After reading her essays, I knew I made the right decision when I chose to stay single coz I strongly believe that ppl tend to change in any rships...it could be me or it could be him. Definitely don't wanna deal with all these unnecessary dramas. I'm happy as I am.

After reading her essays, I knew I made the right decision when I chose to stay single coz I strongly believe that ppl tend to change in any rships...it could be me or it could be him. Definitely don't wanna deal with all these unnecessary dramas. I'm happy as I am.

Everyone changes, and I can only hope it's for the better... Being in a relationship includes dealing with that change, and heck, it's not just romantic relationships, even your family and friends change, and sometimes it gets to a point where you decide to walk away.

I think it's nice to have someone you can trust and rely on as a life partner, that you know no matter what happens out there, you'll be able to return to "home". Yet at the same time, it's impossible to expect every single aspect of your life will be fulfilled by one single human (your life partner), so it's important to understand what you need from this person and what you can find elsewhere without hurting anyone.

Yes, I know that my family n my frens can change. And that is why I don't wanna add more dramas on my plate by being in a rship.Plus I'm fiercely independent. I'm happier being single.

Its unlikely for your happiness to stay with you long term if you always avoid suffering. Eventually it catches up to you, and you won't be equipped to deal with it.

Please.. U have no idea how much suffering I'm dealing with at my current workplace. Don't need more suffering to make my life worse. Dealing with each prob at a time right now so don't act like u know how I'm dealing with suffering in my life.

I think you don't even realise you just proved my point

Thanks for making more assumptions about me & my life. Keep 'em coming!

You are assuming I'm making assumptions of your life. I'm not, I can just clearly see you cannot handle suffering.

And I'm not gonna continue wasting my energy arguing with a person who's still denying that he/she is making assumptions abt me. Pls stick yr nose into other ppl's pie instead. Bye!

We got married because we had been dating a while (4 years). Yes i admit that I submitted to society's pressures of getting married at a certain age. But back then, i thought, never try, never know and I didn't wanna waste the 4 years I spent with this guy.
What changed was majority him. Of course you can't hear his POV in this case...but i do think i have the ability to be fair and whereas I am still pretty much the same passionate, affectionate, loving partner.... over the years, he became almost the opposite.
Actually, in my first draft (i wrote 3 drafts, it wasn't easy exposing my feelings like that).. I did write about why but then it was so long and i didn't think anyone would wanna read such a longass post
Maybe the spark fizzled out on his end which in turn, influenced me and also changed me into a person like him. No physical abuse, but perhaps mental abuse got. Depends on one's definition.
Anyway since u guys asked.... grandmother story up ahead; my husband and I are very very different ppl. To give u a slight idea abt him,think IT guy who doesn't need to talk to humans if he can help it + gamer + amine + manga + slow pace... that kinda guy. Me = a job where I have to engage with humans all the time + love to talk/communicate + sporty + like to try new things + fast pace. Bottom line is, in the beginning as usual, things were great...that lasted approx 6-8 months before there were slight changes from him. I'm experienced and realistic enough to NOT expect that honeymoon phase will last forever.  So i closed one eye and tried to give and take. For example, from him actually telling me he can't stop kissing me....to him pulling away one time when I tried to kiss him when he got back from work. Thereafter, the french kissing mostly happened before/during coitus time. Also his impatience over small things started showing. Showing unhappy face for errands such as helping me buy some tools from a store near his hse for example. So in the beginning it was just little things like that, and i still thought that we complemented each other bcoz we were lacking wat the other party had and he was also good/nice at times. Because I've never had a really really long rship b4(my longest prior to this was about 2 years), I thought that i had to try my hardest in this rship. Adulting lah , in other words.

So, as time progressed these few things happened:
-There was not much physical affection, even when i hugged him, often he wouldn't hug me back until i grumbled...yea he wld just stand there while i hugged him. In bed, forget about cuddling. His excuse is that he feels hot although the aircond is always on. This is v diff when in the first few years, he would at least hug me for 10 mins or so before setting me aside to sleep. We are seriously like bedmates... i used to wonder how can a man and woman sleep in the same bed and yet be worlds apart, and i've come to experienced that. No intimacy, no bonding, no nth!
-He would constantly snap/spk rudely to me over the smallest of things. He's very easily irritated. Have u seen those couples where one or both parties constantly roll their eyes and spk damn rudely to each other? like "hou fan kam yong"
-He has in 3-4 occasions, humiliated me in public by scolding (with vulgar words too) me in front of friends/strangers who happened to be around us. Also over the smallest of issues and pls don't think i started shouting or throwin my temper first, because i didn't.  In one of those times, i was simply trying to be helpful when i kena fr him. But pls don't think I'm a mousy person who is too afraid to fight bac... I'm not. But I dislike airing my dirty laundry for the public to see like that. Oh and after the scolding incidents he will refuse to apologise or very very reluctantly apologise.
-In the first 4 years or so, coitus was about 2-3 times a week  (first few months was practically daily). But in the last 3 years, it became around 1-2 times a mont, sometimes even 2 months without any. Unless we were trying for kids (which we did for about 1 year) and actually this having kids thingy is in the next point. Back to the coitus... can u imagine what I feel like as a woman , to be rejected by my own husband? Ppl always generalise how men are so hamsup and they need sex, but once when we were trying...i straddled him and he actually "TSK" me and gave me the face of annoyance (he was playing game on his hp). WTF. I was so pissed that i threw a fit. We have spoken about this, and he said he felt dirty/uncomfy/skin issues yada yada......many times he's given me similar excuses....and in one of my frus moments, I shouted at him, "how long more do u want me to wait for u to settle yr issues???!!!??!!! "   I think other women will understand when i say that certain times of the month, when our hormones peak... we also have our own needs. Also, he's a dead fish in bed, selfish lover no doubt abt it.  Now, I am a semi vainpot, so i do watch wat i eat and I do exercise 3-4 times a month ........ i can't say the same for him, he exercises 2 months one time. I can super relate
https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/3755480/all
https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4782935/all
https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4960510

