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> my gf said me so old no car and no planning (Advice Wanted)

vassilius
post Jul 8 2018, 03:35 PM

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bro, ur gf mentioned stuff like this, i dun think it's a good sign. just be prepared that she might leave for someone else better, if there is any. afterall, woman age = value, at 27yo, it is depreciating fast.

can i understand more on how u only got around 2k nett at age 27yo? how many years u been working and in wat field?

This post has been edited by vassilius: Jul 8 2018, 03:37 PM
Ralna
post Jul 18 2018, 07:52 PM

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If you can read Mandarin, this is worth reading:

QUOTE
“女儿,为什么我不让你嫁给穷小子?”,爸爸的话,太扎心了!

女儿,我前几天去找你,你带了男朋友到带到我跟前,说:“爸,我想嫁给他。”

后来我告诉你,我不同意,原因是穷。我忘不了你当时看我的眼神,好像在说,我的爸爸怎么也这么势利?爸爸百口莫辩,没有什么比被自己亲闺女误会更难过的事了。

我们这一代人,没享过福,做事唯唯诺诺,你妈怀你的时候医院还在上夜班,不敢请假,就怕被扣了奖金。贫穷能牵动着人的神经,压迫着人的灵魂,贫穷的人总是更深切的了解人间疾苦,人性善恶,无声无息让你失去尊严,这不是什么好事。而穷最可怕的是,不是没钱,是思想穷,是志气穷,是在这个人身上看不到未来。

这个时候你跳起来,问我:不就是没钱吗?不是的,在我看来,他的穷有这四点:

首先,第一点,志气穷。

那天我和你们面对面的时候,我看到他站在你身边,眼神闪烁,似乎有点心虚,没底气,问起他对你们未来的规划也支支吾吾没有方向。他说现在没钱买车也没钱买房,怕我会嫌弃。说真的我不是嫌弃他没钱,我是嫌弃他没钱却没有志气要挣钱。

你要问我,一个身价百万,和一个农户出身的穷小子,我选哪个?我告诉你,真不好说。你别不信。穷怎么了,谁不是穷过来的。但是都说寒门难出贵子,这句话我是不赞同的,穷不是因为出身寒门,归根结底,还是因为“穷人思维”。年轻的时候,就有了浑噩度日的想法。有句话不是这么说的吗?最怕你一生碌碌无为,还安慰自己平凡可贵。每个人都向往单纯美好的爱情,但是回归生活,你不可能一辈子陪着他吃食堂,泡图书馆,穷游,住廉价的宾馆,你们终归要独自面对生活,这个人不能为你保驾护航,甚至都没有这个想法。爸爸怎么放心?

男人不怕穷,只怕甘心一辈子穷。

听你奶奶说,以前有一种捕猴子的方法,在一块木板上挖两个洞,刚好猴子的手能伸进去。在木板背后放一些花生,猴子看到花生就用手去抓,结果,抓了花生的手我成拳头,无法从洞里再缩回来,木板成了活生生的枷锁,猴子就这样紧紧拽着花生,被人掳走。这个故事就应了古人那句话:仓禀实而知礼节,衣食足而知荣辱。

第二点,思想穷。人这辈子,再穷也不能穷思想。

男人本来就比较晚熟,你又是懂事早的孩子。你们在一起,我无法想象。

听你说他爱打游戏,本来没什么,爸爸也爱打游戏,但是打游戏也不能下班回家鞋子袜子一扔,啥事不管,家里什么事情都不顾的钻到游戏里,你还得给他端茶送水。你爱看书,又聪明,从小参加叔叔阿姨的聚会,都能侃上几句,所有人都夸你,这孩子伶俐的很。但是那天坐在我跟前的男孩子,我说实话,头脑空空,言语空空。

所有人都是起于尘土,能直冲云霄的,依靠的是思维方式,再有一点,生活都是无聊平淡的,能使生活有生趣的,无非就是一个人的思想吧。婚姻的纽带不是孩子,不是金钱,是精神的共同成长。爸爸就记得你刚出生那会儿,别的孩子都哭,只有你咧着嘴巴笑。你这姑娘从小就爱笑,走哪儿都招人喜欢,爸爸也希望你一辈子都能这么笑。

第三点,教育穷。

他老家的人让他回家盖房子那时候,你跟去了,你说他家人天天都要打麻将。我一听,就知道他“穷人思维”是哪里来的。还有他用的苹果手机,电脑,以他现在的收入干嘛非要卖这些超过自己能力的东西呢。

最近不是都在说原生家庭吗?是,原生家庭的问题不能以偏概全,但是爸爸这四十几年的经验来看。一个人的家庭是会影响到他的人格以及将来的家庭观,或多或少,而且在他身上已经初见端倪了。

