Dear FeelingEmpty

I'm really sorry that you are in this situation.

Some men don't feel sexual desire until they are aroused physically, like being touched or visually, porn, for instance.

It is not you. It is not about you. Don't make it about you.
It's his problem to 'fix' if he sees it as a problem. Learn to DETACH from rescuing him of his 'addiction'. Your self-worth is not determined by any one other than YOU.

Being desperate and needy are huge turn-offs. Research on the subject of attractive traits.

Your husband have issues and are not working on them. His issues are not for you to FIX. You can't fix him. You can only fix you.
He's feeling the pressure from you and that's the reason for the angry push back. Imagine him being full after dinner (self-issues) and you trying to feed him more (talk, complain, being needy, FIX).

I assume you are talking about marriage counselling. Well, it's not going to work unless you have a co-operative spouse intend on rebuilding your marriage. Even he agrees to go with you, he most probably will sabotage it by agreeing to whatever the counselor suggests just to keep to you quiet. It's just more pressure forcing him to go and you trying to fix things.

Most marriages starts with two person in love with each other. The problem is, most are not mature enough to understand that marriages grows into different stages. Everyone have an expectation of how their marriage should be. Well, there's two people so two different expectations. Each expecting the other to meet theirs. See the problem here?

No, both of you are not emotionally secure. Your husband have practically 'checked-out' of the marriage and unresponsive to his issues .You are drowning in desperation. Look, he has to OWN his contribution to the marriage and you, yours. Marriages don't fall apart by itself. Own your part of the problem.

That's neediness, threatening, begging, complaining, bargaining, etc. Do you see the pressure you are mounting on him? You are just pushing him away. He gets angry and withdraws every time you do this. Am I right?

I don't understand what you really want here. You want to leave or save your marriage?


I know it seems impossible that your marriage can be saved. There are ways you can do it by yourself. I suggest that you read 'Divorce Remedy' by Michele Weiner-Davis immediately and join it's associated DivorceBusting online Forum. You will find a community of people with similar issues like yours. You will find the support and guidance you need there.
This book is for your eyes only. Not for your husband. You will understand later.

First, as a start, these are the guiding principles of DivorceBusting
Get out and Get a Life.
Don't muck around the house waiting to be loved. Get busy with activities. Healthy ones.
Detach
Learn to separate you from him emotionally. There are books on this subject.
Believe none of what your husband says and half of what he does.
He is hurting badly. He will say absolute negatives.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
This is very important. No pressure.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Focus on yourself!

Understand that whatever happens in the end, you will be OK with or without your husband. But you need work on yourself first. Good luck!