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 Just be yourself, Is this a good advice ?

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TSroyalben
post Aug 20 2018, 03:38 AM, updated 6y ago

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Is it a good advice ?
We have all heard about this sentence "just be yourself" and things will work it out themselves. It's an advice easy to give but difficult to apply. Does being yourself gets the girl to like you? Most of us will answer no, because we have been conditioned since young that it's not ok to be ourselves. We have been conditioned since young that we have to act or behave in certain ways before our parents can like us. Don't start blaming your parents because there is no parenting strategy in the world that can avoid this. Hence you are used to act in a certain way so that your parents will like you.
So logically to us, to get a girl to like us we are using the same method to act or behave in a certain way other than being ourselves. When we do that, girls see that we are fake and creepy. They smell it from a mile away. You can always learn certain behaviour to attract girls but it won't last long.
Almost everyone knows the 'just be yourself' advice yet not many people do it because the fear of getting rejected is so real and painful. When we were young, if we are rejected by our parents it will mean death because we are dependent on our parents, we know this subconsciously hence we have to behave properly than acting like a children and we bring this believe to adulthood.
Being yourself in front of the girl you like will mean that you have to accept that she may not like you or reject you cause not every girl you meet will like you, this is fact. People like to think if you like her, she have to like you back, this is not accurate. You'll have to be able let her go and settle to the fact that she may not like you. This is a difficult thing to do, so before you give this advice, think twice.

What is being yourself?
Some people even forgot how to be themselves that they lack presence or lack emotions when you communicate with them which always come out as boring. They have been putting on a mask for so long that they forgot who they are and these surpressed emotions will force their way out one way or another.
Being yourself is about being honest with your own feelings. When you feel nervous talking to a girl, don't hide it by being cool, just tell her about it. When you are horny, show it but be aware of our society's limitations. When you feel insecure, don't try to be controlling, accept it and talk about it. Show your intentions and be ok with it, even if the intention doesn't goes our way. Meaning acceptance.
Being yourself doesn't mean you stop changing about yourself. It means being human, being stupid, being clueless, being humiliated, being a failure and know it is totally OK. It is totally fine because as part of being human, you will learn from it and laugh about it.

This post has been edited by royalben: Aug 25 2018, 02:38 PM
superng888
post Aug 20 2018, 07:53 AM

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Hi TS,

"Just be yourself" needs to have a limit. Undeniably people today judge a book by its cover so we have to adapt to appear good so we appeal to others. A simple concept would be a lady wearing makeup and another lady who doesn't. Of course, the lady wearing makeup will look more appealing than the lady without.

Being yourself is supposed to be a dynamic change. Keep your good traits and try your best to remove your bad habits. It's very wrong to smoke cigarettes claiming that such trait is just "being yourself". It's wrong to go around having affairs saying that is "being yourself" and flirting with your currently significant other was just part of you "being yourself."

All this is just my opinion though.
Blofeld
post Aug 20 2018, 09:25 AM

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Girls keep telling guys "to be yourself" so that they can see your true colours as soon as possible.

If u r boring and not romantic, how can you be yourself? Girls will run away.

So, need to adapt a bit and NOT to be yourself in order to improve.
ymc2303
post Aug 20 2018, 10:30 AM

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in another word, come clean. else if they find out you are pretending to be someone that you are not, which they and their intuition will, there won't be a second chance. honesty shows sincerity. if she doesn't not interested, move on.
ViNC3
post Aug 20 2018, 11:13 AM

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People kept on blathering about being yourself, yourself are the best, don't lose yourself, don't change etc.

The point is not to 'BE YOURSELF', but it should be 'BE YOUR BEST SELF'.
If you are not good enough, change and be a BETTER SELF.

Or let me put in layman term in case you don't get what I meant:-

"If you are a good/kind/Hardworking/Passionate person, then by all means, Be yourself!

but if you are a jerk/Lazy/bad/rude person, then Don't be yourself."



Spawny
post Aug 20 2018, 02:03 PM

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In dating, if you have bad fashion sense please don't "Be yourself" in this, you can always change your appearance either in your clothes or facial. Be yourself in your humor is the most important, girls that tell if your faking your humor or if your not being genuine. Dress up properly on dates and then be yourself, if a girl like you then then your in good hands I would say.
mini_sushi
post Aug 20 2018, 04:54 PM

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Don't 100% trust the person who tells you "Be yourself" especially if the person is pursuing you. At first normally they will usually tell you "I'll still love you no matter who you are, how you are. I like you just the way you are" then eventually this "be yourself" will become the reason they dump you. They will tell you I no longer can tahan you this and that or you are not the ideal girl/boy that I want.

Still need has at least a bit of "ideal bf/gf" quality to survive.


mIssfROGY
post Aug 23 2018, 11:07 AM

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if u dont be yourself now.....later will also b the same when the other half found that you are not all that....but maybe at least get to try be4 la smile.gif
TSroyalben
post Aug 25 2018, 03:12 PM

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As @magasel have mentioned, it is another way of saying being honest with yourself. Acknowledge that feeling that you kept pent up all this while and maybe express a small part of it, not all of it because it is dangerous to express it all as you have already know you may get hurt.
Being yourself also means being vulnerable by letting others know who you are, and being vulnerable shows bravery and girls admire bravery. It is because it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable due to the risk of being laugh at, ridicule at, shunned off, etc hence it is really brave to do it and this is usually what makes people make a real change of themselves. They will evolve in their own creative sense being their own better unique self.
If you are wearing a mask by not being yourself, what ever people say about you, or what ever you experience in life, you will not feel it because it is just a shell being hit and the shell experiencing.
Once you have been wearing a mask long enough and all the feeling kept building subconsciously inside, it will eventually find a way out one way or another. This is what we called loneliness pain, depression, fetishes and so on.


 

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