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 Money matters, Guy's responsibility?

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sapphist
post Feb 18 2018, 03:48 PM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Feb 16 2018, 09:45 PM)
You mean my gf should learn from you?
I usually eat economy rice when I'm alone/with friends. She don't like.
I tried asking for mcd but she don't like. Say unhealthy wor...
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Lol I'm the loser in this story, Learn from the winner tongue.gif
vassilius
post Feb 18 2018, 07:48 PM

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Just started? If yes, pay first lo... first year, is like that la. Girls these days are mostly like that. But along the way, must slowly give somehints lo. U cant be doing this long term.
fiqir
post Mar 2 2018, 05:59 PM

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Wrong.deleted

This post has been edited by fiqir: Mar 2 2018, 06:07 PM
fiqir
post Mar 2 2018, 06:07 PM

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And u better bring her to bank negara and check her CCRIS record.

This financial record is very important. Its stated all her financial information. Like personal loan. credit card
86400seconds
post Mar 2 2018, 08:43 PM

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2k on food in 4days ... sounds crazy to me... lol
feeding on black caviar for the whole week also cost cheaper than that.

you should really find out her background instead of what she says...

from my experience... the slightly above average not too wealthy girl will do like that maybe but the real wealthy one has the sense of financial and not spendthrift like this... you know just like tin kosong like to boast a lot; half baked girl indulge in such matters..
cse.my
post Mar 3 2018, 01:49 PM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Feb 8 2018, 05:39 PM)
What are your thoughts on this? Should a guy be responsible for the financial parts of the relationship because it's considered chivalrous?
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Nope. both side must "smart" to contribute not saying who earn more. bf/gf even husband/wife aka. companion. if parents no choice always pay for children.


lambiskut
post Mar 3 2018, 07:24 PM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Feb 8 2018, 05:39 PM)
So recently got with a girl for a couple of months, but in these past 6 months, she hasn't taken out a single Sen!

We're both working, but I earn more than her so she expects me to pay everything - dates, meals, movies, etc. Usually when I meet girls  like these I will dump them faster than they can say "thank you".
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What made this one different?



Ralna
post Mar 3 2018, 11:51 PM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Feb 8 2018, 05:50 PM)
I can afford it. It's not really about the money. It's the attitude/mindset that bothers me more. It just seems like she's not willing to spend/sacrifice for this relationship.

I'm just thinking twice if this kind of relationship is sustainable in the longer term.
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My bf pays for dating expenses most of the time (meals, petrol, toll and tickets etc), but I also give in return, such as paying for accommodation when we're travelling, celebrating his b'day (cost a few hundreds), giving occasional dinner treats (RM50-100), and buying him presents. I also cook for him, and massage him sometimes when he's tired or has muscle ache.

Sometimes I crack my head 2-3 months in advance, thinking what to buy for Valentine's Day or how to celebrate his birthday. I like to dress him up too, such as thinking what shirts/ belt/ wallet/ watch/ cuff links etc to buy for him, so that he will always look handsome to me. wink.gif

So yeah, if a woman loves a man, she will spend money on him, or at least, spend her time thinking how to surprise him or make him happier with quality time and act of service (if she can't afford to spend much $).
Avangelice
post Mar 4 2018, 12:42 AM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Feb 8 2018, 05:39 PM)
So recently got with a girl for a couple of months, but in these past 6 months, she hasn't taken out a single Sen!

We're both working, but I earn more than her so she expects me to pay everything - dates, meals, movies, etc. Usually when I meet girls  like these I will dump them faster than they can say "thank you".

Recently there was a long weekend so we went out everyday.. In 4 days I calculated I spent close to RM2k. Which I feel is quite a lot even though we didn't even shop. It's mostly all on food. On the other hand if you calculate RM500 per day for 3 meals, movies, Jalan-jalan etc, it doesn't seem that much but when accumulated its not that little either.

