QUOTE(HanaForever @ Dec 6 2017, 04:16 PM)
Dear Forumers,
I need advice on my relationship which is quite tough to be decided but before I proceed I'll intro my biodata first:
My Bio:
Gender : male
Religion : Muslim
Age : 24 y/o
Race : Malay
Occupation: Senior Exec - 3.6k
Partner's Bio:
Religion: Muslim
Age: 22 y/o
Race: Malay
Occupation: Final Semester of Estate Management Majoring in Property valuation - 2018 to be Fresh Grads
So basically I am just a gamers boy and nerd and the eldest among my 3 brothers. During my school and university I tend to follow all of my mom rules which one of it Do not ever couple with a girl if still studying. focus study bla bla bla typical asian mother. So fast forward I do follow all of my mom's rules everything and being a nerd et cetra until someone call me gay because I didn't entertain any girls to be honest however I do have a few girl that I know during my univerisity era as a classmate and other universities friend.
Fast forward time, I got my first job within 1 month after complete my study with a position of Senior Exec - Programmer. Along the way working for about 4-5 months I started to feel so alone cause I never had a relationship before in my lifetime tbh. Then this girl came into my life which she is one of friend i know during my universities life. She is social, adorable, and caring. We started having a conversation et cetra and get to know each other so well, plus with her Im getting more comfortable because she is quite different by means not demanding or high class, can eat warung tepi jalan, tong tong duit after dinner, plus she is quite rajin weekdays study, weekend work part time hotel and best part is I can be myself with her, I can play games w/e i want she just dont mind, I can lepak etc although sometimes ada bad mood cause of period but dont mind everything went well with her.
Before going into relationship she told me that she had bad past (which involve no more viginity) and after listening to her story, I am blessed to accept her because past is past, I wanna didik her back etc, therefore I took up the challenge to have a relationship with her and slowly develop her to be more better woman cause u know as a muslim... Even she gave me all of her social medias and web.whatsapp just in case i have trust issue due to her past cause she really want a change and need someone to support her.
After almost 1 year being into relationship, I am very very satisfied with her progress where she from freehair going to tudung (i didnot force her okay, I am not radical like certain muslim), jaga solat, plus sometimes she do advice me on certain financial problem, first house technique etc. Until one day my mom know that I am into relationship with this girl and my mom really really excited to know about it until they both start whatsapp each other non stop until forget about me haha. So I am very blessed until my mom invited her to come to our house and I bring her.
Everything went fine and smooth, family seems approve, my bestfirend and friend also approve because of the effort. Until a couple week later where my mom suddenly texted me asked me whether I already had sex with etc throw all of those weird question and I denied because that's the truth. I did not even touch her. Questions by Questions my mom pressured me for whole week until I said yes she had a bad past but I am developing her to be a good one. and came this Kampung mentality where losing virginity u are a trash in society. My partner is very very sad cause she accidently know about what my mom said and I also stress being to balance my personal and workplace. My mom accused her for taking my salary money etc cause she is just a student while i know what is the reality. Simple, I have explained everything to my mom and she just wont accept it. She even forced me to go to Shaman saying that girl already did something to me and I wont and I know my mom already did this Shaman things to us that's why my life seems so stressful lately. She even forced me to marry with other girl (friend of my mom daughter) and she said even though I am old enough but she will still treat me as a kid. She also blackmail to take all of my ASB money savings if I continue this rs.
She cried a lot, she started to forget solat sometimes, freehair cause deep down in her heart really heartbroken but I still take care of her and slowly advice her. Until my mom throw this word "Kalau kamu masih berkawan, mak dan ayah tidak restu hubungan kamu." means that our relationship going to be no blessings. After a few advice from our close friend, we decided to tell my parent that we broke up but then still continue relationship secretly however my friend said prove them wrong by focusing saving money for house and marriage for both of us. So we proceed focusing save money work more harder, even I also today do 3 works, Office job, GrabCar and weekend Hotel Banquet just for the sake to make it halal.
Things were going well again after a 2 months secretly relationship and i think my mom realized that I am still texting someone during went back to hometown. And she influenced my auntie to ask me and my auntie said that both of our parent did not like her and no blessing if I continue with her. Choose parents or that girl.
Now I am feeling way down cause I already collected 1/4 money for our planning... Before you guys asked, I do give my parent money every month MYR 800, and when i went back home I will give MYR 50 for grocery and a few bucks for my brother to enjoy. Like I dont care much about money, I do love my parents, I do love my partner A LOT. Every month I go back hometown at least once cause I am family-oriented person.
I don't know what to do anymore, I felt like give up in my life. I know there's a lot of girls, but to be honest as a muslim, I already did solat istikharah countless of times and the answer is her, I just don't know how to fix this anymore. I am crying a lot this whole week in a toilet and in a dark room. I am depressed. For once in my life I want to have my own decision.. I have followed their education path, career path, financial advice...
Shall I continue this relationship? Or not? Or any other advice, please let me know. I do appreciate it.
Thanks. PS: Not using my own account due to PnC.
Look pal, you have to ask yourself this, do you love this girl or not? If the answer is yes, then she is worth fighting for. Doesn't matter if your parents oppose to it. Once you marry her, restu or not, parents come or not, eventually they have to accept her because unforgiveness is a sin, right?
Also, why the heck do you have to tell your mom that your gf is not a virgin???? You have yourself to blame for your big fat mouth, these are the type of secrets your gf shared with you. OMG. Thank goodness your gf still stuck with you, had it been any girl they would have dumped you for betrayal of trust.
Look pal, you are a big boy, if you allow your parents to dictate your life, you will never be a man. I don't think there is anything wrong with your gf, after all your gf insaf already right? So why want to dig the past.
You can't change your parents but the best you can do is to respect and honor them. But if they try to separate you from the woman you love, then you have to fight for your woman. Once you are married, respect your parents but they cannot have a say in your marriage, because your marriage is the virtue between you and your wife.
The only thing is to move out. So what about your ASB? My grandpa passed away when he was 38, and my granny had to raise 11 kids by herself. In life if there is a way there is a will.
And no more lies. THe more you lie, the more guilty you become and the more your parents distrust your girlfriend. I can't believe you can lie about break up with your gf but secretly go out with her, but you can burst out the secret of your gf not being a virgin.
Tell the truth or don't tell at all. Just senyap lah, why have to tell your parents that you broke up with her.
This post has been edited by Pete the great: Dec 7 2017, 10:22 PM