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prophetjul
post May 21 2020, 03:19 PM

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QUOTE(toos99 @ May 21 2020, 12:40 AM)
Question. Why would you want to divorce your wife too?
*
HolyValkyrie
post May 21 2020, 03:22 PM

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Resign as soon as you landed a job.

Then give yourself some time (at least try for the sake of your daughters) before deciding whether or not to proceed with the divorce.

It seems the MIL and family business are the major problem between you and your wife.

Btw, do DNA test with your daughters.

Maybe this will help your resolve.

This post has been edited by HolyValkyrie: May 21 2020, 03:30 PM
TiF
post May 21 2020, 03:40 PM

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Cant advise you on divorce first or resign first as only yourself know your own situation. But you only live once, why put yourself in such situation where you feel miserable everyday?

It is very obvious that your wife is a selfish bitch. She of coz enjoy staying with her family. But she never think for you. And why pour so much effort on a business that belong to some psycho bitch that doesn't appreciate your effort? Your wife doesn't know her mother attitude toward you? She for sure know one.

I lost everything except my car to divorce. Don't even have single cent left. But truth to be told, I am 100x happier now.
benzxzx
post May 21 2020, 03:45 PM

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for your scenario, a resignation is imminent but definitely not a divorce.

Move out, separate yourself from her for few months, let things sink in first, do not make any hasty decisions on family matters. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, who knows you guys might reconcile after months of being apart from each other right
waghyu
post May 21 2020, 03:46 PM

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QUOTE(Asquith @ May 21 2020, 12:32 AM)
I believe I have out stayed my welcome at my wife's family business.

I mostly run the show in the business and received salary and allowances up until the MCO. Together in this business is my father in law, mother in law, their youngest daughter and youngest son. Also present is their daughter in law and other son in law.

I have been having a lot of disputes and fights with my wife over the last 2 years, many of them instigated by my MIL. She does not particularly like me for race and religion issues, we somehow have a personality clash though I have never had any real conversations with her. The business I primarily help them run is separate from all their other business. She doesn't like it that FIL has entrusted me with the cash cow business and because I've mostly made a success of it she feels uncomfortable because it overshadows her son who used to run it and made a big mess out of it. She is also worried her husband would give me a share in the company.

During the MCO, they decided to pay my salary but not allowances despite it being an essential sector that needed to remain open. The rest had their salary and allowances paid despite staying home the entire MCO.

I feel I have had my last straw and ready to get out of here.

My question is should I sort out the divorce first and then give them my resignation letter or should I give them the resignation letter and then only begin divorce proceedings.

Upon resignation I do have a job offer with one of their competitors who has agreed to pay more.
*
What is your race / religion vs MIL race / religion? What sort of work?
jacckl
post May 21 2020, 03:48 PM

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the story is one sided but if your wife side with your in law too much, i dont see how the current relationship gonna work. i wont suggest divorce but resign and look for another job might be a good choice. dont work for competitor, it will only make things worse. give yourself few months to calm down and see if the relationship get better.

one final advice, stop cheating and sleeping around.
ohman
post May 21 2020, 03:51 PM

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QUOTE(Cmyong88 @ May 21 2020, 10:48 AM)
I must say, I have yet to met a man, a real man, who talked about fwb and casual sex encounters with Europeans etc in the same sentence as he's contemplating divorce with the mother of his child and the daughter to the owner of his employment.

Maybe it's my limited experience in talking about divorce issue. So far I could count on 1 hand the number of friends who confided in me about their trouble with their wife and sadly they are all divorced now. The thing is almost each and every one of them cried when they lay their story out for me so I can't imagine they talk about sex with someone outside of their troubled marriage with a smile on their face.

2 cents
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??? i dont get this statement out of no where. someone's comment got deleted?
jerranceryu
post May 21 2020, 03:58 PM

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make MIL happy,she happy,everbody will happy~~google search mother in law and me
WaCKy-Angel
post May 21 2020, 04:07 PM

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QUOTE(Asquith @ May 21 2020, 12:32 AM)
I believe I have out stayed my welcome at my wife's family business.

I mostly run the show in the business and received salary and allowances up until the MCO. Together in this business is my father in law, mother in law, their youngest daughter and youngest son. Also present is their daughter in law and other son in law.

