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 Marriage Life with Kids and baby

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TSSnoopylover P
post Jul 16 2019, 05:53 PM, updated 5y ago

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Hi everyone,

I am married with kids
Just realize after kids enter our life.. marriage life is just about responsibilities..
Sometimes all attention are just kids and no time/energy for intimacy..
The great things are we feel the joy that kids bring to us..

I wonder after kids has grown up, me and wife will still have the lovey dovey moment like we used to back then or the feeling will fade off..

Appreciate you guys to share your experience and opinions are welcomed ..
smile.gif
andrekua2
post Jul 17 2019, 07:47 AM

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Do you really need a new account just for this? Is your other half on LYN forum too? Hahahaha........


Honestly, just be frank about it. Discuss about it with her. Parents nowadays are getting too hyped up about children well-being and education. My wife was like that at one point too. It can be frustrating for both parents and kids.

If you want the romance last then you should start doing something about it. Take some time off on weekends to relax or release the stress with the family.
SUSPitiuran
post Jul 17 2019, 08:21 AM

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Cannot have 5 min intimacy per day ?
Just watsapp a flower to wife
Morning wake up give a kiss to cheek to wife
Before she wake up help her make breakfast
Ask your parents to take care of baby while you take wife out for 1 night romance dinner
Order bouquet flower from internet and deliver

So hard meh ?

Yeah I know it’s tiring because of baby cry middle orbit then tired go to work

This post has been edited by Pitiuran: Jul 17 2019, 08:22 AM
blackpink
post Jul 17 2019, 11:42 AM

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will do quickie when children taking a noon nap during weekend.
cc980024
post Jul 17 2019, 12:00 PM

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We have a 12yrs old son. For me, when child growing up.. the more personal time we have and relationship gets more and more intimate.

Probably for us, this child is a "bonus" that we never plan. So the 1st priority still falls on spouse. And I have a marvellous mom who actually told me "Must not cut your hair for confinement, must wear nicely during confinement, etc". My mom was the one remind me that don't let your husband see you as a mother of his child, he need to forever see you a gf. Same for me, see him as a bf. When you see your spouse as bf/gf, your expectation lower and whatever stuff that he/she do for you/family, you will feel blessed and touched instead of feeling that is a responsibility.

We consistently have annual honeymoon since the year we have this kid. And when he grow up bout 4yrs old.. we have 1 annual honeymoon (2 pax) and 1 annual family trip (3pax).

Encourage each other to dress up when going out. I know many couple start to get relax especially women. Don't stop the same mood of gf/bf dating. Husband, driving time.. if situation allow.. on and off put your hand on her hand, sapu sapu her hair.. all this sweet.
TSSnoopylover P
post Jul 17 2019, 06:05 PM

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QUOTE(andrekua2 @ Jul 17 2019, 07:47 AM)
Do you really need a new account just for this? Is your other half on LYN forum too? Hahahaha........
Honestly, just be frank about it. Discuss about it with her. Parents nowadays are getting too hyped up about children well-being and education. My wife was like that at one point too. It can be frustrating for both parents and kids.

If you want the romance last then you should start doing something about it. Take some time off on weekends to relax or release the stress with the family.
*
TSSnoopylover P
post Jul 17 2019, 06:07 PM

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Think should start planning about it once more settle down with kids..
TSSnoopylover P
post Jul 17 2019, 06:09 PM

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QUOTE(blackpink @ Jul 17 2019, 11:42 AM)
will do quickie when children taking a noon nap during weekend.
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She also tired after making them sleep and she has no mood for that..
andrekua2
post Jul 17 2019, 06:14 PM

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QUOTE(Snoopylover @ Jul 17 2019, 06:09 PM)
She also tired after making them sleep and she has no mood for that..
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If you want something then you'll need to work for it. Help with the chores so that she has less to do, like doing the laundry or house cleanup. Boil fresh water everyday instead of waiting for her to do it. If you free up her time then you'll have more of her time.
TSSnoopylover P
post Jul 19 2019, 10:47 AM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ Jul 17 2019, 12:00 PM)
We have a 12yrs old son. For me, when child growing up.. the more personal time we have and relationship gets more and more intimate.

