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 My wife wants a second kid, but I’m not keen., What’s the best way to resolve this?

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quebix
post Feb 13 2023, 08:57 AM

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one thing that made me want to get at least 2 kids.

i dont want my child to be alone after parents passed away.

kesian.

ive seen my friends who are only child. they are different compared to those has siblings.

also, one of them, when his dad passed away, left with mother only.
no siblings to help out for funeral, for other things etc.
cant really say here, but one thing for sure, only child life and with siblings are very different.

im hoping to get a second child so that my son wont be alone.

cherrie123
post Feb 23 2023, 01:17 PM

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tbh with you, usually couple don't want kids because of financial burdern but this isn't ur case.Initially, my hubby doesn't want kids because he's from small family and not so close to his bro. After having a kid, he began to change and don't mind having 2. Some couples been trying for years to have kids and count your blessings besides, 2 is better than 1. They will grow up together and share everything together which is fun. If both of you are busy people, hire a nanny or babysitter.
mezanny
post May 9 2023, 12:51 PM

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QUOTE(maxmahen87 @ Mar 23 2022, 10:58 AM)
We’re in our mid-thirties and have a 2-year-old daughter.
My wife has a very good relationship with her siblings (5 of them), so she feels life without siblings is boring.
I’ve lived far away from home, most of my life, almost independently, struggled through without much help, so don’t feel so strongly about our daughter having a sibling.
Her biggest concern is that once we both are gone, if our daughter remains the only child, she would be all by herself in the world, with no one to share her life, with other than her spouse.
My argument to this – there are millions of kids like that, so what?

This is not a financial related decision, I have a well-paid job and am financially stable. I think I've been a great father to my kid and have done the absolute best for her and will continue to do so.
But I have to admit, parenting has been hard. Takes away a lot of your time and interest in doing other things. Adding another just going to overwhelm me psychologically.

Too add fuel to fire, this topic of another child started when I told my wife I got another job, with a significant increase in pay compared to my current job but we have to relocate to another state (KL to JB).
Initially, before I received the offer, my wife agreed to relocate.
However, after accepting the offer, when I was looking for places to stay online, she dropped the bomb having another child.
She told me, if I don't agree, she and my kid will not relocate and she has given me a week to decide.

I got no issue of relocating on my own (I would do it anyway even she disagreed to relocate the first time) but to emotionally blackmail me using my kid here is unfair.

What are your thoughts about having another child? Have you had a similar experience on this topic? Would like to hear your thoughts and feedback.
*
I can see some sibling rivalry go up to adulthood for some children, hmm.
For eg, I got a friend, he and his brother not get along due to their wives rivalry.
But this is up to the ability of the parent to foster closeness between the siblings. Some parents fail, that's why some siblings when they reached adulthood, their rship is so bad.

sometimes a second child can be a blessing. I remembered a story of a doctor who already had 2 kids, he didn't want a 3rd child, he hated the idea. Then it was an accident his wife got pregnant and was a girl. Then the girl was so cute to him, that youngest became his favourite.

mezanny
post May 9 2023, 12:54 PM

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QUOTE(quebix @ Feb 13 2023, 08:57 AM)
one thing that made me want to get at least 2 kids.

i dont want my child to be alone after parents passed away.

kesian.

ive seen my friends who are only child. they are different compared to those has siblings.

also, one of them, when his dad passed away, left with mother only.
no siblings to help out for funeral, for other things etc.
cant really say here, but one thing for sure, only child life and with siblings are very different.

im hoping to get a second child so that my son wont be alone.
*
Pls raise the 2 kids and let them know no matter what, family unity is most important.

teach them good values.

because I've seen many of my friends they don't get along with their sibling, ended up very bad blood due to fight over family inheritance.

Make sure all inheritance split 50/50.

Also some siblings can be very close, until they marry the wrong woman, then they fight with other siblings.

Also I seen in Lowyat, some stupid guy let his brother influence him to buy property and leave out his wife from the title. Family also must respect the wife role.
vin6
post May 9 2023, 01:07 PM

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If you are financially stable that's good but raising a child takes a lot of time, it will eat your youth up. Think twice think thrice. This is the 21st century, if your wife is bored ask her to get a hobby. Kids are no longer a necessity in this modern era.

"I don't wanna say this "but 1 of 10 kids is not normal - use this argument with your wife and tell her you don't wanna take chances.

Emotional blackmail is another thing, you should blackmail her back ask, tell her you will quit your job and get a low pay job and ask her to take responsibility for the finances. (i really hate emotional blackmailing, especially in a 'symbiotic relationship'.
matrix88
post May 9 2023, 01:12 PM

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you can tell your wife, if you dont relocate with me, i might get another child there. see what is her reaction lo.... hahaha
rachel9966
post May 26 2023, 03:08 PM

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Mid thirties still can hv second child.

I knew some who gave birth at 40s.
dongmush
post May 26 2023, 03:29 PM

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if financial is not concern, why not.
you need to find out the real reason you don't want the 2nd.

it should be 2 better than 1 for having kids ~
I also 87 and having 2nd kid on 2022.
I not living with any elders ~ very meaningful and busy life everyday .
Lembu Goreng
post Jul 4 2023, 09:40 AM

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Sounds like your wife is not working

Ask her to find a job, maybe she wont feel too bored and needing a second child

DrPitchard
post Jul 10 2023, 11:40 AM

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There's no simple way out of this, but a lot of alignment and discussion is certainly needed between husband and wife. No right or wrong in this case, whether no kids, one, two, three or even more. Most importantly, must agree as one (husband and wife) and move forward together.
I myself have 3 kids, started with 2 boys and accident a third (girl....luckily). Me and my wife are both working, we can afford to bring them up in a comfortable manner, but it does take a toll on our physical and mental health at times. Time is never enough for us, but that's where we have to align, discuss, split task and conquer accordingly. There's a lof of joy in having kids, without a doubt.