看过一个有名的实验,说人类用人工的方法孵化一群家鹅和天鹅,有人把一只天鹅放进家鹅群,发现长大后的天鹅也不会飞。你知道,我们就像是这群鹅。因为环境的认知和教育,会埋没我们,改变我们,特别是当一个人幼年的时候。家境穷,导致教育穷,再接着格局眼界小,这让他成为一个二十好几还碌碌无为并且不自知的人。

第四点,经济穷

我知道他家庭条件不好,但没有关系,这个时代给了很多年轻人机会,只要愿意一起努力,我相信你们一定会有好的未来。可是我听说,他们家里叫你婚后别去工作,专心养孩子,照顾丈夫。

他家这样一个并不富裕的家庭却还有如此根深蒂固老派的思想,说得好听是传统,但实际上就是愚昧,作为父亲,我不懂他们的逻辑,爸爸从小送你去好的学校,花钱送你学钢琴,学英语,学舞蹈,不求你干一番大事,但我不愿意你这样过完一生,更不愿意看到你以及你未来的孩子都牢牢的被这样一种脱离了时代的观念束缚。

当你被生活这张大网所捕捞,面朝黄土背朝天,苦累疾病,境况一年不如一年,这样的日子,爸爸宁愿你不要嫁人,爸爸能养你一辈子,也不要你这么年轻,就开始对生活低头哈腰。爸爸辛苦这几十年,为你提供各种教育,让你变成一个更优秀的人,就是为了你能够拥有更好的未来。

这是我认为他的四点“穷”,我不同意的理由。

想你四岁那年,大人们说笑,问你,以后要嫁一个什么样的老公啊?你说:要嫁爸爸那样的。你不知道,爸爸不希望你嫁给爸爸这样的男人,你妈妈跟着我,吃了不少苦。爸爸不想你吃苦,但跟着这样的人,吃苦的概率终究是比较大的。爸爸希望你永远是小公主,有一天你会发现,爸爸也弯了腰,驼了背,步履蹒跚,口齿不清。我希望那个时候,你还是个小公主。

爸爸这辈子,该吃的,该玩的,该看的,该做的,好的坏的,成功的失败的,甜的苦的,我都尝过了。说实在话的,就算是明天就离开这人世,也没什么遗憾。唯一的,就是你。爸爸不是势利,爸爸只希望你好好的。”




liuyouken
post Jul 19 2018, 08:04 AM

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No worry and just treat it as a call for you to step out from your own comfort zone for life challenges to achieve more for yourself 💪🏻

This post has been edited by liuyouken: Jul 19 2018, 08:04 AM
Lyu
post Jul 20 2018, 06:02 PM

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How old is ur gf?

Those woman like to settle down fast...

calodin
post Jul 23 2018, 12:41 PM

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I'm just curious, what is your education level, and what job? at 27, if you should have at least around RM 3.5k even if you rose by rank and file.
AlexLee277
post Jul 24 2018, 02:50 PM

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QUOTE(jenny1990 @ May 6 2018, 03:00 PM)
at least u got car and house. lot of girls is looking for you.  thank you bro, i will try to improve my income.
*
c'mon man, i got cars... no girl looking for me, no girl to fetch, all relationship lasted less than 1 year because im too busy. at least your gf is trying to fight together with you, try to plan out something, save up enough to buy something sub 10k, be it a fist gen myvi or a wira, a car is a car. 1.9k income can pass la, just have to do financial planing properly.
KannaSai1
post Aug 15 2018, 10:32 AM

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Ta name is Jenny. But got a gf.... hmm..... is this lgbt?
AlanMosby
post Aug 15 2018, 08:09 PM

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I think many has shared about what he should do and asked about what is his qualification etc. He isn't willing to provide that kind of information so be it.

Personally, to share my view, I think you can start with Insurance/Direct-Selling/Property part time. Let me tell you why. Because that is how I got started. Just a note to keep you interested, I am no longer involve with any of these industries.

It isn't the result from the sales that I am trying to interest you here. I believe an individual must be motivated every day and have future plannings and here is how to go about it.

The three sectors that I mentioned earlier, taught me one thing and one thing only, that is how to present myself as a likable person, or simply presentable. By being so, you'll see opportunities come your way as you will be surrounded by people that like you, people will give you more chances, more patience, more time.

A little about myself.
I am 26yrs old, failed my SPM, my highest education being a Diploma. I earn 5 digit a month so bear with me here. I believe I'm in the middle tier of my age group and am trying very hard to 'up my game' from anyone that is willing to share.

