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TSlancer193
post Sep 2 2018, 01:34 PM, updated 6y ago

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-done

This post has been edited by lancer193: Mar 4 2019, 08:14 AM
Kanan Jarrus
post Sep 2 2018, 02:18 PM

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no, she ain't the one. remove yourself from this gold digger as quick as you can.

in fact, pray that there's an even richer guy nearby that comes in & sweep her off her feet with money, that should do the trick.

trust me, you don't wanna be with woman like her. Leave now
Lady Irrawaddy
post Sep 2 2018, 03:19 PM

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QUOTE(lancer193 @ Sep 2 2018, 01:34 PM)
I have been dating with this girl for 5 years.

We are now both 26, recently I bought a house and it will be completed in 2021.

As usual, "get a house and then get married" plan pops into my mind, so I started saving money for all these plans. On average I am working on saving 1.5k per month.

But I feel like my gf is not on sync with these plans, she still expect me to spend money on items that are deem unnecessary.

1) Every weekend have to go out movie, lunch, dinner around RM200-300 per outing

2) Every year at least one overseas trip (eg thailand or taiwan) cause while we still young I see a lot of ppl posting on facebook very nice to visit as reason

3) Occasionally send me some facial or beauty promotion and say "babe this promotion is so good and I got no money  cry.gif "

4) Recently borrowed money from me to buy the latest Iphone and promised to pay me back in 12 months installment. But she stopped paying after 2nd month, guilt me by saying can you don't be so kiamsiap or not bank also didnt chase me money like you chase me money.

5) Her sister got married last year and the total wedding cost almost 100k  bye.gif  so her parents expectation is high.
I am currently working in a GLC company earning quite decently around 4k per month, not poor but not rich either, but to be honest I worry about our future together and I did tried to explain to her my plan but she promised she will work towards the plan but 2 weeks later same thing happen again.

Have anyone of you encounter such experience? I really think she is the one but she could be driving me to the ground financially.  sad.gif

Please help
*
Stop feeding her, she needs to learn to be financially independent.

1) Fine, since you used to pay. But let her pay once a while.

2) Oversea trip every year? - better start to ask her to pay either airfare or hotel. Or you pay bigger portion. Please don't pay everything for her. She needs to work hard to get something. Let's see her true color.

3) No money, no need to do or buy anything. Unless, you wanted her to be like a princess, then you need to pay for her maintainance fees.

4) Let her buy with her credit card and pay to bank. I will let her learn to be independent. Or else, she did something great or special occasions, and you want to reward or surprise her.

5) None of your business, unless you want a grand wedding too. Wedding is just a ceremony of a new beginnibg, not the end. Think smart.

She sounds gold digger to me. Too young, and immature.

Unless she is pretty and nice body, or else I don't know why you still with her? Feelings or Intuition? Her characters will make you broke, and future conflicts.


burn22
post Sep 2 2018, 04:33 PM

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need to discuss straight to the point with ur gal.
certain things can tutup dua mata, but mesti ada limit.
everyone hv their needs, but the "needs" mesti ada compromise and sacrifice till plans/things get better.
if takdo kompromi and sacrifice, better angkat kaki and jalan terus, and never look back!! never ever regret!!
if one day you bcome jobless, will she be willing to be ur temporary backup?? not many are willing, most will oledi lari seribu tiang!!

TSlancer193
post Sep 2 2018, 05:55 PM

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QUOTE(Kanan Jarrus @ Sep 2 2018, 02:18 PM)
no, she ain't the one. remove yourself from this gold digger as quick as you can.

in fact, pray that there's an even richer guy nearby that comes in & sweep her off her feet with money, that should do the trick.

trust me, you don't wanna be with woman like her. Leave now
*
Thank you for your advise. I am looking for a solution before resorting to a break up. She dedicated 5 years of her youth to me, I feel like I owe her the action to at least fix it before break it.

QUOTE(magasel @ Sep 2 2018, 03:05 PM)
Sound like u r.with princess $$$$.