I like this girl but I'm just thinking long-term.. Shouldn't both contribute in a relationship? It's not like I expect her to pay her own share but it's more like the nonchalant attitude or the 'guys supposed to pay' mindset that irks me. Also it's not like she's dead poor and she has taste for the nicer things in life. E.g. No mamak, no hawker, no fast food - only malls, restaurants, fine dining.

And recently she's been dropping hints of wanting to go on holiday, which I assume she expects me to foot the bill for as well. I have been avoiding this as I feel it's a little one-sided/she's with me for my money.

I don't know. I'm just judging based on my parents relationship where both contributes to the finances of the family. For example when we eat out some meals my dad pays, sometimes my mom takes care of it etc.

What are your thoughts on this? Should a guy be responsible for the financial parts of the relationship because it's considered chivalrous?
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Don't be a door mat brother. I too spend a shit tonne of money on my ex (understandable she was a uni student then) but I doubt she is one of those kinds that will pay a little for the relationship.

Anyways either way you are fucked.

talk to her about it and it will cut your manliness out and she will always remember it.

keep quiet and you will whittle your savings away and she leaving you for another better person with more money

that's life man protect yourself first. I know I have a sum of money tucked away in case I get screwed over
TheReaderReads
post Mar 4 2018, 03:50 PM

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Leave her
This sort of girl will probably leave u when u r in trouble or bankrupt
cfa28
post Mar 4 2018, 10:07 PM

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Hi TS, is she officially your GF..

Have you piap her already.

I hope at least one of the above answers is YES... else you're just an ATM to her.

Long term she is NOT wife material.

Up to you to decide
TSEatSleepWork
post Mar 5 2018, 10:28 AM

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QUOTE(cadburypicnic @ Mar 3 2018, 01:13 PM)
Are you the showoff type of person? Always talk about how much money you have, your expensive car and condo etc? If so, maybe that’s why she behaves this way.

You have already “tested” her multiple times and she always failed, and somehow “forgets” the hints you drop and the things you say about the matter. But you still want to hold on to this girl. How many tests do you have to do until you are satisfied with the results?
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On the contrary, I always tell her I eat economy rice/mcd/hawker for lunch and dinner. I often snap pics and send to her as well. I tell her I have no properties, no cars, no fancy branded clothes/watches.


QUOTE(cse.my @ Mar 3 2018, 01:49 PM)
Nope. both side must "smart" to contribute not saying who earn more. bf/gf even husband/wife aka. companion. if parents no choice always pay for children.
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I agree. Sometimes it's not that I can't afford it, but it makes me feel like I'm alone in this relationship.

QUOTE(lambiskut @ Mar 3 2018, 07:24 PM)
What made this one different?
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I can't really answer this. I just like her a lot. I guess her personality matches mine - Doesn't talk too much, prefers a quiet night out, chilling at home watching movies etc.

QUOTE(Ralna @ Mar 3 2018, 11:51 PM)
My bf pays for dating expenses most of the time (meals, petrol, toll and tickets etc), but I also give in return, such as paying for accommodation when we're travelling, celebrating his b'day (cost a few hundreds), giving occasional dinner treats (RM50-100), and buying him presents. I also cook for him, and massage him sometimes when he's tired or has muscle ache.

Sometimes I crack my head 2-3 months in advance, thinking what to buy for Valentine's Day or how to celebrate his birthday. I like to dress him up too, such as thinking what shirts/ belt/ wallet/ watch/ cuff links etc to buy for him, so that he will always look handsome to me. wink.gif

So yeah, if a woman loves a man, she will spend money on him, or at least, spend her time thinking how to surprise him or make him happier with quality time and act of service (if she can't afford to spend much $).
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Recently went traveling together, I paid for accoms, petrol, food, and (not) to my surprise, her souvenirs for family.

But she always keeps saying that she'll buy me a nice meal at some fancy place. I'm still waiting to see if it ever happens.

