I used to be this, blame god for all the bad things that happened to me, I mean I pray 5 times a day, ask him tirelessly, please make things better for me, but since everything goes bad to worst then I just stop it all, no longer pray, no longer ask him, just fvck it all no longer believe in everything my parents and guru mengaji tought me... people always say that when some one is given cubaan they will get closer to god or go murtad I guess I choose the latter....