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 my GF's ex harassing her, how can i help?

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TSmustard
post Apr 10 2019, 09:46 PM, updated 5y ago

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my GF currently is 19.
she was in a toxic abusive and manipulative relationship for about 3 years, since mid 2014 and broke up mid of 2017
her ex was same age as her, currently 19.
goes same school, until she form 4 change school, became long distance relationship

she told me during the relationship he was very toxic (this list not in chronological order)
- he told her that she very ugly and no one would like her but only him (she actually pretty good looking)
- he messaging her non stop even she busy studying or school activity, would bombard her with text if she late reply. (she get into trouble multiple time because trying to reply him)
- saying she was an idiot how he smarter than her, because he got more A's (she took science course, and he took religious study course)
- he took money and stuff from her
- he bought cheap fake stuff and told her it was very expensive, (she google the price)
- he repeatedly said she's fat, while she just weight 56kg.
- she developed eating disorder, skipping meals, force vomit and taking laxative, until her weight just mere 36kg for 156cm height

- she once in a while skip meal, not eating anything for 1 or 2 days, she said her records was not eating for 3 days.
- when she was 15, he gift her a tudung labuh mostly worn by ustazah, saying female should protect her modesty, then ask her to wear it and naked, while he took picture of her.

2017 is her recovery stages, and realized he was very toxic, and broke up with him.
2019 she with me, and told me everything, met her on new year eve.

but thats not the end of it.
her ex create fake account and follow her social media, and would message harassing her from time to time.


my blood boiled when i read his private message to her, he told her that she should be appreciate to him because not spreading her nudes.
its like saying, u should be thankful because i not kill u, u should be thankful because i not beat u, u should be thankful because i not doing all those bad stuff but just being a jerk.

he played victim to his friend, saying he did a lot for her, and his friend trusted him. one of his best friend made status about how kind he was and how could she left him.
any sane kind human being would not said "be thankful because im not doing [insert bad stuff] to you"

she abandon all her social media, and create new. but, since they both goes to same school, he could find her through social media from other friend.

i want to tell her to avoid social media, but thats like her need to give up on something because of him. she need to lose something because of him.
beside asking her to avoid social media, how can i help her? right now i just encourage her telling her just to ignore that asshole, he not worth you attention or time, yadda yadda bla bla bla.
i wonder if we could bring this to the law like police report of something?
if he actually spread her 15 years old nudes, while he already 19 now. could he charged with any law? like spreading underage photo even she already 19 now?

1) what i could do to help her?
2) how can i bring this to justice?

This post has been edited by mustard: Apr 10 2019, 09:56 PM
noobz4ever
post Apr 10 2019, 09:56 PM

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Hello pulis.. Report polis la.. U got d message from ex bf, printscreen as proof.. Later, see he still got balls or not..
ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 09:57 PM

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Make a police report.

Could try Section 509 of the Penal Code.

Even better if you have any sort of evidence that he has her nudes.
Yggdrasil
post Apr 10 2019, 10:19 PM

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QUOTE(mustard @ Apr 10 2019, 09:46 PM)
my GF currently is 19.
she was in a toxic abusive and manipulative relationship for about 3 years, since mid 2014 and broke up mid of 2017
her ex was same age as her, currently 19.
goes same school, until she form 4 change school, became long distance relationship

she told me during the relationship he was very toxic (this list not in chronological order)
- he told her that she very ugly and no one would like her but only him (she actually pretty good looking)
- he messaging her non stop even she busy studying or school activity, would bombard her with text if she late reply. (she get into trouble multiple time because trying to reply him)
- saying she was an idiot how he smarter than her, because he got more A's (she took science course, and he took religious study course)
- he took money and stuff from her
- he bought cheap fake stuff and told her it was very expensive, (she google the price)
- he repeatedly said she's fat, while she just weight 56kg.
- she developed eating disorder, skipping meals, force vomit and taking laxative, until her weight just mere 36kg for 156cm height

- she once in a while skip meal, not eating anything for 1 or 2 days, she said her records was not eating for 3 days.
- when she was 15, he gift her a tudung labuh mostly worn by ustazah, saying female should protect her modesty, then ask her to wear it and naked, while he took picture of her.

