I am married to my wife for 4 years, dated 8 years prior to the proposal. Met her since college and progress ever since. There were ups and downs during but nothing that was too big for us to overcome then and now, I fear that the biggest hurdle has come and it intends to stay, somewhat ruining what we have built.
Roughly 2 years ago, I met someone at my workplace, someone 5 years younger and has a totally different disposition than to my wife, someone sweeter and much more feminine. In short, someone desirable. Yes, right now, she is by definition, a mistress but unlike your conventional mistress, she appears to be your average girlfriend; thrifty, thoughtful and does not fancy luxuries - constantly worried that I may have overspent too much when I am out with her. Basically, the qualities in which you would want to look for in someone if you intend to make a lifelong partner.
We both know that it was wrong for us to be together and we tried ending this forbidden relationship several times over the course of the 2 years and we always get back together (either initiated by her or me); the longest perhaps was a period of 1 month where we both decided "enough is enough" because we are moving nowhere.
I was fine for the first 2 weeks but then "withdrawal" sat in on the 3rd, i drifted into mild depression and my mind was constantly filled with memories of her. I went to see a therapist to seek for a source of strength but it was futile, I was beaten so bad that I need to have her back. I made attempts to contact her but was shunned off coldly by her - she did not want to ruin what I have and she wants me to be strong and figured if she ignored me long enough, I would eventually go away. We both shed a lot of tears paying for the mistakes we have committed.
There is nothing my therapist can do to help me anymore as it all depends on the actions I take from now on - i tried to go back to loving my wife like it was before but I just cannot "reproduce" the same emotions; it appears "forceful".
I know my wife still loves me very much and would do anything to continue doing so and it is because of this that I felt extremely guilty.
It is unfair for me to hold on to my wife to a marriage like this because she deserves better but at the same the time if I were to let the marriage go, it would devastate her.
:sigh:
I am at wit's end.
At Wit's End