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 Trauma stop me from trying

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TSzach69
post Jun 26 2021, 09:00 PM, updated 3y ago

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So I have tried with two girls, and have very bad experience, when it ended the girl block me on social media and then didn't unblock me but ask her friend to say she still likes me and stuff. But it's toxic so I didn't bother. So now everyone thinks I'm the bad guy because I didn't chase her back, because society always believed that the girl is right. But the problem is now the ex is in a company that I want to apply to and now it disrupt my career. So how do I make sure that while I'm trying to find a suitable person I don't somehow ruin my career when the relationship doesn't work because the girl isnt happy of the way that I treat her. Maybe the girl want me to carry her handbag every day and pay for all the meals. So if the girl behavior is toxic like that and if I reject her that means my love is not pure that I'm the bad guy. So if she bad mouth then maybe her friend is in a company that I'm applying for then it ruin my chances of going to the company and reject my application. Am I overthinking or is it just my bad luck.

Please help me find a solution so I can overcome the trauma and start dating.
raining again
post Jun 26 2021, 09:31 PM

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I think u r overthink too far deep. Like just focus on your career n stuff.

Can’t control what she want to do or think and… pretty frankly waste of more of ur time, spirit and attention to invest on that too. 😅


Go towards what u want thumbup.gif flex.gif . N invest in it . Then next what happens next.. n go from there by a time icon_rolleyes.gif

This post has been edited by raining again: Jun 26 2021, 09:32 PM
TSzach69
post Jun 26 2021, 09:43 PM

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QUOTE(raining again @ Jun 26 2021, 09:31 PM)
I think u r overthink too far deep. Like just focus on your career n stuff.

Can’t control what she want to do or think and… pretty frankly waste of more of ur time, spirit and attention to invest on that too. 😅
Go towards what u want thumbup.gif  flex.gif . N invest in it . Then next what happens next.. n go from there by a time  icon_rolleyes.gif
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Your advice is not a solution it's just telling me to accept fate whatever happens
BoonieTan
post Jun 27 2021, 12:24 AM

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QUOTE(zach69 @ Jun 26 2021, 09:43 PM)
Your advice is not a solution it's just telling me to accept fate whatever happens
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What do you expect him to say? IMHO, I'm thinking you're overthinking too.

If the decision maker in the company you're applying for reject you because of your ex, I'd have grave concern on their professionalism, and you think you'll be comfortable working in an environment with constant threat of what your ex may/may not say about you?

Deeds be done, just move on.
YoungMan
post Jun 27 2021, 10:04 AM

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Just apply to the company as usual, and focus on the professional working life while you are there. Unless your ex is the boss, you have nothing much to worry.
Takudan
post Jun 27 2021, 02:31 PM

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Ok TS, looks like you're in the accounting world judging from your threads, and that you care about these two things the most: 1) job 2) love life. (Disclaimer: not judging, just laying down your priorities)

I'm not in the same industry but to my understanding, big 4 has a small world and people tend to jump around these firms for the increments, you're bound to meet people you know.

Also, you haven't given enough information what went wrong, why she's acting this way and all, but from the limited history you have here on this forum, you dated...
- a 35-40yo (a senior...?),
- someone you're very interested in at work.
Now, if she hates you so much for whatever reason and is a very toxic person, then perhaps it's not that far fetched that she'll do something to sabotage your career. I'm inclined to say you fucked up and maybe talking to her to end things in a good term may do you better.

