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 Need help on this mess.

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TSMiles0521
post Dec 9 2018, 11:54 PM, updated 6y ago

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Me and my gf have been dating for almost a year and i really love her. But sometimes she just like to think that im super man or physic, at the beginning of relqtionship she was very irrational and also have random mood swing. Like she can be happy for the beginning fo thebdateband me mad at me until she want to kill me at the wnd of the date.

I talk to my friends alot about us and most of them told me to end it cuz she is childisn until one time she told me she wanted to break up and ask me to think about it so i went out and had a few drink with friends and made a decision to break up with her. Except i didnt. I held and and they told me to stop bitching about it when i dont listnnto their advice.

So i carried on with my life. Until just now, ive recently started a new job in a new industry i know nothing about, and work is piling up, my pet dog just passed away and im mourning for its death, and she was visually un happy about something so i asked her whats wrong? She told me to that she was overhwlemed with studies and i dint know how to comfort her so i told her "better times will come but as of now we still have to fight" just tryingnto keep her motivated and tryingnto let her know im here with her and finally i reach her apartment thats when shit hit the fan.

I drove home. Instead of temaning her in her apartment and shebkept saying that i chose to walk away when she is down. I have to admit i was being insensetive but i was. Just thinking of going to home and sleep cuz i have an early day tomorrow and she was being extremely mad. I told her i was sorry and im just having too many things on mind and she said im making this about myself.

I really duno how to deal with this. Am i a fool for trying or not taling my friends advice? I kept apologizing and she just kept shouting at me.


tsg_7
post Dec 10 2018, 12:18 AM

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End jer la...apa susah.
Worst part u susah hati for few days then u will forget about it since u need to work the shit out in your new job.
Man it up..
rose cindy
post Dec 10 2018, 07:39 AM

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still a student.. she wont underdstand you, she is self centre and only want attention.
probably you need to leave her however if both of u still love each other, please sit down together and talk. you not wanna live like that everyday right....
lil_flank
post Dec 10 2018, 08:36 AM

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QUOTE(Miles0521 @ Dec 9 2018, 11:54 PM)
Me and my gf have been dating for almost a year and i really love her. But sometimes she just like to think that im super man or physic, at the beginning of relqtionship she was very irrational and also have random mood swing. Like she can be happy for the beginning fo thebdateband me mad at me until she want to kill me at the wnd of the date.

I talk to my friends alot about us and most of them told me to end it cuz she is childisn until one time she told me she wanted to break up and ask me to think about it so i went out and had a few drink with friends and made a decision to break up with her. Except i didnt. I held and and they told me to stop bitching about it when i dont listnnto their advice.

So i carried on with my life. Until just now, ive recently started a new job in a new industry i know nothing about, and work is piling up, my pet dog just passed away and im mourning for its death, and she was visually un happy about something so i asked her whats wrong? She told me to that she was overhwlemed with studies and i dint know how to comfort her so i told her "better times will come but as of now we still have to fight" just tryingnto keep her motivated and tryingnto let her know im here with her and finally i reach her apartment thats when shit hit the fan.

I drove home. Instead of temaning her in her apartment and shebkept saying that i chose to walk away when she is down. I have to admit i was being insensetive but i was. Just thinking of going to home and sleep cuz i have an early day tomorrow and she was being extremely mad. I told her i was sorry and im just having too many things on mind and she said im making this about myself.

I really duno how to deal with this. Am i a fool for trying or not taling my friends advice? I kept apologizing and she just kept shouting at me.
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Still studying and acting like this. Wouldnt it be more worst of she go out to the working society coz so many serigala?
ymc2303
post Dec 10 2018, 08:21 PM

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why do you need to say sorry if you done nothing wrong? to ease her heart?
there is no end to ease a temperamental princess.
when you are nice to her, she will undoubtedly step on your head.

leave her. if you still are sour, turn to your friends. they will help you through.
Ralna
post Dec 11 2018, 02:16 AM

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She has lost her respect for you.
Once respect is lost, it is difficult to be regained.

