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 Should I chase for the true reason of break up?, It's driving me crazy

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TStrithy
post Jun 18 2018, 01:31 AM, updated 6y ago

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My (ex)-bf just went to Australia for study last June. And last month, he sent me a short facebook message to break-up, reason given we both have bad temper, we not meant to be together.

I requested at least a proper phone call to discuss on this...I can't called him on Whatsapp, he changed his number. I tried to call him on facebook messenger then he blocked me on all social media...

I got his new phone number from a friend but I don't dare to Whatsapp him because I know he'll block me again...

It's been a month and I still can't get over it....I can't eat I can't sleep...It hurts so much

It's driving me crazy and bother me so much....I just want to at least have a proper conversation and know the real reason...It'll haunt me forever if I don't know the truth

Now I don't know whether I should fly over to confront him. What if I go there but he still don't want to come out see me?

cry.gif cry.gif cry.gif

This post has been edited by trithy: Jun 18 2018, 01:32 AM
babyqueen123
post Jun 18 2018, 01:34 AM

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Maybe you could ask his friend why
firefoxian
post Jun 18 2018, 01:35 AM

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QUOTE(trithy @ Jun 17 2018, 07:31 PM)
My (ex)-bf just went to Australia for study last June. And last month, he sent me a short facebook message to break-up, reason given we both have bad temper, we not meant to be together.

I requested at least a proper phone call to discuss on this...I can't called him on Whatsapp, he changed his number. I tried to call him on facebook messenger then he blocked me on all social media...

I got his new phone number from a friend but I don't dare to Whatsapp him because I know he'll block me again...

It's been a month and I still can't get over it....I can't eat I can't sleep...It hurts so much

It's driving me crazy and bother me so much....I just want to at least have a proper conversation and know the real reason...It'll haunt me forever if I don't know the truth

Now I don't know whether I should fly over to confront him. What if I go there but he still don't want to come out see me?

cry.gif  cry.gif  cry.gif
*
Firstly how old are both of you. Secondly, it's normal for someone to break up when the relationship is long-distance.

Why you are feeling 'crazy' all these emotions are normal during the first phase of breaking up. I suggest cry it all out first. Your wounds are still fresh. of course you want to look for a 'quick' solution to heal that pain.

and no, knowing the truth wont help you either. a break up is a break up. and it does break hearts.
TStrithy
post Jun 18 2018, 02:22 AM

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QUOTE(babyqueen123 @ Jun 18 2018, 01:34 AM)
Maybe you could ask his friend why
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I not so close with his friends...
the new phone number i got from our ex-colleague, and he said actually they haven't talk for long time, just that he got message him saying that he had changed phone number, if got anything can find him on that number....

QUOTE(firefoxian @ Jun 18 2018, 01:35 AM)
Firstly how old are both of you. Secondly, it's normal for someone to break up when the relationship is long-distance.

Why you are feeling 'crazy' all these emotions are normal during the first phase of breaking up. I suggest cry it all out first. Your wounds are still fresh. of course you want to look for a 'quick' solution to heal that pain.

and no, knowing the truth wont help you either. a break up is a break up. and it does break hearts.
*
we are about 30 yrs old

it affect me so much, I can't even concentrate on my working....

every second I am thinking is "why he treated me so cruel" "why is he doing this"..
firefoxian
post Jun 18 2018, 02:45 AM

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QUOTE(trithy @ Jun 17 2018, 08:23 PM)
we are about 30 yrs old

it affect me so much, I can't even concentrate on my working....

every second I am thinking  is "why he treated me so cruel" "why is he doing this"..
*
of course. like I said, fresh wounds. surely you die die always want to know why and wish you all wont break up. Let me tell you, its gonna get worse the coming days and weeks. You will also think about this, about him, then you see all the previous pics you all had together. you think about the happy moments, the sexy moments, sad moments all those.

no choice. break up is like fall down, injured and got wound one. everyone also want the wound to heal and all. but all these take time. and during that time you have to suffer. thats how it is.
ReiSan
post Jun 18 2018, 08:01 AM

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I guess he found another girl there so just move on.
cc980024
post Jun 18 2018, 08:15 AM

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QUOTE(trithy @ Jun 18 2018, 02:23 AM)
we are about 30 yrs old

it affect me so much, I can't even concentrate on my working....

every second I am thinking  is "why he treated me so cruel" "why is he doing this"..
*
Finding the answer won't heal your pain. It will only invite more questions, as no matter what answer he give you, you will always ask "y not tell me earlier? y this , y that."

