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 Dating a girl that ... smokes

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TSTOHNO
post Jun 8 2018, 08:03 AM, updated 6y ago

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Hi all

I've been dating to this girl lately.

She's nice , sweet lovely, speaks good english and is generally pretty educated. She does tick many of my boxes.

I really wanted to ... well at least try being with her , you know , at least give it a shot.


But there's a problem... she smokes .. her whole family smokes. Which is a huuuuge problem.

I'm a personal trainer and I take fitness and health very seriously.

I workout 5x a day , no alcohol , no ciggs , no narcotics , early nights ( sleep before 10am ) , early mornings ( wakes up at 530am ) ,and all that stupid fitness crap... i do them rather religiously



I do understand that life's stress can be rather demanding and cigarettes might be her answer.

But as far as experience goes ... my previous relationship goes ... it went sour as soon as i tried to intervene with her lifestyle ... and I'm afraid it might backfire again with this girl.... if anything i don't want things to turn sour... not like how it did in the past.
Chaud
post Jun 8 2018, 08:12 AM

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then you can forget about it

once a smoker, very hard to quit. or maybe, never quit

even if quit, there may be another problem arise.
donfutsal
post Jun 8 2018, 08:16 AM

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QUOTE(TOHNO @ Jun 8 2018, 08:03 AM)
Hi all

I've been dating to this girl lately.

She's nice , sweet lovely, speaks good english and is generally pretty educated. She does tick many of my boxes.

I really wanted to ... well at least try being with her , you know , at least give it a shot.
But there's a problem... she smokes .. her whole family smokes. Which is a huuuuge problem.

I'm a personal trainer and I take fitness and health very seriously.

I workout 5x a day , no alcohol , no ciggs , no narcotics , early nights ( sleep before 10am ) , early mornings ( wakes up at 530am ) ,and all that stupid fitness crap... i do them rather religiously
I do understand that life's stress can be rather demanding and cigarettes might be her answer. 

But as far as experience goes ... my previous relationship goes ... it went sour as soon as i tried to intervene with her lifestyle ... and I'm afraid it might backfire again with this girl.... if anything i don't want things to turn sour... not like how it did in the past.
*
don't change the girl

change your taste 1st or find some 1 else rclxm9.gif
xswatch
post Jun 8 2018, 08:17 AM

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either u accept her wholeheartedly, or just move on to other girl. it will be so hard for her to quit smoking, just like any other smoker.. true story..
HujanJebat
post Jun 8 2018, 08:18 AM

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Boleh bro.
She may not stop smoking soon, but you can teach her how to be healthier. Try to educate her slowly or maybe try to bring her along for workout. You know, like... introduce her to your lifestyle. Stay calm and be patient...
Best of luck...
jagged
post Jun 8 2018, 08:21 AM

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Smokers can quit but have to be strong.. you need to slow talk with her. If she wants to, you need to support her..
psyconutss
post Jun 8 2018, 08:25 AM

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Let me share a story, there is this married lady in my office with 2 daughters. She quit smoking for a while just because she concern for her daughters health. It goes just as long, and then she stared smoking again due to work stress though only at work. She made sure she did not do it at home or in front or close enough for her daughters to see her smoke.
ReiSan
post Jun 8 2018, 08:29 AM

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there is no future if you keep on going without trying to tell her the main problem. Both also hope to get a good partner, so at least you tell her and see she willing to put effort on this relationship or not....
kelvin8810
post Jun 8 2018, 08:30 AM

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honestly it comes down to who loves who more.

the one that loves the other more usually willing to change his/her lifestyle to compliment his/her partner.
TSTOHNO
post Jun 8 2018, 08:31 AM

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Seems that nicotine is that addictive huh.


A few days back when we kissed ... all I taste is nicotine . I decided to take a whiff of her forehead and the smell of cigs was so strong.


I was quite bumped out after that.

But yeah I don't think I should invest too much emotions into this one. Way too risky
gsrc
post Jun 8 2018, 08:33 AM

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Don't change someone so drastically, discuss and ask if it is possible for her to not smoke in front of you, then gradually ask her to go gym with you.

Don't expect immediate result.
COOLPINK
post Jun 8 2018, 08:39 AM

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even if she quit smoking you still have to accept that her whole family smokes to.
you have to consider this as family visits cannot be avoided.
leah235
post Jun 8 2018, 08:50 AM

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my friend was a smoke too.
the guy, was not a smoker, just like in your case.

but they get married, and for the sake of pregnancy and raising up kids,
my friend gave up smoking cus she knows which one is top priority.

you hv to communicate or give it a hint....

chiahau
post Jun 8 2018, 09:00 AM

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I've seen smokers giving up the habits after they start dating the right person.

It's all about willpower and determination. If you have the heart to do something, nothing's impossible.
WaCKy-Angel
post Jun 8 2018, 09:05 AM

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QUOTE(TOHNO @ Jun 8 2018, 08:03 AM)
Hi all

I've been dating to this girl lately.

