QUOTE(Blofeld @ Aug 6 2018, 08:21 AM)
Like he said, "family comes first". Let's him have that. Better leave. He prioritise his family over you.
A friend told me about this type of family before.
-Very traditional
-Strict filial piety
-Strict gender role separation (Women are expected to do certain tasks)
For example, on the first day of Chinese New Year, as a daughter-in-law, you will be expected to cook, do all the housechores, clean up the plates while the rest of his family members do nothing.
Don't ever get close to such family unless you like being in a traditional family. This is no longer about comprimising. This is more like family bullying or university ragging.
Then the cycle continues. Next time, you will do it on (bully) your daughter-in-law. I heard this story countless times.
I quite agree to this. As I see some of my friends stay at hubby side for Day 1 CNY (is fine, as tradition) and by right Day 2 CNY, they should go bk to girl's side of family. But the MIL say her daughter coming bk for dinner (Day2) and told the DIL to delay her trip so that they can have family gathering (with both son & daughter). Which means, they don't even bother that DIL also ppl's daughter, and ppl's parents also longing to see their gal in Day2. At times, don't be too friendly til ppl take you for granted.
During the day of my wedding, my mom reminds me that "If you feel unhappy, come home. This home is forever yours, if you don't feel good there." My mom said this coz during her wedding, my traditional grandma told her "You married ady, if you quarrel with hubby, don't come home. Malu only." She got no backup and when kena bully by my dad, she feel so lone. My mom said, girls who have capability to earn their own living, don't need to live under the control of other ppl. You ctrl your own life. But at the same day, my aunty (out of good manners), she simply told my MIL "teach my niece, if she doesn't know anything yah.. just bear with her weakness". Coz of this sentence, after I got married, I felt my MIL become very unfriendly .. simply anything then tell me that my aunty "pesan" her to teach me!
Of coz, after that I confront my aunty telling her what happen. And after that, so happen there is a chance my aunty met my MIL and she change her sentence "my niece working, earning as hard as your son too, if possible don't expect she can do more chores than your son la.. hahahaha".
I have once request my hubby to do CNY eve lunch instead of dinner, since both his siblings are singles (still student) and free to adjust for us. Whereas my family side, I have all my siblings gathered during dinner (which I can't join). But they not willing to give us this convenient, claiming that guy side must eat dinner.. sigh. Then I condition my hubby, if they dun entertain my request, future don't regret. REALLY! 1 day, they come request to change it to Lunch gathering for my SIL convenience.. sorry .. NO WAY.
Always remember, though there are traditional/cultural or whatever rules that may bind us. It still depends if we are willing to follow. For me, if I feel ok, I will do follow as much as possible. But if when I felt threatened or lack of respect (me as a member of this family), sorry.. I do my way. In short, if you want me to put importance to his family, his family must make me feel important too. Don't drag my nose around
This post has been edited by cc980024: Aug 6 2018, 08:44 AM