TSEatSleepWork
post Mar 5 2018, 10:39 AM

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QUOTE(Avangelice @ Mar 4 2018, 12:42 AM)
Don't be a door mat brother. I too spend a shit tonne of money on my ex (understandable she was a uni student then) but I doubt she is one of those kinds that will pay a little for the relationship.

Anyways either way you are fucked.

talk to her about it and it will cut your manliness out and she will always remember it.

keep quiet and you will whittle your savings away and she leaving you for another better person with more money

that's life man protect yourself first. I know I have a sum of money tucked away in case I get screwed over
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Yeah I'm trying to control the spending a little when I'm out with her. Like when she wants to order some fancy wagyu that costs RM200+, I'd be like "why not we get fish instead, been eating so much meat lately".

I sometimes suggest like cheaper places to see if she'd offer to pick up the bill but nada. No dice.

Talked to her before a couple weeks ago. She agreed to pull her weight but I haven't seen any improvements yet.

QUOTE(Adri Wing @ Mar 4 2018, 03:18 PM)
Ok ... you like girl and she seem oso like you. Discuss your concern regarding money with her.

Discuss it in kopitiam ... she wouldn't know.

All the best.
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Discussed before. Told her it's not that I'm not willing to spend, but I don't see any financial commitments from her side, so it kinda makes me feel like she's in it for the money and fancy food etc.

QUOTE(TheReaderReads @ Mar 4 2018, 03:50 PM)
Leave her
This sort of girl will probably leave u when u r in trouble or bankrupt
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I've asked her this several times before. Her reply always standard "is that how you think of me?" which makes me feel bad instead.

QUOTE(cfa28 @ Mar 4 2018, 10:07 PM)
Hi TS, is she officially your GF..

Have you piap her already.

I hope at least one of the above answers is YES... else you're just an ATM to her.

Long term she is NOT wife material.

Up to you to decide
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Not officially. I didn't want to put a status to us because I fear that she's in it for the free meals.

She seems to be a good wife material aside from this. She cleans the house, cooks for the family etc. But if course it's based on what she told me.

When she stayed over at mine, she didn't bother cleaning up after herself. E.g. Used bowls left on the table, hair clogging the shower drain, beds not made up etc.
Avangelice
post Mar 5 2018, 10:45 AM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Mar 5 2018, 10:39 AM)
Yeah I'm trying to control the spending a little when I'm out with her. Like when she wants to order some fancy wagyu that costs RM200+, I'd be like "why not we get fish instead, been eating so much meat lately".

I sometimes suggest like cheaper places to see if she'd offer to pick up the bill but nada. No dice.

Talked to her before a couple weeks ago. She agreed to pull her weight but I haven't seen any improvements yet.
Discussed before. Told her it's not that I'm not willing to spend, but I don't see any financial commitments from her side, so it kinda makes me feel like she's in it for the money and fancy food etc.
I've asked her this several times before. Her reply always standard "is that how you think of me?" which makes me feel bad instead.
Not officially. I didn't want to put a status to us because I fear that she's in it for the free meals.

She seems to be a good wife material aside from this. She cleans the house, cooks for the family etc. But if course it's based on what she told me.

When she stayed over at mine, she didn't bother cleaning up after herself. E.g. Used bowls left on the table, hair clogging the shower drain, beds not made up etc.
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what a turn off. I dislike girls that are unhygienic and acting rich. you sure you want her as a gf?
cse.my
post Mar 5 2018, 11:57 AM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Mar 5 2018, 10:28 AM)

I agree. Sometimes it's not that I can't afford it, but it makes me feel like I'm alone in this relationship.
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you are wasting your time, real relation won't spend money like water. sorry to say that. you just an atm/meps
TheReaderReads
post Mar 5 2018, 12:20 PM

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QUOTE(EatSleepWork @ Mar 5 2018, 10:39 AM)
Yeah I'm trying to control the spending a little when I'm out with her. Like when she wants to order some fancy wagyu that costs RM200+, I'd be like "why not we get fish instead, been eating so much meat lately".