She's nice , sweet lovely, speaks good english and is generally pretty educated. She does tick many of my boxes.

I really wanted to ... well at least try being with her , you know , at least give it a shot.
But there's a problem... she smokes .. her whole family smokes. Which is a huuuuge problem.

I'm a personal trainer and I take fitness and health very seriously.

I workout 5x a day , no alcohol , no ciggs , no narcotics , early nights ( sleep before 10am ) , early mornings ( wakes up at 530am ) ,and all that stupid fitness crap... i do them rather religiously
I do understand that life's stress can be rather demanding and cigarettes might be her answer. 

But as far as experience goes ... my previous relationship goes ... it went sour as soon as i tried to intervene with her lifestyle ... and I'm afraid it might backfire again with this girl.... if anything i don't want things to turn sour... not like how it did in the past.
*
DO NOT go ahead then.
Even if she agree to stop now, later she smokes again (maybe due to stress or whatever) then will have problem and eventually may lead to breakup.

So dont waste time.


Coz i have a friend (girl) that does the same thing like u. She dont smoke but her bf smoke and she asked him to stop and he agreed.
Later on he smoke behind her back (or smoke back again) and she knows about it eventually they breakup.
But ofcourse that is not the only problem between them.
kirakun
post Jun 8 2018, 09:29 AM

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Well smoking isn't just your main problem here obviously. Your strict fitness routine may affect the relationship as well. Also she may argue if u can have your fitness routine why can't just let her have her smoking routine? Most girl don't talk common sense anyway haha. U'll just need to thread this through slowly and steadily if u are really into her.

Try talk to her, expose her to ideas and opinions that smoking is not healthy especially to those around her. If she is really into you, she will stop smoking.

However i reserve my doubt as with what other forumer said, she may stop smoking for u but there are high chances that she may pick back the bad habit during the stages in life. If u can bear the risk of that, go ahead, otherwise find other.


chtan
post Jun 8 2018, 09:37 AM

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Unless you are really rich cause later you will have to fork out a lot of money for problematic offspring.
WaCKy-Angel
post Jun 8 2018, 09:40 AM

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QUOTE(kirakun @ Jun 8 2018, 09:29 AM)
Well smoking isn't just your main problem here obviously. Your strict fitness routine may affect the relationship as well. Also she may argue if u can have your fitness routine why can't just let her have her smoking routine? Most girl don't talk common sense anyway haha. U'll just need to thread this through slowly and steadily if u are really into her.

Try talk to her, expose her to ideas and opinions that smoking is not healthy especially to those around her. If she is really into you, she will stop smoking.

However i reserve my doubt as with what other forumer said, she may stop smoking for u but there are high chances that she may pick back the bad habit during the stages in life. If u can bear the risk of that, go ahead, otherwise find other.
*
This is what im trying to say.
Lets say she really stopped smoking now, later she smoke again does that means she is NOT into you anymore?

That warrants a breakup.
brownman90561495
post Jun 8 2018, 09:42 AM

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If somehow you would be a strong positive influence on her, maybe - just maybe she would quit on her own without you pressuring her about it (though the rest of her family is a whole new game). Ive seen people quit smoking sometime after entering a certain romantic relationship. I even know a couple who quit smoking together.

But yea on the flipside, it would frustrate you surely if nothing happens in your favor. So i guess it is wise and prudent of you not to invest too much on her.

Goodluck ts.

QUOTE(kirakun @ Jun 8 2018, 09:29 AM)
Well smoking isn't just your main problem here obviously. Your strict fitness routine may affect the relationship as well. Also she may argue if u can have your fitness routine why can't just let her have her smoking routine? Most girl don't talk common sense anyway haha. U'll just need to thread this through slowly and steadily if u are really into her.

Try talk to her, expose her to ideas and opinions that smoking is not healthy especially to those around her. If she is really into you, she will stop smoking.

However i reserve my doubt as with what other forumer said, she may stop smoking for u but there are high chances that she may pick back the bad habit during the stages in life. If u can bear the risk of that, go ahead, otherwise find other.
*
This
siew14
post Jun 8 2018, 10:06 AM

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QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Jun 8 2018, 09:05 AM)
DO NOT go ahead then.
Even if she agree to stop now, later she smokes again (maybe due to stress or whatever) then will have problem and eventually may lead to breakup.

So dont waste time.
Coz i have a friend (girl) that does the same thing like u. She dont smoke but her bf smoke and she asked him to stop and he agreed.
Later on he smoke behind her back (or smoke back again) and she knows about it eventually they breakup.
But ofcourse that is not the only problem between them.
*
i have another friend that has similar story as you, smoke behind her gf, yet both are them are still going strong and gf knows he on/off smoking one... when she found out, my friend kena only la.. after that then move on...





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