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 Should I Leave My Wife?

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Zhik
post Jun 22 2019, 08:08 AM

eeerrrmmmnnn, stupidity has no limit?
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I have once in your shoe before, but not to the extend of marriage.
and my advice is let her go....
U might be alone for quite some time after that.

TSPidas P
post Jun 22 2019, 08:57 AM

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QUOTE(tipuism @ Jun 21 2019, 11:15 PM)
I don't quite understand why you feel you need to divorce your wife if you have no ill feelings towards her.
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Yes, I have no ill feelings toward her. But, it doesn't feel right to make her stay in a marriage where she isn't loved how she deserved to be loved.

QUOTE(tipuism @ Jun 21 2019, 11:15 PM)
Can I tell you that marriage is not all about romantic feelings? Much of the time it is just grinding it out day after day when you have disagreements or just don't feel anything.
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I don't even find this marriage to be a chore or burden. I'm happy with her companionship. But I feel bad for denying her of physical intimacy that she wants. If anything, she's the one who's currently hurting, yet still endure it day by day. I don't want that to continue.

QUOTE(tipuism @ Jun 21 2019, 11:15 PM)
Perhaps a heart to heart talk with your wife is what you need. Why not take time, a couple of days off work, have a staycation somewhere away from home and just talk it out.
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We've had a talk last night. It breaks my heart just as much as it breaks hers. She still loves me and prefers we stay together, in hope that my feelings to her reignited somehow. Thing is, we've been going through this "let's give it another try" cycle over and over again. Including the time when I said I want to call off the engagement, yet after some time I decided to give it another try (refer to post #3). If now I agree to give another try, I afraid the same conversation will just happen again in the future. By that time, I would've wasted even more of her time.

As for me, it breaks my heart knowing how things will change after this. No one will greet me after I came back from work anymore, with foods already prepared on the table. No one to talk with on the bed before we go to sleep. No one to watch movie/tv together on the weekends.
Daddy2be
post Jun 22 2019, 09:20 AM

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QUOTE(Pidas @ Jun 22 2019, 08:57 AM)
Yes, I have no ill feelings toward her. But, it doesn't feel right to make her stay in a marriage where she isn't loved how she deserved to be loved.
I don't even find this marriage to be a chore or burden. I'm happy with her companionship. But I feel bad for denying her of physical intimacy that she wants. If anything, she's the one who's currently hurting, yet still endure it day by day. I don't want that to continue.
We've had a talk last night. It breaks my heart just as much as it breaks hers. She still loves me and prefers we stay together, in hope that my feelings to her reignited somehow. Thing is, we've been going through this "let's give it another try" cycle over and over again. Including the time when I said I want to call off the engagement, yet after some time I decided to give it another try (refer to post #3). If now I agree to give another try, I afraid the same conversation will just happen again in the future. By that time, I would've wasted even more of her time.

As for me, it breaks my heart knowing how things will change after this. No one will greet me after I came back from work anymore, with foods already prepared on the table. No one to talk with on the bed before we go to sleep. No one to watch movie/tv together on the weekends.
*
This is about you but every other word that came out of your mouth seems to be you pushing the blame to your wife. That you're thinking about this for her own good. Who the fuck are you trying to kid ? If you have her absolute best interest at heart you would've spent your time working on your marriage, making sacrifices for her sake but no, you're just here to convince and dilute the guilt inside you to do what's in YOUR OWN BEST INTEREST.

You're just a coward coming here to gather "courage" from stupid people who egg you on to leave your wife.
yom@m@
post Jun 22 2019, 09:25 AM

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Wow what a selfish B*stard you are! All you think/care about is "ME! ME! ME!".
tipuism
post Jun 22 2019, 10:08 AM

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QUOTE(Pidas @ Jun 22 2019, 08:57 AM)
Yes, I have no ill feelings toward her. But, it doesn't feel right to make her stay in a marriage where she isn't loved how she deserved to be loved.
I don't even find this marriage to be a chore or burden. I'm happy with her companionship. But I feel bad for denying her of physical intimacy that she wants. If anything, she's the one who's currently hurting, yet still endure it day by day. I don't want that to continue.
We've had a talk last night. It breaks my heart just as much as it breaks hers. She still loves me and prefers we stay together, in hope that my feelings to her reignited somehow. Thing is, we've been going through this "let's give it another try" cycle over and over again. Including the time when I said I want to call off the engagement, yet after some time I decided to give it another try (refer to post #3). If now I agree to give another try, I afraid the same conversation will just happen again in the future. By that time, I would've wasted even more of her time.