I have been having a lot of disputes and fights with my wife over the last 2 years, many of them instigated by my MIL. She does not particularly like me for race and religion issues, we somehow have a personality clash though I have never had any real conversations with her. The business I primarily help them run is separate from all their other business. She doesn't like it that FIL has entrusted me with the cash cow business and because I've mostly made a success of it she feels uncomfortable because it overshadows her son who used to run it and made a big mess out of it. She is also worried her husband would give me a share in the company.

During the MCO, they decided to pay my salary but not allowances despite it being an essential sector that needed to remain open. The rest had their salary and allowances paid despite staying home the entire MCO.

I feel I have had my last straw and ready to get out of here.

My question is should I sort out the divorce first and then give them my resignation letter or should I give them the resignation letter and then only begin divorce proceedings.

Upon resignation I do have a job offer with one of their competitors who has agreed to pay more.
*
Since all the quarrel starts after u stay at the house and works for your FIL and your MIL doesnt like it so why dont u discuss with your wife you want to resign so u two wont argue (instigated by MIL) anymore ?

That settles 2 issues with 1 stone now?

Or u prefer FWB with China and European women?
SUSCmyong88
post May 21 2020, 04:14 PM

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QUOTE(ohman @ May 21 2020, 03:51 PM)
??? i dont get this statement out of no where. someone's comment got deleted?
*
Refer to post #17 at page 1
JoeK
post May 21 2020, 04:15 PM

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QUOTE(Lyu @ May 21 2020, 09:39 AM)
Why u wanna divorce ur wife?
*
QUOTE(V429 @ May 21 2020, 09:44 AM)
i know this is serious k, but i just wanna ask, is ts Billcollector dupe?
JoeK
post May 21 2020, 04:16 PM

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QUOTE(ohman @ May 21 2020, 03:51 PM)
??? i dont get this statement out of no where. someone's comment got deleted?
*
is ts Billcollector dupe? story seems familiar hmm.gif hmm.gif
chenkiong
post May 21 2020, 04:22 PM

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lol if wife act like female tiger everyday i dont see a point not to divorce. feel bad looking down by her parent whole life.

its better u throw the resignation letter. get a better job offer. then buy a house a move. less meet = less clash.
SUSTheBornLoser
post May 21 2020, 04:38 PM

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If they stop treating you like family, then it is time to move on.
SUSAsquith
post May 21 2020, 04:58 PM

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Avex>
"Get a divorce and quit that business, it is not yours and don't step into that turf."

I am under no illusions that any of the business is mine.

toos99>
"Question. Why would you want to divorce your wife too?"

Too many fights and quarrels that are simply eating into me.


prophecus>
"this is why a family run business is more challenging than others. I guess first thing first, you need to have a Family constitution. You need to discuss with the rest on how to make the written rules and how to adhere with it. in internet there is plenty of books about family business constitution."

To them everything is just a piece of paper.

muhibah>
"Probably something you don't want to hear but it is better u sort out this issue as family. The way you write down the whole thing is like threating everybody like colleagues

I support you to resign but then sort it out with your wife as married couple and then with your in laws. Family is everything"

I do treat everyone at work as colleagues rather than family.

I am more of a strictly by the book type person on a lot of issues but do know how to think out of the box.

bee88>
"You and your mil different race n religion?"

Yes.


precept66>
Resign and get your new job. Try to save your marriage as it may have tone down after you left their company."

I am looking at all angles.

xingai>
"Better talk about it before you went forward with the resignation, divorce, and moving to competitor's faction. There's a lot more than literally jumping ship from one to another due to many personal reasons, and also because of its family-related business."

I am looking at it from all angles and as of now the job with their competitor is what I have on hand. I am well aware that taking that job could possibly cause more fights and quarrels.

Oltromen Ripot>
"Also consider the possibilities that your wife is unknowingly and innocently just being a pawn of her damily."

Her being a pawn? That is definitely the case and it is something she doesn't mind from the way things have turned out thus far.

Current Events guy>
"Where is your FIL in all of this?

You don't talk about him which makes me think that he isn't the problem. Can he be a solution?

Also, you know him better than us. Is the reason you didn't mention him because he's the type to kowtow to wife demands?"

