i don't think there's enough empirical evidence to suggest that.
there's some correlation but correlation doesn't mean causalities.

we are talking about cancer here not environmental cost.
capitalism like democracy is imperfect, but it's the best thing we got for now. yes most of the scientific team are funded by big business, but the scientific establishment is very democratic in nature as there's are NGO NPO who finance scientific research.

it May hard for some humans to accept that in this day and age we just didn't know a lot. particularly our own Bodies. why it malfunction etc etc. but it is, what it is. we just don't know.

no one really knows what make our cells goes hair wire. but Cancer cells are build into human DNA, we produce thousand of them everyday. it's a putar Halim putar situation where and when we win the stupid da ma cai draw where those cells goes undetected by our own white blood cells and are allowed to multiply.

me myself have got it, my best friend got it,my aunt got it. i meet hundreds of cancer patients and ask them around. it's not scientific and it might as well be biased. but it seems it doesn't matter where you live,how you live your live, your are health concious or not.

well probably it just that. human live expectancy has increased dramatically from 29 few hundred years ago to 80 currently. it's already unnatural thanks to antibiotics & vaccination. an increase in cancer case is probably just correlate to the increase in population & life expectancy.

i think it would happen in our lifetime. the fiat monetary policy has it limit and world debt level is already 350% of global GDP. well unless we as a species manage to solve africa problem and turn it into the next asia.

i think it's amazing human wrote themselves a fairy tail, convinced other it's real and everyone pretend it's real. at the end of the day, money, democracy, country, ethnic, nationality, inflation,even scarcity are just made up fantasy.

me myself a cancer survivor.
i say it futile to continue on in such fantasy.

cancer medication aren't really medication.
it involves cutting people open, then blast them with radiation afterwards put WW2 nazi design bioweapon into people bloodstream. at the end the bodies natural defense is so weak that it like an invitation to viruses and bacteria to invade in which the doctor would classified it as complications.infact the medication fuck people up more than the cancer itself can do. i understand it fully as I had spend a month in a cancer ward. it's stupid. their next ,head etc are burned due to radiation, it's akin to 3rd degree burn, it's painful, everyone there know there's no hope but they keep doing it and promise the patient they can do it, ask them to do another round and another.for the sake of their love one.

at the end it never about the patient, it's about the expectations of society. the society dictated that all live is precious and people have to put up a fight to continue on living and thus euthanasia aren't allowed.at the end society are pushing people to suffer simply due to their sake in a believe they themselves created.

i mean statistically speaking i don't have much time left, the fact that my white blood cell and killer T cell fails it mean it just a matter of time it would fail again. I'm just going to live my live with no regrets. and I'm just going to say whatever i want.

I'm a religious man, I'm sure TS is too. death is not the end of everything. it's just the beginning of something else. personally, me myself, don't fear death. actually am quite looking forward to it. wonder what it would look like.

I'm not going to say things that society want to hear. but from the bottom of my heart, i hope God take mercy on TS, i hope God compensate TS for the suffering he has to endure,the lost of his dreams, i wish TS would eventually found happiness in the hereafter.

skin cancer.
i got a pinggan size hole in my tummy.

i was lucky it shows up physically and slow growing that diagnosed can be carried out. but not lucky enough, got yearly check up as doc doctor would inspect my body. statistically speaking it would likely happen again. if it happens they would cut and cut and cut i would be full of hole by then. i ask what happened if it on my face or nose and the doktor say they would cut it too then do reconstruction surgery.

but my aunt & best friend aren't.TS too. it is hidden. and it was diagnosed to late. at 3rd stage it mean the cancer cell has goes throughout the body. it would usually goes to the bone and make it brittle, it would break at the slight of movement. but you need to move patient around to avoid blood clot which is even more painful.

seeing that TS is on ventilator it mean that the cancer cells had arrived to the lung, at this point like my late Aunt, he would be in so much suffering as he felt lemas. can you imagine not being able to breath? no matter how hard you try, no matter how much force oxygen is feed. you can't just breath.

at this point the body would facilitate the oxygen to just the important organ, so as time progress,he would lost conciousness as the cells in his body die to being oxygen starved afterwards he would be in a coma as the brain is deprived of oxygen.

at this point in time,TS is in a much better place. his suffering has ended. and the hospital are just pretending. they are just waiting for the cancer to fully englobed TS lung that it would not respond to the oxygen anymore.

so I'm not going to say. fight on ts or get well soon. i think it's cruel.