2017 is her recovery stages, and realized he was very toxic, and broke up with him.
2019 she with me, and told me everything, met her on new year eve.

but thats not the end of it.
her ex create fake account and follow her social media, and would message harassing her from time to time.


my blood boiled when i read his private message to her, he told her that she should be appreciate to him because not spreading her nudes.
its like saying, u should be thankful because i not kill u, u should be thankful because i not beat u, u should be thankful because i not doing all those bad stuff but just being a jerk.

he played victim to his friend, saying he did a lot for her, and his friend trusted him. one of his best friend made status about how kind he was and how could she left him.
any sane kind human being would not said "be thankful because im not doing [insert bad stuff] to you"

she abandon all her social media, and create new. but, since they both goes to same school, he could find her through social media from other friend.

i want to tell her to avoid social media, but thats like her need to give up on something because of him. she need to lose something because of him.
beside asking her to avoid social media, how can i help her? right now i just encourage her telling her just to ignore that asshole, he not worth you attention or time, yadda yadda bla bla bla.
i wonder if we could bring this to the law like police report of something?
if he actually spread her 15 years old nudes, while he already 19 now. could he charged with any law? like spreading underage photo even she already 19 now?

1) what i could do to help her?
2) how can i bring this to justice?
*
Report JAIS? I mean why would a girl take nude pics for guys? Don't they have any brains? At least take without face la

tomato people
post Apr 10 2019, 10:23 PM

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QUOTE(noobz4ever @ Apr 10 2019, 09:56 PM)
Hello pulis.. Report polis la.. U got d message from ex bf, printscreen as proof.. Later, see he still got balls or not..
*
+1
TSmustard
post Apr 10 2019, 10:25 PM

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QUOTE(Yggdrasil @ Apr 10 2019, 10:19 PM)
Report JAIS? I mean why would a girl take nude pics for guys? Don't they have any brains? At least take without face la
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blame the girl first thing came out from ur mind? not the guy?, right. 1 point for u. bravo
TSmustard
post Apr 10 2019, 10:28 PM

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QUOTE(noobz4ever @ Apr 10 2019, 09:56 PM)
Hello pulis.. Report polis la.. U got d message from ex bf, printscreen as proof.. Later, see he still got balls or not..
*
QUOTE(ViktorJ @ Apr 10 2019, 09:57 PM)
Make a police report.

Could try Section 509 of the Penal Code.

Even better if you have any sort of evidence that he has her nudes.
*
she deleted, said reading it made her feel sad.
i ask her to keep it next time.

the proof for nudes, not sure how to proof, since it took with his phone and he keeping it.
if he spread the nudes, wonder how can point back to him to take any legal action?

This post has been edited by mustard: Apr 10 2019, 10:28 PM
ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 10:34 PM

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QUOTE(mustard @ Apr 10 2019, 10:28 PM)
she deleted, said reading it made her feel sad.
i ask her to keep it next time.

the proof for nudes, not sure how to proof, since it took with his phone and he keeping it.
if he spread the nudes, wonder how can point back to him to take any legal action?
*
If you want to make a case, get her to outright ask him

"Do you have my nudes?"

If he said no, then ok good. Go eat supper to celebrate.

If he has half a toxic bone in his body, he would say yes.

At which point, "I do not believe you" and he will threaten with "WANNA TEST ME?!" then you just go "So what do you want?"

If he replies with anything at all, even a Double Spicy Chicken McDeluxe, then it is blackmail.

If anything gets leaked at all, he is a prime suspect. He is 18, he will fold like an origami flower under cross examination/interrogation.

This post has been edited by ViktorJ: Apr 10 2019, 10:36 PM
Yggdrasil
post Apr 10 2019, 10:43 PM

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QUOTE(mustard @ Apr 10 2019, 10:25 PM)
blame the girl first thing came out from ur mind? not the guy?, right. 1 point for u. bravo
*
Both side is in the wrong.

Guy is being a hypocrite, pretending to be religious but doing all this.

Girl should know better. Dating a scum, sending nudes, worse is she's underage.


ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 10:58 PM

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QUOTE(Yggdrasil @ Apr 10 2019, 10:43 PM)
Both side is in the wrong.

Guy is being a hypocrite, pretending to be religious but doing all this.