As for me, it breaks my heart knowing how things will change after this. No one will greet me after I came back from work anymore, with foods already prepared on the table. No one to talk with on the bed before we go to sleep. No one to watch movie/tv together on the weekends.
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Yours is indeed a unique situation.

If there is really no third party and your wife is willing to give it another go, the reason of "wasting more of her time" is very weak, if it ever was a reason at all.

put your self in your wife's shoes.

she will be thinking you must have someone else in the background you are trying to get to and she is the obstacle.

but people are strange in all kinds of ways so what you say may really be the truth and you should be given the benefit of doubt.

in that case, staying with her will at least make one party happy rather than divorce which will make both parties unhappy.

what do you think?


TSPidas P
post Jun 22 2019, 10:53 AM

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[quote=tipuism,Jun 22 2019, 10:08 AM]
If there is really no third party and your wife is willing to give it another go, the reason of "wasting more of her time" is very weak, if it ever was a reason at all.
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If we are still on our 20's, I wouldn't mind trying for 1 or 2 more years. But she's 31 now, I want her to start over while it's still possible for her to find a new partner and bear children.

[quote=tipuism,Jun 22 2019, 10:08 AM]
put your self in your wife's shoes.

she will be thinking you must have someone else in the background you are trying to get to and she is the obstacle.
*

[/quote]
As mentioned before, we've been having this cycle since the engagement period. If I had that "someone else", I wouldn't have proceed with the marriage in the first place. If I had that "someone else", I would've left my wife 1 year ago instead of deprive her from the physical intimacy she longed for.
Find The Way
post Jun 22 2019, 10:57 AM

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TS, have u reach out to marriage counselor? I sincerely hope you won't give up by thinking "there is no need, I guess it won't help".

The reality is unlike what's projected in typical dramas and movies crafted for commercial purpose, romantic feeling will fade over time, that's just the nature. It happens to most, if not all relationships; This is not specific to your case, it's just norm. Of course, if want to make relationship less routine and more fresh, it requires conscious effort from both, Like what's commented by other forumers, marriage and love are not about romantic feel.

The loss of intimacy interest could potentially be resulted by skewed perception towards love. Since u didn't mention any other problem in your post (e.g. health, match in lifestyle expectation, communication), I assume the only thing that bothers u is fade of romantic feel.

In any case, all the best to u and ur wife.

This post has been edited by Find The Way: Jun 22 2019, 11:02 AM
TSPidas P
post Jun 22 2019, 11:07 AM

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QUOTE(Find The Way @ Jun 22 2019, 10:57 AM)
The reality is unlike what's projected in typical dramas and movies crafted for commercial purpose, romantic feeling will fade over time, that's just the nature. It happens to most, if not all relationships; This is not specific to your case, it's just norm.
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The problem is, the feeling was never that intense to begin with. I got married out of peer pressure from my parents, being the first child and them wanting grandkids.

I noticed the lack of sparks and tried to call off the engagement, but I give in and went ahead with the marriage anyway, thinking the circumstances might change later on. Unfortunately, it doesn't.
Find The Way
post Jun 22 2019, 11:22 AM

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QUOTE(Pidas @ Jun 22 2019, 11:07 AM)
...
I noticed the lack of sparks and tried to call off the engagement, but I give in and went ahead with the marriage anyway, thinking the circumstances might change later on. Unfortunately, it doesn't.
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I see.

If nothing sensitive, would you mind to share what efforts and actions have u and ur wife taken, aiming to achieve the change?
youngblood29us
post Jun 22 2019, 01:04 PM

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Please appreciate what you have TS i. e companionship, care etc .. Dont regret later..
Rascal Stitch
post Jun 22 2019, 03:49 PM

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QUOTE(ymc2303 @ Jun 21 2019, 05:26 AM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


by your first sentence, you once looked at her as a romantic partner than a dull partner now, isn't it?
what cause the change? or you feel she wasn't that attractive compared to your circle of friends?
tbh, better let her go than to drag and hurt her over time. if you don't see her as someone who you can have romantic feelings or someone to settle down, its better to go separate ways especially both of you have no kids.
*

wow,u still alive here? ?
hahahaa blush.gif

well,i'm very much agree wit u on tis to let it go n not to drag too long cuz wen got kids already kinda more troublesome later then~



QUOTE(pokchik @ Jun 21 2019, 05:44 PM)
wow.

kinda harsh, but it might just be the advice that TS need in the first place.

etiher those two above and probably TS is starting to come out of the closet.
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well,my fren~
welcome to the real world man~



