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donfutsal
post Dec 7 2017, 07:39 AM

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QUOTE(HanaForever @ Dec 6 2017, 05:21 PM)
I am not selfish brother... Already did solat istikharah countless of times although it is not firm answer but then god always give me an image of me n her married and stated that she is the one. Plus zaman sekarang not so easy to find low maintenance girl like this. I can go for my parents but then if that girl feel depressed and went back to her past due to this situation, I will regret for my whole life she became like that back....
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u think no logic brader

your parents should dump u in tong sampah at 1st place, since your feeling are more for the girl compare to your parents

"low maintenance girl" dats y u r with her

its in your mind dat she is low maintenance girl

den your mum is high maintenance is it ??? don't get angry with me

please respect your parents decision & keep your family united rather den not talk with your family forever


wargreymon12
post Dec 7 2017, 08:01 AM

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QUOTE(donfutsal @ Dec 7 2017, 07:39 AM)
u think no logic brader

your parents should dump u in tong sampah at 1st place, since your feeling are more for the girl compare to your parents

"low maintenance girl" dats y u r with her

its in your mind dat she is low maintenance girl

den your mum is high maintenance is it ??? don't get angry with me 

please respect your parents decision & keep your family united rather den not talk with your family forever
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Wtf.. seriously.. silly advice
ChAOoz
post Dec 7 2017, 08:59 AM

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The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents - Carl Jung

Bro live your life the way you want it, don't be shackle by your parents or their expectations.

There is a difference to being filial and being led by the nose. You are a grown adult, you must make choices that would one day weight between the responsibility of a son, a husband and a father.

You have done your part in respecting your parents wishes and also contributing back to the family after working. So likewise, your mother must also respect your decision as a grown adult, and put your happiness as the first priority and not blackmail or forcefully enforce her view on your when your choices does not match her belief.
TSHanaForever
post Dec 7 2017, 10:09 AM

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QUOTE(donfutsal @ Dec 7 2017, 07:39 AM)
u think no logic brader

your parents should dump u in tong sampah at 1st place, since your feeling are more for the girl compare to your parents

"low maintenance girl" dats y u r with her

its in your mind dat she is low maintenance girl

den your mum is high maintenance is it ??? don't get angry with me 

please respect your parents decision & keep your family united rather den not talk with your family forever
*
Okay I'll let you think logic now by story in a bullet point:

- Everything my life decision in my life has been made by my parents, I want to further in Animation Graphic but end up Software Engineering cause the title Engineering but I'm okay with that.

- I would like to work in a Software Industry end up in the banking sector due the request and name establishment and when people talk about it everyone know. I still don't mind cause my mom deserve to be proud of me. And yes I am proud I got position Senior Executive since I am fresh graduate due to my soft-skills and knowledge.

- I am still do not forget my responsibility as a son, every month give money, celebrate birthday, belanja makan, even now I managed to save around 6k+ for my parent's umrah, yes I know this is only small jasa compared to what they did to me but at least I do execute my responsibility.

- I went back to my hometown at least once a month even it cost me alot to travel.

- I would like to purchase a car also they decide for me, I want car A but end up with car B cause without my acknowledgement they already setup a bank loan for me and I just need to sign it up (Yes I pay for it). I'm okay with that as long I have a car to travel long distance.

- I would like to purchase a house on certain area they did not agree, they only want this certain area for me to purchase a house, and again being a good son I said okay although the price on that area is not that cheap but hey work for it right.

- Until I just would like to make decision for my partner of my life where I did nothing wrong and only her past is little bit bad but hey things change, God also forgive. At least she changed, it is not about low maintenance bro, it is about how she put effort to change, to sacrifice her time on certain matters to help me. Most of the girl I know they just said a husband must have a house car and at least certain amount of money baru boleh kahwin, but this is different bro. For once of my life I just want to make this one decision for my own... everything I have followed... just this.. partner of my life bro... Do you even want to end up with arranged married? (I know the girl and I dont have chemistry at all).

Sorry but this is the reason I open up this thread, I want to make my parents still proud and happy for me and at the same I take care of my Partner. There's a reason why Allah met me with my partner which influenced her to change her life to a better human. I believe in that.
TSHanaForever
post Dec 7 2017, 10:23 AM

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QUOTE(RUI @ Dec 6 2017, 09:40 PM)
f**k restu Mak Ayah. I repeat f**k restu. They will put you in a crap hole and keep you there. I can go on and on with why you literally HAVE TO f**k THAT SHIT.

