QUOTE(K0MR4DE @ Aug 22 2022, 02:19 AM)
I'm not blindly jealous, but most of them men that chatted with her has an ulterior motive. For a moment, she did try to prevent any misunderstanding by changing the profile photos and profile description in her social media with our photo together. End up, she tries to negotiate that she uses her own photo in her WhatsApp because this platform is much more formal than the others? I was baffled
because it is signaling that she is still single. Low and behold, Budak C and my other competitors still chatting her to woo her.
The way I see this? You
are blindly jealous. Bold part: I disagree that preference to use solo photo is to market yourself as available. The more you push for your partner to put a photo of you, the more you show how possessive you are. You can tell her your insecurities, but I think it's something you need to work out on your own instead of pushing it to her. Or, it could be a sign that you are not feeling secured enough based on her other actions, that is leading to your possessiveness. Maybe, she isn't setting enough boundaries with the opposite sex and she doesn't realise it.
Either way, it's a learning curve for the both of you to fit in. Have a look at this forumer's case also, a husband who developed trust issues with a wife he loved for 10+ years, because she was oblivious to the pain she caused him.
QUOTE(K0MR4DE @ Aug 22 2022, 02:19 AM)
The one that really grind my gears is when she threatened to leave this relationship when things don’t go according to her plan. She already laid out her plans with me that next year she agrees to accept my engagement party and marriage proposal. I was delighted and work hard to achieve next year objectives. Heck! My finance will be ready by end of 2022. Recently, she got a job interview, and it was her dream career come true. But the interview results haven’t come back yet, and she started to spew all negative thoughts.
She stated if she didn't get her dream job, I should go find another partner because she felt like she isn't the same sekufu/level with me due to my family background and I will be disappointed? I was dumbfounded because prior before this 'dream job' interview everything was on track and there was never any issues about my family background. Of course, I tried to reason with her that dream job or no dream job I would never set that a requirement in our relationship and I would be more disappointed if she were to leave this relationship with no valid reason.
That's a surprise, I also agree it's quite the red flag... But before we jump to conclusions (because you've shared your journey thus far, it just didn't seem like she'd be so ready to leave the relationship...):
Are you from a well-to-do family, compared to hers?
She may feel inferior if your family/relatives have compared her to your ex(es) or other relatives who are "better". Some people just lack tact in that regard... Comparing tends to create insecurity/dent self esteem, like you're never good enough in their eyes.
She may have felt compelled to get a good head start at her career, in order to look good for your family. Or, maybe she's desperate because you've both talked about some lavish lifestyle - one that she currently cannot afford and is worried about burdening you.
Of course, there's also that clichéd situation that some people are going to tell you: she's done with the relationship and is simply finding excuses to leave. You'll know better whether that's truly the case or not.
QUOTE(K0MR4DE @ Aug 22 2022, 02:19 AM)
My mental health is a bit dented. I felt like she didn't communicate the same level of commitment in this relationship and didn't care about my feelings. As if I were a second choice to her and easily replaceable. She did make amends by saying that she wouldn't leave me due to her dream job interview results, but it's harder for me to trust her words. It's like all her "I love you" and "I miss you" carries no face value. Plainly speaking, now I'm starting to feel tawar hati/no spark. When she's too emotional, she just bashes out everything! I for one still try to be a reasonable guy from saying stuff that could hurt her feelings.
Women are emotional being. Unfortunately we're guilty of lashing out even more so at people we're dearest to. It's our journey to learn to be mindful of ourselves, something I personally learned in my late 20s-early 30s (and still learning!)
Everyone has different walks of life, we all mature at different stages of life and rely heavily on our environment - the social support we get. She needs your reminder that you're hurt, and emotions get in the way of solving problems. She may get defensive the first time you call her out, but if after cooling down, she still wants everything to go her way, then it's not a good sign for a lasting, loving relationship.
QUOTE(K0MR4DE @ Aug 22 2022, 02:19 AM)
Now there's some talk about withholding intimacy until further notice. Which I for one really against it because it the glue that holds this relationship after all the cracks and the only action, I can see/touch that carries weight currently. Let's see if this the final nail to the coffins or there's more to this story..
I guess this quote works for you: "when the relationship is going well, sex is just 20% of the problem. When the relationship is bad, sex is 80% of the problem." Something along this line haha...
I think even if you 2 get intimate, it'd just be shoving the problems under the rug, it'd create a false sense of goodness in the relationship. It'll save it in the short term, but it'll crash so much harder if you force it. I'd say, just DIY for the time being until you both are comfortable again with each other... If you could stay single and not fuck around literally before you meet her, why can't you do the same again for a while?