I sometimes suggest like cheaper places to see if she'd offer to pick up the bill but nada. No dice.

Talked to her before a couple weeks ago. She agreed to pull her weight but I haven't seen any improvements yet.
Discussed before. Told her it's not that I'm not willing to spend, but I don't see any financial commitments from her side, so it kinda makes me feel like she's in it for the money and fancy food etc.
I've asked her this several times before. Her reply always standard "is that how you think of me?" which makes me feel bad instead.
Not officially. I didn't want to put a status to us because I fear that she's in it for the free meals.

She seems to be a good wife material aside from this. She cleans the house, cooks for the family etc. But if course it's based on what she told me.

When she stayed over at mine, she didn't bother cleaning up after herself. E.g. Used bowls left on the table, hair clogging the shower drain, beds not made up etc.
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Ok then put her to the test. Ask her to pay. Holiday, get her to pay for herself plane and hotel split. See what she say.

If she dun like, means what u think of her is true. That she will leave u when u r in financial troubles

RUI
post Mar 5 2018, 02:21 PM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Mar 3 2018, 11:51 PM)
My bf pays for dating expenses most of the time (meals, petrol, toll and tickets etc), but I also give in return, such as paying for accommodation when we're travelling, celebrating his b'day (cost a few hundreds), giving occasional dinner treats (RM50-100), and buying him presents. I also cook for him, and massage him sometimes when he's tired or has muscle ache.

Sometimes I crack my head 2-3 months in advance, thinking what to buy for Valentine's Day or how to celebrate his birthday. I like to dress him up too, such as thinking what shirts/ belt/ wallet/ watch/ cuff links etc to buy for him, so that he will always look handsome to me. wink.gif

So yeah, if a woman loves a man, she will spend money on him, or at least, spend her time thinking how to surprise him or make him happier with quality time and act of service (if she can't afford to spend much $).
*
If she is already doing that; TS won't be here.
blkh2
post Mar 8 2018, 10:39 PM

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Dump. Her.
puppyee
post Mar 9 2018, 11:51 AM

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Its obvious that she's just way out of your league.

If you can't "afford" her, why not find somebody in your own "league", that can live up to your AA expectations, rather than hoping to "change" the poor girl who's just used to being pampered? Pretty sure there's someone out there who's financially stable enough and able to give her what she needs without problem/complain..

This situation is like somebody who can't afford a merc, susah payah save up to finally get the merc and then complain about the maintenance fee. confused.gif

This post has been edited by puppyee: Mar 9 2018, 11:53 AM
TSEatSleepWork
post Mar 10 2018, 01:40 PM

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QUOTE(puppyee @ Mar 9 2018, 11:51 AM)
Its obvious that she's just way out of your league.

If you can't "afford" her, why not find somebody in your own "league", that can live up to your AA expectations, rather than hoping to "change" the poor girl who's just used to being pampered? Pretty sure there's someone out there who's financially stable enough and able to give her what she needs without problem/complain..

This situation is like somebody who can't afford a merc, susah payah save up to finally get the merc and then complain about the maintenance fee.  confused.gif
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If you have taken a couple of minutes to go through the thread, you would have read that I am not expecting AA from her.

Your analogy is flawed. I can afford it, but I want the relationship to be mutual. If a guy is responsible for all money matters, what makes the relationship different from just hiring a girlfriend? Since she has no commitment in the relationship, she can just walk away at any point in time and have nothing to lose.

Yes, the traditional view would be for a guy to pick up all the tabs to be considered a gentleman - but we have moved way past those days where women are only housewives. I think its pretty reasonable if she contributes to the finances whilst in a relationship. Again, I am not asking for 50/50. I'm saying once in a while, maybe show some initiatives. Even just 5% of the time we're together, that gesture amounts to something.

I'm not stingy or trying to be a miser, but a huge part of my life is spent on my work. I really like her, but I just don't have time to waste on girls who aren't planning to stay for the long term.

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