He isn't a bad guy in the whole situation but he won't be the solution as no one listens to him at home.

He would definitely take her side in everything if he had to step in as his usual stance is to play dumb or act stupid in the whole thing.

I don't particularly blame him, she owns 51% of all the businesses even if the only thing she does is draw a big fat pay cheque every month.


Chrix>
"Seems MIL is the puppet master, since FIL business. From your description, seems they all taking other side which is not your's.

Divorce first (long winded), business they can let u go at an instant (legal issues aside).

All this assuming your are being 100% transparent on what has transpired la at least."

She owns 51% of everything as it was her family that invested to start up all these businesses. She doesn't run any of the businesses but all profits belong to her.


eligible>
"I didn't have great biz like you.
but I have a long relationship like you.

suggestion: Take a time off from your family and wife for 3 months. live alone and reflect. Who knows, the Father of Time will give you answers.

warning: Do not make decision based on emotion / feelings, trust me, you wouldn't want to regret over it. (yes today you may not regret, 2 years down the road, you might)

Lastly,
Take a break, give a moment for yourself and reflect. Write it down. (stop complaining, stop being ungrateful)"

The MCO was mostly a break from her.



Milano7>
"do it at the same time but be prepared.

high chance they gonna try fuck u up, try to think of angles that they can use before u do it."

If I jump on to their competitor he won't care on what they say.


InitialB>
"Change your MIL to MILF.

Everything solved."

You will get nightmares after fucking that fat and bitter bitch.




tr|n|ty>
"you will always be outsider no matter how good you run the business. my advise, make good worth of yourself and run your own business in future. once you are ready mentally and financially , move on with new business. they see you as a good manager, not someone that will inherit the business. the shares will eventually divided to all their kids perhaps including your wife and you can count yourself very lucky if they include you too.

we don't know we will succeed or not if we never try. my take, I will negotiate new salary/allowance/etc .. work like normal gather money and once economy start to pick up, I start my own business

as for your relationship with your wife, I am not in position to comment. you know it better"

I prefer being the outsider and to be honest this job was supposed to be a temporary one before I moved on but as everything fell into its place my FIL told me to continue on as he saw it that I could do a good job. He has told me several times that he would like it very much that I train up his son to be a good manager of the business. Unfortunately every single time I've tried the MIL gets in the way that I'm being harsh on her son, I'm bullying her son, I'm trying to kill her darling son or that I'm teaching him the wrong things. Then when things go very well because of my actions she will say I purposely don't teach him how to do all the easy fruit pickings but teach him the difficult pickings so he would fail and look bad.

Wife only cares that the allowances she gets from her parents will keep on flowing.

JZenith>
i think you should inform the divorce with your wife, if she's "agree" to divorce then proceed with resignation, divorce will take a vry long time to process tho.
assume you already tried other possibility to get good with your wife be4 this decision since you've decided to go with divorce

inb4 TS under probation kenot reply tered often"

I am not in a hurry to divorce but most likely will let a lawyer sort it out as I don't have the energy to go through with any delays.

Zhik>
"Since everything is in a mess, so as ur mind. Why dont u take a rest.
Time will change ppl, if they wanna accept u into their business, they will need time and incidents to happen which is by chance.
So i just foreseen u got no chance in the company. Leaving seem to b the option.
U can go to their competitor company which will worsen the relationship after u divorce, and that may cause some disaster in future which u may not want that.
Leave to some where they cant find u is a better option.
Stay for now till u got job offer in other place not near to them."

The job with the competitor is what I have in hand at the moment. It will definitely be a problem for them if I jump as very likely more than half of their customers would follow me and quite likely all their good staff would follow me as well.

I have long come to the realisation that no matter how good any outsiders are you will never get anywhere in their family business.


Xakiox>
"You will have to ask yourself how much do you still value this marriage and the relationship you have with your wife & kids. Don't be short sighted and impulsive, regret doesn't always come immediately.

If you still value this marriage, then resign first and maybe temporary live in separation to try mend the relationship.
If you feel that this marriage is not worth effort fixing or already beyong repair, then what ever you decide to do first will have the same conclusion anyway, your FIL is unlikely to let you continue your job in the biz when you divorce.

