Any parent let their children being take care by their grandma/grandpa?
People say afraid if the children learn the bad behavior in school, what if they learn from the old folks at home instead?

I have 2 kids whom taking by my mom. When they behave good, all is good.
But when is not, eg kids fighting over things or when both want to win over stuff...or they play till very high....they create loud noise and sometimes like creating sound pollution. My mom will get mad and then start to scold and sometimes if this happen when she's busy cooking or doing house core...she will throw temper....sometimes will cane them if situation is out of control....

So my kids little by little learn those from the old folks and treat it back to their parents. The most affected ones is my younger son who is 3y+ and recently my daughter too.

I have the plan to let them stay for full day in pre school. Coz now they only half day.

Is my move right or wrong? Any experience parents come across this problem?

"So my kids little by little learn those from the old folks and treat it back to their parents."
What have your kids learnt from your parents?

I'm single, but I have experience in helping my mom babysitting for at least 5 babies / kids in my lifetime.

First, you have to be really patient when it comes to dealing with kids.
Try to play with them, talk with them, mingle with them.
Eventually they will treat you as a friend and always want to play with you.

Kids are ok to be playful - but you have to control their playtime.
Eyes on them all the time, and calm them down if they got too excited during playing.
Bit by bit, they will learn to play responsibly.

My parents would scold the kids (kindergarden age) if they are naughty, until they feel guilty / scared and cried. My parents never cane the kids.
When they cried, try to summarize what happened why is it wrong, and they should not do that again.
It may takes some time, but eventually they will try not to repeat the mistake because they don't want to be scolded by my parents.

Conclusion:
1) Be their "friend", play with them and in the process teach them to play responsibly.
2) Punishment is a must if they did something wrong - not necessarily cane, can try scolding them and act "garang". Then explain the rationale, let them know their fault and advise them not to repeat to avoid punishment.
3) And yes, compliment is important. Kids being kids, they will feel proud and happy if they are rewarded / complimented. This process also helps to bond you and the kids closer because they will try gain more recognition.

Hope my experience above helps / inspires you!

Thanks for your informative post. Appreciate it.
Yes, as a parent we do try to do that and remind our self they are still children and need a lot of patience to talk and educate them.

But problem kicked in, when my mom don't not have patience. When they noisy, just want quick way to stop them from being noisy.
And sometimes will throw rude words. Thank god, my children still didn't learn it yet.
And when this happen, I'm not around for the fix.

On side note, she really cares about the children, just this problem.
And I can't confront her anymore on this, cause it will lead to an argument between us. Which it happened before.

I have choose to ignore when things not right and just let her to teach them lesson. But seems never gets better..

what u mean by treat it back to their parents?

If you are so concerned about your kids learning bad behavior from grandparents and from school then quit your job and take are of them yourself. I am not trying to be mean but that is the only solution. You will have full control over their behavior and learning process. I think in Malaysia, lots of kids learn their bad habits because both parents are working and have no time to pay full attention to their kids. Some who actually take care of their children are ignorant and didn't do a good job.

There is a reason why in a lot of developed countries most parents take care of their own children.

If you are able to quit your job and take good care of your children then do it.



This post has been edited by abubin: Apr 20 2018, 06:13 PM

Maybe you can try talk with your mom and advise her to be more patience?
Yes, I agree patience is very important when it comes to taking care of the children.

Another piece of my experience: my gf's parents used to be kinda abusive to their kids.
Sometimes my gf and their siblings will get scolded or hit with no reason (the parents never bother to explain).
Over the time they became very sensitive and timid - fearing they will be punished, and have to keep guessing their parents thoughts and mood.
My gf literally had no childhood, and that's very sad...

So - either your mom have to change her attitude (be more patience, and careful with choice of words), or you/hubby change to a home-based job, or seeking help from other babysitter (preferably close relative).

In my opinion, the easiest and the hardest way is to persuade your mom to change her behaviour...

Yeah, maybe you are right. I hope so too, but unfortunately can't at the moment. If given chance, sure I will go for it.

Well, not really hitting...but throwing tantrumes, no manners when talking and the first time pinch me purposely.
If an outsider saw it, you will say kids, where are your manners?
Their bad behavior only show up when things doesn't go along their way.

To me, I just want to try to help them slowly delete the bad behavior and I know it takes times....

This post has been edited by luvjim: Apr 23 2018, 05:06 PM

All this I choose to ignore and just let it be. But because I just knew my niece is somehow like your gf childhood, I realized I need to do something already.
At least I need to let my mom aware of such behavior is actually learn from her. I didn't tell straight away, but I send hints.
Hopefully she can change a bit, I'm monitoring now.

Yup, I understand too. The good ones have to be more than the bad ones.
Need a lot of efforts, really not easy.

I purposely hint about the pinching in front of her while I confront my kid. Obviously, she hear it. So let's see how.
Ya, already discuss with him about that , and told him I plan to put the kids full day in kinder. We still yet to finalize the decision.