TS, I'd suggest you to move out and separate from him first. See what his reaction is.

There are 2 possible reactions/scenarios:

1) If he is angry/upset/sad (means he still cares), you can work on issues together when both have cooled down.

You need to know this is his first time being married. Being a quiet guy with low EQ and an inexperienced husband, he needs to learn how to love his wife and work out marital problems rationally. You, as the wife, need to communicate in a way that his male brain can process and respond to. Men don't like being bossed around with nagging and complaining, because that's what their mothers always do. You can read books about how to communicate with men.

Men are more visual and analytical. They are not as auditory and emotional as women are. They are direct, rational and logical. So, listing what you are unhappy about and listing what you want him to do (in bullet point/steps) is a good way to solve problems with your husband. Let him fix the issues he created. Men are natural fixers. If he feels what you are unhappy about is unjustified, he will need to clarify and explain to you, calmly, in writing.

If he agrees to work on the issues, then give him a second chance. Put him under probation during the separation. When you are away from him, be a happy, confident and attractive woman again. Make your husband pursue you again and want you back home. Absence often makes the heart grow fonder.




2) However, if he is indifferent (means he doesn't care anymore) about the separation, you can take it as a sign that it is safe and justified to divorce.

The opposite of love is not hatred or anger, but indifference — lack of interest, concern, or sympathy towards your relationship/partner.

You are still upset with your husband = you still have feelings for him. So, do what is best to salvage your marriage first, and if it's truly irreconcilable, only then you file for a divorce (joint petition).

FYI, under the Malaysia Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976 (‘the Divorce law’), if one spouse want to file for single petition divorce, both parties must go through marriage counselling first (6 months/3 sessions). Such requirement is not necessary for a joint petition divorce where both parties agree to divorce and all its divorce terms.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 29 2020, 11:20 PM

Let him do the chase.

When a woman loves a man more than he loves her, when she shows more care than he does, he will take her for granted.

It is a woman's nature to nurture her man, but it is also a man's nature to pursue his woman. If you are always too available and too desperate for his love and companionship, you are already on the losing end.

WhatsApp is not a formal method of communication. Send to his e-mail. Then just keep quiet and do your own things. If he doesn't respond to you the way you want (i.e. address the issues), you should just ignore him so that he knows you mean serious business. Silence speaks louder volume than nags and complaints.

In other words, don't be desperate. Stay cool. Be more resolute and stand by your principles. Loving a man doesn't mean throwing away your own principles and letting him cross your boundaries over and over again. Make a firm stand. Show your seriousness using silence and formal communication.

After you move out, don't be so soft-hearted and forgive him immediately. Have your own good time during the separation phase. Spend more time with your girl friends, pamper yourself and get a new look. He should be the one feeling miserable, not you.

FYI, it usually takes about 8 weeks of zero contact ("No Contact Rule"), for a man to realise how much he misses his woman. Let him feel the pain and the loss. The more he feels it, the deeper his feelings are for you.

I hope your husband will pursue you again and have a change of heart after this. If he doesn't do anything before the 8 weeks is up, feel free to dump him. You deserve a better man.

This post has been edited by Ralna: May 30 2020, 07:28 PM