So yes, "don't shit where you eat" advice means a lot more to you because...
First, job is your #1 priority so you cannot afford to let anything get in your way. You can control yourself/own feelings, but you cannot control whatever the other is going to act/say.
Second, people circulate around in this one industry, whatever fuck-ups you have that hurts your career in one company, may be more likely to affect your chance in others. Then again... Sorry and ignore above if my presumption is false, but that would also mean that you are really overthinking about her affecting your career, you can just go elsewhere that she cannot reach you.
silverhawk
post Jun 28 2021, 03:16 PM

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QUOTE(zach69 @ Jun 26 2021, 09:00 PM)
So I have tried with two girls, and have very bad experience, when it ended the girl block me on social media and then didn't unblock me but ask her friend to say she still likes me and stuff. But it's toxic so I didn't bother. So now everyone thinks I'm the bad guy because I didn't chase her back, because society always believed that the girl is right. But the problem is now the ex is in a company that I want to apply to and now it disrupt my career. So how do I make sure that while I'm trying to find a suitable person I don't somehow ruin my career when the relationship doesn't work because the girl isnt happy of the way that I treat her. Maybe the girl want me to carry her handbag every day and pay for all the meals. So if the girl behavior is toxic like that and if I reject her that means my love is not pure that I'm the bad guy. So if she bad mouth then maybe her friend is in a company that I'm applying for then it ruin my chances of going to the company and reject my application. Am I overthinking or is it just my bad luck.

Please help me find a solution so I can overcome the trauma and start dating.
*
your career is ruined because your ex is in the company? laugh.gif

That's not your ex ruining your career, that is you ruining yourself.

The only solution for you is to man up
Xonius
post Jun 29 2021, 04:09 PM

Y U NO MAD???
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QUOTE(silverhawk @ Jun 28 2021, 03:16 PM)
your career is ruined because your ex is in the company? laugh.gif

That's not your ex ruining your career, that is you ruining yourself.

The only solution for you is to man up
*
exactly, what a pussy.

grow a spine TS, don't blame her if your life goes to shit, it is solely YOUR fault.

i suspect he has some sort of self esteem issues.
Sasuke95
post Jun 29 2021, 05:46 PM

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No big deal man, fcked up a rship in office before, the girl spread lies about me in whole office, most boycott me, meanwhile I just continue to be professional in work, doing my own things, anything other than work i directly ignore.

Lunch time i do it alone. The boss can see if you're doing work nicely. Enough time passed the people gradually accept me back, now more than half of the office already get along well.

It's hard, very very hard especially in the beginning, felt like just leave this toxic shit hole and be done with it, but because of high pay i stayed, i endured like a man, i keep reminding myself "this is all about money, I'm in this only for money, who cares about having friends? Screw them".

Slowly, you'll feel normal about it, numbed. I expect to continue indefinitely, the change of attitude of colleague is just bonus / icing on top that I didn't expect to happen. Life is much easier now with more people accepting me back, albeit there are always a few still stuck in that bad lies spread by her and continues to avoid me like plague, doesn't matter, just treat them as invisible.

Hope it helps, it's all about endurance. How much can you take it before you collapse. Me? I'm indestructible, because money.
raining again
post Jul 1 2021, 03:16 PM

It's raining again, again ... and again
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QUOTE(Sasuke95 @ Jun 29 2021, 05:46 PM)
No big deal man, fcked up a rship in office before, the girl spread lies about me in whole office, most boycott me, meanwhile I just continue to be professional in work, doing my own things, anything other than work i directly ignore.

Lunch time i do it alone. The boss can see if you're doing work nicely. Enough time passed the people gradually accept me back, now more than half of the office already get along well.

It's hard, very very hard especially in the beginning, felt like just leave this toxic shit hole and be done with it, but because of high pay i stayed, i endured like a man, i keep reminding myself "this is all about money, I'm in this only for money, who cares about having friends? Screw them".

Slowly, you'll feel normal about it, numbed. I expect to continue indefinitely, the change of attitude of colleague is just bonus / icing on top that I didn't expect to happen. Life is much easier now with more people accepting me back, albeit there are always a few still stuck in that bad lies spread by her and continues to avoid me like plague, doesn't matter, just treat them as invisible.

Hope it helps, it's all about endurance. How much can you take it before you collapse. Me? I'm indestructible, because money.
*
ya lor. in short right, for now will be intense like the drama wise.

