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Advice Wanted Bf with female best friend

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lace
post Jan 5 2020, 04:01 AM

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y cant a relationship be as pure as 1 to 1 theres always another him or another her or affairs and stuff gg
cc980024
post Jan 7 2020, 09:48 AM

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TS, trust your own feeling.

But I can tell you there are best friends between guy and girl. But when such friendship develop, it will either end up like siblings or either 1 or both develop interest and tried to be bf/gf. But if they are not couple, no matter what should keep a distance.

I used to have a guy best friend. But from the day he dating his current wife, I stop contacting him unnecessarily and told him to reduce msg. As I know girls easily get jealous, and I don't want him to lost a woman who is hard to find. He is a fatty, and the girl quite pretty. smile.gif

On another word, I don't want him come telling me that he fail to get a wife and ask me source for him.
beeMay
post Jan 9 2020, 11:33 PM

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Once a great philosopher nora ephron said that women and men cannot be friends.
I am not sure if this is true but when i was with my bf i did set a boundary. No outing just the two of him and a girl. I am personally not ok with it. He fortunately has the same idea as mine. So I suggest you tell that to him and if he said anything but yes, just find other man that would make you feel secure and respect you ok 😊
Randomization
post Jan 10 2020, 05:03 PM

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Just find yourself a male BFF. Always on phone and movie with him.

The relationship will find it's balance.
JapanKid89
post Jan 10 2020, 05:47 PM

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QUOTE(cherrypi @ Jan 4 2020, 05:33 AM)
My current bf has a female best friend that they talk on the phone consistently and they go out for movies sometimes.

I'm not sure if I can accept this but this female friend has been his friend since teenage years, means old friends. He used to like her a lot but they didn't end up together. Sometimes the girl likes to bring up their old times too.

I sense that my bf is very protective and fond of her, but he said he doesn't want to be in relationship with her coz it will never work out.

Anyone here with partner who has a different gender best friend? How do you all deal with it?
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I think is an issue with the Asian context, whereby its very uncommon for a guy to have a good friend which is the opposite sex. I was once in your boyfriend situation, but my wife set out boundaries with my childhood friend which is the opposite sex.

Long term, i think it was for the better that relationship to be ended. This is my two cent, any relationship with the opposite sex should be remain just as friend. Meaning there should be limit of time spend with the other person. I dont normally go out with friends for movie or talk long on the phone. Most of the time its out of the blue once or twice every "year".

If your BF is still going out with his female friend, i could only conclude that his in a toxic relationship which he believes that he may still have a chance.

My only advice, if you really look to have a long term relationship with him, make him realized that his in a toxic relationship with his child hood friend gently. Make him understand he is still trap in his own romance of hopping to be with her, and telling himself a lie that it will never work out.
fusionlance
post Jan 10 2020, 06:06 PM

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if talk on phone not too often and not too long still ok ba.
if watch movie must include you as well.

if only he and that girl go for movie then confirm they still have a thing going on. seems to me that girl more important to him than you.

just think about it, if he really likes you he'll be committed to you full time. but it seems the other way round, he's still very much committed to the other girl. i'd ditch him if i were you
ukauka2020
post Jan 12 2020, 12:04 PM

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he doesnt need to severe all relationship with her. that just shows how controlling you are. and that will become a reason he use against you when theres arguments in the future. what he can and should do is reduce the time spent with her. and involve you with all the interactions they may have.
loki
post Jan 12 2020, 12:09 PM

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QUOTE(Le8055 @ Jan 4 2020, 02:39 PM)
If he wanted to be with her he won't be with you, reign in your own insecurities.
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thats easy for you to say. Maybe she rejected him but he still going for it. Maybe ts is just a temporary floater until he suceeds.
bristlebb
post Jan 14 2020, 11:22 AM

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i have one

but we are merely friend, we knew each other since primary school, and i do not have many friend anyway.
hummels
post Jan 14 2020, 11:36 AM

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I have never had a best friend which is a girl, because I will end up sleeping with her.
Grevil
post Jan 14 2020, 11:59 AM

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u also find a "male best friend", see how he react.
oh sry, i thought is /k
sweet_pez
post Jan 14 2020, 02:11 PM

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QUOTE(cherrypi @ Jan 4 2020, 05:33 AM)
My current bf has a female best friend that they talk on the phone consistently and they go out for movies sometimes.

