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 My Family Drama, Drama between my wife and my mom

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TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 11:48 AM, updated 5y ago

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as per title, dun want to talk more, juz want advices....I juz married for 3 months now, but already many things already happen, argument is normal between me and my wife, I can still take the heat and be patience....lately the problem starts when my wife spends time with my mom....

My wife is super sensitive, always see the negative rather than the positive side...now she always says my mom is cruel etc to her but from my point of view its a small matter, like my mom went eating but doesnt invite her or like go shopping but doesnt ask her what she likes/loves....juz small matters lah, but she makes it like a big deal...always complaining to me about how bad my mom is, but to me my mom is always like that....so now im stuck....what should I do? sweat.gif sweat.gif

Should I told my mom that my wife has issues with her?? Should I tell my wife to just deal with it?? Every action I make has consequences sweat.gif sweat.gif

REALLY NEEED ADVICE ON THISS icon_question.gif icon_question.gif icon_question.gif icon_question.gif icon_question.gif icon_question.gif

This post has been edited by syusham431: Nov 20 2019, 12:50 PM
mini orchard
post Nov 20 2019, 11:52 AM

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No offence...

I think ktards have not even digest this

https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4864549

Now yours.

Will post later for some tips. Going lunch now. With a heavy stomach, should come out with something.

This post has been edited by mini orchard: Nov 20 2019, 11:53 AM
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 11:53 AM

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QUOTE(mini orchard @ Nov 20 2019, 11:52 AM)
No offence...

I think ktards have not even digest this

https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4864549

Now yours.

Will post later for some tips.
*
Ohhh myy sweat.gif sweat.gif sweat.gif

Please... icon_question.gif icon_question.gif Im stuck... icon_question.gif icon_question.gif
mini orchard
post Nov 20 2019, 11:55 AM

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QUOTE(syusham431 @ Nov 20 2019, 11:53 AM)
Ohhh myy  sweat.gif  sweat.gif  sweat.gif

Please... icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  Im stuck... icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif
*
Ktards are nice people. They will help.
nebula87
post Nov 20 2019, 11:57 AM

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QUOTE(syusham431 @ Nov 20 2019, 11:48 AM)
as per title, dun want to talk more, juz want advices....I juz married for 3 months now, but already many things already happen, argument is normal between me and my wife, I can still take the heat and be patience....lately the problem starts when my wife spends time with my mom....

My wife is super sensitive, always see the negative rather than the positive side...now she always says my mom is cruel etc to her but from my point of view its a small matter, like my mom went eating but doesnt invite her or like go shopping but doesnt ask her what she likes/loves....juz small matters lah, but she makes it like a big deal...always complaining to me about how bad my mom is, but to me my mom is always like that....so now im stuck....what should I do?  sweat.gif  sweat.gif

Should I told my mom that my wife has issues with her?? Should I tell my wife to just deal with it?? Every action I make has consequences  sweat.gif  sweat.gif

REALLY NEEED ADVICE ON THISS  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif
*
Small issue only you also making that like a big deal.

You should go and ask your mom, whether can ajak your wife next time when going for lunch or etc.

If your mom said no and will always go alone, then you should let your wife know that. AND you should have told your wife before you both get married!

And for your wife, ask her be matured abit, not invite her go eat is cruel? she 18 y.o?
veera.offl
post Nov 20 2019, 11:59 AM

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QUOTE(syusham431 @ Nov 20 2019, 11:48 AM)
as per title, dun want to talk more, juz want advices....I juz married for 3 months now, but already many things already happen, argument is normal between me and my wife, I can still take the heat and be patience....lately the problem starts when my wife spends time with my mom....

My wife is super sensitive, always see the negative rather than the positive side...now she always says my mom is cruel etc to her but from my point of view its a small matter, like my mom went eating but doesnt invite her or like go shopping but doesnt ask her what she likes/loves....juz small matters lah, but she makes it like a big deal...always complaining to me about how bad my mom is, but to me my mom is always like that....so now im stuck....what should I do?  sweat.gif  sweat.gif

Should I told my mom that my wife has issues with her?? Should I tell my wife to just deal with it?? Every action I make has consequences  sweat.gif  sweat.gif

REALLY NEEED ADVICE ON THISS  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif  icon_question.gif
*
bro, make it simple.. you need to be firm on this matter or else u cant be happy forever.... tell to your wife this is your mom choice either want invite or buy things for you..
ask your wife to focus on your marriage life.. rather than focus on MIL. if you not strong enough on this issue..u will gone.. FIRM FIRM FIRM! answer should be firm to your wife... if anything she wan. u buy for her or she biuy... complain is come when they are free too much.. make her busy ...then you save..
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:00 PM

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QUOTE(nebula87 @ Nov 20 2019, 11:57 AM)
Small issue only you also making that like a big deal.

You should go and ask your mom, whether can ajak your wife next time when going for lunch or etc.

If your mom said no and will always go alone, then you should let your wife know that. AND you should have told your wife before you both get married!

