QUOTE(BillCollector @ Dec 2 2019, 06:42 PM)
No physical punishments of any kind. You will be spending time in a Scandinavian jail if you so much as tap their hand.
Generally they are very free ranging, let the child play, have a good childhood experience and spend as much time as possible outdoors.
They do spend a lot of time with their children in the 1st year as they get very long maternity leave. Once the baby is a year old and till 6 years old sent to nursery where the state takes care of everything.
Disciplining, usually lots of explaining and reflecting as well as told to make amends.
Hmm... but it clearly did not work in your case. Your daughter seem to have a mind of her own even after you did your explanation. And probably this method didn't work because you and your wife couldn't spend as much time as a Scandinavian mother. And also because your wife is using Asian method while you are using western method. Both methods are totally different and your child can clearly see a difference.Generally they are very free ranging, let the child play, have a good childhood experience and spend as much time as possible outdoors.
They do spend a lot of time with their children in the 1st year as they get very long maternity leave. Once the baby is a year old and till 6 years old sent to nursery where the state takes care of everything.
Disciplining, usually lots of explaining and reflecting as well as told to make amends.
No one starts from being a bad person. All crimes/misbehaviour starts from small issues. You had probably ignored all the small mischief that she did in her past and "let her behave like a child". She had too much freedom and therefore not knowing what discipline is other than a rotan. And from the latest case you didn't seem to take any action on her calling racial slurs to her mom???
You and your wife need to work out a parenting plan whereby both need to comply. And yes, like one of the members had mentioned, the child doesn't receive much love so the relationship becomes more bitter as she receive every stroke from the mother.
Did you try explain to your daughter that the mother is currently pregnant and could have mood swings? Try asking her to be more polite to the mother during the pregnancy period. And at the same time, hide the rotan from the mother. Try asking her to leave the discipline part for you to handle while she focus on the baby. Anything that needs to be discipline just ask her to give you an eye, or call you to handle. Ask her to focus solely on the baby.
Actually I believe when a child have a "war" with the parent, the parent will always have the upper hand if they play their cards correctly. Because the child is not independent to feed/live by itself (hehehe). You just need to know what your child fears of the most. For my friend's son, it is fear of going on stage. One day, he was playing on the stage before church service and he should be there because there are musical instruments. The mom told him that she will put him on stage when the service starts. Since he doesn't like to go on stage, he quickly come down from it.
So anyway, does your daughter still has her privileges around her after she misbehaved? (Phone, ps4...) If yes then there is a big problem. Because she still able to have her normal routine after she did wrong (name calling, not listening...) and she will think that there is NO NEED TO LISTEN. Because she still has her iphone. And when you are going to confiscate the items for misbehaving, be firm and comply to it (eg: no phones for 1 week if the daughter says any racial slurs).
And when everyone has a better mood, take them to somewhere fun and relaxing. The house has too much tension already.
This post has been edited by fearless_kiki: Dec 2 2019, 07:35 PM