I was being asked, if I am fine for not going to any outing.
I did not reply. But I realized that I have no ambition to go anywhere, to buy anything, to do anything. I don't even know what to live for. I had seek proper help, but it's barely helping. Knowing that my life will never improve, gave me strength to make me want to do it.

This post has been edited by shuhuan: Mar 13 2020, 11:55 AM

I took too long to edit/censor these chats.
I not bothered to explain how I feel now, let everyone judge first.
Any questions may ask too.

Yes. All I see is how he blames me. When I question him anything, he keep pointing that I abuse my child. After two weeks of cold war, nothing changes.
How I feel, he cannot accept that both he and his angel mother has been bad. Since he thinks they are so perfect, there is no room for changes.
I feel best that I vanish. Beside him still blame me, I left him still can blame me. I should have go hell.

He made me feel like a waste on Earth. With the psychiatrist is also same, all he can only talk about is how I abuse my child, or how I can ever find faults with his dear family as if the whole world is against me. If I did abuse I wish for anyone please put me in jail.
He still refuse to accept that both he and his angel like mother do have problems. Since he can't accept, there is no more room for any improvement. Btw, his family had proven to be mean as well, it's not that I want to find faults, it's them being greedy money minded so how is this not a bad attribute.
The moment he said that he rather keep his dear mother happy (which is a financial burden that he refused to see it as a burden) and to stop providing for us, I felt that I and my child haven't and will never be part of his family that he will keep.

Hopeless, as in totally hopeless. Communication with him is impossible. How to discuss anything with him bombing about the so called abuse. The first step for improvement is he needs to know the faults and his mother is definitely bad who also need mental treatment. Now he thinks they are perfect, nothing to improve. Hence I said I might as well be dead.

Thanks for the link, but he doesn't get physical. It's all the words and actions that made me feel redundant.
"Siege mentality is a shared feeling of victimization and defensiveness—a term derived from the actual experience of military defences of real sieges."
He is very defensive, but I never make him the victim. But he does blame me a lot on making him a difficult middle man. He asked me why I can't live with his angel mother yet she can live with me, I easily answered back that I do not bully her but she disturb me, interfere me, used to kick me but changed to injure my child, damage my house. He can't make anyone happy should have face the reason, accept the reasoning, look for improvement. How can he says that he rather give up on me and child while claiming that he is a great father. 🤦

I open the link and read that he definitely gaslighting me.
I have no plans, but I definitely have to rely on him financially.

Everyone told me since I can't have any income, best that I stick with him, and squeeze his money dry like a towel. But then, he mostly spends unnecessarily on his dear mother. He needs to learn to manage his money too. There is a lot too much to be fix that I rather give up living. He does blame me for supporting me too.

No money for his day care, so naturally I can't go work. I don't know malay language, the only job I had before in this country for my low education was only 1k. I only plan to continue cold war with him as any words from him is hurtful. And I will remind him how to be a father or I can threaten that I can always run away sliently again.

I know that whatever go to work plans will have to wait. So my options is only to endure, which is so so difficult. All that I can do is cry.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate an understanding person.

😭 Thank you

I don't need a horrible mentally sick mil and a husband who does not care about wife. For him, wife and child is not part of his family. Only the people he grew up with is his only family. So it's not about what I need, it's what I do not need.

i can't be financially independent, so it's not an option yet.

Thank you.
With this mco going on, he seems to start realizing his mother is a real pain to live with.

Haha, I also wanted to have time to do things. I am stuck with a high demand kid. I ever thought of learn sewing but don't know to go where for sewing course. Or learn the malay language. I do want to learn useful skills that can help out my daily life, but I simply have no time and money to do it yet.

I wasn't out looking but listening to what happened earlier. Husband feels ill want to claim mc. But his mother want to make use of this chance to see specialist. Btw, she been visiting many different dozen specialists from weekly to monthly basis as this is her favorite activity, definitely not because she is bodily sick. And docs have repeatedly told and confirms that she is bodily healthy. So they concludes that this behavior of abusing healthcare is part of her anxiety. And she will never ever seek mental help as she is a narcissist, imagines herself being a perfect person definitely have zero faults.




So seems like he can feels her selfishness finally. And there is improvement that he starts denying and delaying her unnecessary demands.

She been asking him to get for her bread, bananas, eggs on daily basis while she refuse to go get it herself even though my house is next to a hypermarket. I hope she annoys him more to experience how I have been living with a selfish soul that can't be expected for any change.