Back to what I was saying, in order for your up-line to make you work for them, they must put you out there and before they do that, they must groom you, from head to toe. Now-a-days there are many agencies put in a ton of money setting the right environment that provides training, not just on the sales tactic but on the following; how to dress, how to talk, how to style your hair, how to walk, how to act in certain ways, what to wear, body languages as well as many social and personal etiquette that benefits both you and the people around you in the long run. Some may argue that's called being fake and not being yourself or eventually you'll get tired of being someone else.. I'm talking about before you sell anything, be it cologne or condominiums, you must sell yourself. The buyer must like you, to give you there business. I'm talking about doing something repeatedly every day, until it becomes you.

Let me share.

Slouching. We do it. I used to slouch a lot, be it sitting or walking. I was taught to stand tall and keep my head and back straight. I'm talking about doing it so often that it becomes uncomfortable slouching, you become fidgety when your lower back isn't touching the seat-back.

Oversized clothes vs fit fitting clothes - Just from the look, who are you attracted to?
Engaging facial expressions and body language
Being interested in People
How to walk with a purpose, how to stand, how to act
How to have the right mindset
How to see yourself in 3,5,10 years to the smallest details
How to win people over

and many more. Yes you can read self development books but you can never get the right environment with reading. It is similar to studying online courses to physically attending classes. However, here's a good book that helped me along the way - 7 habits of Highly Effective People =]

All in all, I was involved with insurance for 3 years and that made me who I am today. For a person who used to stutter in school auditorium, I still remember talking on stage in my top-performing agency, going for many interviews just to see how far I've come to get the people to like me. Many has shared with me that the moment that I walked in, they knew I was going to get the job. I am at my sixth job now, and so far I've failed one interview in my entire working life. Yes I must admit, although I have been slacking for a while now, I don't see how I will have a problem 'getting my game back'. It's like cycling, you don't forget it.

Looking to share more if you guys are interested. Let's work together =]



techhunter
post Dec 7 2018, 01:13 AM

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QUOTE(jenny1990 @ May 6 2018, 11:55 AM)
i have been with my gf for 3 years.  she keep asking me to buy car to fetch her.  even her mother also hinted me. i already said in future will buy car.  Also, she keep asking how was my planning for future? when buy house and car. she also ask me work tgt to find side income to prove her mom.other than that,she also comparing frenbf always fetch go around and treat eat. with the 1.9k nett salary after minus epf.  i am dy 27 yo with no house andcar. am i just loser and idiot?
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Earning little doesn't mean you an idiot, earning alot doesn't mean he/she is genius. Earning is not purely about talent alone, it is also depending on luck.
PM me if you need financial advices, all I can do is give you some tips to earn money.


QUOTE(mobc1990 @ May 6 2018, 01:38 PM)
Nah,just try to be improve.I am 28,I got car and house but my relationship only last 3 months before she left me and it’s my only relationship.Since she felt you need to be financially better,just improve this part.To me your not a loser
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Break up...just move on...God is going to send someone much better to you. Keep up!


QUOTE(teddy1985 @ May 7 2018, 10:47 AM)
Don't be surprised that your gf ask for those things.
Thtz perfectly normal for a girl to demand a more secured future.
That means she is planning her future with you in it. with some adjustments of coz.

In Malaysia, normally for Chinese society,it is considered normal to get married after having a car and a place to stay.
That's how ppl mindset works these days. Of coz it may be true for others too. I juz say based on my life.

At ur age, the salary is quite low, time to find better job with better pay.
If your current job provide the best option for your future career, then i suggest you hold on. BUT find ways to generate side incomes.

Keep up ur good job. I feel you bro. dun give up. all the best of lucks. wink.gif
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Girl that demand for a car and a house is not counted materialistic, just want to have basic needs in life. If she asking you for branded, buy her a lot gift, then you can send her home. If purely a house and a car, that is common nowadays.

QUOTE(muffycmf @ May 7 2018, 10:56 AM)
scare what la u hello, me 35 yo
no car use LRT and MRT
no house still stay with my mom house
salary 2.2k only
still using 5yo HTC
wallet max only RM100 must last for a week
no insurance
still using prepaid each month cannot over RM30
use public wifi only such as McD, Starbucks  (ppl left and leave their receipt then use)
Never try those sushi before coz the prize also give me heart attack
Birthday only berani go Wong Kok or Kim Gary makan.
KFC and McD one a money only.
Sick no MC and makan company first aid kit medicine.
Still single fag( Spec have been with me no change since form 6 till now)
*
You might want to plan for a proper financial lifestyle. But you surely can success one day. don't give up.

AaronBB
post Dec 7 2018, 06:12 PM

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Yes. Car and house not materialistic.... practical.

RM 1.9k pm very little .... try improving lor.

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