to support. My nights aren't lonely anymore. COYS!
*
We are in the same boat bro... doh.gif doh.gif what can we do? either go out makan or stay in and remain with our lives like this until we die... now come to think of it got many things to think of like how to earn a living etc since kids are growing up and all this keeps us daily busy... when time to sleep with wife sleeping beside just turn the other side and sleep dont see her tempted but no choice.....
OlgaC4
post May 17 2022, 12:30 PM

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My 2 cents opinion.

Try to satisfy her sex desire kow kow during that time. The wife will
ask more if she really like it. Think out of the box. Ask her what she like then do that on her more. Talk.

 

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