QUOTE(sadboyz00 @ Aug 10 2018, 08:29 AM)
Now, she really didn't contact the other guy already, I know in future she won't also. She asks me to forgive her and don't think about her old mistakes and accept her again. But I don't know how to totally accept her now as she cheated me so many times before.
In earlier, she told me they are just friends and the guy younger than her and they impossible become couple. But few weeks later, they become like couple (the time when I keep apologize to her and tell her how much I love her and ask her comeback to me).
I feel so imbalance to accept her now because how can she accept another guy when I everyday SMS and call her and she knows I still loves her. She know my selfish behaviour, If she chooses to be with another guy, I won't accept her again later. That's means she never think we will together again?
She told me yes she never think she will be together with me again as she think I will never change and she hopes I can treat next girl better as she feels that I actually dont love her so I treated her so bad. But after that she feels that I really change and she can see my sincerity. After thinking, she want to be with me.
Yesterday i asked her to gave me her handphone to check. I recovered some of the old chats and I found some of their chat history. When I saw their chat, I felt so angry and disappointed. I did told my gf I am hard to accept after I saw the chat (even the chat just only say like calling each other baby, and talk about daily life things).
Ok,now she asked me to totally forget what she done to me at the past and accept the new her. She said she promise she will never ever do that again and really want to be together with me again. She said I am so good now, she hopes I won't repeat the old mistakes. So, I know now she accepted me. But I felt so imbalance of what she done to me.
I know it was my mistake of this broken relationship, but what i cares and feel hard to accept her now is why she choose to be in relationship with others when I trying my best to save the relationship that time? Is that that time she don't love me at all while everyday see my SMS and chats? Dont have feeling at all? I can't find a reason for these questions so I feel so hard to totally forgive what she done to me.
I hope forumers here can give me some opinions.
You're trying too hard to keep a relationship that is long gone. The damage is done, the cracks are there, and her heart isn't the same. What's keeping you two together is you are each other's first love, but the next time when you have major quarrels again, or when she is more mature/ sick and tired of you, she'll walk out of this relationship and be with another guy.
Now she's back to you coz of her conscience. You used emotional & moral blackmail to control her ("I'm your bf, how can you do this to me??!"). She knew she didn't break up with you properly before she started seeing other guys, and hence the apology and all that, but the next time you're at fault/ hurt her again...
You cannot control her thoughts. She will miss that guy eventually, and will still contact him. Even if she doesn't, he will contact her eventually. IMO, she has feelings for the guy, otherwise they wouldn't be hugging, kissing or calling each other baby. That guy has a special place in her heart, because you weren't there when she needed you the most. You ignored her and left her alone in the relationship. You were missing in action for years, leaving her single and available. & now, you forced the two of them to "break up".
Well, I don't think this relationship will last long. You two are temporarily at peace with each other, before the next fight happens. & you won't be able to trust her fully coz of her "past betrayal" and the constant thought of her "betraying you again" will always be there. The paranoia will always be there, haunting you, and if you two quarrel again, you will bring this matter up again, coz you can't forgive and forget it.
You are a relationship bully, while she's too soft-hearted like a doormat. If you don't have plans to marry her, please let her go. She deserves a better man who treats her with respect and preserves her dignity, and a happier relationship that lasts for a lifetime. Sadly, you can't give her either. You had 10 years to treasure and cherish her, but you didn't. You took her for granted, assuming that she'd always be there for you though you treated her like shit.
Accept this: She only has some nostalgic feelings for you (first love & bf), but she doesn't love you anymore.
You hurt her too much, and will continue to do so, coz selfish people will always go around hurting other people. Your biggest mistake is to waste 10 years of her youth on a selfish guy like you, so if you truly love her, set her free.
Heard of this saying before?If you love someone, set her free.
If she ever comes back, she's yours.
If she doesn't, she never was.
Set her free, and put your relationship to test. A relationship that is one-sided (now you're holding on it) won't work in the long run. Your relationship is not genuine, and she will need to decide for herself if she truly wants to be with you, without facing any time pressure or emotional blackmail from you. Even if she says no in the end, respect her choice and her free will, and you'll have to move on after that.This post has been edited by Ralna: Aug 10 2018, 08:49 PM