-Children issue. I'm more keen and he's not that keen, he refuses to get fertility tests done. He said let things go with the flow, if we are blssed w kids then so be it. FYI, i'm not like die die also need to have kids...but having coitus once or 2x a month...wat are my chances lah?? I can relate to this https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?act=ST&f=23&t=4967886&st=
Whenever ppl asks about us having kids... i feel like screaming sometimes to them, how to have kids when we have sex once a month?!?!?! 
-He's not pleasant to be with, especially on holidays. Some ppl have advised us to go on holiday and try for kids since usually holiday = less stressful. Buttttttt let me tell u, we get even more stressed up during hols because we fight on majority of our overseas trips. We have only not fought when family members were with us; i even invited my sibling to join along for our honeymoon because I was afraid we were gonna ruin it by fighting. Once, everyday of our 9 days trip except for the last day... we were mostly not on spkg terms. I was so angry that i even forgot i bought tickets to some tourist attraction centre.
-he's not a team player. For me, it's important that bf/gf or husband/wife work well together....but most of the time, he calculates a lot. EG why must he hang/wash the clothes when most of the clothes are mine? Stuff similar to this. I already try to do the harder housework to make it easier for him.
And many more... too much to write, because well, can't be a rship this long be summarised in these few points nia rite. I've come to a conclusion that we are just 2 super duper diff human beings. Opposites may complement each other but not total opposites with very little in common.
I tried to fix our problems in the beginning, I tried to talk and communicate w him, many times thru various methods like text or f2f. But his auto defense mode will be to totally ignore me, even when it is face to face...he'll just stare at his comp. I think he has a serious issue ( or maybe common amongst guys??) in expressing his feelings. I asked him to see a couples counselor but he refused rightaway. In time, because he is not loving, or affectionate, and instead is disrespectful to me....I either have to suppress my natural self of being physically loving ( i used to hug him almost everyday and shower him with pecks all over his face), liking to french kiss, like to cuddle, and I realised I'm becoming more and more like him which I hate...so yeah i'm equally, if not more disrespectful towards him these days.

Honestly, I rather be alone than to be stuck in this unhappiness. Before MCO, I realised that I actually have more fun with my friends and I was spending more time with them too. There were times i was so frustrated over the inability to reach thru him that I cry at night, next to this cold man...who knows i'm weeping but doesn't really care. There are times I wished that he would be the one who found someone else and ask for a divorce. IN case u guys think he has someone outside, i seriously doubt it due to his square  personality plus he's mostly home. Sigh , I'm not saying he is all bad, as he is somewhat generous with his money (this one he doesn't count so much luckily), sometimes he'd buy my fav food, and overall he is a decent person who wouldn't break the law ... even something small like parking illegally. Sometimes he'll improve in certain matters but then it never lasts long. If I'm gonna stay in this rship, it'll be like I'm just settling. Being with someone good/decent doesn't necessarily equate to being with someone you truly love. I did love him, but because he refused to acknowledge my hurt and pain most of the time...i think my heart has hardened and i killed my love for him.

I can't help but think I'm getting the short end of the stick, I take care of myself, and he doesn't. So how come I"m the one who gets rejected? Why am I feeling unwanted for the longest time? Honestly,do u know how hard it is to stay faithful to this fella when there have been guys asking me out regularly? I don't fool ard because i would hate myself for being unfaithful. Ethically, i don't believe in it...but i don't know for how long more I am able to have this self control. I'm afraid if we cont down this rd, he and I will do something unforgivable like that to one another. If he can't appreciate me, and if others can...why must I stick to this person who doesn't appreciate me?

Err....how the heck u fell in love with this guy and marry him?

If he is a square guy before marriage, he will and be a square guy after marriage.

Reminds me of one square guy everybody hated in my ex office.

Last active 2022…. TS long gone by now

oh
came back as parisiansky?

I don’t even know who that is… many dupes.

but as u said, this makes it an interesting read.

Yeah, probably around the standard that Danielle Steels churns out her trash.

Its been a long time.

Haven't seen a worthwhile Danielle type story here for awhile