QUOTE(jasonlim @ Jun 21 2019, 07:37 PM)
Right at the point👍
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u also still alive in here? ~

jasonlim
post Jun 22 2019, 03:52 PM

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QUOTE(Rascal Stitch @ Jun 22 2019, 03:49 PM)
wow,u still alive here? ?
hahahaa    blush.gif

well,i'm very much agree wit u on tis to let it go n not to drag too long cuz wen got kids already kinda more troublesome later then~
well,my fren~
welcome to the real world man~
u also still alive in here? ~
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Of course I m still alive lol
Rascal Stitch
post Jun 22 2019, 03:53 PM

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QUOTE(jasonlim @ Jun 22 2019, 04:52 PM)
Of course I m still alive lol
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i jus got back in here after missing in action for very long time~
RageWeaver
post Jun 22 2019, 04:15 PM

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Sometimes, when a person takes care of you well, and treat you very well, you can fall in love with that person even when at first you don't feel anything much.

From your story it seems your wife is a good wife and takes care of you, put some effort into falling in love with her like you newly met her.

Imagine you never met her before and you got a new GF that is staying with you, "reset your mind" . This is what "giving it another try" really means, it doesn't mean "postpose" things, like postponing a meetting.

The way you take it is "postponing", and not "giving it another try".

have sex with her again sometimes, if you really can't do it then use viagra at first and then slowly do it without the drug.

If you still failed to fall in love with her after much effort, then its time to go separate ways.


How do you think that some (olden days) people have arranged marriage and end up being in love more than people that had love before marriage? this is the trick, its because the other person is genuinely a good person, love can grow. Love is not something that is there or its not, most of the time it can grow and be sincere love from deep inside in the end.

This post has been edited by RageWeaver: Jun 22 2019, 04:17 PM
veron4best
post Jun 23 2019, 10:44 AM

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QUOTE(Pidas @ Jun 22 2019, 08:57 AM)
As for me, it breaks my heart knowing how things will change after this. No one will greet me after I came back from work anymore, with foods already prepared on the table. No one to talk with on the bed before we go to sleep. No one to watch movie/tv together on the weekends.
*
maybe u can consult some marriage counselor.

since in ur words, u still have her inside ur heart. whether intense or not it is still depends on both side efforts.

take some off, go to some trips. go to the basic of dating again.

marriage is not like dating phase. marriage is another phase of life, it is about taking up responsibility. this is where human gets mature.
McFD2R
post Jun 24 2019, 09:30 AM

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Don't be a pussy and says it being done out of pity. Are you afraid of what your family and friends will think? Afraid of being alone?

If you no longer have any love for her, you are doing her a favour by ending it. Let her be sad, she will eventually find someone else, someone who will appreciate her more. Someone who will give love/make love to her like you never could. Isn't that what you're saying? That you can't love her like she wants, can't be intimate with her.

So, just do it. You don't need the internet to sympathize with your plight. She will be better off without you. Don't play the pity card.
lockheed90
post Jun 24 2019, 03:39 PM

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You must remember that who knows that maybe someday she will be the one looking after for you when you are bed ridden. Marriage is not always about sex but to compliment each other. Your spouse is your friend until the end not just a sex partner.
SUSPitiuran
post Jun 24 2019, 06:09 PM

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Wow, if all TS think is about sex.

Then if another gal comes along, TS will get bored very fast.

TS really have poor concept of marriage.

You think its all about chemistry? Still thinking about that ? come one you not boyfriend girlfriend anymore.

Marriage is about both of you living as one.
Quazacolt
post Jun 25 2019, 10:32 AM

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QUOTE(Pidas @ Jun 20 2019, 09:50 PM)
I don't hate my wife, but neither do I have any romantic feeling left for her. I see her more as a friend instead of a lover now. To be honest, the feeling was never intense to begin with, it was just so-so. I married her more out of peer pressure from my parents. I admit, that was a mistake.

We've been married for around 2.5 years now, with no children. We haven't had sex for 1 year already. She wants it, but I just don't feel the sexual attraction anymore. I wish I could let her go so she could find someone better, but she gonna be 32 this year. I have no idea whether it would be easy or hard for her to find someone new. As for me, I wouldn't mind not getting married ever again. Maybe being single is what's best for me.

I think I should break this news to her, but it would break my heart to see her face when I do so. I think she still loves me, which is why I'm still staying with her out of pity. But is that even the right thing to do, to stay in the marriage out of pity, instead of love?
*
Talk to her, tell her everything.

And you both decide together.
Quazacolt
post Jun 25 2019, 10:33 AM

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QUOTE(McFD2R @ Jun 24 2019, 09:30 AM)
Don't be a pussy and says it being done out of pity.


So, just do it. You don't need the internet to sympathize with your plight. She will be better off without you. Don't play the pity card.
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Agreed on this.

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