Only bad experience I had my entire life was because of wanting "restu" mak ayah. I ended up in SHIT HOLE. I gave up my world for that, and when i'm in one, mak ayah are no where to be found other than looking from above. The last meaningful conversation was "If you are constantly depressed, it's best you don't call ever again". I learned that how alone i'm in this world, how meaningless the word family is when the value aren't practiced. I have lost alot that eventful day, and I did gained something else.

Sometimes, you have to lose something in order to gain something greater.
The word family is MEANINGLESS when the FAMILY VALUES aren't practice.

You got 30-40 years more to live...there is no one person that in this world other than yourself that spends more time thinking for yourself. Whatever decision you make has to be product of your own conclusion. Don't kid yourself that your family cares for you. if they do, ask them how much time did they spend trying to understand how you would feel.

All they care about is, HOW EMBARRASSED THEY FEEL. I guarantee you that. All your disagreement will be founded upon that.
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Calm down. Thank you brother for giving this advice, I shall proceed with this.


QUOTE(ZZR-Pilot @ Dec 6 2017, 09:41 PM)
Pardon my french, but WHAT THE FCUK....??

1) You mom is WAY outta line, but I wonder what led her to suddenly turn into sex police.
2) You should have outright LIED to her about ur GF's past. Hang pi tayang pekong dia buat apa???
Again.... WHAT THE FCUKK? GF not a virgin = mom threatened you, suruh jumpa BOMOH, want an arranged marriage?
Okay... obviously, it's either you have an EVIL mom. Or there are parts you're not telling us about your GF. Coz it also sounds like something happened in between that made your mom turn hostile towards her.
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I've told everything..I can even draw a timeline..

QUOTE(k3lvinNdad @ Dec 7 2017, 12:11 AM)
d@mn bro...i felt so bad after reading this...

I understand that parent are important but if you think a little deeper, will a good parent want to see their son suffer and threaten their son? Sorry to say that I dont think they are and i am agree with our buddy RUI comments about family.

The biggest & stupi-est mistake on your story is telling your mom about her bad past. I am not saying you should lie to your mom but you have to be man enough to lie to protect her since she being honest and work so hard to Change For You.

Scenario 1 = choose her but fight with your family, will leave a scar but no matter how they will still need to suck it up...
Scenatio 2 = choose your family and leave her, will leave a scar and might turn her into a bad girl(she might not believe in love anymore as she taught someone will accept her if she changed). this is a sign from your statement "she started to forget solat sometimes, freehair cause deep down in her heart really heartbroken"

To me your life is yours, you are going to choose someone that you going to live with for the rest of your life. She might be the one accompany till u die...but will you have someone you truly loved accompanying you after your parent left?

Shit happened and you cant undo it...man up and make a decision...regardless of your choice, dont regret over it...remember to talk to someone, depression is a very dangerous issue...
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Yes I admit it is my big mistake for telling that cause that time I was hoping the older generation can understand and mature. It is only past not present...
QUOTE(wargreymon12 @ Dec 7 2017, 12:22 AM)
I wish i can get an ASB loan..

Anyways, what is this "mistake" of her past? By having a prev BF?
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Losing virginity by prev BF. Which it is just a piece of skin dude sleep.gif
jeremycming
post Dec 7 2017, 10:25 AM

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QUOTE(HanaForever @ Dec 6 2017, 04:16 PM)
Dear Forumers,

I need advice on my relationship which is quite tough to be decided but before I proceed I'll intro my biodata first:

My Bio:
Gender : male
Religion : Muslim
Age : 24 y/o
Race : Malay
Occupation: Senior Exec - 3.6k

Partner's Bio:
Religion: Muslim
Age: 22 y/o
Race: Malay
Occupation: Final Semester of Estate Management Majoring in Property valuation - 2018 to be Fresh Grads

So basically I am just a gamers boy and nerd and the eldest among my 3 brothers. During my school and university I tend to follow all of my mom rules which one of it Do not ever couple with a girl if still studying. focus study bla bla bla typical asian mother. So fast forward I do follow all of my mom's rules everything and being a nerd et cetra until someone call me gay because I didn't entertain any girls to be honest however I do have a few girl that I know during my univerisity era as a classmate and other universities friend.

