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 Caring for a girl, Does it only happens in TV drama ^^

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Drian
post Apr 29 2019, 08:21 PM

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QUOTE(fearless_kiki @ Apr 29 2019, 07:44 PM)
"guy's best interest" is already a very bias view. Shouldn't it be finding an answer that both sides can compromise and accept?

Everyone knows lyn forum members are majority guys. So it is not easy to get a female response, let alone a good one. I think it's important to have views of both gender in order to have an objective view. One need to consider both sides of the coin (pov) before having a conclusion. Ignoring one side will give a bias answer.

Personally, I enjoy cc980024 (who is a mom) replies. There are other females too but I can't remember or they post too little too have a big impact. But yeah,  there are good females advices.

And to further answer this topic, sometimes a broken hearted person is easy to get into a new relationship because of things other than true love (needing to be loved or care for)  and when the person wakes up, it will be a different story.
*
QUOTE
"
guy's best interest" is already a very bias view. Shouldn't it be finding an answer that both sides can compromise and accept?


Not during the dating stage.
Women always give advices like:-

"Always be there for her, wait for her, pamper her, be her shoulder to cry on bla bla bla " which is of course doesn't work and the advises obviously are in the girls best interest.
In this case the guy is investing 100% and the girl's investment is at 1% and that is what you females constantly advice guys to do. All these advice are to women's best interest.

or perhaps

"if you love her, you will just be nice to her without expecting anything"



QUOTE
Personally, I enjoy cc980024 (who is a mom) replies.

Of course you enjoy cc980024 replies because it is to the womens best interest. LOL


Something for you to ponder, just use your logic for a moment.

Players,playboys who do not listen to women's advises are successful with girls, but the guys who listened to female advises are not (and hence they come to this forum looking for female opinion). Surely if women are more accurate, then the guys who listen to female advice would be more successful right? But that is not the case. Why?

This post has been edited by Drian: Apr 29 2019, 08:26 PM
charis24
post Apr 29 2019, 08:25 PM

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Depending on whether you are looking for quantity or quality.
TSfin8Ex
post Apr 29 2019, 09:29 PM

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thanks guys n girls for sharing your thoughts...

more are welcome
outsider
post Apr 29 2019, 11:34 PM

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maybe. maybe not

dont watch too much drama.
Quazacolt
post Apr 30 2019, 03:28 AM

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QUOTE(Drian @ Apr 29 2019, 08:21 PM)
Of course you enjoy cc980024 replies because it is to the womens best interest. LOL
*
Well, I do like some of her replies too.
But the fact that her husband surrenders his entire pay to her doesn't sit well with me.

It's good that it's successful for them smile.gif
But I'd like to still be in control of my money even if there's some rules being set by finance minister laugh.gif
LostWanderer
post Apr 30 2019, 08:17 AM

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well, not to comment on how others manage their relationship but in japan the husband do surrender their entire pay to their wife but usually the wife don't work anymore and dutifully handle the household part

still, taking all of the husband's pay seems a bit too controlling and shouldn't it be equal rights between gender?

if the husband doesn't mind then great i guess, as long as whatever works for the both of them, for me as long as both parties able to manage their own finances well and have some savings for "both" and future seems cool (meaning they have the rights to spend what is worth on themselves - buying whatever they deem they want - even if it seems useless and expensive - if it is what they earn themselves)

overspending on alcohol, gambling or cigarettes though is another matter altogether...
fearless_kiki
post Apr 30 2019, 08:23 AM

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cc980024 husband had an overspending problem and she did that for the sake of both of them, not because of wanting to control over him. Please understand the story before commenting.
fearless_kiki
post Apr 30 2019, 08:30 AM

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QUOTE(Drian @ Apr 29 2019, 08:21 PM)
Something for you to ponder, just use your logic for a moment.

Players,playboys who do not listen to women's advises are successful with girls, but the guys who listened to female advises are not (and hence they come to this forum looking for female opinion). Surely if women are more accurate, then the guys who listen to female advice would be more successful right? But that is not the case. Why?
*
You do know that players court many girls while other people might only court one person at that time right? Players also won't purposely tell you their failed stories.

And there are many other factors that could contribute to a failure than merely an advice. (preference, way of approaching, frequency, timing)

Anyway, this is so out of topic already.

