QUOTE(Ralna @ Oct 18 2017, 04:25 PM)
TS, I understand your concerns. You’re the only son and you’re filial, so you have your own consideration and criteria.
Well, while you dislike your ex-gf’s family, other girls you date in the future might dislike your own family too. It goes both ways.
Not all girls wanna stay with her husband & his mum under the same roof, & take care of both the husband and a difficult mother-in-law. The moment you let your future date knows this, I bet she’s gonna think of dating other men instead.
You only see things from your perspective.
I’m a female. If there’s a guy who’s pursuing me, and he’s the only child (spoilt brat??) raised by a single mother (a controlling mum who’s picky/ has many issues??), I won’t even wanna go out with him... coz I don't wanna ask for trouble.
When a woman is married to a man, she is no longer part of her own family. So your concerns—her family issues etc—well, if you are the head of the household, you can cut yourself off & not let your own children go near them. If she wants to keep in touch with her own family, she can, but tell her don’t trouble you or bring the negative influence to the kids. I’m sure she’ll understand your decision coz her own family is toxic indeed. Her maternal instinct will make her protect her own children and put them as first over her own family.
***
If you think about it, among her 9 siblings, she's the only one who worked her way up to become a professional, though “just a medical assistant”. Salute to her.
It wasn’t easy for her to achieve a breakthrough like that in a dysfunctional problematic family, and yet you look down on her. You didn’t see the inner strength and beauty she has to fight against all odds.
In the real world, men like you are considered as junk coz you are superficial & selfish. You are so damn proud and egotistical coz you live in your own little world with your mum, who has probably brainwashed you with all the “motivational boosts” from young.
& that makes you think you’re so good that you can score a girl who’s accomplished, highly educated & humble/ useful enough to serve you and your mum, when you yourself are just someone ordinary.
Only in your dreams can you get an ideal girl like that.
Why would such an ideal girl consider you, if she’s intelligent, well-educated, from good family background with high earning parents etc? I’m sure her own family will dislike your own family too, thinking that she deserves better men. Her parents definitely wish to see her married to a man who can bring her happiness, and not make her into a maid to serve his single mum coz he expects her to do so.
Who do you think you are?
What have you got to offer to deserve such girls?
Your looks? Height? Profession? Qualifications? Other guys also have, and can even do better.
Your money? Well, if you are that rich, go employ a private nurse and get your mum a separate place to stay. You can rent a nearby place and visit her daily or weekly.
***
I’m glad you break up with her. You don’t deserve her. Yes, she has a problematic family, but it’s not by her choice that she wanna be born to such a family. Who would want to?
If you dislike her family, then you shouldn't date her in the first place. Since you have chosen to date her & be with her, then you should have saved her from such pain and misery, bring her to somewhere safe, and nurture her, and help her escape from her fate by making her strong.
In return, I’m sure she’ll be grateful and won’t mind returning the kindness by taking care of your mum in the future. Of course, you cannot force her or expect her to do so, but as a woman, this is how she will think: If I love my man, I will do it to make him happy if that can help reduce his burden.
But what you did was… you dumped her and let her face all these alone. Her life was already screwed up by a problematic family, and now, plus you.
This girl is so dumb to fall in love in you. I think it’s because she saw some light and hope when she fell for you, thinking that you accepted her, her past & her background coz you two were together for some time. That’s why she chose to let you know her real situation.
Instead, you crushed her hopes.
You don’t love her. You only love yourself and your mum. Your love for her is so shallow and fragile that it can't stand any test in real life.
Selfish brat. That’s why it's eating you on the inside. You feel the guilt and loss, coz it was a bad decision to leave a great girl just because of her family issues. It’s been a year and you haven’t moved on yourself.
***
Be a man.
To love is to be responsible, as my bf always tells me.
I also came with a whole load of shit when my bf first dated me. Those are not just personal problems, but a whole mess of shit that involved life & death, large sum of money and crises. He knew it from the start, in the first month of dating itself. I chose to tell him coz I gave him the choice to stay or to break up with me— a girl with problems and from problematic background.
My bf told me he could have dumped me, but he made the choice to stay & go through with me, coz he really loved me. & he taught me how to solve those problems one by one. He estimated that it would take both of us 2 years to fully clear the mess & set things right.
I didn’t disappoint him. I sped up everything and completed clearing the mess in just one year. His love and strength, and wisdom empowered me to make right decisions & be bold and resolute. & because of him, I have a new life. I’m emigrating to be with him in November, with a more high-paying career waiting for me, and a happy life with him for the many years to come. I’m deeply grateful to him from the bottom of my heart, and for that, I love him very much.
That’s how a real man loves his woman. He gives her the strength to empower her, and move mountains together with her. I’m in LDR with him for the past one year, yet we overcame problems together despite the distance and obstacles.
***
To simply put it, when your beloved is a damsel in distress, you can choose to fight the battle for her and with her as her knight in shining armour, or just desert her and commit the crime of cowardice as a fleeing novice.
My bf did all for me, coz… “You are worth it," he told me. & for that, he’ll get his rewards for his courage and bravery.
This girl loves you 100% with her heart and loyalty till it makes you feel touched. She's great & you think of marrying her coz you know she can be a good wife and a mother. Do you know how rare it is to come across such a girl?
Isn't she worth fighting for?
& look at what you did.
You really don’t deserve her. A clenched fist cannot give, but it also cannot receive. You reap what you sow; it’s just a matter of time when you'll reap it.
Actually, you’re already reaping it. Think of the sleepless nights and worries you’ve had ever since the breakup. Your mind made a rational decision, but your heart knows it's not right. That's why you're posting here on forum.
Your real problem is not her issues, but your own fears and insecurities. There's no problem too big that it cannot be solved at all.