I'm not sure if I can accept this but this female friend has been his friend since teenage years, means old friends. He used to like her a lot but they didn't end up together. Sometimes the girl likes to bring up their old times too.

I sense that my bf is very protective and fond of her, but he said he doesn't want to be in relationship with her coz it will never work out.

Anyone here with partner who has a different gender best friend? How do you all deal with it?
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TS, understand your concern and I agree with the below by littledevil085.

Your partner may or may not have fully let go of his feelings for her - it is something only he knows. And you too, know what needs to be done: communicate your feelings to him.

It's important to tell him how insecure this whole thing makes you feel. It's not asking him to "choose me or her now" but more of him being conscious of your feelings and putting you as the priority. Having spoken to him though, if his choice is clearly you, make sure there are changes and he's consistent about it.


QUOTE(littledevil085 @ Jan 4 2020, 07:11 PM)
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Zeus88
post Jan 14 2020, 05:29 PM

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Being a partner is to be someone's best companion, a best friend for each other. If he can find someone he felt more comfortable with and have better chemistry with (ie. more things to talk) it means that you may not be the right one for him. Talk to him nicely and reevaluate the situation. If he insist on being close with the girl meant that he cant let go of her. Try not to break their friendship tho. Good friends are hard to find but from your scenario it does seem to be a bit extreme.
McFD2R
post Jan 23 2020, 10:02 AM

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QUOTE(cherrypi @ Jan 4 2020, 05:33 AM)
My current bf has a female best friend that they talk on the phone consistently and they go out for movies sometimes.

I'm not sure if I can accept this but this female friend has been his friend since teenage years, means old friends. He used to like her a lot but they didn't end up together. Sometimes the girl likes to bring up their old times too.

I sense that my bf is very protective and fond of her, but he said he doesn't want to be in relationship with her coz it will never work out.

Anyone here with partner who has a different gender best friend? How do you all deal with it?
*
To deal with it is to be straight with him. Why do they go out for movies? Wouldn't he want to watch movies with you instead? If he prefers to spend time with her, then you know where you stand. And to consistently talk on the phone is a tell tale sign as well. Would he be able to accept if you always go for movies with a close male buddy and always talk on the phone?

Friends since teenage years, how old is he now? If he is in low 20s, they are not very old friends. I have girl friends whom I have known since I was form 4 back in 1990. And we still hang out after almost 30 years.

As many have suggested, talk to him. If he doesn't know where to draw the line on his own after the talk, then he isn't for you. And if he isn't willing to draw the line himself, it also means you are not important enough for him as well.
scoupe
post Jan 28 2020, 03:47 PM

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well, i have 2 best friends that are women. When i first met my current girlfriend i have told her bout these 2 girls and we all met up and makan makan. i do have guy friends too, but i am very close to these girls as well. in the beginning they didnt really talk much. Nowdays everyone is comfortable with everyone. My gf doesn't have issues when i hang out with any one of them. 1 of the girl is married with kids, i get along with the husband too. so no issues at all. everyone just has to be honest with everyone and trust your partner. My previous gf had a best friend whom is a guy. i too had no issues with them hanging out and etc. There is no point of caging your partner. talk to him, tell him your concerns and make space for them. Dont be too clingy and i hope it works out well for you.
nekokun
post Jan 31 2020, 11:34 AM

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QUOTE(cherrypi @ Jan 4 2020, 05:33 AM)
My current bf has a female best friend that they talk on the phone consistently and they go out for movies sometimes.

I'm not sure if I can accept this but this female friend has been his friend since teenage years, means old friends. He used to like her a lot but they didn't end up together. Sometimes the girl likes to bring up their old times too.

I sense that my bf is very protective and fond of her, but he said he doesn't want to be in relationship with her coz it will never work out.

Anyone here with partner who has a different gender best friend? How do you all deal with it?
*
Have you tried to get to know the BFF more? Not in an interrogative manner but more towards as an acquaintance?

This might allay some of your fears if you know the other person better and could possibly let you judge the situation better.

If this girl is merely a friend to your partner then I don't think there would be any objections from him.

 

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