Hey all, i don't usually post around here. But since i had my afternoon to myself. Had been reminiscing on my past and how thankful i am to still enjoy life 8 years on from the day. Felt like sharing, maybe someday i will look back to this.

To start, it was late November 2010. Was gonna sit for my STPM papers, and have been fighting depression throughout the year. So no second guesses on how the results would be anyways, i ended up failing 3/4 papers. The day before my first paper was when I drooped to the lowest slump throughout my life. The feeling that I've failed myself, my family and everyone around me. When i sat back late at night, about 3 AM+. Had made the decision to end it all. This had been coming no doubt throughout the year. The preparations and planning took on about 30-40 mins.

And before i went ahead, I decided to call my dad. He was serving in the UN army overseas at the time. It was about 4 AM+ and he was shocked to receive my call, and asked me what's wrong. Of course i didn't tell him what i was about to do, all i said was sorry for not studying well and sobbed throughout the whole call. He was calming me down, i'm grateful i didn't end the call cause what he said next will be the turning point.

"Whatever happens in the exam, don't worry about it. Go and sit for the papers if you can, else just skip it. I sent myself to this 3rd world country to serve not because it''s my job. But to send you and your sister to University. I'm making enough money now, when i'm back we'll look to get you into foundation or diploma course. I know you didn't want to do STPM but i had no other choice given our situation at the time. Now it's different. So don't worry if you fail, there's always another way around."

He said he will call me back in 5 minutes using his office phone, since the phone bill was gonna boom. Overseas call was not cheap at the time. He ended the call, and said wait for his call.

This 5 minutes got me thinking, even though i'm fighting multiple issues at this time. Studies was least of my concern. But it meant so much to him that he'd sacrifice he's life to go overseas. All for the sake of sending me and my siblings to Uni. The next call came in, slowly but surely he got into my head. Next thing i know, i stopped thinking about ending it. Went to bed. Slept and woke up after a couple of hours and went for the exams. Failed all tho.

That night spurred me on. Placed my past behind me, went to sign up for foundation courses using my SPM cert. Got into a reputable Uni. Toughest 5 years of my life. Failed multiple times, But persisted to get up and continue on as i was half way or close to the end. Graduated with a cgpa of 2.5 in Finance field. Thankfully got an internship with a reputable bank, did well and impressed them to a get a permanent job and placement. Earning a comfortable earning at the moment. Recently bought a pretty expensive car and could see the happiness in my parents face.

This is in no way a showcase of my life or current good lifestyle. But to think back and know all this moments I'm living in now. The laughter, happiness and joy i bring to folks and receive back in return. It could all never have existed if i didn't make the call. Depression is a serious issue that we often overlook. Pressure exist from all stages in life, it's how we understand the pressure and use to our best advantage to spur us forward as a catalyst.

Good sharing, thank you

Very good post. Many people ridicule those who suicide, without understanding that suicide is a disease, a sickness and not just a problem that anyone can solve easily. Many times, the best medication is for their friends and family to support and be there for them in that moment.

Wow and I salute you for having the courage to share your story. Good to hear you turned out well

remember again, materials gain wont be able to sustaining the happiness in long run....

And to this, I say, you will be a greater person. For every fall, how you get up is what matters. As long as you have the determination, patience and perseverance to get up every time, you will learn and succeed. Keep it up.

Suicide doesn't solve things. You will exist as a wandering ghost without a body reliving painful moments until your planned lifespan is over.

Not worth it.

those suffering from depression should see this.

the people around you loves you very much.

good sharing ts.

Thanks for sharing

thank you for the sharing

nice...thanks for sharing...

time to pay back parents with interest

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing.

Inspiring... and good that you got a good job...
I had suicide thought since I was small, esp when I see some suicide news...
2 times in my life... one was in Form5, and one was during my degree FYP.
I been through my hardest depression while I was on my FYP.
Its worst, and the thought of failing keep cycle in your mind...

After I started working, only I know that study life is just a small sesame part of life...
Dont know why I let it disrupt my life so much that time...

I am from a poor background as well, but I am still not able to brought happiness to my parents face yet unlike ts....
I feel small and very limited... my income, skills etc.....

Mind sharing what car and your role in the bank?

This post has been edited by Dachshund: Jan 2 2019, 08:27 PM

Glad to have you now today TS, your sharing in your depressive experience really inspiring. I'm too once in your shoe, once a depressed person but I got my loving family that support me through and through.

Thanks for sharing ts. You are a good man, and so is your dad.

Sorry to have to put this to you, feeling down and pressured is a normal part of life. Depression is not, depression is a clinical condition.
What you went through is probably what most teenagers go through, the inevitable fear or pressure of failure from their narrowly defined world view.

Just don't like people throwing it all in a pot, it doesn't help the cause and puts unnecessary strain on our limited mental health care resources.

nice sharing, love til old and grey