You have to tell yourself that you are lucky that he let go your hand before both of you got married (instead of divorce after married), at the same time.. understand that he is an irresponsible man for walking out just like tat.

I recall my last breakup wit my ex-bf also another puzzle.. as he suddenly say we are not compatible (out of sudden) few months when we on LDR (just between Johor vs KL). Each time when he raised this "threats", I will travel 4hr bus to meet him up and every time when face-to-face.. he will not talk bout it, as in nothing happen. Until the final round, I really fed up and felt like a fool, when I realize he actually have an eye on his colleague but out of guilt, dare not proceed to woo that girl as he have a current gf (me). In another word, he trying to shake me off his hand, before he can hold another girl. My sadness changed to anger, that actually help me to heal faster. As I stop myself from thinking all the pass sweet moment with him.. until I meet my hubby.

This experience taught me that, when he have decided to walk out. No matter what is the real reason, I will see it as he have stop loving me. If he still love me, no matter what it takes, he will not leave + leave me crying. Hence, our tears don't go to the man who don't deserve it. As the man who love his woman, won't make her cry.
differ
post Jun 18 2018, 08:20 AM

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QUOTE(trithy @ Jun 18 2018, 01:31 AM)
My (ex)-bf just went to Australia for study last June. And last month, he sent me a short facebook message to break-up, reason given we both have bad temper, we not meant to be together.

I requested at least a proper phone call to discuss on this...I can't called him on Whatsapp, he changed his number. I tried to call him on facebook messenger then he blocked me on all social media...

I got his new phone number from a friend but I don't dare to Whatsapp him because I know he'll block me again...

It's been a month and I still can't get over it....I can't eat I can't sleep...It hurts so much

It's driving me crazy and bother me so much....I just want to at least have a proper conversation and know the real reason...It'll haunt me forever if I don't know the truth

Now I don't know whether I should fly over to confront him. What if I go there but he still don't want to come out see me?

cry.gif  cry.gif  cry.gif
*
Most likely third party involved. He just doesn't have the balls to you straight to your face.

wangpr
post Jun 18 2018, 09:14 AM

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QUOTE(trithy @ Jun 18 2018, 01:31 AM)
My (ex)-bf just went to Australia for study last June. And last month, he sent me a short facebook message to break-up, reason given we both have bad temper, we not meant to be together.

I requested at least a proper phone call to discuss on this...I can't called him on Whatsapp, he changed his number. I tried to call him on facebook messenger then he blocked me on all social media...

I got his new phone number from a friend but I don't dare to Whatsapp him because I know he'll block me again...

It's been a month and I still can't get over it....I can't eat I can't sleep...It hurts so much

It's driving me crazy and bother me so much....I just want to at least have a proper conversation and know the real reason...It'll haunt me forever if I don't know the truth

Now I don't know whether I should fly over to confront him. What if I go there but he still don't want to come out see me?

cry.gif  cry.gif  cry.gif
*
He already give you a reason where you dont believe his reason....

Yes, bad temper is the reason he dont like this relationship anymore....... So, just accept this reason n let it go........


ymc2303
post Jun 18 2018, 11:18 AM

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even if you flew over there, you will be scared to face him.
i'd think if both of you have temper, you would be more inferior than he was to you.
for the moment, take up the courage and embrace the impact of the hurt. have some close friends, bffs, family/relatives so you won't end up be depressed all the time. it does hurt quite a lot. constant denial mode. i do suggest if you decide to let him go, block off all access to his social media, numbers and all sort of communication including those stuffs that he gave you. he will get his karma don't worry.
shinkawa
post Jun 18 2018, 11:22 AM

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let it go, his attitude aint worth your time.

why get angry and spoil your health? if he answer you so what?

besthanj
post Jun 18 2018, 12:11 PM

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QUOTE(cc980024 @ Jun 18 2018, 08:15 AM)
Finding the answer won't heal your pain. It will only invite more questions, as no matter what answer he give you, you will always ask "y not tell me earlier? y this , y that."

You have to tell yourself that you are lucky that he let go your hand before both of you got married (instead of divorce after married), at the same time.. understand that he is an irresponsible man for walking out just like tat.