This post has been edited by fearless_kiki: Apr 30 2019, 08:31 AM
eggtart02
post Apr 30 2019, 09:24 AM

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QUOTE(fin8Ex @ Apr 28 2019, 10:28 AM)
hey folks

if a guy care about a girl, show concern, give advise when she's feeling down etc

will it ever spark a relationship?
will the girl begin to like that guy (or one day will)? ie melt her frozen heart

or these kind of things only happens in the TV drama biggrin.gif
*
It really depends on the individual.
Girls friendzone guys because they feel there is no hope for them romantically. (Just want to be friends or give up waiting).

But I do know is you do not need to constantly show concern or give advise when she is feeling down.
She will open up to you if she really wants to. Just try chatting with her more frequently will show that you are interested in her. She might pour out her worries during one of those chats and that could be an opportunity for you wink.gif
Drian
post Apr 30 2019, 09:35 AM

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QUOTE(fearless_kiki @ Apr 30 2019, 08:30 AM)
You do know that players court many girls while other people might only court one person at that time right? Players also won't purposely tell you their failed stories.

And there are many other factors that could contribute to a failure than merely an advice. (preference, way of approaching,  frequency, timing)

Anyway,  this is so out of topic already.
*
So?
The strategy that players do which is approach a girl, seal the deal , if the girl is not interested, the player part ways with the girls.
You consider it a fail, from a player point of view, he considers it a win not wasting time and energy on these girls and to him there's always other fishes in the sea.
This is a correct strategy as the guy invests absolutely minimum in time and energy.
You do not waste time and effort on girls who are not interested. This is the way guys suppose to treat the dating process.
Of course the girls would then shame the guy saying he's not serious bla bla bla.

I have not seen any female here give this advice. Why? Because it is not to her benefit.
If female gave this advice, it would mean less attention from men. Men would just learn to walk away from women who are not interested.
Women love attention from men and the "chase" from the men without the investment and getting serious with the guy.
That's why many guys get led on by girls and the same guys will come here complaining being friendzoned after they invest so much on the girl.
The same guys who listen to women's relationship advice.
Any females here talk about this kind of women's behavior? Of course not , why break the status quo where the guys are the one investing 100% ?


Lets take a look at the way female advices the male:-
1.) Always be there for her, melt her heart and then sparks will happen.
2.) If you like her, you should wait patiently for the girl.
3.) Give her some time, be friends first.
4.) You must show her your sincerity first.
5.) Girls want a nice , sensitive caring guy.

In all the advice, it's always about what the guy should be doing to the girl and no consideration on whether the girl is reciprocating.

I don't blame you though, I don't expect a loan shark loaning me money to tell me what is best strategy for my financial interest.
I don't expect fast food joints to tell me the truth about what food is good for my health.

However as far as whether women give good dating advice. Nope they don't at least in general.
I only know one female colleague who agrees with me and she is the only person who tells the truth about women's behavior.
But she is the exception rather than the rule.

This post has been edited by Drian: Apr 30 2019, 09:50 AM
LostWanderer
post Apr 30 2019, 10:08 AM

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Investing appropriately is fine, investing too much is meh,

if you bring a date out approx to rm200-300 per date and the girl knows that she has no interest with you, best to just tell the guy off and scoot, you as the guy should be happy and thank the girl for saving your money and time rather than her keeping you as a friend

if you can feel that she is keeping you as a friend for the dates only, you should be the one to break it off (get an answer either yes or no is an answer) and whatever goes from there just tell yourself that you did your best

most likely whatever you do would not win her affection per se

spend time and money only on girls who are really interested in you - don't chase girls

you can imagine if a guy that you don't like at all spending everything on you and you don't like him even a bit i don't think it will change your mind in the very near future - you want the guy to proof that he likes you and then what? say no to him most likely (and what happened to the time & effort?)
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post Apr 30 2019, 10:24 AM

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QUOTE(fin8Ex @ Apr 28 2019, 10:28 AM)
hey folks

if a guy care about a girl, show concern, give advise when she's feeling down etc

will it ever spark a relationship?
will the girl begin to like that guy (or one day will)? ie melt her frozen heart

or these kind of things only happens in the TV drama biggrin.gif
*
True story here. I tried two times personally with this method it doesn't work, the third one I show bit interest then pull back and she show curious and keep interact with me shakehead.gif

You will feel hurt when the person you care doesn't really want to know or care more about you, but it may the way to wake you up you not her cup of tea.

dattebayo
post Apr 30 2019, 10:50 AM

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i remembered cc980024 once said she had friendzoned one of her crush, and used him for free motor ride during uni days

while another guy (now hubby) did not spend as much effort but eventually won her heart

so when you come across advice as below, think with your brain

QUOTE
Lets take a look at the way female advices the male:-
1.) Always be there for her, melt her heart and then sparks will happen.
2.) If you like her, you should wait patiently for the girl.
3.) Give her some time, be friends first.
4.) You must show her your sincerity first.
5.) Girls want a nice , sensitive caring guy.


