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> Someone please tell me what is my friend thinking, Friendship

GamerGal
post Jan 2 2018, 01:34 AM, updated 4 months ago

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I have a friend of mine, being friends for almost 7 years. We frequently hangout together and I know him since secondary school. So the thing is like this.

I told him that I got an offer for quite high salary and I thought he will be happy for me. But Since the day, he keep telling me how much he got in his bank and when he calls me, he will be in very bad mood and very lan c me too.

From that onwards, I try to talk to him nicely and even treat him to eat dinner to celebrate. But when I treated him dinner and the bill was only rm100+, he said ” so cheap, should eat more”. I know it's cheap but at least I got treat him to eat, unlike him didn't even treat me this amount before. And this sentence should not be said to your good friends, right?

From the day onwards, he sometimes called me and talk nicely but sometimes not. We didn't meet each other for 4 months since that day. This is the first time that we didn't hangout for quite long time. And when I called to ask, he will say “because you're busy”, bit he didn't even ask me to hangout, how the hell that he know im busy?

So I want to ask people here, is he jealous for what I have and should I continue be friends with him? He still will call me sometimes. Between, I am a girl and he's a guy.
JunJun04035
post Jan 2 2018, 06:30 AM

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Friend or lover? laugh.gif

joke aside, as per standard definitions
Friend
- a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Key point: "mutual" "affection"

Again, as per standard definition
Affection
- a gentle feeling of fondness or liking

I let you judge the rest
GamerGal
post Jan 2 2018, 08:34 AM

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QUOTE(JunJun04035 @ Jan 2 2018, 06:30 AM)
Friend or lover? laugh.gif

joke aside, as per standard definitions
Friend
- a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Key point: "mutual" "affection"

Again, as per standard definition
Affection
- a gentle feeling of fondness or liking

I let you judge the rest
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Really, just really good friends.
Odinn
post Jan 2 2018, 09:08 AM

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QUOTE(GamerGal @ Jan 2 2018, 08:34 AM)
Really, just really good friends.
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This is what you think. But do you know for sure he thinks the same? There may be more in his mind.

He displays envy and wants to make it known he is still comparatively doing better than you. Why? I think he doesn't want it to look like his status in your eyes is below you now that you have a higher paying job.

So next question will be, why does all of this matter to him? Because he doesn't want to lose you. Friends come and go, this happens all the time. But, what he feels, and I am inclined to agree with what JunJun04035 is implying, is beyond what friends feel. And because of that, despite his negative behavior and actions, he still tries to maintain the relationship by still talking to you.

Ultimately, it's for him to decide what he wants to make out of this and whether to continue things as they are or attempt the leap. And it's up to you to decide whether he is what you want or not.

Of course, we could be wrong. But signs point to that possibility more than anything else.
lingleeyen
post Jan 2 2018, 09:48 AM

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QUOTE(GamerGal @ Jan 2 2018, 08:34 AM)
Really, just really good friends.
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If he is really your good friend you wont be asking this question here right? Start evaluating your so called 'friendship'.
butterjiken
post Jan 2 2018, 09:52 AM

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lmao i'm facing this problem as well. Been friends for a long time but not more than that. When i started doing better in life his attitude towards me changed, like in a bad way.


alanyuppie
post Jan 2 2018, 12:06 PM

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already bright needs turn on flashlight?

Obvious Envy/jealousy

Radioactive Infused Cola
post Jan 2 2018, 12:41 PM

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extremely salty. i won't even consider him to be a friend anymore.
MeToo
post Jan 2 2018, 12:48 PM

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Guy with insecurity complex.. ego got hit cause girl makign more then him.
LANCAP5STARS
post Jan 2 2018, 12:53 PM

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Similar things happen to me. Once my university friends find out I got a job with much higher salary than them, they hang out with me much less often. And always say I am a busy person.

When I got the job I also treat them eat something nice. When meet at friends wedding, always tell me they want to buy this buy that, give hints on how much higher they have earned compared to old days.

