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> Suicide situation, Leaving this world

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TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 03:16 PM, updated 8 months ago

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I'm 21 this year, I have confidence and social issues since young, and I have been mildly depressed since high school. I do not have much frens and only dated once but broke up after 2 months, and the relationship went really bad because of my immature behaviour. Until this year, after taking a wrong medication, I'm left with non-threathening but extremely annoying and debilitating neuro disorder. I'm suffering from very bad eye floaters, tinnitus(ringing in the head), sound sensitivity and i get double hearig when people talk loud. I've visited to at least 10 doctors around the world, and all told me that there is no cure and i have to live like this for the rest of my life. I was already depressed since last time and this illnesses really spell the end of my journey in this world. The only thing keeping me alive is the support of my family, who have been throwing millions of dollars to keep me alive. They sent me to Uk for overseas education, bought me a continental car as a gift after graduation. The only form of hapiness i get now is to spend money on materialistic things. I feel like a failure in life, can never do anything right and just leeching off my parents.I'm currently working in my uncle's office to keep my mind off from these suicidal thoughts, but i just cant escape it... Im thinking of ending my life early but im scared i will hurt my parents who have invested so much in me as well as gave me so much love. I dont know what to do at this point, just feelin very stuck in life sad.gif sad.gif

This post has been edited by Wroetoshaw97: Jan 9 2019, 03:19 PM
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 03:35 PM

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QUOTE(lolapadia @ Jan 9 2019, 03:26 PM)
comparing the TS/people with other who had/having worst situation is a real dick punch

why the shit TS or anybody should compare themselves with others who are having worse situations? what that supposed to do? make TS/people feel better?

you dont walk in his/her shoe. dont talk like you know them. and sure as fuck dont ask them to compare their situation with other who had/having much worse situation

you wanna help? call mcmc now. tell them somebody in /k feeling suicidal. you dare?

everybody nak jadi warrior sini

"some people got it worse than u" my ass
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That is what i get from my family members and close friends when i relate them my issue. Many say i got no right to be sad solely because my issue is not life threathening and that im privelaged in terms of my finances. I keep telling them it is bad to belittle someones problem and by saying that if someone has a bigger issue than me, am i not entitled to feel sad because of my health issue? At this point im really clueless as to how am i going to live my life bro. I only see a dark tunnel and no light. Im really thinking of ending it all this year
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 03:39 PM

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QUOTE(tareh @ Jan 9 2019, 03:32 PM)
you know what bro, if you wanna kill yourself thats up to you.

but before you pull the plug, i suggest you volunteer sometime helping others that is most worst than you. i got alot of lubang if you need - besides the homeless and the poor at jalan raja laut, theres the thrash eating and kutip children in philipines and cambodia. there's some refugee centre you can assist.

dont waste it man. life is for giving.
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I've actually start to do some giveaways. Just awhile ago i donated some money to some guy that is in need of cash for his dughter to buy books or something. I'm also thinking of donating some money to that dude from ipoh who just posted for help few mins ago. I'm actually doing all these deeds now because deep down i feel that i dont have much to live for anymore. I will help others before i die
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 04:02 PM

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QUOTE(blackamikaze @ Jan 9 2019, 03:59 PM)
what medicine you take cause all this symptoms? It is very unlikely actually.
But those symptoms also can be a symptoms for anxiety disorder.
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I took some medicine for my acid reflux. It was recommended by my dad. But tbh my acid reflux wasnt too bad but i still proceeded to take it. Now im left with this permanent illness and i really regret taking it. Ive only got myself to blame for taking it
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 04:08 PM

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QUOTE(Pete the great @ Jan 9 2019, 03:58 PM)
TS, most people in their early 20s are usually in a confuse state.

I think everything bowls down to perspective.

Try not to put the bar so high for you. Like if you see some joker has too many friends in Fb, try not to match up to that person. Just be yourself.

You know why you are depressed? Because you don't love yourself enough. When I say this, it has nothing to do with being egoistic or being defensive. Its all about being kind and patience to yourself. Do some exercise, jogging, take some vitamins, go for a massage, take care of yourself. Today there are about a million things you can do. You are so lucky to be born in this age. Just google or check out internet, find out what are your hobbies, dwell in it. In my time, my youth, I didn't get internet at all. So boring everyday watch Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah and that stupid children program in RTM - forgot the name, some stupid local clowns in black n white screen. Then came TV3, my life change a bit.