And for your wife, ask her be matured abit, not invite her go eat is cruel? she 18 y.o?
*
Agree, already told her that my mom is always like that but she still cant accept one, sometimes she cried like crazy liao, I also feel bad, she said she is super sensitive sweat.gif sweat.gif I thought maybe its her hormone...and now my mom fedup already, and buat bodo jew.. sweat.gif sweat.gif what should I do?/ sweat.gif icon_question.gif
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:03 PM

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QUOTE(veera.offl @ Nov 20 2019, 11:59 AM)
bro, make it simple.. you need to be firm on this matter or else u cant be happy forever.... tell to your wife this is your mom choice either want invite or buy things for you..
ask your wife to focus on your marriage life.. rather than focus on MIL.  if you not strong enough on this issue..u will gone..  FIRM FIRM FIRM! answer should be firm to your wife... if anything she wan. u buy for her or she biuy... complain is come when they are free too much.. make her busy ...then you save..
*
Im well aware of that, my wife is working and now whether I bring a topic about my mom, she says dun want to think about my mum and keep working like crazy....now I cant even brought up any topic about my mom, she will bursting in rage....as a husband I feel sad...I dun want to break up over this icon_question.gif sweat.gif
Dark8870
post Nov 20 2019, 12:04 PM

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QUOTE(nebula87 @ Nov 20 2019, 11:57 AM)
And for your wife, ask her be matured abit, not invite her go eat is cruel? she 18 y.o?
*
This!

If want to go along, cannot open own mouth and ask to go along? Must send out invitation card, isit?
TS, I'm assuming you, your mother and wife are under the same roof. Next time, should you move out to a place just for you and your wife alone, most likely you will pick on all your tiny faults, since your mother not there.
veera.offl
post Nov 20 2019, 12:06 PM

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QUOTE(syusham431 @ Nov 20 2019, 12:03 PM)
Im well aware of that, my wife is working and now whether I bring a topic about my mom, she says dun want to think about my mum and keep working like crazy....now I cant even brought up any topic about my mom, she will bursting in rage....as a husband I feel sad...I dun want to break up over this  icon_question.gif  sweat.gif
*
bro, dont talk about your mom to her simple.. everything time will heal..just 3 months give time to your wife. u become strong first dont emo over small issue2.. if she know that you are weak on your mom issue than that will be advantage for her to make u weak.. be strong.. and talk more and discuss more on other things.. when time come everything will solve slowly.
Boss262
post Nov 20 2019, 12:06 PM

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3 months only still learning curve, you stay with parent eventhough already merrid? should had stay outside la bila kahwin.
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:08 PM

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QUOTE(Dark8870 @ Nov 20 2019, 12:04 PM)
This!

If want to go along, cannot open own mouth and ask to go along? Must send out invitation card, isit?
TS, I'm assuming you, your mother and wife are under the same roof. Next time, should you move out to a place just for you and your wife alone, most likely you will pick on all your tiny faults, since your mother not there.
*
YES! TRUE AF! im living alone with my wife and the issues rises when my mom come and have a sleepoverr...and yes she always picks up the small details and complain, about me also...but I still can take it....but my mum I just cant accept...I love my mom, my mum is a single mother so u guys can go figure....I dun want to end my marriage over this... cry.gif cry.gif icon_question.gif icon_question.gif
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:13 PM

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QUOTE(veera.offl @ Nov 20 2019, 12:06 PM)
bro, dont talk about your mom to her simple.. everything time will heal..just 3 months give time to your wife. u become strong first dont emo over small issue2.. if she know that you are weak on your mom issue than that will be advantage for her to make u weak.. be strong.. and talk more and discuss more on other things.. when time come everything will solve slowly.
*
so ur advice I just be cool and just follow the flow?? hmm.gif hmm.gif hmm.gif and let time decide to heal?? hmm.gif
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:14 PM

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QUOTE(Boss262 @ Nov 20 2019, 12:06 PM)
3 months only still learning curve, you stay with parent eventhough already merrid?  should had stay outside la bila kahwin.
*
Correction, Im livin alone with my wife, just ocassionally my mom will come and stay with us... innocent.gif
kl920930
post Nov 20 2019, 12:15 PM

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all these problems were not evident before both of you got married?

I assume both of you are only staying in together after marriage and not before right?
NoNameSake
post Nov 20 2019, 12:17 PM

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first of all, u must take control on the situation, u must be the middle man between ur mom and wife.
try to explain to her how your mom pro and cons, u must know that ur wife never knew ur mom very well, so it's up to you to let her know. if u not dealt with it now, sooner or later the problem will grow bigger and bigger until one day ur wife will burst onto ur mom. and that time it's too late.


TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:24 PM

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QUOTE(NoNameSake @ Nov 20 2019, 12:17 PM)
first of all, u must take control on the situation, u must be the middle man between ur mom and wife.
try to explain to her how your mom pro and cons, u must know that ur wife never knew ur mom very well, so it's up to you to let her know. if u not dealt with it now, sooner or later the problem will grow bigger and bigger until one day ur wife will burst onto ur mom. and that time it's too late.
*
I already told my wife all about my mum yesterday...and she keeps hating her and cant accept....as a husband Im really sad to see my beloved wife talks bad about my mum.....So now I just endure sad.gif
TSsyusham431
post Nov 20 2019, 12:25 PM

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QUOTE(kl920930 @ Nov 20 2019, 12:15 PM)
all these problems were not evident before both of you got married?

I assume both of you are only staying in together after marriage and not before right?
*
Yes because Im a muslim so you get the gist right biggrin.gif tongue.gif
mini orchard
post Nov 20 2019, 12:33 PM

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Bro, can change your title. Very confusing with the other one. After reply salah.
AmIRight?
post Nov 20 2019, 12:33 PM

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Your mother is orang tua. Your wife should respect your mom.
Small issues for man, but for woman it is normal small issue become big issue.
My advise is tell your wife to layan her mother in law as tetamu. Eg: she cook for your mom if can,invite her to watch tv together etc.
If you think difficult,you become middle man.your wife cook,you invite your mom to eat together.

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