I recall my last breakup wit my ex-bf also another puzzle.. as he suddenly say we are not compatible (out of sudden) few months when we on LDR (just between Johor vs KL). Each time when he raised this "threats", I will travel 4hr bus to meet him up and every time when face-to-face.. he will not talk bout it, as in nothing happen. Until the final round, I really fed up and felt like a fool, when I realize he actually have an eye on his colleague but out of guilt, dare not proceed to woo that girl as he have a current gf (me). In another word, he trying to shake me off his hand, before he can hold another girl. My sadness changed to anger, that actually help me to heal faster. As I stop myself from thinking all the pass sweet moment with him.. until I meet my hubby.

This experience taught me that, when he have decided to walk out. No matter what is the real reason, I will see it as he have stop loving me. If he still love me, no matter what it takes, he will not leave + leave me crying. Hence, our tears don't go to the man who don't deserve it. As the man who love his woman, won't make her cry.
*
Thanks so much for sharing your experience... really learnt a lot from this...

This post has been edited by besthanj: Jun 18 2018, 12:11 PM
sweet_pez
post Jun 18 2018, 01:32 PM

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QUOTE(trithy @ Jun 18 2018, 01:31 AM)
My (ex)-bf just went to Australia for study last June. And last month, he sent me a short facebook message to break-up, reason given we both have bad temper, we not meant to be together.

I requested at least a proper phone call to discuss on this...I can't called him on Whatsapp, he changed his number. I tried to call him on facebook messenger then he blocked me on all social media...

I got his new phone number from a friend but I don't dare to Whatsapp him because I know he'll block me again...

It's been a month and I still can't get over it....I can't eat I can't sleep...It hurts so much

It's driving me crazy and bother me so much....I just want to at least have a proper conversation and know the real reason...It'll haunt me forever if I don't know the truth

Now I don't know whether I should fly over to confront him. What if I go there but he still don't want to come out see me?

cry.gif  cry.gif  cry.gif
*
Seems like he refused to even talk to you and even resorted to blocking. It's not worth brooding over him. If you really needed to know the real reason, like someone suggested, ask his friend. He probably would have spoken or asked him about it. However if the friend doesn't know/ refused to help, give up and forget about your ex. He cut you out of his life without any hesitation - is it worth hanging onto someone like that? Save your dignity and stay away. Do what you need to "heal". Take your leave if you need to and go for a trip (not look for him) or stay home to spend time with your family.
skylee18
post Jun 18 2018, 01:40 PM

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when you are dating with a ghost, usually you can't argue why the ghost disappear
be it where you manage to find the reason, then? what's next?
a ghost like this are meant to be loser forever in their life, no point crying or donate tears to this type of bastard, they don't deserve anything from you
move on, remember this type of creature and make sure you filter up people in future under the category of "integrity"
hades4eve
post Jun 18 2018, 02:13 PM

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Why would you be mind of what is the reason? For postmortem on the failure / breakdown or to patch up things?

If he fall out from the relationship why bothered to find the reason?

My ex fall out of relationship when I study in UK and I go through it eventually. Single is fun though
acbc
post Jun 18 2018, 02:14 PM

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Most likely he found someone else. That is usually the case.
MsPopcorn
post Jun 18 2018, 02:18 PM

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high chance is he found someone else in aussie..either a Msian who studying there also or local

This post has been edited by MsPopcorn: Jun 18 2018, 02:18 PM
kennykong85
post Jun 18 2018, 04:24 PM

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u r only 30 yr old, don't worry la, move on and find a better man.
find the ans will not cure u but it will turn u into a obsessive P.I

spend ur money elsewhere instead of flying over trying to hurt urself again.

my ex decided to stop the relationship when I was studying in aus, yea being single for a few years.
Now I am married, building up my family with my new born son. Life's wonderful ~



gugukrez
post Jun 18 2018, 04:28 PM

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One sentence i always advice my friend..

Curiosity killed trithy..

Learn move on
lsthian
post Jun 18 2018, 04:37 PM

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so what?
can't live without him? why?
if manage to fixing it up, later will having the same issue because he is such a person will just wipe off everything just like that. try to imagine if both of you marry........huh.......run away just like how it happen to you now......then you will be more suffer........learn to move on la.
*the jungle is full of tree, just because of a jacklumber cut off and ship out one of the broken tree then u wanna give up the whole piece of land that full of tree?

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