And please don't think that you are leeching from your parents. Your parents do this out of unconditional love. Wow, I wish my dad gave me a continental car. Dude, you are so lucky. Don't be a stupid jerk by taking your life, your parents don't deserve this. You owe it to them to live your life to the fullest.
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Maybe your right. Ive actually discussed with my psychologist about this. Like when i look at what other people are achieving life( having many freinds, getting alot of girls, being socially good) i just feel that im missing out and i have to be the same. Im setting my bar too high.
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 05:55 PM

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QUOTE(ViktorJ @ Jan 9 2019, 05:02 PM)
Exactly how do you think you have set your bar too high?
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I dont know how to describe man. Its like i see many people in my instagram just enjoying the time of their lives with friends, gf and just gneerally having fun. I see many young people drinking in clubs and bars with girls around them having fun, etc... I just always try to imagine my life being the same like that but in reality its all a lie. Ive been in many social situations where i see people laughing and just having a good time with their friends and being able to socialize well and i really want to be the same as them. In reality I'm just a sad and depressed loner who has has no freinds and even if he wants to may find it hard because of his health issue. The only thing that has somewhat saved me from going crazy over all this is the fact that i am financially very stable.
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 05:59 PM

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QUOTE(Elon Musk @ Jan 9 2019, 04:48 PM)
Just noticed that this is under the Serious section. If u are seriously rich then u should consider doing charity work. Maybe this is God's purpose for u. Help people who can't even pay RM1 for their meal and you will feel so grateful for your lot in life.

And since u don't need to work spend more time working out. Working out is one of the best medication. Go for a walk in a park. Do some meditation.

Be grateful that you mental problem and dont need to work. There are mental cases where the person still has to work.
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Again please stop with the 'be grateful' shit. You are again just trying to compare my situation. Other ppl have worse off doesnt mean im not untitlted to express my feelings and be sad. By saying this you are not being encouraging. I've actually started doing charity. I read few posts of fb on ppl needing some fiancial help and i did donate a fair share of my money i guess. I can only do a limited amount of activities. I forgot to mention you that i tore by my ACL(cruciate ligaments) while i was studying in the uk. I was the captain of my uni futsal team.
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 06:02 PM

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QUOTE(edashsb @ Jan 9 2019, 05:55 PM)
Dear TS, all you need is a purpose in life. Find a goal and work towards it. Start a business? Create a music piece? Learn new skills? When you have that motivation, you have no time to think about all these suicidal thoughts. Instead, you'll be working your as* off and enjoying loads of achievements in the process. Just take the initiative to explore and keep your mind open. You will stumble upon life changing experiences at the most unexpected places.

P/s: Your family is financially sound, don't waste the privilege.
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I've been trying to find a purpose in life ever since i got this illness. It made me think alot more. At the moment im still yet to find one, but my options are very limited with my health issue. I really do not know what to do.
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 06:09 PM

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QUOTE(ckseong80 @ Jan 9 2019, 03:49 PM)
Stay strong.
You are not a failure.
Different ppl have different circumstances that made them settle for where they are in life.
Don't compare.
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Thank you for your kind words bro, things like this give me a tad bit of motivation to get by the day

TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 9 2019, 06:13 PM

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QUOTE(Elon Musk @ Jan 9 2019, 06:08 PM)
I dont care, i will still say it. U are one lucky bugger and don't deserve to complain that much.
U say u are filthy rich, then get your ligament fixed. I am sure you can afford the finest surgeons to fix your ligament.
Once your physical is OK, then u have more options. From your replies I can see that you are not really a good person at heart. U want to be like ur other rich friends, having a good social life and many girls to bang. Haha, I don't blame u. The problem is u don't know the method. Well, u got money, that is a plus point. What u should do is to read more of the rich people's lifesyle magazines like Tatler. See what they do then try to mix around. Once u can fit in successfully the girls will start coming. But first, u need to fix your ligament.
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Why am i not allowed to complain? Im stuck with an illness no amount of money in the world can fix. Do you want to fill in my shoes? Let that sink in. I can choose to do ligament surgery but each recovery is 6 motnhs long, and i risk getting higher level of ringing in my hears if i take all the painkillers which i would have to after the surgery. I can barely go nightclubs and bars because of my illness. See how stuck i am? My option now is as limited to anyone. My situation is an example of how money can not always buy you out of every situation....
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 10 2019, 10:27 AM

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QUOTE(Pete the great @ Jan 9 2019, 10:48 PM)
What sickness are you suffering from?

I suffer from an auto immune disease, but I choose to live on despite all odds.

I not saying that I am a big success but I don't get why you are so depressed

Is this all in your head?
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What disease you are suffering from? I'm fkin depressed af because it took the joy out of my life. I'm 21 i should be enjoying my life going out and be able to see the world. But because of my illness im now stuck with a ton of garbage strings floating around my vision frustrating the hell out of me. I also have to live under the cloud that i may get severe tinnitus(Ringing in the ears) in a few years time. Do you that there are alot of ppl that commited suicide because of this? I have to live under a bunch of worries and its draining my life away. I'm now at the 4th floor of my company's office and im contemplating on jumping. Why did god pick me to suffer? why???
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 10 2019, 10:33 AM

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I dont know whether anyone of you can relate but when i see a person that is disabled i should automatically have the reaction to feel that I'm grateful and that i should continue to live my life to the fullest right. I tried my best to think this way but it would end up with me being suicidal again the next week because of the frustrations i have from my symtpoms .Would you say that i'm spoilt for not being able to think this way?
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 10 2019, 10:35 AM