Fast forward time, I got my first job within 1 month after complete my study with a position of Senior Exec - Programmer. Along the way working for about 4-5 months I started to feel so alone cause I never had a relationship before in my lifetime tbh. Then this girl came into my life which she is one of friend i know during my universities life. She is social, adorable, and caring. We started having a conversation et cetra and get to know each other so well, plus with her Im getting more comfortable because she is quite different by means not demanding or high class, can eat warung tepi jalan, tong tong duit after dinner, plus she is quite rajin weekdays study, weekend work part time hotel and best part is I can be myself with her, I can play games w/e i want she just dont mind, I can lepak etc although sometimes ada bad mood cause of period but dont mind everything went well with her.

Before going into relationship she told me that she had bad past (which involve no more viginity) and after listening to her story, I am blessed to accept her because past is past, I wanna didik her back etc, therefore I took up the challenge to have a relationship with her and slowly develop her to be more better woman cause u know as a muslim... Even she gave me all of her social medias and web.whatsapp just in case i have trust issue due to her past cause she really want a change and need someone to support her.
After almost 1 year being into relationship, I am very very satisfied with her progress where she from freehair going to tudung (i didnot force her okay, I am not radical like certain muslim), jaga solat, plus sometimes she do advice me on certain financial problem, first house technique etc. Until one day my mom know that I am into relationship with this girl and my mom really really excited to know about it until they both start whatsapp each other non stop until forget about me haha. So I am very blessed until my mom invited her to come to our house and I bring her.
Everything went fine and smooth, family seems approve, my bestfirend and friend also approve because of the effort. Until a couple week later where my mom suddenly texted me asked me whether I already had sex with etc throw all of those weird question and I denied because that's the truth. I did not even touch her. Questions by Questions my mom pressured me for whole week until I said yes she had a bad past but I am developing her to be a good one. and came this Kampung mentality where losing virginity u are a trash in society. My partner is very very sad cause she accidently know about what my mom said and I also stress being to balance my personal and workplace. My mom accused her for taking my salary money etc cause she is just a student while i know what is the reality. Simple, I have explained everything to my mom and she just wont accept it. She even forced me to go to Shaman saying that girl already did something to me and I wont and I know my mom already did this Shaman things to us that's why my life seems so stressful lately. She even forced me to marry with other girl (friend of my mom daughter) and she said even though I am old enough but she will still treat me as a kid. She also blackmail to take all of my ASB money savings if I continue this rs.

She cried a lot, she started to forget solat sometimes, freehair cause deep down in her heart really heartbroken but I still take care of her and slowly advice her. Until my mom throw this word "Kalau kamu masih berkawan, mak dan ayah tidak restu hubungan kamu." means that our relationship going to be no blessings. After a few advice from our close friend, we decided to tell my parent that we broke up but then still continue relationship secretly however my friend said prove them wrong by focusing saving money for house and marriage for both of us. So we proceed focusing save money work more harder, even I also today do 3 works, Office job, GrabCar and weekend Hotel Banquet just for the sake to make it halal.
Things were going well again after a 2 months secretly relationship and i think my mom realized that I am still texting someone during went back to hometown. And she influenced my auntie to ask me and my auntie said that both of our parent did not like her and no blessing if I continue with her. Choose parents or that girl.

Now I am feeling way down cause I already collected 1/4 money for our planning... Before you guys asked, I do give my parent money every month MYR 800, and when i went back home I will give MYR 50 for grocery and a few bucks for my brother to enjoy. Like I dont care much about money, I do love my parents, I do love my partner A LOT.  Every month I go back hometown at least once cause I am family-oriented person.
I don't know what to do anymore, I felt like give up in my life. I know there's a lot of girls, but to be honest as a muslim, I already did solat istikharah countless of times and the answer is her, I just don't know how to fix this anymore. I am crying a lot this whole week in a toilet and in a dark room. I am depressed. For once in my life I want to have my own decision.. I have followed their education path, career path, financial advice...
Shall I continue this relationship? Or not? Or any other advice, please let me know. I do appreciate it.
Thanks. PS: Not using my own account due to PnC.
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Good luck la brader, i will pray for you thumbup.gif
TSHanaForever
post Dec 7 2017, 10:36 AM

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QUOTE(jeremycming @ Dec 7 2017, 10:25 AM)
Good luck la brader, i will pray for you  thumbup.gif
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By means?
donfutsal
post Dec 7 2017, 10:51 AM

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From: Malaysia
QUOTE(HanaForever @ Dec 7 2017, 10:09 AM)
Okay I'll let you think logic now by story in a bullet point:

- Everything my life decision in my life has been made by my parents, I want to further in Animation Graphic but end up Software Engineering cause the title Engineering but I'm okay with that.