***
Lastly, what is love?
Go think about it, and do your reflection.
I really love all the replies from you in this section. Thumbup sis 👍🏻Well, while you dislike your ex-gf’s family, other girls you date in the future might dislike your own family too. It goes both ways.
Not all girls wanna stay with her husband & his mum under the same roof, & take care of both the husband and a difficult mother-in-law. The moment you let your future date knows this, I bet she’s gonna think of dating other men instead.
You only see things from your perspective.
I’m a female. If there’s a guy who’s pursuing me, and he’s the only child (spoilt brat??) raised by a single mother (a controlling mum who’s picky/ has many issues??), I won’t even wanna go out with him... coz I don't wanna ask for trouble.
When a woman is married to a man, she is no longer part of her own family. So your concerns—her family issues etc—well, if you are the head of the household, you can cut yourself off & not let your own children go near them. If she wants to keep in touch with her own family, she can, but tell her don’t trouble you or bring the negative influence to the kids. I’m sure she’ll understand your decision coz her own family is toxic indeed. Her maternal instinct will make her protect her own children and put them as first over her own family.
***
If you think about it, among her 9 siblings, she's the only one who worked her way up to become a professional, though “just a medical assistant”. Salute to her.
It wasn’t easy for her to achieve a breakthrough like that in a dysfunctional problematic family, and yet you look down on her. You didn’t see the inner strength and beauty she has to fight against all odds.
In the real world, men like you are considered as junk coz you are superficial & selfish. You are so damn proud and egotistical coz you live in your own little world with your mum, who has probably brainwashed you with all the “motivational boosts” from young.
& that makes you think you’re so good that you can score a girl who’s accomplished, highly educated & humble/ useful enough to serve you and your mum, when you yourself are just someone ordinary.
Only in your dreams can you get an ideal girl like that.
Why would such an ideal girl consider you, if she’s intelligent, well-educated, from good family background with high earning parents etc? I’m sure her own family will dislike your own family too, thinking that she deserves better men. Her parents definitely wish to see her married to a man who can bring her happiness, and not make her into a maid to serve his single mum coz he expects her to do so.
Who do you think you are?
What have you got to offer to deserve such girls?
Your looks? Height? Profession? Qualifications? Other guys also have, and can even do better.
Your money? Well, if you are that rich, go employ a private nurse and get your mum a separate place to stay. You can rent a nearby place and visit her daily or weekly.
***
I’m glad you break up with her. You don’t deserve her. Yes, she has a problematic family, but it’s not by her choice that she wanna be born to such a family. Who would want to?
If you dislike her family, then you shouldn't date her in the first place. Since you have chosen to date her & be with her, then you should have saved her from such pain and misery, bring her to somewhere safe, and nurture her, and help her escape from her fate by making her strong.
In return, I’m sure she’ll be grateful and won’t mind returning the kindness by taking care of your mum in the future. Of course, you cannot force her or expect her to do so, but as a woman, this is how she will think: If I love my man, I will do it to make him happy if that can help reduce his burden.
But what you did was… you dumped her and let her face all these alone. Her life was already screwed up by a problematic family, and now, plus you.
This girl is so dumb to fall in love in you. I think it’s because she saw some light and hope when she fell for you, thinking that you accepted her, her past & her background coz you two were together for some time. That’s why she chose to let you know her real situation.
Instead, you crushed her hopes.
You don’t love her. You only love yourself and your mum. Your love for her is so shallow and fragile that it can't stand any test in real life.
Selfish brat. That’s why it's eating you on the inside. You feel the guilt and loss, coz it was a bad decision to leave a great girl just because of her family issues. It’s been a year and you haven’t moved on yourself.
***
Be a man.
To love is to be responsible, as my bf always tells me.
I also came with a whole load of shit when my bf first dated me. Those are not just personal problems, but a whole mess of shit that involved life & death, large sum of money and crises. He knew it from the start, in the first month of dating itself. I chose to tell him coz I gave him the choice to stay or to break up with me— a girl with problems and from problematic background.
My bf told me he could have dumped me, but he made the choice to stay & go through with me, coz he really loved me. & he taught me how to solve those problems one by one. He estimated that it would take both of us 2 years to fully clear the mess & set things right.
I didn’t disappoint him. I sped up everything and completed clearing the mess in just one year. His love and strength, and wisdom empowered me to make right decisions & be bold and resolute. & because of him, I have a new life. I’m emigrating to be with him in November, with a more high-paying career waiting for me, and a happy life with him for the many years to come. I’m deeply grateful to him from the bottom of my heart, and for that, I love him very much.
That’s how a real man loves his woman. He gives her the strength to empower her, and move mountains together with her. I’m in LDR with him for the past one year, yet we overcame problems together despite the distance and obstacles.
***
To simply put it, when your beloved is a damsel in distress, you can choose to fight the battle for her and with her as her knight in shining armour, or just desert her and commit the crime of cowardice as a fleeing novice.
My bf did all for me, coz… “You are worth it," he told me. & for that, he’ll get his rewards for his courage and bravery.
This girl loves you 100% with her heart and loyalty till it makes you feel touched. She's great & you think of marrying her coz you know she can be a good wife and a mother. Do you know how rare it is to come across such a girl?
Isn't she worth fighting for?
& look at what you did.
You really don’t deserve her. A clenched fist cannot give, but it also cannot receive. You reap what you sow; it’s just a matter of time when you'll reap it.
Actually, you’re already reaping it. Think of the sleepless nights and worries you’ve had ever since the breakup. Your mind made a rational decision, but your heart knows it's not right. That's why you're posting here on forum.
Your real problem is not her issues, but your own fears and insecurities. There's no problem too big that it cannot be solved at all.
***
Lastly, what is love?
Go think about it, and do your reflection.