if the girl have no chemistry in you, point 1-5 are nullified

on a side note, guys that have self-worth have the aura that intrinsically attract women naturally
MeToo
post Apr 30 2019, 11:00 AM

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QUOTE(fin8Ex @ Apr 28 2019, 10:28 AM)
hey folks

if a guy care about a girl, show concern, give advise when she's feeling down etc

will it ever spark a relationship?
will the girl begin to like that guy (or one day will)? ie melt her frozen heart

or these kind of things only happens in the TV drama biggrin.gif
*
2 way...

One is your way.. from friendship turn into relationship. It wont be as intense, its will develop into a mutual understanding, nice comfortable relationship.

Next way is straight up pursue her, off the bat make it clear you wanna get into her pants, this is usually more intense, hot, sexy, sparking energy kinda relationship.

Both works, been in both, the woman i married was from scenario 2
Blofeld
post Apr 30 2019, 11:11 AM

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QUOTE(dattebayo @ Apr 30 2019, 10:50 AM)
i remembered cc980024 once said she had friendzoned one of her crush, and used him for free motor ride during uni days

while another guy (now hubby) did not spend as much effort but eventually won her heart

so when you come across advice as below, think with your brain
if the girl have no chemistry in you, point 1-5 are nullified

on a side note, guys that have self-worth have the aura that intrinsically attract women naturally
*
u also remember that one biggrin.gif

that's why never ever listen to an advice from female when comes to courting girls

like what Drian said, they will always advise u for the benefit of women

and also in my opinion, because women tend to make decisions based on emotion, so whatever they said and what they actually do can be entirely different altogether.


MeToo
post Apr 30 2019, 11:11 AM

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QUOTE(LostWanderer @ Apr 30 2019, 10:08 AM)
Investing appropriately is fine, investing too much is meh,

if you bring a date out approx to rm200-300 per date and the girl knows that she has no interest with you, best to just tell the guy off and scoot, you as the guy should be happy and thank the girl for saving your money and time rather than her keeping you as a friend

if you can feel that she is keeping you as a friend for the dates only, you should be the one to break it off (get an answer either yes or no is an answer) and whatever goes from there just tell yourself that you did your best

most likely whatever you do would not win her affection per se

spend time and money only on girls who are really interested in you - don't chase girls

you can imagine if a guy that you don't like at all spending everything on you and you don't like him even a bit i don't think it will change your mind in the very near future - you want the guy to proof that he likes you and then what? say no to him most likely (and what happened to the time & effort?)
*
200~300 per date?

When I started dating my wife, she brought me to all those road side stall/kopitiam kinda place (she loves to eat despite being so slim). Zero high end stuff, all activities also all budget kind.

Ofcourse we met at a popular romantic vacation destination and I was staying at five star 1000/day hotel.. but thats beside the point..
eggtart02
post Apr 30 2019, 11:16 AM

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QUOTE(Drian @ Apr 30 2019, 09:35 AM)
So?
The strategy that players do which is approach a girl, seal the deal , if the girl is not interested, the player part ways with the girls.
You consider it a fail, from a player point of view, he considers it a win not wasting time and energy on these girls and to him there's always other fishes in the sea.
This is a correct strategy as the guy invests absolutely minimum in time and energy.
You do not waste time and effort on girls who are not interested. This is the way guys suppose to treat the dating process.
Of course the girls would then shame the guy saying he's not serious bla bla bla.

I have not seen any female here give this advice. Why? Because it is not to her benefit.
If female gave this advice, it would mean less attention from men. Men would just learn to walk away from women who are not interested.
Women love attention from men and the "chase" from the men without the investment and getting serious with the guy.
That's why many guys get led on by girls and the same guys will come here complaining being friendzoned after they invest so much on the girl.
The same guys who listen to women's relationship advice.
Any females here talk about this kind of women's behavior? Of course not , why break the status quo where the guys are the one investing 100% ?
Lets take a look at the way female advices the male:-
1.) Always be there for her, melt her heart and then sparks will happen.
2.) If you like her, you should wait patiently for the girl.
3.) Give her some time, be friends first.
4.) You must show her your sincerity first.
5.) Girls want a nice , sensitive caring guy.

In all the advice, it's always about what the guy should be doing to the girl and no consideration on whether the girl is reciprocating.

