Sorry to hear that... It's a common problem amongst gay people I think. We are all obsessed with youth and afraid of getting older. But try not to worry too much about the future and try to live in the present. Maybe work out, meditate, get more friends and spend more time with your hobbies? Everyone deserves love and kindness and you deserve it too. Except you do need to push yourself a little bit.

Btw, how did your workplace find out you are gay before this?

Are you currently in Switzerland?

I see... I think you need to be prepared to prove how your life is in danger by being openly gay in Malaysia. Like this guy he managed to get refugee status in Canada. Apart from that can't really offer any advice on this, but all the best!