Girl should know better. Dating a scum, sending nudes, worse is she's underage.
*
Erm, Precisely. She is underage. Which is why she does not know better.
Yggdrasil
post Apr 10 2019, 11:13 PM

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QUOTE(ViktorJ @ Apr 10 2019, 10:58 PM)
Erm, Precisely. She is underage. Which is why she does not know better.
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Parents/religion should have taught. Shouldn't underage people know they shouldn't be in a relationship? Taxpayers money spent on those NoApologies must have been wasted.
ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 11:15 PM

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QUOTE(Yggdrasil @ Apr 10 2019, 11:13 PM)
Parents/religion should have taught. Shouldn't underage people know they shouldn't be in a relationship? Taxpayers money spent on those NoApologies must have been wasted.
*
I guess money was wasted then biggrin.gif

Not sure which part of my school syllabus mentioned anything about prohibiting relationships. I was in one when I was in school, so was most of my class. A couple of 'em are married now.

This post has been edited by ViktorJ: Apr 10 2019, 11:18 PM
Yggdrasil
post Apr 10 2019, 11:32 PM

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QUOTE(mustard @ Apr 10 2019, 09:46 PM)
my GF currently is 19.
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You are in love. So your blinded by her flaws. It's normal to defend her even if she did something ridiculous in the past.

You need to acknowledge you are not here to fix her. Most victims of abuse end up with their abusers. I will not surprised if she dumps you for him. Remember Alvin and Vivian's story? Vivian disowned by family and kicked out from house yet still never change.

QUOTE(mustard @ Apr 10 2019, 09:46 PM)
her ex create fake account and follow her social media, and would message harassing her from time to time.
*
Another mistake is accepting friend requests from strangers/people whom you cannot verify.

QUOTE(mustard @ Apr 10 2019, 09:46 PM)
i wonder if we could bring this to the law like police report of something?
*
This is a serious matter. Go consult a lawyer or police rather than asking Lowyat. Perhaps the police can get a warrant to search his phone. Then again, he might have stored the photos in a cloud storage.

Honestly, there are so many blogs out there with nudes of Malaysian girls out there that people won't even bat an eye.
haneev
post Apr 10 2019, 11:35 PM

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19 still go school? STPM ke?
ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 11:37 PM

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QUOTE(haneev @ Apr 10 2019, 11:35 PM)
19 still go school? STPM ke?
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2014, 5 years ago, was 15 kot
Yggdrasil
post Apr 10 2019, 11:38 PM

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QUOTE(ViktorJ @ Apr 10 2019, 11:15 PM)
I was in one when I was in school, so was most of my class. A couple of 'em are married now.
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There was a girl in my school who got pregnant because she slept with some guy. She delivered the baby, sat for SPM and got married. Heard they divorced.
ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 11:40 PM

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QUOTE(Yggdrasil @ Apr 10 2019, 11:38 PM)
There was a girl in my school who got pregnant because she slept with some guy. She delivered the baby, sat for SPM and got married. Heard they divorced.
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Yup, we were all stupid when we were young. Not justifying stupidity, but empathizing because we were once there.
haneev
post Apr 10 2019, 11:42 PM

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QUOTE(ViktorJ @ Apr 10 2019, 11:37 PM)
2014, 5 years ago, was 15 kot
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oh, then if there is no chance of them meeting just block him and move on with life. but spreading nude or blackmailing to spread nude is a big offence . you can go make a informal report, police will call tht guy and ask him to stop at once. if he still continue u knw wht police will do.
ViktorJ
post Apr 10 2019, 11:44 PM

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QUOTE(haneev @ Apr 10 2019, 11:42 PM)
oh, then if there is no chance of them meeting just block him and move on with life. but spreading nude or blackmailing to spread nude is a big offence . you can go make a informal report, police will call tht guy and ask him to stop at once. if he still continue u knw wht police will do.
*
Yeah, police report is likely the way to go.

Chances are, this guy is crazy enough to start spreading specifically to mutual friends (or relatives of hers, if he knows any) if he does not get his way (she coming back to him, Double Spicy Chicken McDeluxe, or whatever else he wants from her).

This post has been edited by ViktorJ: Apr 10 2019, 11:44 PM
Sadru
post Apr 11 2019, 12:21 AM

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juvenile. its juvenile so just make police report.

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