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> Wife or Girlfriend? Need to select one (Advice Wanted)

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TSaugustus7898 P
post May 15 2019, 12:54 AM, updated 7 months ago

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Hi,

I am staying in KL from last 1 year.

Let me tell you my story from staring. I am from India. I was engaged to one girl in relative (Parent's choice). That time I was decided to marry with a parent's choice girl. I just wanted a girl that is caring, can teach kids, good care of parents. I engaged with her. After one month, she told me that she has a boyfriend and she don't want to hurt him. So she asked me to cancel mrg. She also don't want to do mrg with bf (bcz its against parents.) She just wants more time so that she can do break up with bf and can do arrange marriage peacefully. But as we already engaged, I suggest her that, I will wait for her. She can take her time. She is a normal and simple girl. Don't know anything. She don't know how to use later technologies and computer also. She is also not mature. I was upset about it. She doesn't have that I was looking for. And I was hoping that everything will be fine. I started waiting for her.

After around 6 months, she came into normal life and we started understanding each other. Before we come closer, I got a JOB offer in KL, Malaysia. It was a hard decison to make. bcz family panned for mrg within 1 year. but I came here.

After coming here, I learn what is life and how to live a happy life. I get into touch with a girl. She is from India but from the different cast. We came close and we both have same nature. We both understand each other. I feel complete with her. We came close and time was running fast we didn't know. My marriage date came close now. She wanted to do mrg with me from starting. I was also thinking about it. but for me, it was a hard decision, bcz I was engaged and marriage was decided. I found my soul, my 1st ever love and I coudnt do mrg.

I was very upset and making my heart strong I went india and did arrange marriage. After marriage, I spend 1 month in india. We were not close even after marriage and we did do any physical thing also, after mrg, till now. The reason is, She doesn't has a feeling about me I also dont have a feeling about it. She was tring to mix with my family.

After 1 month, I came back here for the job. I was very upset about everything. I was not happy, she is not happy. GF also not happy. I stuck in a difficult situation. Now I am getting feeling like I did mistake by doing marriage.

I don't know what to do now? My wife will come next month here. Should I leave my wife? (I am thinking that I can't make her happy) or should I leave my GF? (my soul).
TSaugustus7898 P
post May 15 2019, 01:03 AM

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Joined: May 2019
From: KL


Sorry for my bad english. I change few things.

- She was not that I was looking for.
- family planned for mrg
- I went to India
- We did not do any physical thing also

QUOTE(augustus7898 @ May 15 2019, 12:54 AM)
Hi,

I am staying in KL from last 1 year.

Let me tell you my story from staring. I am from India. I was engaged to one girl in relative (Parent's choice). That time I was decided to marry with a parent's choice girl. I just wanted a girl that is caring, can teach kids, good care of parents. I engaged with her. After one month, she told me that she has a boyfriend and she don't want to hurt him. So she asked me to cancel mrg. She also don't want to do mrg with bf (bcz its against parents.) She just wants more time so that she can do break up with bf and can do arrange marriage peacefully. But as we already engaged, I suggest her that, I will wait for her. She can take her time. She is a normal and simple girl. Don't know anything. She don't know how to use later technologies and computer also. She is also not mature. I was upset about it. She was not that I was looking for. And I was hoping that everything will be fine. I started waiting for her.

After around 6 months, she came into normal life and we started understanding each other. Before we come closer, I got a JOB offer in KL, Malaysia. It was a hard decison to make. bcz family planned for mrg within 1 year. but I came here.

After coming here, I learned what is life and how to live a happy life. I get into touch with a girl. She is from India but from the different cast. We came close and we both have same nature. We both understand each other. I feel complete with her. We came close and time was running fast we didn't know. My marriage date came close. She wanted to do mrg with me from starting. I was also thinking about it. but for me, it was a hard decision, bcz I was engaged and marriage was decided. I found my soul, my 1st ever love and I coudnt do mrg.

I was very upset and making my heart strong I went to India and did arrange marriage. After marriage, I spend 1 month in India. We were not close even after marriage and we did not do any physical thing also, after mrg, till now. The reason is,  She doesn't has a feeling about me I also dont have a feeling about it. She was tring to mix with my family.