- I would like to work in a Software Industry end up in the banking sector due the request and name establishment and when people talk about it everyone know. I still don't mind cause my mom deserve to be proud of me. And yes I am proud I got position Senior Executive since I am fresh graduate due to my soft-skills and knowledge.

- I am still do not forget my responsibility as a son, every month give money, celebrate birthday, belanja makan, even now I managed to save around 6k+ for my parent's umrah, yes I know this is only small jasa compared to what they did to me but at least I do execute my responsibility.

- I went back to my hometown at least once a month even it cost me alot to travel.

- I would like to purchase a car also they decide for me, I want car A but end up with car B cause without my acknowledgement they already setup a bank loan for me and I just need to sign it up (Yes I pay for it). I'm okay with that as long I have a car to travel long distance.

- I would like to purchase a house on certain area they did not agree, they only want this certain area for me to purchase a house, and again being a good son I said okay although the price on that area is not that cheap but hey work for it right.

- Until I just would like to make decision for my partner of my life where I did nothing wrong and only her past is little bit bad but hey things change, God also forgive. At least she changed, it is not about low maintenance bro, it is about how she put effort to change, to sacrifice her time on certain matters to help me. Most of the girl I know they just said a husband must have a house car and at least certain amount of money baru boleh kahwin, but this is different bro. For once of my life I just want to make this one decision for my own... everything I have followed... just this.. partner of my life bro... Do you even want to end up with arranged married? (I know the girl and I dont have chemistry at all).

Sorry but this is the reason I open up this thread, I want to make my parents still proud and happy for me and at the same I take care of my Partner. There's a reason why Allah met me with my partner which influenced her to change her life to a better human. I believe in that.
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brader u give bullet or not but i give u rocket

who told u god forgive her or not ? does not mean "u change god forgive u"

arrange married is good too

love is just about age .. the moment u both become 35 plus den u will noe what is call love

i respect your parents for what thr r doing for u

jus follow what thr said .. u wont regret in life

thumbup.gif thumbup.gif thumbup.gif

b3arbear
post Dec 7 2017, 11:10 AM

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you will find yourself silly when you look back 10 years later.

My advise is never go against your parent. try to swap yourself in your parent situation/shoe. Try to think if next time your child so arrogant and make decision against you, how would you feel?

Maybe this is your first girl friend, hence you find her very superior and appreciating her a lot. Trust me, after you been into few more relationship (of cz im not cursing you), you will always find your parent is more worthy. especially when they getting elder and health condition recurring more issues.
abubin
post Dec 7 2017, 11:13 AM

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It is good to follow parent's ADVICE. However, you are old enough to make the DECISION yourself and DO IT.

You found a girl that you love and she love you. That is not easy dude.

Who is the one that is going to walk the path with you till the end of your life? Who is the one that will give you "cahaya mata" and raise them in your NAME? Is she worth not following your parent's advice?

Parents are supposed to give advice. Does that means they cannot give bad advice? They are human too. Sometimes like another poster said, they are making decision based on "saving their face".

Be a man and make your own decision!
k3lvinNdad
post Dec 7 2017, 01:17 PM

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QUOTE(abubin @ Dec 7 2017, 11:13 AM)
It is good to follow parent's ADVICE. However, you are old enough to make the DECISION yourself and DO IT.

You found a girl that you love and she love you. That is not easy dude.

Who is the one that is going to walk the path with you till the end of your life? Who is the one that will give you "cahaya mata" and raise them in your NAME? Is she worth not following your parent's advice?

Parents are supposed to give advice. Does that means they cannot give bad advice? They are human too. Sometimes like another poster said, they are making decision based on "saving their face".

Be a man and make your own decision!
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Couldn't agree more
lingleeyen
post Dec 7 2017, 01:26 PM

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Like da hell you go tell your mum her bad past for since you have done upfront marketing so powderful. TBH, I will ignore what my parents have to say. But subtly, tell them you are happy with your current life, and this girl actually brought up more in you than anyone can. And pray hard that they accept.
cire2
post Dec 7 2017, 01:34 PM

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QUOTE(abubin @ Dec 7 2017, 11:13 AM)
It is good to follow parent's ADVICE. However, you are old enough to make the DECISION yourself and DO IT.