Probably for us, this child is a "bonus" that we never plan. So the 1st priority still falls on spouse. And I have a marvellous mom who actually told me "Must not cut your hair for confinement, must wear nicely during confinement, etc". My mom was the one remind me that don't let your husband see you as a mother of his child, he need to forever see you a gf. Same for me, see him as a bf. When you see your spouse as bf/gf, your expectation lower and whatever stuff that he/she do for you/family, you will feel blessed and touched instead of feeling that is a responsibility.

We consistently have annual honeymoon since the year we have this kid. And when he grow up bout 4yrs old.. we have 1 annual honeymoon (2 pax) and 1 annual family trip (3pax).

Encourage each other to dress up when going out. I know many couple start to get relax especially women. Don't stop the same mood of gf/bf dating. Husband, driving time.. if situation allow.. on and off put your hand on her hand, sapu sapu her hair.. all this sweet.
*
Yea, maybe things getting better when our kids grown up a bit.
We did do all the sweet gestures but just that when we are on our 'free time' either we are down to sleep or we are busy with our own stuff cause we have to use their nap time to rest or settle our household chores.

TSSnoopylover P
post Jul 19 2019, 10:51 AM

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QUOTE(andrekua2 @ Jul 17 2019, 06:14 PM)
If you want something then you'll need to work for it. Help with the chores so that she has less to do, like doing the laundry or house cleanup. Boil fresh water everyday instead of waiting for her to do it. If you free up her time then you'll have more of her time.
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In fact I did help out on those and when I did that.. she went for nap and fell asleep already.
beebee1314
post Jul 21 2019, 10:59 PM

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QUOTE(Snoopylover @ Jul 16 2019, 05:53 PM)
Hi everyone,

I am married with kids
Just realize after kids enter our life.. marriage life is just about responsibilities..
Sometimes all attention are just kids and no time/energy for intimacy..
The great things are we feel the joy that kids bring to us..

I wonder after kids has grown up, me and wife will still have the lovey dovey moment like we used to back then or the feeling will fade off..

Appreciate you guys to share your experience and opinions are welcomed ..
  smile.gif
*
Confirm bo, or u don't have enuf pattern? Every morning wake up, kiss kiss hug hug touch touch for 10 mins. When wife in kitchen cooking and children studying, u can curi hug your wife from behind and smell her. Normal time buy a stalk of rose for her. Abo together throw clothes into washing machine and curi notty by the washing machine when your child is in his room. Why not? Woi u can do a lot of thgs leh.

U tot intimate means moan loudly in the room, or have sex on the couch or go watch movies in cinema meh? U can do a lot of intimate things within 5 mins. See u wan or not only.
McFD2R
post Jul 25 2019, 05:54 PM

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QUOTE(beebee1314 @ Jul 21 2019, 10:59 PM)
Confirm bo, or u don't have enuf pattern? Every morning wake up, kiss kiss hug hug touch touch for 10 mins. When wife in kitchen cooking and children studying, u can curi hug your wife from behind and smell her. Normal time buy a stalk of rose for her. Abo together throw clothes into washing machine and curi notty by the washing machine when your child is in his room. Why not? Woi u can do a lot of thgs leh.

U tot intimate means moan loudly in the room, or have sex on the couch or go watch movies in cinema meh? U can do a lot of intimate things within 5 mins. See u wan or not only.
*
And not just that. As a partner, you not only owe it to your spouse, but also to yourself to keep yourself looking healthy and good. As much as she loves him, she may get turned off if your belly keeps growing bigger than her 9th month pregnancy. Or when going out, you don't think it's necessary to dress to impress, like you did during your courting years. Remember, it's about you. You focus on you. If she becomes fat and you lose interest, at least it's not your fault. If she don't want to impress you with nice dresses to turn you on, that's on her. Just be sure to do your part.

Responsibility in a marriage comes in many forms; financial, children, in-laws, career .... many forget their responsibility is also to be the very person they fell in love to begin with. Yes, people change. But you can be a responsible parent, yet do all that she loved before your marriage.