After 1 month, I came back here for the job. I was very upset about everything. I was not happy, she is not happy. GF also not happy. I stuck in a difficult situation. Now I am getting feeling like I did mistake by doing marriage.

I don't know what to do now?  My wife will come next month here. Should I leave my wife? (I am thinking that I can't make her happy) or should I leave my GF? (my soul).
*
devil_x
post May 15 2019, 03:49 AM

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I would say, choose what you really want that makes you happy. but when you return to India and chose your arrange marriage, you have already made your choice.

realistically, what are you options? Are you able to marry your love? CAN you marry her?


Masculine
post May 15 2019, 07:22 AM

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You are from India where the way of life, faith are big different from most of us here.

Whatever you do, all I can say is be strong.

I have a number of Indian technicians working in my factory and reporting to me. Last year, one of them got into this kind of love and arrange married problem in India. His girlfriend was married away by the family.

To make story short, the technician committed suicide here in Malaysia. For us it is a big waste of life. There is so many option in life. But who are we to decide, since we don't really understand your way of life in India.

So stay strong. Life is precious
Chaud
post May 15 2019, 09:34 AM

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since you already moved here, why not just stay here and decide whatever you have here?
Aftermaths
post May 15 2019, 10:10 AM

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Based on logic:
- Not happy with marriage, get divorce. (Both side high possibly agreed)


Done, new gf is happy again.
shasit
post May 15 2019, 10:35 AM

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Choose what makes you happy.

You can choose to get a divorce and let your wife move on without you. What the use of being together when there is no feelings from both sides?

Once divorced, you can move on with your gf who makes you happy.
chenny99
post May 15 2019, 04:32 PM

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Yes I think the divorce will be amicable and may benefit you.
RViN
post May 15 2019, 04:37 PM

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Why did you even go back and go ahead with the arranged marriage in the first place?

Dude, have a spine. You're an adult capable of making your own decisions, but decided to do something you didn't want because "parents said so".

If that's the case and you can't think for yourself I'm having a hard time understanding how you're going to suddenly do something independent right now.

Might have screwed up the wife's life since divorce isn't looked upon kindly in India and she'll be marked as "broken goods", thanks to this spineless specimen. Also, was dowry part of the exchange?

If you want to make amends you have to sort things out and make sure she doesn't have to deal with your mistake.
mayonnaiseeeee
post May 15 2019, 04:50 PM

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QUOTE(RViN @ May 15 2019, 04:37 PM)
Why did you even go back and go ahead with the arranged marriage in the first place?

Dude, have a spine. You're an adult capable of making your own decisions, but decided to do something you didn't want because "parents said so".

If that's the case and you can't think for yourself I'm having a hard time understanding how you're going to suddenly do something independent right now.

Might have screwed up the wife's life since divorce isn't looked upon kindly in India and she'll be marked as "broken goods", thanks to this spineless specimen. Also, was dowry part of the exchange?

If you want to make amends you have to sort things out and make sure she doesn't have to deal with your mistake.
*
TS needs to seriously consider what RViN has said. Please.
prelude23
post May 16 2019, 03:32 PM

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I thought arranged marriage was something of the last generation but I'm surprised this sort of thing still happen now.

You have the courage to leave your family and work over here but yet you give in to this arrange marriage thing?

Arranged marriage is such an alien idea in Malaysia. Just so that we can understand better, did you accept the arranged marriage because:
-this is simply the tradition? everyone follows it?
-or you are a filial son and whatever my parents said i have to follow them?
-or you have past a certain age and you dont have a gf yet so your parents decided to take things into their hands themselves?

Seriously which one?
WaCKy-Angel
post May 16 2019, 03:39 PM

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From: KL




QUOTE(augustus7898 @ May 15 2019, 12:54 AM)
Hi,

I am staying in KL from last 1 year.