You found a girl that you love and she love you. That is not easy dude.

Who is the one that is going to walk the path with you till the end of your life? Who is the one that will give you "cahaya mata" and raise them in your NAME? Is she worth not following your parent's advice?

Parents are supposed to give advice. Does that means they cannot give bad advice? They are human too. Sometimes like another poster said, they are making decision based on "saving their face".

Be a man and make your own decision!
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This. TS, just read this, close thread, then go do it.
PrincipaliteY
post Dec 7 2017, 03:29 PM

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i hope i do not have to explain much by saying this.
u know if non-Muslim marries a Muslim, they need to convert right?
most of them go through the challenges u r going through but does that mean these ppl do not love their parents? u sound like a pious person, so who do you love more?

to me, if the intention is good, u should not be afraid to decide anyway you want.
Pete the great
post Dec 7 2017, 10:17 PM

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QUOTE(HanaForever @ Dec 6 2017, 04:16 PM)
Dear Forumers,

I need advice on my relationship which is quite tough to be decided but before I proceed I'll intro my biodata first:

My Bio:
Gender : male
Religion : Muslim
Age : 24 y/o
Race : Malay
Occupation: Senior Exec - 3.6k

Partner's Bio:
Religion: Muslim
Age: 22 y/o
Race: Malay
Occupation: Final Semester of Estate Management Majoring in Property valuation - 2018 to be Fresh Grads

So basically I am just a gamers boy and nerd and the eldest among my 3 brothers. During my school and university I tend to follow all of my mom rules which one of it Do not ever couple with a girl if still studying. focus study bla bla bla typical asian mother. So fast forward I do follow all of my mom's rules everything and being a nerd et cetra until someone call me gay because I didn't entertain any girls to be honest however I do have a few girl that I know during my univerisity era as a classmate and other universities friend.

Fast forward time, I got my first job within 1 month after complete my study with a position of Senior Exec - Programmer. Along the way working for about 4-5 months I started to feel so alone cause I never had a relationship before in my lifetime tbh. Then this girl came into my life which she is one of friend i know during my universities life. She is social, adorable, and caring. We started having a conversation et cetra and get to know each other so well, plus with her Im getting more comfortable because she is quite different by means not demanding or high class, can eat warung tepi jalan, tong tong duit after dinner, plus she is quite rajin weekdays study, weekend work part time hotel and best part is I can be myself with her, I can play games w/e i want she just dont mind, I can lepak etc although sometimes ada bad mood cause of period but dont mind everything went well with her.

Before going into relationship she told me that she had bad past (which involve no more viginity) and after listening to her story, I am blessed to accept her because past is past, I wanna didik her back etc, therefore I took up the challenge to have a relationship with her and slowly develop her to be more better woman cause u know as a muslim... Even she gave me all of her social medias and web.whatsapp just in case i have trust issue due to her past cause she really want a change and need someone to support her.
After almost 1 year being into relationship, I am very very satisfied with her progress where she from freehair going to tudung (i didnot force her okay, I am not radical like certain muslim), jaga solat, plus sometimes she do advice me on certain financial problem, first house technique etc. Until one day my mom know that I am into relationship with this girl and my mom really really excited to know about it until they both start whatsapp each other non stop until forget about me haha. So I am very blessed until my mom invited her to come to our house and I bring her.
Everything went fine and smooth, family seems approve, my bestfirend and friend also approve because of the effort. Until a couple week later where my mom suddenly texted me asked me whether I already had sex with etc throw all of those weird question and I denied because that's the truth. I did not even touch her. Questions by Questions my mom pressured me for whole week until I said yes she had a bad past but I am developing her to be a good one. and came this Kampung mentality where losing virginity u are a trash in society. My partner is very very sad cause she accidently know about what my mom said and I also stress being to balance my personal and workplace. My mom accused her for taking my salary money etc cause she is just a student while i know what is the reality. Simple, I have explained everything to my mom and she just wont accept it. She even forced me to go to Shaman saying that girl already did something to me and I wont and I know my mom already did this Shaman things to us that's why my life seems so stressful lately. She even forced me to marry with other girl (friend of my mom daughter) and she said even though I am old enough but she will still treat me as a kid. She also blackmail to take all of my ASB money savings if I continue this rs.