I know it's gonna be hard for u to let u cause u r hooked.with her.

100k.wedding exp is.ludicrous.

Pls have talk.with her about realistic expectations.

Talk about moving into ur house...saving money....buy proper stuff...but if this does not sink.in....It's goodbye

Trust me.It's gonna be painful.but less.painful.in the long run

Not impossible I have seen some.girls reform but borrow money from u to.buy ipong.then use emo blackmail.Not to pay is really bad news for.u.

I hope.I am.wrong but she look like she searching for someone who marches her high spending...and seems u r not qualify
*
We do have the talk a lot of times, she did changed a little from last time, but I don't expect much since its she is raised that way from her family. She is actually quite a hardworking person in her career and her part time businesses.

QUOTE(Lady Irrawaddy @ Sep 2 2018, 03:19 PM)
Stop feeding her, she needs to learn to be financially independent.

1) Fine, since you used to pay. But let her pay once a while.

2) Oversea trip every year? - better start to ask her to pay either airfare or hotel. Or you pay bigger portion. Please don't pay everything for her. She needs to work hard to get something. Let's see her true color.

3) No money, no need to do or buy anything. Unless, you wanted her to be like a princess, then you need to pay for her maintainance fees.

4) Let her buy with her credit card and pay to bank. I will let her learn to be independent. Or else, she did something great or special occasions, and you want to reward or surprise her.

5) None of your business, unless you want a grand wedding too. Wedding is just a ceremony of a new beginnibg, not the end. Think smart.

She sounds gold digger to me. Too young, and immature.

Unless she is pretty and nice body, or else I don't know why you still with her? Feelings or Intuition? Her characters will make you broke, and future conflicts.
*
Yeap, I always tell her she needs to be financially independent, what if I am not there to take care of her one day bye.gif

1) Sometime she will fork out for movie tickets, and we did come out with some kind of system where both of us will take turn to pay for stuffs, but I will always insist to pay for the large stuffs.

2) Same as above, we will share out the expenses. But both of our financial standing doesn't really allow us to do this one year once kind of thing, that really upsets her.

3) Agreed

4) She does not have a credit card, partially because she knows she can't control her spending. The whole reason I borrowed her money for the phone is to let her experience the pain of monthly commitment, seems like a lesson for me in the end not to borrow money to your loves one without expecting it back. tongue.gif

5) Well, wedding isn't about the couple. We both agreed on "travel wedding" but both of us know its not going to happen with both her parents in the way. The family is the problem here.. ranting.gif

Again, she dedicated 5 years of her life to me, I really hope this would work for both of us.

QUOTE(magasel @ Sep 2 2018, 04:21 PM)
Weekly dating should reduce yes 300 one outing too high.

Go.to.cheaper place to dine budget rm 50 for two. You pay ahh ?
*
Same as above, movie ticket we will try to squeeze our movie time before 6pm for Maybank promotion RM10 per ticket bruce.gif

And we share some of the expenses, she pay for the small things I pay for the big stuffs.

We did try going to some less expensive hobby like hiking and cycling, but she is not an outdoor person, prefer to go window shopping instead biggrin.gif while I am a very outdoor active person.

QUOTE(burn22 @ Sep 2 2018, 04:33 PM)
need to discuss straight to the point with ur gal.
certain things can tutup dua mata, but mesti ada limit.
everyone hv their needs, but the "needs" mesti ada compromise and sacrifice till plans/things get better.
if takdo kompromi and sacrifice, better angkat kaki and jalan terus, and never look back!! never ever regret!!
if one day you bcome jobless, will she be willing to be ur temporary backup?? not many are willing, most will oledi lari seribu tiang!!
*
Agree with your statement, will try to talk it out. I believe its because we were brought up in a different sets of environment, my family are thrifty in nature while hers is more yolo enjoy what you earn type. cry.gif


Thank you everyone who took your time to read and reply my thread. I feel better now after all those ranting and complaining. flex.gif
ymc2303
post Sep 2 2018, 08:37 PM