Basically, what TS had done to court her then, he has to continue. Not, "sudah menang, cukup lah".
cc980024
post Jul 26 2019, 08:48 AM

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QUOTE(McFD2R @ Jul 25 2019, 05:54 PM)
And not just that. As a partner, you not only owe it to your spouse, but also to yourself to keep yourself looking healthy and good. As much as she loves him, she may get turned off if your belly keeps growing bigger than her 9th month pregnancy. Or when going out, you don't think it's necessary to dress to impress, like you did during your courting years. Remember, it's about you. You focus on you. If she becomes fat and you lose interest, at least it's not your fault. If she don't want to impress you with nice dresses to turn you on, that's on her. Just be sure to do your part.

Responsibility in a marriage comes in many forms; financial, children, in-laws, career .... many forget their responsibility is also to be the very person they fell in love to begin with. Yes, people change. But you can be a responsible parent, yet do all that she loved before your marriage.

Basically, what TS had done to court her then, he has to continue. Not, "sudah menang, cukup lah".
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Totally agree.

I date my hubby since uni time.. and those days never apply make up, dress comfortably (don't care nice or not)... feel happily cincai. Due to young and fit, no matter how you dress up still looks good.
But after have baby.. I dress up so that my hubby won't see me an aunty.
And now my child grown up a teenager, I dress up and groom myself to be a modern mom. I want him to feel proud of having a good looking mother. My colleagues (all aunties) say they don't think their kids will be bother by how mother's look. But I tell you, no kids will complaint own mother ugly.. but they will definitely envy their friend's mother looks more attractive then theirs.

And of coz, my hubby dress up too.. giving each other fresh good look everyday.
jeromelee1
post Aug 16 2019, 08:53 PM

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QUOTE(Snoopylover @ Jul 16 2019, 05:53 PM)
Hi everyone,

I am married with kids
Just realize after kids enter our life.. marriage life is just about responsibilities..
Sometimes all attention are just kids and no time/energy for intimacy..
The great things are we feel the joy that kids bring to us..

I wonder after kids has grown up, me and wife will still have the lovey dovey moment like we used to back then or the feeling will fade off..

Appreciate you guys to share your experience and opinions are welcomed ..
  smile.gif
*
Bro,

Yes the kids will take all the center of attraction and attention. The real test of love is marriage with kids.

We just have to keep each other interesting like learning a new hobby, cooking and a short getaway from the kids and parents.

Sometimes it is so routine that you feel you are in the robotic world.
ukauka2020
post Aug 19 2019, 05:27 PM

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QUOTE(Snoopylover @ Jul 16 2019, 05:53 PM)
Hi everyone,

I am married with kids
Just realize after kids enter our life.. marriage life is just about responsibilities..
Sometimes all attention are just kids and no time/energy for intimacy..
The great things are we feel the joy that kids bring to us..

I wonder after kids has grown up, me and wife will still have the lovey dovey moment like we used to back then or the feeling will fade off..

Appreciate you guys to share your experience and opinions are welcomed ..
  smile.gif
*
you realised only after marrying and having kids?!?! biggrin.gif
SUSBillCollector
post Aug 20 2019, 01:46 AM

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QUOTE(Snoopylover @ Jul 16 2019, 05:53 PM)
Hi everyone,

I am married with kids
Just realize after kids enter our life.. marriage life is just about responsibilities..
Sometimes all attention are just kids and no time/energy for intimacy..
The great things are we feel the joy that kids bring to us..

I wonder after kids has grown up, me and wife will still have the lovey dovey moment like we used to back then or the feeling will fade off..

Appreciate you guys to share your experience and opinions are welcomed ..
  smile.gif
*
In order for a marriage to work it does need some effort on both parties.

Arrange your time and learn to prioritize.

When I was married to the ex-wife I always thought yeah one day the children will grow up and there won't be any thing between us, well that marriage was over before the children were grown up. I guess part of it was my fault too but thinking back of when the times were good and yes there were indeed times when the relationship was excellent.