Me and my wife don't expect our kids to take care of us when we grow old, or to support us and accompany us through our golden years. They owe us nothing. It is our conscious choice to have them and raise them unconditionally.

All the best in going through this!
Ewa Wa
post Jul 18 2023, 04:25 PM

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I just have my 2nd daughter after my eldest 6yo. No regret we really enjoy with the new bundle although is very tiring and lack of sleep.
sakaic
post Jul 25 2023, 01:49 PM

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QUOTE(maxmahen87 @ Mar 23 2022, 10:58 AM)
We’re in our mid-thirties and have a 2-year-old daughter.
My wife has a very good relationship with her siblings (5 of them), so she feels life without siblings is boring.
I’ve lived far away from home, most of my life, almost independently, struggled through without much help, so don’t feel so strongly about our daughter having a sibling.
Her biggest concern is that once we both are gone, if our daughter remains the only child, she would be all by herself in the world, with no one to share her life, with other than her spouse.
My argument to this – there are millions of kids like that, so what?

This is not a financial related decision, I have a well-paid job and am financially stable. I think I've been a great father to my kid and have done the absolute best for her and will continue to do so.
But I have to admit, parenting has been hard. Takes away a lot of your time and interest in doing other things. Adding another just going to overwhelm me psychologically.

Too add fuel to fire, this topic of another child started when I told my wife I got another job, with a significant increase in pay compared to my current job but we have to relocate to another state (KL to JB).
Initially, before I received the offer, my wife agreed to relocate.
However, after accepting the offer, when I was looking for places to stay online, she dropped the bomb having another child.
She told me, if I don't agree, she and my kid will not relocate and she has given me a week to decide.

I got no issue of relocating on my own (I would do it anyway even she disagreed to relocate the first time) but to emotionally blackmail me using my kid here is unfair.

What are your thoughts about having another child? Have you had a similar experience on this topic? Would like to hear your thoughts and feedback.
*
I think your experience being alone should not affect you current child's experience in life. Like my daughter she is already asking for sibling. Some just need extra family support around them.
GamersFamilia
post Aug 7 2023, 06:22 AM

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QUOTE(seather @ Mar 24 2022, 07:59 AM)
I got twins straight so it is fun watching the bro n sis interacting daily.
*
must be enjoying see them each day , so lucky got twins rclxms.gif
Afterburner1.0
post Dec 27 2023, 06:30 PM

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QUOTE(OlgaC4 @ Mar 30 2022, 10:00 AM)
Don't let your child be lonely. Make more let them play together and when they are big they can encourage each other when you are dead
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Tat is if they are on good terms..... some might kill each other to get their oldman's property!
tomato people
post Dec 27 2023, 06:36 PM

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QUOTE(Afterburner1.0 @ Dec 27 2023, 06:30 PM)
Tat is if they are on good terms..... some might kill each other to get their oldman's property!
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Just got my second born in june...just hope this wont happened 😅
monsteru
post Dec 27 2023, 06:43 PM

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QUOTE(maxmahen87 @ Mar 23 2022, 01:02 PM)
Initial I never wanted kids. Obviously, it was our (my) fault for not discussing this before marriage. My wife only started hinting about having kids because all her friends were getting preggy/kids. Crying every night. I gave in.
When she was pregnant, she asked if we can have the kid in Malaysia, and wanted the baby to grow with all the other family members (especially the grandparents)
I felt it was a good point. I left my high paying job abroad and since I was already in a stable financial situation, I decided to return to Malaysia.
Now she is at it again. She started the conversation by saying her friends are adding more family members, her parents for having 5 kids, even some of MY friends who are getting 2nd or 3rd child.
I hate comparisons used as an excuse to win a discussion/argument
*
I dont like the blackmail part too. But getting a second kid will take more of her mental health rather than yours. Worse os that she will regret than you i think. Cos we men are built differently, we can live solo.
hoonanoo
post Jan 29 2024, 11:16 AM

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2024 already, TS so what is the prognosis?

u moved to JB ?
waifu n kid not follow?
U have another kid or still only 1 ?
huangpl89
post Apr 18 2024, 03:01 PM

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I always want to have more kids because I have 4sibling include myself. and we are very grateful to have each other when come with problem solving and idea sharing. We grew up fighting and loving each other.

Me and my husband had our first baby in our early 30 (because this is the time where our career is already in track). My target is to have 4 kids before i "tutup kilang". my in law, my husband and even my siblings are not keen after they think my age and my delivery was not smooth (actually normal to csec but its totally fine experience for me). They feel I will be very suffer and tired even with first baby but in fact I'm cool and steady. Max they allow me to have is 2 kids hahahahaha!!

Anyway, I will work my way if i can still achieve my target but i wont blackmail my husband hahahaha! Its rezeki anyway. I enjoy to have kids around. Its call BitterSweet (Bitter for the pain dealing with tantrum kids but sweet when they act like "angel")

Nowaday the trend is like this, people want children but cant have it, people dont want children but keep having it. hmm~ rolleyes.gif
ChildishGamer P
post Oct 17 2024, 09:30 AM

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so did you end up having 2nd child? my guess is yes lol.
BL98
post Oct 28 2024, 04:25 PM

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Go vasectomy and surprise her

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