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DO NOT open joint accounts on banks or buying property. it will save your @ss.
imho, you don't have to go all out to plan for future until she is firm on her side to contribute, else its burden is too heavy for you to bear.
until she understands and contributes to your plan, i suggest do not feed her the materialistic way anymore. the more you feed her, the more she leech on you.
until she couldn't leech anymore, another gold fish will appear... let's not hope that happen.
VWXYZ
post Sep 2 2018, 11:27 PM

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talk to her. let her know your expectation and vice versa.
fearless_kiki
post Sep 3 2018, 08:05 AM

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Your budget does not meet her wants. Communication communication and communication is key. When your partner cannot control her finance, YOU are the one should control the situation.

1. Tell her frankly about your finance position. No sugarcoat or white lies. Set budget to everything from outings to travelling. You want travel? Backpacking ok mou? Everything needs to comprimise the house.

2. Talk to her about the future house. Be nice girl lah... now we NEED to pay installment for house already

3. DO NOT lend her money anymore. You can offer to pay her meals, bills... all those NEEDS but not WANTS

4. For the wedding part, try talk to the parents about it and see what is the next step.
Lady Irrawaddy
post Sep 3 2018, 08:15 AM

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QUOTE(Ghostfrog @ Sep 3 2018, 01:52 AM)
For no.2, if lets say u never sponsor all, at night how to get rewarded?
*
Hahaha....
Once a year trip, this is your goal?
You just make your partner sound like a whore or female escort.

You are too young, and your goal could become an easy prey for your partner too.

Are you planning to celebrate the next father's day? If not, explore places, people and foods together.


Chaud
post Sep 3 2018, 11:47 AM

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QUOTE(lancer193 @ Sep 2 2018, 05:55 PM)
Thank you for your advise. I am looking for a solution before resorting to a break up. She dedicated 5 years of her youth to me, I feel like I owe her the action to at least fix it before break it.
We do have the talk a lot of times, she did changed a little from last time, but I don't expect much since its she is raised that way from her family. She is actually quite a hardworking person in her career and her part time businesses.
Yeap, I always tell her she needs to be financially independent, what if I am not there to take care of her one day  bye.gif

1) Sometime she will fork out for movie tickets, and we did come out with some kind of system where both of us will take turn to pay for stuffs, but I will always insist to pay for the large stuffs.

2) Same as above, we will share out the expenses. But both of our financial standing doesn't really allow us to do this one year once kind of thing, that really upsets her.

3) Agreed

4) She does not have a credit card, partially because she knows she can't control her spending. The whole reason I borrowed her money for the phone is to let her experience the pain of monthly commitment, seems like a lesson for me in the end not to borrow money to your loves one without expecting it back.  tongue.gif

5) Well, wedding isn't about the couple. We both agreed on "travel wedding" but both of us know its not going to happen with both her parents in the way. The family is the problem here.. ranting.gif

Again, she dedicated 5 years of her life to me, I really hope this would work for both of us.
Same as above, movie ticket we will try to squeeze our movie time before 6pm for Maybank promotion RM10 per ticket  bruce.gif

And we share some of the expenses, she pay for the small things I pay for the big stuffs.

We did try going to some less expensive hobby like hiking and cycling, but she is not an outdoor person, prefer to go window shopping instead  biggrin.gif  while I am a very outdoor active person.
Agree with your statement, will try to talk it out. I believe its because we were brought up in a different sets of environment, my family are thrifty in nature while hers is more yolo enjoy what you earn type. cry.gif
Thank you everyone who took your time to read and reply my thread. I feel better now after all those ranting and complaining.  flex.gif
*
you do know that the parents shouldn't make their say if they are not paying for what they are expecting, right?
Aztec
post Sep 3 2018, 12:06 PM

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bro wtf..ur earning 4k a month and her family expects a 100k wedding? house? and how about the ring.does she expect a 30k ring as well? I cant even understand how this adds up.

