Hi,

First of all, it's good that you realize that you are having issues and want to change. Secondly, I know it's hard to discuss these kinds of issues with other people, since you identify as an introvert. I would know, since I'm also an introvert. It takes a lot of courage to face your fears, and the fear of failure is the one you fear the most.

I went through a similar phase in my younger years. I played a lot of videogames, avoided contact with other people outside of school, preferring the comfort of my own room instead. In those days though, I didn't have Internet access, so it was just really me getting lost in video games instead. But that was enough for me. What was the point of getting involved with others, when I felt so helpless, inferior and weak all the time? It wasn't helping that my grades were also bad. So my parents nagged at me as well. There goes my room privileges, I thought.

I at least graduated high school and university, but it didn't do much to change my outlook on life. I still felt like the sole idiot amongst my siblings, and I was unemployed for almost 24 months after graduation. My parents stopped the nagging, but I still felt miserable. I slowly passed the time playing games and browsing the Internet every other day, just like I have done in the past.

But I realized that I'm no longer happy just playing my video games. Which was odd, since I've always seeked comfort in video games. Then the games didn't matter anymore. My mind went to dark places, which I'm ashamed to admit, almost made me want to end my own life. And I didn't know how to escape that miserable feeling. Today though, I would like to think that I have a good career in IT, doing network infrastructure, which I couldn't have seen myself doing. I surround myself with family and friends, and I've been happy with my life for many, many years.

I'm not a very religious person, so it's not like I suddenly found renewed faith or anything like that. I embraced change, because I wanted my life to have meaning. It wasn't easy though. When I was on my first 2 jobs doing customer support, I already knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life doing something I didn't enjoy. The hours were long, our customers have no trouble being mean to us, and I hated getting up everyday just to endure the same miserable feeling over and over. This is where I turned my life around.

On my off days, I did self-studying on computer networks, enough so that I can talk comfortably about the subject. My chance came when a close friend of mine asked me if I'm looking for a job, which I said yes to. I got through the interview, just barely, thanks to the self-study I did before that. Then I started my new job, which had a really high learning curve, since this was something that I never studied in depth during my university years.

This story could have ended differently if I stuck to being my old self. The old me would have just moped as usual, getting lost in my problems at work, keeping quiet about it at home too, then quit. And most likely stayed at home and played games again.

I started talking to the people around me. I asked for advice from my team leader, who helped me hone my skills. My partner on the job, who was very good at network, always helped me without complaining. It wasn't just these two though. I also had my manager and my other team mates. After just one year in that job, I realized that I have a knack for doing technical work. And it started with the time I spent working with other people. I am forever indebted to them for helping me find my own voice.

For now, I would say that you do need some life skills or education to kickstart your way. In my case, I entered a program called Graduate Reskilling Scheme, which is meant to prepare graduates for working life. If education is not really your cup of tea, perhaps you can consider learning other things, like cooking, making coffee, or even crafts and arts? Sometimes we don't know our own strengths, until we stumble upon them.

There is no magic to help us get through life. Ironically though, I remember something from Mahou Sensei Negima, which goes something like "A little bit of courage is the true magic". Find your courage to begin your journey to life. More often than not, you'll find that the journey is reward itself.