Love is unconditional, but relationship must be conditional. A healthy relationship has conditions that both partners mutually agree to and strictly observe.

E.g.
1. Ask permission before touching your partner's wallet or handphone or using his/her stuffs, and explain why you need to. It is a form of showing respect to ownership and privacy.
2. Be punctual. If you know you'll be late, inform in advance. Don't take your partner's time for granted.
3. Always convey your expectations and remove assumptions. Your partner may not remember details that you mentioned some time ago, so please remind him/her politely.


So, TS, if you still love her and wanna give it a last chance, draw relationship boundaries, set the expectations right, and write down the do's and don'ts that both partners have to follow, e.g. "I love you, but I don't permit you to shout at me disrespectfully. The moment you shout at me disrespectfully, I will walk away and let you cool down. After that, you will have to say sorry to me first, before I can talk to you again. "

If she can't cooperate, then it's time to leave her since she's unwilling to work on the relationship. The fault is then on her, not on you anymore.



Chaud
post Dec 11 2018, 11:49 AM

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not sure but from your story looks like she only care for herself.
fearless_kiki
post Dec 11 2018, 12:19 PM

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A relationship needs the support and understanding from both ways. If it's just one sided, there is no point of being in the relationship unless you want to continue torture yourself
lopo90
post Dec 11 2018, 01:02 PM

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Bro, is it fair for yourself to be in such position?

Putting so much burden on yourself where as the other party hardly lifts a finger and constantly being negative.

And you being so soft. Constantly apologizing to her WON'T make things better.

Bro, very clear cut, your gf is a CONTROLLER, bro. She'll drain your energy because you keep coming back for more

How long you can keep this up before you lash out in anger?
royalben
post Dec 11 2018, 06:38 PM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Dec 11 2018, 02:16 AM)
She has lost her respect for you.
Once respect is lost, it is difficult to be regained.

Love is unconditional, but relationship must be conditional. A healthy relationship has conditions that both partners mutually agree to and strictly observe.

E.g.
1. Ask permission before touching your partner's wallet or handphone or using his/her stuffs, and explain why you need to. It is a form of showing respect to ownership and privacy.
2. Be punctual. If you know you'll be late, inform in advance. Don't take your partner's time for granted.
3. Always convey your expectations and remove assumptions. Your partner may not remember details that you mentioned some time ago, so please remind him/her politely.
So, TS, if you still love her and wanna give it a last chance, draw relationship boundaries, set the expectations right, and write down the do's and don'ts that both partners have to follow, e.g. "I love you, but I don't permit you to shout at me disrespectfully. The moment you shout at me disrespectfully, I will walk away and let you cool down. After that, you will have to say sorry to me first, before I can talk to you again. "

If she can't cooperate, then it's time to leave her since she's unwilling to work on the relationship. The fault is then on her, not on you anymore.
*
Ralna is sort of right here. She has lost respect.
How has she lost your respect?
- You did not stand your ground. What you say, you didn't do. Unlike women, men's word are with integrity. You do what you say or simply don't say it at all.
Women use word loosely and that is just the way they are. If you don't do what you say, you are just like women.
- Punctual is important, I was not very good with time, I learn the hard way to be punctual. I always got my partner mad whenever I was late and I have to always deal with her being mad and disrespecting me which is not good. This is the same as doing what you say.
- You are not putting her back at her place. She climbing all over your head and you did not put her back where she stand. If she did something inappropriate and disrespect you or just blaming you for everything, you need to call her on it telling her that she is being disrespectful, being ridiculous and you don't tolerate such behavior and always be willing to walk away without saying sorry.

Myself is willing to let the girl have her mood swing or being crazy in her character or just being girly girl, that just what girls are. but as soon as she disrespect me, that's it. Never compromise yourself for a women.




xcxa23
post Dec 12 2018, 09:16 AM

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Every one got their own problem to solve and stress to deal with
Be it student or working adult
What couple should do is supporting each other.. and from the way u described, that gal ain't worth your attention.