Im earning 3 times what ur earning and my gf doesnt even ask me to get her anything. just a simple garden wedding and reasonable price ring will do. better to spend that amount of money for our house and travels.

i know 5 years is a long time but if u guys dont sync out what u want in life then marriage is not gonna last long. even if u spend 100k on the wedding
ZZR-Pilot
post Sep 3 2018, 01:13 PM

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QUOTE(lancer193 @ Sep 2 2018, 02:34 PM)

1) Every weekend have to go out movie, lunch, dinner around RM200-300 per outing

2) Every year at least one overseas trip (eg thailand or taiwan) cause while we still young I see a lot of ppl posting on facebook very nice to visit as reason

3) Occasionally send me some facial or beauty promotion and say "babe this promotion is so good and I got no money  cry.gif "

4) Recently borrowed money from me to buy the latest Iphone and promised to pay me back in 12 months installment. But she stopped paying after 2nd month, guilt me by saying can you don't be so kiamsiap or not bank also didnt chase me money like you chase me money.

5) Her sister got married last year and the total wedding cost almost 100k  bye.gif  so her parents expectation is high.
I am currently working in a GLC company earning quite decently around 4k per month, not poor but not rich either, but to be honest I worry about our future together and I did tried to explain to her my plan but she promised she will work towards the plan but 2 weeks later same thing happen again.

Have anyone of you encounter such experience? I really think she is the one but she could be driving me to the ground financially.  sad.gif

Please help
*
She is anak orang kaya, izzit? Used to living the pampered life thhanks to daddy's deep pockets?

Finances & money are among the biggest causes for divorce later on, just to let you know.


GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL and WIFE MATERIAL are two very different things, most ppl don't realize.

And when you find a girl who falls neatly in the overlapping areas between the two, you know she's the one to keep.

After 5 years being with her, you should know by now which category she falls into.
cc980024
post Sep 3 2018, 01:13 PM

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TS, you know why she continuously repeat the same thing (boros $) over and over again, eventhough at 1 hand promise to change in order for the wedding plan to works.. but on the other hand.. demanding holiday, spending on dates and luxury h/p.

All because you have been posing as "I will be there to handle problems". So.. when you say your budget is tight, yet she still wanted to spend.. as she will always think that you will have your solution. I always believe what kind of man, get what kind of woman (those extreme character). When you say "I can't always be there for you", that already an assurance that you will be there for her til the day you left her. Whenever you still with her (not die, no breakup).. you will not stop supporting her.

I see this quite well as my hubby is a total opposite of you. He never care, never bother.. only thing that attracts him are his hobbies. He is a big spender and we never have any savings. Of coz, being gf wanna trigger bf to save for wedding is harder than being a bf telling gf to spend less $ as bf need to save $.

By fate and luck, we were force into marriage with his parent's help, as his parents insist to follow some custom that we need to get married within 100 days of grandma's passing. We start our family with zero.. renting a house. He even have a few thousand RM outstanding credit card (13yrs bk) that takes like forever to settle and when I realize.. it seems that he serving credit card interest only. All because of his spending and bad financial management.

As a woman, I was force to be firm and consficate his full salary leaving him with a few hundred to spend. We both earn same figure. Decades later, we manage to have 2 property (1 paid off, 1 soon to paid off), have a child, have annual holiday out of asia, kid tertiary education fund, our retirement fund all in-progress. Why I come to this days, as my hubby will never tell me his plan, so for me.. he has no plan. That make me panic and plan. He is just there waiting things to happen, similar to you gf. But my situation is still slightly better, as my hubby allow me to handle his $, so that I can make sure he is financially balance. And not the usual gf spend finish, then parasite on bf.

A friendly advise to all guys, small little spending on gf .. such as once in a while fork out $ for a piece of clothes is ok. But for luxury gift, only to give during Birthday, or valentines day. If happen that she bought an iphone and requesting you to sponsor the rest (mentioning you kedekut)... tell her tats ok.. this will be her next birthday + valentine's day gift.

