QUOTE(zachary69 @ Dec 13 2017, 05:03 PM)
Hi,
I know this girl for more than 4 years. We are on and off close. Recently she had a boyfriend for 2 years. The boyfriend is from overseas. He came here for studies and they got together. I have met her with him when he was over here. Friendly guy, became close to him. But after his studies he went back to his country and they were in a long distance relationship. The girls parents and guys parents have met. Then due to their incompatibility in astrology and stuff the wedding was called off. The girl is willing to fight and leave the house for him. But the guy is hesitant and wants the permission of his parents. The guy is currently overseas. The girl has recently became slightly close to me. She is complaining about the bf saying that he is not willing to fight for her. They have blocked each other on instagram and facebook but still watsapping once in a while. He has blocked her several times on watsapp when she doesnt message him. Me and the bf still have a friendly vibe he likes my pics on insta and i do the same for his. She has met with me and hinted that she likes me. But I am hesitant because she is still messaging the guy from overseas and it is too soon and im unsure of the status of her ex-relationship. This caused her to doubt my feelings towards her. What is the exact right move?
Thank you.
The thing is, you don't know what's going on between her and her bf. Are you sure they've broken up? Did you ask her yourself if she's available and actively looking?
Personally, I feel the timing isn't right. If you value the friendship you've forged with her, don't be too hasty. From the looks of it, she hasn't recovered from her previous relationship. She herself is probably still hurting and haven't sorted out her feelings yet. She's reaching out to the closest and safest thing for comfort, who happens to be you. Consciously or unconsciously, she is using you as a distraction, like a rebound boyfriend. Love and emotions can cloud one's judgement. She obviously loves her bf (ex?) a lot, and will take some time to get over him.
If you truly care about her, just be there for her as a good friend, but draw your boundaries. I know you've feelings for her and it won't be easy, but you need to treat her as a friend first until she sorts out herself and her feelings. Never rush it. Even when doing her favours or help, only do it out of your own free will, and never expect that she owes you a relationship, because she doesn't, just as you don't owe her anything either. And when you draw your boundaries, she can't take advantage of you. It's no different than treating her like a good guy friend. You help him because you're a good friend, and you don't expect anything back, right? Sure, you can go the route of "favour for a favour", but it has to be of similar value, and not "you owe me a relationship" debt. That's emotional blackmail that no one should ever use. Pursue her after some time has passed when it's less raw for her.
However, on the flip side, I can also concede that fortune favours the bold. You can still try and actively pursue her, but be aware it's quite risky. You stand to gain a relationship that might work, or lose everything completely, friendship and all. You will need to be upfront with her, and also find out where she wants to go from there.
All the best.