I don't blame you though, I don't expect a loan shark loaning me money to tell me what is best strategy for my financial interest.
I don't expect fast food joints to tell me the truth about what food is good for my health.

However as far as whether women give good dating advice. Nope they don't at least in general.
I only know one female colleague who agrees with me and she is the only person who tells the truth about women's behavior.
But she is the exception rather than the rule.
*
Here is my advise as a female, girls are careful because of the players out there. Not just guys get friendzoned/ ghosted, girls too.

As for 'always being there for her, showing sincerity and being a nice day' is not the best advice one could give because if he/she likes you, everything they do will be sweet. Otherwise, it is just not going to happen anytime soon. Thus, I do not agree with guys or girls investing too much on someone.

Good dating advice could from anyone with different experiences but it boils down to individual's feeling and situation. I've learn this from a friend, which is to always leave the ball in his/her court. Just do what you can and see how it goes from there. After all, it takes two to tango.

This post has been edited by eggtart02: Apr 30 2019, 11:18 AM
LostWanderer
post Apr 30 2019, 11:17 AM

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well, there are a few type of ladies out there and nowadays, most girls prefer a bit of higher class date areas

about rm100 is usual, but sometimes rm200~300 is not unusual (etc expenses - movies, dessert, alcohol, etc)
dattebayo
post Apr 30 2019, 11:22 AM

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QUOTE(Blofeld @ Apr 30 2019, 11:11 AM)
u also remember that one  biggrin.gif

that's why never ever listen to an advice from female when comes to courting girls

like what Drian said, they will always advise u for the benefit of women

and also in my opinion, because women tend to make decisions based on emotion, so whatever they said and what they actually do can be entirely different altogether.
*
again, self-worth matters, have dignity in oneself

you still can do 1-5 on the condition of not compromising your self-worth, if not, you suffered yourself only at the end

no point to stick your hot face on people's cold ass (热脸贴冷屁股)


on top of that, its good to indirectly let your target know that you still can live your life normally with or without him/her, IG/FB stories is a good way, show pictures of vacation, bar, dinner date with opposite sex, etc, let them feel nervous 瘦田没人耕,耕了有人争




This post has been edited by dattebayo: Apr 30 2019, 11:26 AM
Drian
post Apr 30 2019, 12:21 PM

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QUOTE(dattebayo @ Apr 30 2019, 10:50 AM)
i remembered cc980024 once said she had friendzoned one of her crush, and used him for free motor ride during uni days

while another guy (now hubby) did not spend as much effort but eventually won her heart

so when you come across advice as below, think with your brain
if the girl have no chemistry in you, point 1-5 are nullified

on a side note, guys that have self-worth have the aura that intrinsically attract women naturally
*
This
https://forum.lowyat.net/index.php?showtopi...post&p=91611538


QUOTE
Who is fetching her to work now? Still you or her bf?
If is her bf fetching her to work now, she reserving you .. incase she break up again, she got you to fetch her. If you are still fetching her.. she saying that hoping to keep her driver.

Always remember, girl who in need of transport may try to maintain friendship/relationship as much as possible. I used to be a girl who took public transport to/fr uni and until 1 day, a guy started to offer me a bike-ride daily. Even though I know he likes me (and he is not my cup of tea), I maintain good relationship with him. I believe some of his friends may tell him the same thing that this girl only wanna tumpang motor, but the guy will not believe it as the girl he admire all along have been taking public transport, not that kind that tumpang tumpang. But sorry to say, it is ok to take bus, but once you started to have free ride, nobody likes to go back to public transport.

In my current office, have the same example too. A girl used to tumpang my peer's car to LRT station. And she share her breakfast and fruits to him.. like good buddies (the guy is married). But after we have another guy join the company, she got hook up with the new guy and he fetch her along to work. Since then, no more breakfast and fruits for my peer. It is ok seeing that ppl now dating. But 2 yrs later, that guy quit. So the fruits and breakfast suddenly appear on my peer's desk. Next thing she request him to send her home (not to LRT station anymore, as her bf send her direct to home.. used to it). We.. (the batch of women in office) warn my peer.. if he ever fetch her.. we will call up his wife. Wakakaka.

TS, wake up.. There are girls like that. If she really care for you and consider your feeling. She should apologise to you, and not telling you that if it didn't work out with her bf, she will wish to come back to you. Obviously telling you "Mr., stay there be my backup".


fearless_kiki

Any advice to cc980024's guy who has been used as a backup transport guy? rolleyes.gif

This post has been edited by Drian: Apr 30 2019, 12:23 PM

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