She cried a lot, she started to forget solat sometimes, freehair cause deep down in her heart really heartbroken but I still take care of her and slowly advice her. Until my mom throw this word "Kalau kamu masih berkawan, mak dan ayah tidak restu hubungan kamu." means that our relationship going to be no blessings. After a few advice from our close friend, we decided to tell my parent that we broke up but then still continue relationship secretly however my friend said prove them wrong by focusing saving money for house and marriage for both of us. So we proceed focusing save money work more harder, even I also today do 3 works, Office job, GrabCar and weekend Hotel Banquet just for the sake to make it halal.
Things were going well again after a 2 months secretly relationship and i think my mom realized that I am still texting someone during went back to hometown. And she influenced my auntie to ask me and my auntie said that both of our parent did not like her and no blessing if I continue with her. Choose parents or that girl.

Now I am feeling way down cause I already collected 1/4 money for our planning... Before you guys asked, I do give my parent money every month MYR 800, and when i went back home I will give MYR 50 for grocery and a few bucks for my brother to enjoy. Like I dont care much about money, I do love my parents, I do love my partner A LOT.  Every month I go back hometown at least once cause I am family-oriented person.
I don't know what to do anymore, I felt like give up in my life. I know there's a lot of girls, but to be honest as a muslim, I already did solat istikharah countless of times and the answer is her, I just don't know how to fix this anymore. I am crying a lot this whole week in a toilet and in a dark room. I am depressed. For once in my life I want to have my own decision.. I have followed their education path, career path, financial advice...
Shall I continue this relationship? Or not? Or any other advice, please let me know. I do appreciate it.
Thanks. PS: Not using my own account due to PnC.
*
Look pal, you have to ask yourself this, do you love this girl or not? If the answer is yes, then she is worth fighting for. Doesn't matter if your parents oppose to it. Once you marry her, restu or not, parents come or not, eventually they have to accept her because unforgiveness is a sin, right?

Also, why the heck do you have to tell your mom that your gf is not a virgin???? You have yourself to blame for your big fat mouth, these are the type of secrets your gf shared with you. OMG. Thank goodness your gf still stuck with you, had it been any girl they would have dumped you for betrayal of trust.

Look pal, you are a big boy, if you allow your parents to dictate your life, you will never be a man. I don't think there is anything wrong with your gf, after all your gf insaf already right? So why want to dig the past.

You can't change your parents but the best you can do is to respect and honor them. But if they try to separate you from the woman you love, then you have to fight for your woman. Once you are married, respect your parents but they cannot have a say in your marriage, because your marriage is the virtue between you and your wife.

The only thing is to move out. So what about your ASB? My grandpa passed away when he was 38, and my granny had to raise 11 kids by herself. In life if there is a way there is a will.

And no more lies. THe more you lie, the more guilty you become and the more your parents distrust your girlfriend. I can't believe you can lie about break up with your gf but secretly go out with her, but you can burst out the secret of your gf not being a virgin. doh.gif

Tell the truth or don't tell at all. Just senyap lah, why have to tell your parents that you broke up with her.



This post has been edited by Pete the great: Dec 7 2017, 10:22 PM
RUI
post Dec 8 2017, 03:46 PM

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"Some people die at 25 but not buried until 75" ~ Benjamin Franklin

This words of wisdom appeals to me so much when I did not take charge of my life believing that parents knows best when I was 25. Truth is quite the opposite.

Here's why! You mum & dad lived their 18-50 in period of 1980-2010. How can they be so sure that whatever experience/knowledge they have applies for 2010-2040. They will be LONG LONG LONG DEAD by then. They won't be there to see you suffer. They won't be there to see you miserable. And very likely, if you apply their advice, you will be living like 1980 in 2040. Not to say it's a bad thing, it's just a matter if you want to. And I believe if you are someone that wants to live like the 1980, you won't be here at all.

Let me give you more extreme example. There was a practice in 300 BC where certain people washes contaminated cutlery with mud/clay or smtg. It makes total sense to me why they do it then. Use your brain abit, we are living in 21st century, there is something called detergent. Are you seriously gonna wash ur cutlery with mud just because people 300 BC did that? Really?

Even if the relationship didn't last, your parent is gonna be on the high horse, saying "I told you so". They are more interested to be right, than to see you happy and satisfied. They will rub salt into your wound, and yet call themselves "family" I guarantee you that. And if you are right! Happy and satisfied, do you think they will say, "Son, I was wrong about her. You made the right decision"? If they f*ck up and you are miserable, do you think they will say, "Son, I f*ck up. I'm sorry"?