As for wedding expenses, if you can train her to understand that the more a husband spend on wedding, meaning she is making her own husband poorer, in another word.. she also poorer. This was what I told my mom when I ask her how much dowry that my bf (hubby) need to pay. I actually say "mom, don't ask so much.. later I marry him..he broke already, what's the point?" tongue.gif
Lady Irrawaddy
post Sep 3 2018, 06:29 PM

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QUOTE(Ghostfrog @ Sep 3 2018, 12:59 PM)
How am i becoming a prey for my partner?

In terms of what?
*
Whatever you are doing, don't let anyone know your last card. Easier to control and monitor the situation, no matter at workplace and in relationship.
Lady Irrawaddy
post Sep 3 2018, 06:30 PM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ Sep 3 2018, 01:13 PM)
TS, you know why she continuously repeat the same thing (boros $) over and over again, eventhough at 1 hand promise to change in order for the wedding plan to works.. but on the other hand.. demanding holiday, spending on dates and luxury h/p.

All because you have been posing as "I will be there to handle problems". So.. when you say your budget is tight, yet she still wanted to spend.. as she will always think that you will have your solution. I always believe what kind of man, get what kind of woman (those extreme character). When you say "I can't always be there for you", that already an assurance that you will be there for her til the day you left her. Whenever you still with her (not die, no breakup).. you will not stop supporting her.

I see this quite well as my hubby is a total opposite of you. He never care, never bother.. only thing that attracts him are his hobbies. He is a big spender and we never have any savings. Of coz, being gf wanna trigger bf to save for wedding is harder than being a bf telling gf to spend less $ as bf need to save $.

By fate and luck, we were force into marriage with his parent's help, as his parents insist to follow some custom that we need to get married within 100 days of grandma's passing. We start our family with zero.. renting a house. He even have a few thousand RM outstanding credit card (13yrs bk) that takes like forever to settle and when I realize.. it seems that he serving credit card interest only. All because of his spending and bad financial management.

As a woman, I was force to be firm and consficate his full salary leaving him with a few hundred to spend. We both earn same figure. Decades later, we manage to have 2 property (1 paid off, 1 soon to paid off), have a child, have annual holiday out of asia, kid tertiary education fund, our retirement fund all in-progress. Why I come to this days, as my hubby will never tell me his plan, so for me.. he has no plan. That make me panic and plan. He is just there waiting things to happen, similar to you gf. But my situation is still slightly better, as my hubby allow me to handle his $, so that I can make sure he is financially balance. And not the usual gf spend finish, then parasite on bf.

A friendly advise to all guys, small little spending on gf .. such as once in a while fork out $ for a piece of clothes is ok. But for luxury gift, only to give during Birthday, or valentines day. If happen that she bought an iphone and requesting you to sponsor the rest (mentioning you kedekut)... tell her tats ok.. this will be her next birthday + valentine's day gift.

As for wedding expenses, if you can train her to understand that the more a husband spend on wedding, meaning she is making her own husband poorer, in another word.. she also poorer. This was what I told my mom when I ask her how much dowry that my bf (hubby) need to pay. I actually say "mom, don't ask so much.. later I marry him..he broke already, what's the point?" tongue.gif
*
You are wise because you think of your future.
Thumb up!
cc980024
post Sep 3 2018, 07:26 PM

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In short, find a partner who will work hand-in-hand with u to build a future. Like this she will appreciate every little thing that both of you achieve and it will speed up the target. As getting a woman who behave like a parasite, will only complaint you are not capable enough to provide what she expected in future, furthermore slow you down.
shinkawa
post Sep 4 2018, 11:41 AM

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ideal wife

1. able to independent (if one day you jobless. At least she can still survive without asking single cent)
2. reasonable (make decision that make sense)
3. supportive (support your good side, help to cure your bad side)
4. dependable ( hey can help me go pos office pay bill? and do not expect the answer "i dont know how")

being husband and wife is able to support each other. not just one sided. If one side, you better be single. No point spend all your effort but you not happy at all.
jVIPERs2
post Sep 4 2018, 11:48 AM

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If you insist to want to marry this girl, guess you’ll have to prepare “shotgun”...