It was when our eldest was 3 years old, she was one of those very active kids, she could turn on her belly at 4 months and on the 5th month she could roll onto her back again. She could walk when she could stand up at 7 months old and by her 9th month she could walk or at least cruise the furniture, to put it mildly she had it in her to drain every bit of both of our energies without even trying. We didn't have a confinement lady, she had a cesarean birth and it was just us and our 2 pairs of hands.

I told her we should practice less is more. Cleanliness of the house? It didn't need to be 100% spotless every time. We kept clutter to a minimum and cooked enough to get by. She had 6 months off work 2 months paid and 4 months unpaid.

It worked, when she returned to work we sent the LO to a child minder that lived 4 doors away.

Practice a 30 minute a day ritual, that means when you come home 30 minutes you will rest and spend time with each other. 30 minutes do 1 or 2 household chores or errands, 30 minutes 1 of you prepare meal and the one that prepared the meal gets a break from doing the dishes. Try to share looking after the baby 3 nites per week, then 2 nites per week let the other one have a break.

1 nite per week try to go out on your own. 1 nite per week bring the baby out of the house so she could have some "me time"

Try to get to bed as early as possible. Each nite before she sleeps rub and massage her neck and shoulders. Doesn't need to be professional grade massage just a quick rub between 3-5 minutes and ask her where else is aching. If she says it is her feet that is aching then give her feet a quick rub. Make sure she doesn't feel you are doing it just to get into her pants which you shouldn't be doing.

She will be wanting it soon enough because she knows you care and appreciate her.

On both times she started asking for it before the baby had her and his "Full Moon" party.

Unfortunately after the 2nd one there were too many other battles going on that it just didn't work out and we divorced soon after.



cc980024
post Aug 20 2019, 09:17 AM

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Always remember, we got married is because of love. Not because of want kids. Kids come in 3rd (consider as supplementary and optional).

When you want child #1, because you love each other and want to have a production that both of you share. Fair... but always remember be thankful to your spouse.. pamper each other before pamper the kid. Spouse always team up to tackle the kid. Not casting the spouse aside claiming that single attention to kid (hubby/wife pls wait).

When you consider child #2, ask yourself what is the reason for this?
a) Is this for him (want a son because #1 is a daughter)? (sorry to say this because I've got many single child family who dare to loudly say tutup kedai where the only child is boy, while those with first child girl doesn't seem to confirm tutup kedai)
b) Or is it because to get a companion for #1?

The (a) and (b) is not your own "wants". So really don't have to, unless you are very sure you can handle the hectic lifestyle that can risk your marriage. I have got many friend give me reason (b), where now they can't even put enough attention to spouse and any of the kids.. using h/p to tackle the kids from disturbing.. which then lead to behavioural and studies problem .. that make both husband and wife even more stressful now.
cfa28
post Aug 20 2019, 11:46 AM

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As a married man with 2 kids, I will say and will advise all guys out there

If you have no intention of having children, don't get married....at least not in the legal sense of registering your marriage.

Why cos when you want to get out of the relationship which eventually many men will want to.. You have to surrender half of your fortune.

Just look for someone who shares your views and be upfront about it.

No kids

No marriage

Just be together until the party ends or the music stops

But of course the women will disagree..
But I have seen many marriages with no kids eventually failing after 10 years of seeing the same face and same routine

Who loses is of course the men.

Lose your house and half of your bank account is no joke.

blabla232
post Aug 20 2019, 12:09 PM

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I have a small experience with this by observing my parents. I would consider myself blessed because in a family of 6, I thought we were a very good family that usually spent time together and had genuine fun moments. Things only got pretty bad when I was in Pre-U.

Back then when couples would come to interview my parents as part of their pre-marriage counselling requirement, my parents would say that the kids (my siblings and I) were the most important part of their marriage and I used to 'aww' at that. But that was actually a contributing factor to their many arguments.

Like what the others have mentioned, my parents didn't get married because of the kids. They actually got married because of their love for each other but somewhere down the line, they lost sight of this. What made their marriage strong at first were the dates, learning about each other, talking, but it was soon overwhelmed by responsibilities, planning holiday trips for the sake of it, career, and taking care of kids.

So if there's anything to take from this, it's to remember that the centre of your marriage isn't your kids, but you both. Hope it helps. smile.gif

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