You gotta get a life and move on la bro. The difference is with or without them. I know you love your parents. But disobeying them does not mean you don't love them. If they can understand the true meaning of love, they will not do this to you. Success is define by others. Satisfaction is defined by you. Those who says your mum's knows best, I bet my ass he ask his mum if its better to wank with left or right hand! You do it the way it satisfy you best! Don't kill yourself now and later spent another 50 years digging your grave.

This post has been edited by RUI: Dec 8 2017, 04:03 PM
RUI
post Dec 8 2017, 05:18 PM

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QUOTE(Pete the great @ Dec 7 2017, 10:17 PM)
Look pal, you have to ask yourself this, do you love this girl or not? If the answer is yes, then she is worth fighting for. Doesn't matter if your parents oppose to it. Once you marry her, restu or not, parents come or not, eventually they have to accept her because unforgiveness is a sin, right?

Also, why the heck do you have to tell your mom that your gf is not a virgin???? You have yourself to blame for your big fat mouth, these are the type of secrets your gf shared with you. OMG. Thank goodness your gf still stuck with you, had it been any girl they would have dumped you for betrayal of trust.

Look pal, you are a big boy, if you allow your parents to dictate your life, you will never be a man. I don't think there is anything wrong with your gf, after all your gf insaf already right? So why want to dig the past.

You can't change your parents but the best you can do is to respect and honor them. But if they try to separate you from the woman you love, then you have to fight for your woman. Once you are married, respect your parents but they cannot have a say in your marriage, because your marriage is the virtue between you and your wife.

The only thing is to move out. So what about your ASB? My grandpa passed away when he was 38, and my granny had to raise 11 kids by herself. In life if there is a way there is a will.

And no more lies. THe more you lie, the more guilty you become and the more your parents distrust your girlfriend. I can't believe you can lie about break up with your gf but secretly go out with her, but you can burst out the secret of your gf not being a virgin.  doh.gif

Tell the truth or don't tell at all. Just senyap lah, why have to tell your parents that you broke up with her.
*
He is a good boy. But, he is not yet a man.

He doesn't even respect his own freedom of thoughts. A life path of his choice. He can't even be honest to himself!

"senior exec", "3.6K fresh grad", "have a girlfriend". Truth is, I don't know if that's good or bad for TS. Nobody does but TS himself. laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
HarvinDhillon
post Dec 8 2017, 05:36 PM

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hmm you are the reason why women usually steer clear of mamma's boys lol

What your gf did or didnt do is none of your mom's business. That is between your gf and yourself. Grow up dude, you dont need to live under your mom's ketiak lmao
jovigrunge
post Dec 8 2017, 09:58 PM

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QUOTE(HanaForever @ Dec 6 2017, 04:16 PM)
Dear Forumers,

I need advice on my relationship which is quite tough to be decided but before I proceed I'll intro my biodata first:

My Bio:
Gender : male
Religion : Muslim
Age : 24 y/o
Race : Malay
Occupation: Senior Exec - 3.6k

Partner's Bio:
Religion: Muslim
Age: 22 y/o
Race: Malay
Occupation: Final Semester of Estate Management Majoring in Property valuation - 2018 to be Fresh Grads

So basically I am just a gamers boy and nerd and the eldest among my 3 brothers. During my school and university I tend to follow all of my mom rules which one of it Do not ever couple with a girl if still studying. focus study bla bla bla typical asian mother. So fast forward I do follow all of my mom's rules everything and being a nerd et cetra until someone call me gay because I didn't entertain any girls to be honest however I do have a few girl that I know during my univerisity era as a classmate and other universities friend.

Fast forward time, I got my first job within 1 month after complete my study with a position of Senior Exec - Programmer. Along the way working for about 4-5 months I started to feel so alone cause I never had a relationship before in my lifetime tbh. Then this girl came into my life which she is one of friend i know during my universities life. She is social, adorable, and caring. We started having a conversation et cetra and get to know each other so well, plus with her Im getting more comfortable because she is quite different by means not demanding or high class, can eat warung tepi jalan, tong tong duit after dinner, plus she is quite rajin weekdays study, weekend work part time hotel and best part is I can be myself with her, I can play games w/e i want she just dont mind, I can lepak etc although sometimes ada bad mood cause of period but dont mind everything went well with her.