Once success, you’ll get the girl though sometimes your quality of life may or may not improve...but since her perceived market value has declined, she may be more reasonable...

All in all you’ll get to be with the girl for the next few years...
hinder
post Sep 8 2018, 09:01 PM

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QUOTE(lancer193 @ Sep 2 2018, 01:34 PM)
I have been dating with this girl for 5 years.

We are now both 26, recently I bought a house and it will be completed in 2021.

As usual, "get a house and then get married" plan pops into my mind, so I started saving money for all these plans. On average I am working on saving 1.5k per month.

But I feel like my gf is not on sync with these plans, she still expect me to spend money on items that are deem unnecessary.

1) Every weekend have to go out movie, lunch, dinner around RM200-300 per outing

2) Every year at least one overseas trip (eg thailand or taiwan) cause while we still young I see a lot of ppl posting on facebook very nice to visit as reason

3) Occasionally send me some facial or beauty promotion and say "babe this promotion is so good and I got no money  cry.gif "

4) Recently borrowed money from me to buy the latest Iphone and promised to pay me back in 12 months installment. But she stopped paying after 2nd month, guilt me by saying can you don't be so kiamsiap or not bank also didnt chase me money like you chase me money.

5) Her sister got married last year and the total wedding cost almost 100k  bye.gif  so her parents expectation is high.
I am currently working in a GLC company earning quite decently around 4k per month, not poor but not rich either, but to be honest I worry about our future together and I did tried to explain to her my plan but she promised she will work towards the plan but 2 weeks later same thing happen again.

Have anyone of you encounter such experience? I really think she is the one but she could be driving me to the ground financially.  sad.gif

Please help
*
This girl is definitely not a gold digger, she just wants what her peers (or any girl) would want.

Having said that, both your expectations differ and I think you can’t afford her. Realistically, earning 4K at 26 is just OK, perhaps leaning towards the mid-lower end of the spectrum. Having to spend 300 on outings is perfectly normal these days and so is a yearly overseas trip. If you really find it difficult to spend a little to make your girl happy then you’ll have to understand that more troubles await you in future. Again, you’re prudent and probably on the right track but you can’t afford this girl in the long run.
ipohmali70
post Sep 10 2018, 12:28 PM

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QUOTE(lancer193 @ Sep 2 2018, 01:34 PM)
I have been dating with this girl for 5 years.

We are now both 26, recently I bought a house and it will be completed in 2021.

As usual, "get a house and then get married" plan pops into my mind, so I started saving money for all these plans. On average I am working on saving 1.5k per month.

But I feel like my gf is not on sync with these plans, she still expect me to spend money on items that are deem unnecessary.

1) Every weekend have to go out movie, lunch, dinner around RM200-300 per outing

2) Every year at least one overseas trip (eg thailand or taiwan) cause while we still young I see a lot of ppl posting on facebook very nice to visit as reason

3) Occasionally send me some facial or beauty promotion and say "babe this promotion is so good and I got no money  cry.gif "

4) Recently borrowed money from me to buy the latest Iphone and promised to pay me back in 12 months installment. But she stopped paying after 2nd month, guilt me by saying can you don't be so kiamsiap or not bank also didnt chase me money like you chase me money.

5) Her sister got married last year and the total wedding cost almost 100k  bye.gif  so her parents expectation is high.
I am currently working in a GLC company earning quite decently around 4k per month, not poor but not rich either, but to be honest I worry about our future together and I did tried to explain to her my plan but she promised she will work towards the plan but 2 weeks later same thing happen again.

Have anyone of you encounter such experience? I really think she is the one but she could be driving me to the ground financially.  sad.gif

Please help
*
This girl is not worth your time or money. Ditch her.


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