.nah. I'm incapable of empathy..
say anything you want, i don't feel anything.
most often i worries that i offend others.
and I do know i usually do it.

i can understand the concept of it and I can kinda feel it.
if anything it just chemical secretion by my brain to influence my decisions making.

to be fair, i have some superficial faith until I was 16-17. i couldn't really care what ustaz say. i think it's stupid.so many of it rules is what I consider stupid. the basic things is why God need a name, shouldn't God just mean God?. unsatisfied with expmaination i figured why depend on people when I can do it myself.

so at that time, i was in Melaka, my mom work at GH. and the state mosque besides it got itself a nice looking big library but no one was there. so i use it to study afterwards i would read some book on theologist.

at the end of it i continue on at UIA, which is very sufis place, not really what i expected, i thought it was crawling with taliban. at the end it just full of Syed Saddiq & Mazlee. i do enjoyed the theology discussion there.

For which i arrive at my current conclusion. the scientific truth is people should just be agnostics. the believe there is a God or there's no God is just a matter of believe. basically it what seem like a scientific experiment/virtual simulation in which the creation after given intellect can observe the existence of the creator.


but the evidence for me that is more tilted toward there is a God. particularly as concluded by albert einstein or ibnu Sina argument of God existance through the contexts of eyes creation.

but of course ibnu Sina & Albert Einstein ideas of a God is not a personal God. So personally i don't believe in a personal God, i mean a supreme being being our own personal santa claus. off course not.i belip people who believe in a personal God is suffering from delusional of grandiose.


what intrigued me really is the idea of a souls. a souls isn't physical or in a sense it isn't comprehensible in our limited abilities. so it s either just mean it's a delusions and not real or it exists in a higher dimensions (plain). i felt that way Is because a human body seem to work more like a robot that i 'piloted' then myself. at the end of the day I'm not granted superuser access to this body of mine. if i got it then all I need is to type " sudo apt attack cell" and I'm cancer free, to be buff just type sudo apt buff or something or just sudo apt disable pain receptors. but I can't. the whole medical systems is about hacking your android phone to do what we want because we don't have root access to it.

another thing is all observable matter in the universe never actually disappear. it's changed shape but the amount of matter is still the same since the time of the big bang. so if soul and even conciousness exist then it would just changed forms rather than just disappear.

religion are pretty simple really. for now i only had read really some part of quran, some synopsis of the bible/veda . it's seem if we just subtract the man made edition to it. it's really simple.

1) we using the limited abilities we got have to come to a conclusion that there is a God. it's not a complete empirical evidence that there is a God. but I comes to a conclusion that it is highly likely God exist.

2) just do good deeds on earth. being good is afterall statistically profitable even if we take our time on earth as the cut off point..

for now, I'm trying to figure out which version of God is God. but I say it might be futile as our intellectual, capabilities etc etc as albeit Einstein say would never be able to comprehend God. we can't even comprehend the world as it is.theres so much scientific advancements that precedes our own observation abilities. there's just so much thing we don't know.

.l was promised that i would be free of the constraints of 3 dimensions + times and can comprehend God & the universe when I'm dead. so Im really kinda looking forward to it.

maybe elon musk and the sufis are right in which the world is just a virtual illusion. basically just like in swords art online:alicesanation. i mean I must know.

RIP TS.

may God have pity on your soul