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QUOTE(mousqy @ Jan 10 2019, 10:31 AM)
before suicide

try smoke weed, take cocaine, go cheong, take risk and if you really want take your life

go panjat gunung or something if you survive then its not your time yet

else just jump off at its peak
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I did it all in the UK before my illness came. That was what i was thinking. Go travel and do all these yolo stuff. The remaining money in my acc i give charity. I'm really close to making this decision. My mind is so fked up i dont even know why

This post has been edited by Wroetoshaw97: Jan 10 2019, 10:35 AM
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 10 2019, 10:55 AM

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QUOTE(Pete the great @ Jan 10 2019, 10:36 AM)
I also got severe ringing in my ear. Why you need to take your life over such a minor thing?

I do not want to reveal - but I have learn to live with it. Doctor advised me that I needed a knee replacement surgery, but I cycled 40 km every weekend - well used to.

Can you see from other perspective? I do not think your life is so bad. Rethink your actions.
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How do you cope with the severe ringing? I got a question, do you think that im a normal guy who is just frustrated or depressed over my condition or do you think that I'm just a spoilt brat who groans when he has to face an uphill challenge in his life? I really dont know what type of person I am
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 10 2019, 11:50 AM

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QUOTE(Sib @ Jan 10 2019, 11:37 AM)
dear TS, i also had tinnitus since at a very young age since kindergarten. I remembered clearly until now the ringing sensation, but guess what? I learnt to accept it as part of my daily life. I'd say in my case, almost reaching severe level  sad.gif

Have u tried outdoor activities like cycling, swimming, hitting the gym or maybe martial arts? Try to discipline yourself and do it regularly, met and socialize with the same crowd and hear their part of the story. Hopefully by doing these, you'll appreciate life more rather than just ending it just like that.

There are many people envy an easy life and loving parents just like you TS, including me...

Stay strong, I'll pray that you will get a meaningful life to be journeyed upon, and overcome your biggest problem and share the tale once u overcome it.
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May i know hold old are you now? Did you condition started only from where you can hear it when in quiet room to it becoming gradually severe. Please give me some info about your tinnitus history, will give me a clearer piece of mind i have ore info about this terrible condition sad.gif
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 10 2019, 11:52 AM

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QUOTE(Chrono-Trigger @ Jan 10 2019, 11:49 AM)
Try putting the fan to high speed, or play some relaxing rain drop or flowing water background sound over your speaker to mask the ringing noise.

If you stay in too quiet place, the tinnitus becomes very obvious and it gets worse when you pay attention to it.
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Do you have it as well? I'm just very afraid and worried that it will reach the severe stage. Its very hard to enjoy things in life when you have bad tinnitus. No one seems to understand...
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 14 2019, 01:54 PM

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QUOTE(john123x @ Jan 13 2019, 08:51 PM)
TS still got mood to buy car rims.....
i guess TS have fun trolling us..
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troll what? im still down as ever but trying to find activities to alleviate my depressive mood. Trying hard to help myself to be less stressful about my situation
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 14 2019, 04:57 PM

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QUOTE(john123x @ Jan 14 2019, 02:00 PM)
I don't know what's your problem.

If your so rich until got BMW and if your non bumi, there are lots of legit entertainment in this world.
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stop being delusional. Money doesnt always buy hapiness.
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 14 2019, 05:17 PM

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QUOTE(harvin6 @ Jan 14 2019, 05:05 PM)
yeah thats because you have so much and you dont appretiate it. The best thing you can do now is dont kill your self i,if you cant make your self happy or better why dont you use your luxury lifestyle and start doing charity for the more unfortunate ppl. May be their happiness might be the miracle cure for your so call uncurable disease.
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It does make me happy helping out charity, in fact i started doing small donations on fb for those under privileged. But i just cant find permanent hapiness in helping out others. In the next wek or so I would end up being frustrated and cursing at myself for the symptoms im facing and i just find it so hard to appreciate life...I tried i realy did
TSWroetoshaw97
post Jan 18 2019, 03:54 PM

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UPDATE: My life is just going downhill as the days go by. In the last week I've been to clubs and bars drinking and smoking my life away. I mixed with the wrong crowd and unknowingly hanged out in some dodgy ktv with some scammer wanted by the police....I have never indulged in this type of life before and im slowly drowning into it . Honestly Im at the edge right now..really dont see the point in continuing my pointless life. I feel that every action i do is just pathetic.....I barely have friends and i do not think any girl will ever want me.. Why would a girl want a guys troubled by mental issues and health problems and on top of that a awkard and shy guy?...This is just a reminder for you guys that money doesnt always guarantee hapiness...In my case it could actually spell the end of your life. I really cannot find any joy in living anymore. Thank you for all your concerns, really appreciate it, but i believe my time in this world us up

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