Sigh.. I wish Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Borderline Personality Disorder along the cluster B was taught in school.

It will save alot of heartbreak and devastation of abused victims..

How bad is abuse by a narcissist? it's extremely deadly. Can cause shorten life due to constant stress or worst, suicide for the victims..

People talk about the dangers of psychopaths and sociopaths, but Narcs are actually more inclined to inflict more damage on unsuspecting victims..

There are actually 4 types of narcissists.

The overt narcissist - this type is always boasting about their achievements and exhibit delusions of grandiose.
The covert narcissist - this is the silent type actually. Humble, friendly with strangers, & normal in appearance. But don't let this deceive you. Later I will explain the tactics ALL narcs use.
The malignant narcissist - this type is the one you want to RUN for fear of losing your life. They can rationalize causing you serious harm and even murder. Amber Heard is a contemporary example of a malignant narcissist.
The final type of narcissist is the super religious, i love to volunteer type of narc. They just love to boast about their "altruistic, self-sacrificing" nature. But the truth is, they are equally dangerous as the others.


So what makes a narcissist a narcissist? Contrary to what has been discussed here, the key trait to identify that a person is a narcissist is their constant need for EXTERNAL validation.
Yes, they can't self-love or self-validate so they need outside source to regulate their emotions. They are also NEVER single or alone. They are constantly in or in an existing relationship. Whether they choose to expose or hide their supply, it's another matter.

Yes, I mentioned Supply because all narcissist don't view human relationships as humans. No, they see them as supply to soothe their constant need for validation.

Narcissists also lack emotional empathy, hence their inability to recognize their wrongdoings and they exhibit no shame or remorse for the damage they cause. They are also masters at blame-shifting, gaslighting, and being the victim. You can't win any arguments with them.

There are 4 main phases that all narcissist use to entangle people into their web of deception and narcissistic supply.

Phase 1: Lovebomb or idealisation phase.
this phase is where the narc lures their prey by showering the target with gifts, vacations, love, sex, money & etc.. Experiencing the Narcissists lovebomb is like going through on very intense honeymoon and your relationship feels like it is moving at lightning quick. You are meeting family very fast, you move in together within 2-3months, and you are inseparable. Might as-well be married.

The narcissist does this because they are idealizing you. They have put you on a pedestal and you are like their perfect partner. They treat you very well but it doesn't last forever. No relationship that starts off on an unsustainable high lasts forever.

Phase 2: Devaluation phase
Since there is no such thing as a perfect human being, the narcissist soon realizes that you have human flaws and personality defects. They may not like how you blink your eyes, or drive badly or can't keep yourself nice and clean for them.

All of a sudden, you aren't perfect in their eyes anymore.

This is where they begin to devalue you. This is where the ABUSE begins. Since you are high on dopamine and oxytocin, "love" from the narcsissist lovebombing, you will try your best to get back to that point again. But the more you do, the more you will realise nothing is working. The narcissist has stopped lovebombing you ages ago, is now constantly pushing your boundaries, giving you shallow forms of love, stopped caring and constantly getting into fights with you. The narcissist is just generally being abusive to you.

Sadly for you, the narc no longer sees you the same way as beginning of the relationship and has already begun looking for another person. Your replacement.


Phase 3: Discard phase.
All narcissists eventually cheat. I repeat myself. All narcissists will cheat on their partners. It is inevitable because they are maladaptive behaviours and do not see relationships the way
normal people do. Do not take their cheating personally. It is just their impulsiveness and constant need to seek external validation. This is why they cheat on their long-term partners. No one person is enough to satisfy their need for supply.

And if you are unaware of their cheating, they will continue to do so every day until one fine day, you wake up or they leave you for good. That is called the "final discard".

but it's never ever final for the narcissist. You are a toy and they are bored so you are now shelved until they want to play with you again. The return phase.

Phase 4: Return phase.
So you have been cruelly discarded. The narcissist is now off with a new supply, they are posting loving pictures of the new supply on social media. You are left picking up the pieces. Maybe you were married to the narcissist for many years, maybe you have children together, a life once built is now destroyed because the Narcissist decided you weren't good enough and discarded you for their flashy new toy. You are an emotional wreck.

The narcissist always discards by blaming you 100% and you were the sole reason why they left. It's not because they wanted to explore other options or move in with a new person. No, the never give you closure. For good reasons.

Because without the closure, you are always open to their return and with their return, more abuse!

yes.. they will come back to you just when you are almost fully healed, rediscovered your identity post narcissistic abuse and just when you are about to move on with your life.

They will tell you all sorts of things such as how wrong they were to leave you. How they regret losing you. How they are working on themselves.

Whatever excuse just to win you back.

And you take them back and the games begins once again. The lovebomb phase is faster. They devalue you immediately. and again, discard you for someone else...

This is how people commit suicide in a narcissistic relationship..

The narcissistic parent and children should also be discussed in school..

As mentioned, the narcissist treat people as supply for them. They treat their children as extensions of themselves. If the narcissist has more children, they will be assigned different roles. The four most common roles are:-

The golden child.
-this child is showered with all of the love and resources of the narcissist. The golden child is "special" and can do no wrong. This child later grows up and gets the best head-start in life but this child will forever be controlled by the narcissistic parent and may resent the other siblings for their independence.

Britney Spears is a perfect example of a golden child.

The forgotten child.
This child is neglected both emotionally and physically by the narcissistic parent. The narcissist never shows much love or care and the forgotten child is left to grow up isolated from the other siblings. The forgotten child when older is usually the dumping ground for all practical issues necessary to support the narcissistic parent. Examples being to take the narcissistic parent for medical check-ups, to stay full-time with the parent. The neglected child does so because finally, they are being recognised and feel validated. Litte does the neglected child knows that they are just enabling the abuse and bad behaviour of their older narcissistic parent..

The narcissistic child.
The narcissistic child is as you guessed it, the demon that the narcissist has created in their image. To continue the generational trauma and abuse for generations to come. The narcissistic child adopts all of the parents traits and continues the abuse.

The scapegoat.
The black sheep of the family. Forever blamed for not being like the others. For not getting along with the programme of the narcissist. The scape-goat is often picked on and bullied by the siblings and the narcissist abuses them the worst. All of the siblings enable this because they know that the narcissist needs an emotional release in the form of abuse and they rather it be on the scapegoat child rather than them.. so they all remain silent and never speak out. Maybe when it's over, they'll put their hand around the shoulder of the scapegoat and let them know it's "fine".

The scapegoat child has deep emotional wounds and is also deeply damaged with PTSD from the abuse since early childhood. When older, they may rebel against the authority of the narcissist, challenge them and stand on their own two feet. The scapegoat adult may also fall prey to a narcissist since they are looking for their parent in their partner.. The scapegoat is literally abused for life...

But there is also hope for the scapegoat child as they are usually the one that breaks the chains and cycle of abuse and walks away from the dysfunctional family, quite often for good. The scapegoat becomes the Escapegoat and starts building and living a life away from any toxic family members or ex-narcissistic spouses. The scapegoat is the child that has the full picture and can live peacefully and freely.


Anyone can relate to this?

This post has been edited by Roboguru: Jun 22 2023, 07:58 PM