Before going into relationship she told me that she had bad past (which involve no more viginity) and after listening to her story, I am blessed to accept her because past is past, I wanna didik her back etc, therefore I took up the challenge to have a relationship with her and slowly develop her to be more better woman cause u know as a muslim... Even she gave me all of her social medias and web.whatsapp just in case i have trust issue due to her past cause she really want a change and need someone to support her.
After almost 1 year being into relationship, I am very very satisfied with her progress where she from freehair going to tudung (i didnot force her okay, I am not radical like certain muslim), jaga solat, plus sometimes she do advice me on certain financial problem, first house technique etc. Until one day my mom know that I am into relationship with this girl and my mom really really excited to know about it until they both start whatsapp each other non stop until forget about me haha. So I am very blessed until my mom invited her to come to our house and I bring her.
Everything went fine and smooth, family seems approve, my bestfirend and friend also approve because of the effort. Until a couple week later where my mom suddenly texted me asked me whether I already had sex with etc throw all of those weird question and I denied because that's the truth. I did not even touch her. Questions by Questions my mom pressured me for whole week until I said yes she had a bad past but I am developing her to be a good one. and came this Kampung mentality where losing virginity u are a trash in society. My partner is very very sad cause she accidently know about what my mom said and I also stress being to balance my personal and workplace. My mom accused her for taking my salary money etc cause she is just a student while i know what is the reality. Simple, I have explained everything to my mom and she just wont accept it. She even forced me to go to Shaman saying that girl already did something to me and I wont and I know my mom already did this Shaman things to us that's why my life seems so stressful lately. She even forced me to marry with other girl (friend of my mom daughter) and she said even though I am old enough but she will still treat me as a kid. She also blackmail to take all of my ASB money savings if I continue this rs.

She cried a lot, she started to forget solat sometimes, freehair cause deep down in her heart really heartbroken but I still take care of her and slowly advice her. Until my mom throw this word "Kalau kamu masih berkawan, mak dan ayah tidak restu hubungan kamu." means that our relationship going to be no blessings. After a few advice from our close friend, we decided to tell my parent that we broke up but then still continue relationship secretly however my friend said prove them wrong by focusing saving money for house and marriage for both of us. So we proceed focusing save money work more harder, even I also today do 3 works, Office job, GrabCar and weekend Hotel Banquet just for the sake to make it halal.
Things were going well again after a 2 months secretly relationship and i think my mom realized that I am still texting someone during went back to hometown. And she influenced my auntie to ask me and my auntie said that both of our parent did not like her and no blessing if I continue with her. Choose parents or that girl.

Now I am feeling way down cause I already collected 1/4 money for our planning... Before you guys asked, I do give my parent money every month MYR 800, and when i went back home I will give MYR 50 for grocery and a few bucks for my brother to enjoy. Like I dont care much about money, I do love my parents, I do love my partner A LOT.  Every month I go back hometown at least once cause I am family-oriented person.
I don't know what to do anymore, I felt like give up in my life. I know there's a lot of girls, but to be honest as a muslim, I already did solat istikharah countless of times and the answer is her, I just don't know how to fix this anymore. I am crying a lot this whole week in a toilet and in a dark room. I am depressed. For once in my life I want to have my own decision.. I have followed their education path, career path, financial advice...
Shall I continue this relationship? Or not? Or any other advice, please let me know. I do appreciate it.
Thanks. PS: Not using my own account due to PnC.
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"
So you're caught in a situation whether "syurga di bawah tapak ibu" or "biar mati anak jangan mati adat?" hmm.gif

Solution 1
Marry her and continue to visit your parents until they give up and accept her. Doesn't matter how long.

Solution 2
Do not get married first. Just continue the relationship as usual and let your GF proved to your mum in her studies and then "wow" your mum with her career rank and salary in the future.

Praying won't help. Think and solve the problem will be more logical. whistling.gif



BuddhawithinMe
post Dec 9 2017, 03:08 PM

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Since its your 1st relationship and its only 1year plus. Why not continue give time to each other until u 100% confirm she is the one.

If u duno when is it, roughly is when she or both start farting comfortablly in front each other. Like this is how each other start to show out true self and that is the time for u to decide if you can hold her hand forever.

Cz right now both of you might still have hidden self that are havent been seen or exposed yet.

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