Honestly, I would suggest reflecting on yourself first cos it's easy to fully pin all the blame on others when you're in a emotional state.
You cheated on your wife multiple times with 2 different woman (and if I'm not wrong, your wife is also pregnant with your 2nd child?) Unless you and your wife have an open relationship, you were already in the wrong for cheating, no matter the excuses.

In your posts, you make it seem like you have no fault of your own and seem to only see things from your own perspective and paint yourself a victim. You mention the difficulty you endured, but what about your wife? Did she not make any sacrifice or endured any hardship during the marriage?
Not to judge as I don't know you personally but as someone who used to have a huge ego, it placed a lot of strain on my relationship because I only saw things from my own standpoint and only know how to empathize with myself. You might be self-centered without even knowing it. Just my 2 cents.

Also, have you considered the impact it will have on your child's life?
Are you prepared to be excluded from your child's life if your wife gains full custody?
Just some things to think of, logic > emotion"

I don't even know at this juncture whether saving the marriage is even a possibility any longer.

What has she endured? As far as I know she has zero hardships since returning to Malaysia. Lives in a big house in Damansara. Drives a BMW. Gets paid an allowance from her parents that is even more than her salary while in Singapore. 3 maids in the house and the only thing it seems she ever does is mud sling at me.

I personally never wanted to leave Singapore and just so you know we used to have an excellent relationship during our years in Singapore.

The kids? Yes, it is without a doubt I'd probably lose them in an event of a divorce but I don't view it any differently than what's happening now anyway as I've essentially lost them.


NicePost>
Okay seriously. If you want to make this huge decision, go out for a bit. Go to the beach or something for a few hours. You can see things clearer after that."

If there was no MCO now I'd have resigned and returned to Singapore.


HolyValkyrie>
"Resign as soon as you landed a job.

Then give yourself some time (at least try for the sake of your daughters) before deciding whether or not to proceed with the divorce.

It seems the MIL and family business are the major problem between you and your wife.

Btw, do DNA test with your daughters.

Maybe this will help your resolve."

MIL is the main culprit.

DNA testing? That one not needed.

TiF>
"Cant advise you on divorce first or resign first as only yourself know your own situation. But you only live once, why put yourself in such situation where you feel miserable everyday?

It is very obvious that your wife is a selfish bitch. She of coz enjoy staying with her family. But she never think for you. And why pour so much effort on a business that belong to some psycho bitch that doesn't appreciate your effort? Your wife doesn't know her mother attitude toward you? She for sure know one.

I lost everything except my car to divorce. Don't even have single cent left. But truth to be told, I am 100x happier now."


Thank you for sharing. Glad you are feeling better and happier.

I have a pickup given by the company so if I leave the company it would have to be returned.


SUSbronkos
post May 21 2020, 05:07 PM

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QUOTE(JoeK @ May 21 2020, 04:15 PM)
i know this is serious k, but i just wanna ask, is ts Billcollector dupe?
*
Ayam was about to say the same thing esp. his English writing skills.

This post has been edited by bronkos: May 21 2020, 05:09 PM
SUSbronkos
post May 21 2020, 05:08 PM

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QUOTE(ryanlit @ May 21 2020, 05:02 PM)
go to competitor will give them more bullet on you and will affirmed all these while negative perception on you.... not wise...
*
Asian competitor will laugh at him being a traitor. That's the lowest low a person could get.

This post has been edited by bronkos: May 21 2020, 05:11 PM
JoeK
post May 21 2020, 05:15 PM

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QUOTE(bronkos @ May 21 2020, 05:07 PM)
Ayam was about to say the same thing esp. his English writing skills.
*
I'm not the only one then...

Did you read his tered in Cupid corner? I feel deja vu...
SUSbronkos
post May 21 2020, 05:19 PM

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QUOTE(JoeK @ May 21 2020, 05:15 PM)
I'm not the only one then...

Did you read his tered in Cupid corner? I feel deja vu...
*
esp. when he typed FIL, MIL <---- that's his trademark writing

This post has been edited by bronkos: May 21 2020, 05:22 PM
Lyu
post May 21 2020, 05:22 PM

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QUOTE(JoeK @ May 21 2020, 04:15 PM)
i know this is serious k, but i just wanna ask, is ts Billcollector dupe?
*
Fuiyoh... Now I see the similarities when u mentioned it

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