Let me tell you my story from staring. I am from India. I was engaged to one girl in relative (Parent's choice). That time I was decided to marry with a parent's choice girl. I just wanted a girl that is caring, can teach kids, good care of parents. I engaged with her. After one month, she told me that she has a boyfriend and she don't want to hurt him. So she asked me to cancel mrg. She also don't want to do mrg with bf (bcz its against parents.) She just wants more time so that she can do break up with bf and can do arrange marriage peacefully. But as we already engaged, I suggest her that, I will wait for her. She can take her time. She is a normal and simple girl. Don't know anything. She don't know how to use later technologies and computer also. She is also not mature. I was upset about it. She doesn't have that I was looking for. And I was hoping that everything will be fine. I started waiting for her.

After around 6 months, she came into normal life and we started understanding each other. Before we come closer, I got a JOB offer in KL, Malaysia. It was a hard decison to make. bcz family panned for mrg within 1 year. but I came here.

After coming here, I learn what is life and how to live a happy life. I get into touch with a girl. She is from India but from the different cast. We came close and we both have same nature. We both understand each other. I feel complete with her. We came close and time was running fast we didn't know. My marriage date came close now. She wanted to do mrg with me from starting. I was also thinking about it. but for me, it was a hard decision, bcz I was engaged and marriage was decided. I found my soul, my 1st ever love and I coudnt do mrg.

I was very upset and making my heart strong I went india and did arrange marriage. After marriage, I spend 1 month in india. We were not close even after marriage and we did do any physical thing also, after mrg, till now. The reason is,  She doesn't has a feeling about me I also dont have a feeling about it. She was tring to mix with my family.

After 1 month, I came back here for the job. I was very upset about everything. I was not happy, she is not happy. GF also not happy. I stuck in a difficult situation. Now I am getting feeling like I did mistake by doing marriage.

I don't know what to do now?  My wife will come next month here. Should I leave my wife? (I am thinking that I can't make her happy) or should I leave my GF? (my soul).
*
why not both?


If u can only choose one, then choose whichever makes u happier.
TSaugustus7898 P
post May 16 2019, 06:09 PM

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Joined: May 2019
From: KL


I am only one son and I wanted to make my parents happy. they wanted to do in my cast only.
I did not passed certain age,

QUOTE(prelude23 @ May 16 2019, 03:32 PM)
I thought arranged marriage was something of the last generation but I'm surprised this sort of thing still happen now.

You have the courage to leave your family and work over here but yet you give in to this arrange marriage thing?

Arranged marriage is such an alien idea in Malaysia. Just so that we can understand better, did you accept the arranged marriage because:
-this is simply the tradition? everyone follows it?
-or you are a filial son and whatever my parents said i have to follow them?
-or you have past a certain age and you dont have a gf yet so your parents decided to take things into their hands themselves?

Seriously which one?
*
TSaugustus7898 P
post May 16 2019, 06:11 PM

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Joined: May 2019
From: KL


If i choose then other will not be happy....parents and wife
QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ May 16 2019, 03:39 PM)
why not both?
If u can only choose one, then choose whichever makes u happier.
*
TSaugustus7898 P
post May 16 2019, 06:12 PM

New Member
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Probation
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Joined: May 2019
From: KL


Yes, you are right. am thinking about wife's life. thats why is very hard for me right now.

QUOTE(RViN @ May 15 2019, 04:37 PM)
Why did you even go back and go ahead with the arranged marriage in the first place?

Dude, have a spine. You're an adult capable of making your own decisions, but decided to do something you didn't want because "parents said so".

If that's the case and you can't think for yourself I'm having a hard time understanding how you're going to suddenly do something independent right now.

Might have screwed up the wife's life since divorce isn't looked upon kindly in India and she'll be marked as "broken goods", thanks to this spineless specimen. Also, was dowry part of the exchange?

If you want to make amends you have to sort things out and make sure she doesn't have to deal with your mistake.
*
wargreymon12
post May 18 2019, 05:41 AM

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Are you independent enough to live without your family's support?

Will your family take revenge?

Will her family take revenge?

Those are important questions
DoorVeed
post May 22 2019, 04:23 PM

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I think only you should decide this. I would not listen to advice from the side.
If you want a serious relationship, you need to get married. As for me, I don't want a family yet. Therefore, I prefer an open relationship, flirt. I am looking for women through https://www.flirt.com/ site and it suits me.

This post has been edited by DoorVeed: May 31 2019, 03:24 AM

 

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