Nothing I can do but move on with my life. People change as you got old and you just need to acknowledge that. People come and go in your life. Only real friends stay with you.
MiLKTea
post Jan 2 2018, 01:14 PM

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Envy and jealousy.

Why still wanna be friend with him?


My situation is entirely your opposite.

We are good friends when I still working.
Once I have stopped working, they seldom include me in any activities, although I always make the effort to contact them.

I see no point in pursuing such friendship.

This post has been edited by MiLKTea: Jan 2 2018, 01:16 PM
Odinn
post Jan 2 2018, 01:30 PM

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QUOTE(SummerSkyLuxe @ Jan 2 2018, 09:21 AM)
frankly i'm shocked at the horrible advice given here that there is more romantic feelings for you and such...i think the posters above mean well but it sounds like they hardly socialize with people or are that extremely naive
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Frankly I'm shocked at the assumption. Yes I mean well, but to state I hardly socialize or am extremely naive, that is quite the statement to make. I'll let you retract that assumption since we don't know each other on a personal level, other than what's been said here thus far.
beetch
post Jan 2 2018, 01:57 PM

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I use to have an asshole friend like that.

Mata dengki man. I decided this is not a friend and cut ties.


workaholic
post Jan 2 2018, 03:00 PM

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Me poorfag I kinda know how it feels when the kaki that you been hanging out with suddenly upgraded their lifestyle.

A bit of my background I usually spend RM 5 - RM 6 a meal top when eating out at hawker stall & most of the case I don't order drink, more or less you can imagine what kind of buying power I'm having here.

Now a friend keep inviting me to dine at "high class" establishment that easily cost RM 30 onward for a simple meal + RM 10 for a drink and the cost added up for the whole outing for that day could cost upward to RM 100, which is about 20 days of my meal allowance, how does that sound like? And on top of that they also organizing cuti-cuti Malaysia, SEA which per trip could cost about RM 1,000.

Let's put yourself in my shoe if your allowance for a month is about RM 2,000, after deducting your own commitments there isn't much left, should I keep saying "YES" for all those invitations just so to maintain a "friendship"? Let's turn around say you got a Dato friend everyday invite you to dine with him that cost RM 1,000 a meal, even though he offer to pay for all your meals la, but do you feel good having your friend keep paying for all your bills?

It's not that we feel bad on your high pay, just that we simply can't afford to catch up with your lifestyle.
MasBoleh!
post Jan 2 2018, 03:07 PM

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lel, must be the kind of person that can't see people more successful than them.
hanii
post Jan 3 2018, 01:18 AM

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QUOTE(workaholic @ Jan 2 2018, 03:00 PM)
Me poorfag I kinda know how it feels when the kaki that you been hanging out with suddenly upgraded their lifestyle.

A bit of my background I usually spend RM 5 - RM 6 a meal top when eating out at hawker stall & most of the case I don't order drink, more or less you can imagine what kind of buying power I'm having here.

Now a friend keep inviting me to dine at "high class" establishment that easily cost RM 30 onward for a simple meal + RM 10 for a drink and the cost added up for the whole outing for that day could cost upward to RM 100, which is about 20 days of my meal allowance, how does that sound like?  And on top of that they also organizing cuti-cuti Malaysia, SEA which per trip could cost about RM 1,000.

Let's put yourself in my shoe if your allowance for a month is about RM 2,000, after deducting your own commitments there isn't much left, should I keep saying "YES" for all those invitations just so to maintain a "friendship"? Let's turn around say you got a Dato friend everyday invite you to dine with him that cost RM 1,000 a meal, even though he offer to pay for all your meals la, but do you feel good having your friend keep paying for all your bills?

It's not that we feel bad on your high pay, just that we simply can't afford to catch up with your lifestyle.
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Just tell them you are not comfortable w them paying for you and invite them to hangout at mamak or something instead.

You need no toxic friend in life. You also no need to be salty to people. Applies to both ts and whoever i replied to.

sweet_pez
post Jan 3 2018, 09:58 AM

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QUOTE(GamerGal @ Jan 2 2018, 01:34 AM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

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As some of them said here, I agree it could be due to envy and that he's got some bias now since you're earning better than him. He may be struggling with money or work in his own way and this sudden news of you doing a lot better - put some impact on him.