If still wan to save the relationship, sit down and talk about it.
Sometimes heart to heart communications needed, not everything kept in heart or each other in the dark
If after all this still no changes, don't waste each other time.
anti-informatic
post Dec 12 2018, 03:43 PM

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Guess it's pretty obvious that there's no love/acceptance/tolerance here, it's all about how she want to practice her mental & let her emotion run wild without control.

The one thing you can do instead of keep on feeding her the unnecessary attention and her freedom to practice her emotion, walk away and once she's calm the next few days or so, try to initiate a talk and communicate on how to work things out.

I assume she's very new to knowing how relationship suppose to work, need to learn a lot about importance of proper communication instead of shouting/yelling, understanding each other difficulties/opinion, etc. Teach/guide her and work on the proper relationship between both of u.

But if she's cant manage a relationship and just insist to practice her emotion..... guess it's really up to u to make the call. Leave it or let her be herself

QUOTE(rose cindy @ Dec 10 2018, 07:39 AM)
still a student..  she wont underdstand you, she is self centre and only want attention.
probably you need to leave her however if both of u still love each other, please sit down together and talk. you not wanna live like that everyday right....
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this.
Pete the great
post Dec 12 2018, 03:50 PM

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QUOTE(Miles0521 @ Dec 9 2018, 11:54 PM)
Me and my gf have been dating for almost a year and i really love her. But sometimes she just like to think that im super man or physic, at the beginning of relqtionship she was very irrational and also have random mood swing. Like she can be happy for the beginning fo thebdateband me mad at me until she want to kill me at the wnd of the date.

I talk to my friends alot about us and most of them told me to end it cuz she is childisn until one time she told me she wanted to break up and ask me to think about it so i went out and had a few drink with friends and made a decision to break up with her. Except i didnt. I held and and they told me to stop bitching about it when i dont listnnto their advice.

So i carried on with my life. Until just now, ive recently started a new job in a new industry i know nothing about, and work is piling up, my pet dog just passed away and im mourning for its death, and she was visually un happy about something so i asked her whats wrong? She told me to that she was overhwlemed with studies and i dint know how to comfort her so i told her "better times will come but as of now we still have to fight" just tryingnto keep her motivated and tryingnto let her know im here with her and finally i reach her apartment thats when shit hit the fan.

I drove home. Instead of temaning her in her apartment and shebkept saying that i chose to walk away when she is down. I have to admit i was being insensetive but i was. Just thinking of going to home and sleep cuz i have an early day tomorrow and she was being extremely mad. I told her i was sorry and im just having too many things on mind and she said im making this about myself.

I really duno how to deal with this. Am i a fool for trying or not taling my friends advice? I kept apologizing and she just kept shouting at me.
*
sorry to break it to you

she is not that into you

why she is moody at you?

its a sign that she is trying very hard to be with you but the chemistry just ain't there

Why the chemistry ain't there ? probably you ain't her type.

but having said that, there is nothing wrong with you. Just that perhaps she thinks you're not compatible, probably not romantic etc etc.

or she could have some ridiculous sky high requirement.

we don't really know.

your friends r right, its time to call it off.

but first you may want to know as to why she want a break up? ask her where you went wrong? you want to be a better person, that's all. perhaps you can use these lessons and be a better boyfriend next time.

About being busy in the job - yeah that's alright, don't worry, I think you have not done anything wrong in this case. You also need to build your career. But a relationship is suppose to compliment you not wear you down.
J1g54w
post Dec 19 2018, 12:09 AM

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sounds like both of you are not ready to be in a serious relationship

it's ok to call it off when it's not working out
Drian
post Dec 19 2018, 08:35 AM

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She’s not that into you. And don’t let her throw her tantrums at you.
Just walk away.

This post has been edited by Drian: Dec 19 2018, 08:37 AM

 

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