…but long run… people will get busy with their own sh**.😅 busy stress out with their work, argue with gf… have to go tapao… hungry mcdonald’s or eat dinner 🥘 for japanese .. or indian food. aiyo, then forget to pay parking g level just now… etc. aiyo walk back up again..

…mostly just… really … not that interested … in your… 😂…
and i … need more time to … deal with our own drama and … sit back relax and watch my cartoon network ending series airing on Tuesday night with popcorn and fries with my gf…. and then just sleep and die in peace. 🤣


so cheers 🍻. get some beer and watch some cartoon with some hot bath 🛁. 🤗 … they probably doing the same anyways 🤫🤭

This post has been edited by raining again: Jul 1 2021, 03:17 PM
5igzag
post Jul 3 2021, 10:11 AM

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QUOTE(zach69 @ Jun 26 2021, 09:00 PM)
So I have tried with two girls, and have very bad experience, when it ended the girl block me on social media and then didn't unblock me but ask her friend to say she still likes me and stuff. But it's toxic so I didn't bother. So now everyone thinks I'm the bad guy because I didn't chase her back, because society always believed that the girl is right. But the problem is now the ex is in a company that I want to apply to and now it disrupt my career. So how do I make sure that while I'm trying to find a suitable person I don't somehow ruin my career when the relationship doesn't work because the girl isnt happy of the way that I treat her. Maybe the girl want me to carry her handbag every day and pay for all the meals. So if the girl behavior is toxic like that and if I reject her that means my love is not pure that I'm the bad guy. So if she bad mouth then maybe her friend is in a company that I'm applying for then it ruin my chances of going to the company and reject my application. Am I overthinking or is it just my bad luck.

Please help me find a solution so I can overcome the trauma and start dating.
*
if she still likes you, she will welcome you there.
thinking that it's a move to chase her back.
take the time to root yourself in the new company then.
ymc2303
post Jul 3 2021, 12:56 PM

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QUOTE(zach69 @ Jun 26 2021, 09:00 PM)
So I have tried with two girls, and have very bad experience, when it ended the girl block me on social media and then didn't unblock me but ask her friend to say she still likes me and stuff. But it's toxic so I didn't bother. So now everyone thinks I'm the bad guy because I didn't chase her back, because society always believed that the girl is right. But the problem is now the ex is in a company that I want to apply to and now it disrupt my career. So how do I make sure that while I'm trying to find a suitable person I don't somehow ruin my career when the relationship doesn't work because the girl isnt happy of the way that I treat her. Maybe the girl want me to carry her handbag every day and pay for all the meals. So if the girl behavior is toxic like that and if I reject her that means my love is not pure that I'm the bad guy. So if she bad mouth then maybe her friend is in a company that I'm applying for then it ruin my chances of going to the company and reject my application. Am I overthinking or is it just my bad luck.

Please help me find a solution so I can overcome the trauma and start dating.
*
ts you are overthinking..
whatever happens between both of you, if your future company take you in for your capabilities, that's good. if they reject you because you mess up the relationship with someone toxic as per say, then its not worth to go in as well. just don't expect if the females there are friendly if she bad mouthed you..

yoloorangejuice
post Sep 22 2021, 11:56 PM

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we are living in a judging world.

those who have times to judge is people who got nothing better to do.

relationship is two people stuff.

no doubt girls will potray themselves to get attention when theyre sad.

just let it be. be like a man , move on.

if u r good, will attract someone better.

relationship is not everything in our live.

viole
post Sep 23 2021, 09:45 AM

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Is she the hr or the hiring manager?

If no, you are overthinking.
Masafum1
post Sep 23 2021, 09:37 PM

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Date out of the pool
@dadafu@
post Sep 24 2021, 12:55 AM

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sometime we need to go through hell only get to know what we want.
pej425
post Oct 1 2021, 05:47 PM

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if you feel so badly about it find a gf before apply then you can ignore her fully

 

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