It's simple, really. It's best not to avoid each other and confront him about the issue. One of these days over dinner or lunch when he starts jabbing at you again about money, stay calm and talk to him. Tell him you are uncomfortable with the way he is talking these days and whether he's facing any problem.

If he values your friendship, he will understand he's making things difficult for you. So if he still continues with his even after the confrontation, time you re-think the value of this so-called 'friendship'.


QUOTE(workaholic @ Jan 2 2018, 03:00 PM)
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Yes, it's difficult for you. Then perhaps you can just be honest and tell your friend you can't keep up with his lifestyle. Just kindly reject and say that it's nice of him to want to treat you, but you'll be more comfortable over meeting in Mamak and have a bite there. Give and take, is what should be between friends. Don't avoid your friend because of this issue, just be honest.


aaron1717
post Jan 3 2018, 10:35 AM

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QUOTE(workaholic @ Jan 2 2018, 03:00 PM)
Me poorfag I kinda know how it feels when the kaki that you been hanging out with suddenly upgraded their lifestyle.

A bit of my background I usually spend RM 5 - RM 6 a meal top when eating out at hawker stall & most of the case I don't order drink, more or less you can imagine what kind of buying power I'm having here.

Now a friend keep inviting me to dine at "high class" establishment that easily cost RM 30 onward for a simple meal + RM 10 for a drink and the cost added up for the whole outing for that day could cost upward to RM 100, which is about 20 days of my meal allowance, how does that sound like?  And on top of that they also organizing cuti-cuti Malaysia, SEA which per trip could cost about RM 1,000.

Let's put yourself in my shoe if your allowance for a month is about RM 2,000, after deducting your own commitments there isn't much left, should I keep saying "YES" for all those invitations just so to maintain a "friendship"? Let's turn around say you got a Dato friend everyday invite you to dine with him that cost RM 1,000 a meal, even though he offer to pay for all your meals la, but do you feel good having your friend keep paying for all your bills?

It's not that we feel bad on your high pay, just that we simply can't afford to catch up with your lifestyle.
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just be honest if they are really your good frens... for me is that good frens should have an open mindset to all these kind of things... i have alot of frens who are doing better than me... earning 5 digit income every month... but still willing to mamak with me... or just kopitiam with me...

travelling lesser will be understandable... if u dont follow them doesnt mean you will lost the frenship if they are really that genuinely your good frens...
aaron1717
post Jan 3 2018, 10:37 AM

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QUOTE(GamerGal @ Jan 2 2018, 01:34 AM)
I have a friend of mine, being friends for almost 7 years. We frequently hangout together and I know him since secondary school. So the thing is like this.

I told him that I got an offer for quite high salary and I thought he will be happy for me. But Since the day, he keep telling me how much he got in his bank and when he calls me, he will be in very bad mood and very lan c me too.

From that onwards, I try to talk to him nicely and even treat him to eat dinner to celebrate. But when I treated him dinner and the bill was only rm100+, he said ” so cheap, should eat more”. I know it's cheap but at least I got treat him to eat, unlike him didn't even treat me this amount before. And this sentence should not be said to your good friends, right?

From the day onwards, he sometimes called me and talk nicely but sometimes not. We didn't meet each other for 4 months since that day. This is the first time that we didn't hangout for quite long time. And when I called to ask, he will say “because you're busy”, bit he didn't even ask me to hangout, how the hell that he know im busy?

So I want to ask people here, is he jealous for what I have and should I continue be friends with him? He still will call me sometimes. Between, I am a girl and he's a guy.
*
just be honest to him... concern about why he felt insecurity.... my good close frens list also have more girls than guys actually... most of us known each others since primary or secondary skul... i think being honest to them is something quite easy and also make the matters easily resolved over the years... maybe you can try the same and see how its goes....
J1g54w
post Jan 3 2018, 12:47 PM

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Your friend sounds like a toxic person. You should meet more people, there are dozens of others more decent than him.

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