I'm so sorry for you bro. Stay strong.

What kind of scholarship is turned into loan?
Since you got plenty of As, why don't you try becoming a private tutor, per hour is rm30. That's what I'm doing now. You can teach kids. It's a small amount but it's something.

As for your mother, I hope she and you find peace. Please learn to do things for yourself and find your own value instead of hoping your mother would value you. I learned it the hard way too. My mum prefers my siblings. I learnt not to hunger for her attention anymore eventho it hurts.

Stay strong. Jiayou.