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Princess_Alicia
post Oct 18 2017, 05:21 PM

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QUOTE(Ralna @ Oct 18 2017, 04:25 PM)
TS, I understand your concerns. You’re the only son and you’re filial, so you have your own consideration and criteria.

Well, while you dislike your ex-gf’s family, other girls you date in the future might dislike your own family too. It goes both ways.

Not all girls wanna stay with her husband & his mum under the same roof, & take care of both the husband and a difficult mother-in-law. The moment you let your future date knows this, I bet she’s gonna think of dating other men instead.

You only see things from your perspective.

I’m a female. If there’s a guy who’s pursuing me, and he’s the only child (spoilt brat??) raised by a single mother (a controlling mum who’s picky/ has many issues??), I won’t even wanna go out with him... coz I don't wanna ask for trouble.

When a woman is married to a man, she is no longer part of her own family. So your concerns—her family issues etc—well, if you are the head of the household, you can cut yourself off & not let your own children go near them. If she wants to keep in touch with her own family, she can, but tell her don’t trouble you or bring the negative influence to the kids. I’m sure she’ll understand your decision coz her own family is toxic indeed. Her maternal instinct will make her protect her own children and put them as first over her own family.

***

If you think about it, among her 9 siblings, she's the only one who worked her way up to become a professional, though “just a medical assistant”. Salute to her.

It wasn’t easy for her to achieve a breakthrough like that in a dysfunctional problematic family, and yet you look down on her. You didn’t see the inner strength and beauty she has to fight against all odds.

In the real world, men like you are considered as junk coz you are superficial & selfish.  You are so damn proud and egotistical coz you live in your own little world with your mum, who has probably brainwashed you with all the “motivational boosts” from young.

& that makes you think you’re so good that you can score a girl who’s accomplished, highly educated & humble/ useful enough to serve you and your mum, when you yourself are just someone ordinary.

Only in your dreams can you get an ideal girl like that.

Why would such an ideal girl consider you, if she’s intelligent, well-educated, from good family background with high earning parents etc? I’m sure her own family will dislike your own family too, thinking that she deserves better men. Her parents definitely wish to see her married to a man who can bring her happiness, and not make her into a maid to serve his single mum coz he expects her to do so.

Who do you think you are?

What have you got to offer to deserve such girls?

Your looks? Height? Profession? Qualifications? Other guys also have, and can even do better.

Your money? Well, if you are that rich, go employ a private nurse and get your mum a separate place to stay. You can rent a nearby place and visit her daily or weekly.

***

I’m glad you break up with her. You don’t deserve her. Yes, she has a problematic family, but it’s not by her choice that she wanna be born to such a family. Who would want to?

If you dislike her family, then you shouldn't date her in the first place. Since you have chosen to date her & be with her, then you should have saved her from such pain and misery, bring her to somewhere safe, and nurture her, and help her escape from her fate by making her strong.

In return, I’m sure she’ll be grateful and won’t mind returning the kindness by taking care of your mum in the future. Of course, you cannot force her or expect her to do so, but as a woman, this is how she will think: If I love my man, I will do it to make him happy if that can help reduce his burden.

But what you did was… you dumped her and let her face all these alone. Her life was already screwed up by a problematic family, and now, plus you.

This girl is so dumb to fall in love in you. I think it’s because she saw some light and hope when she fell for you, thinking that you accepted her, her past & her background coz you two were together for some time. That’s why she chose to let you know her real situation.

Instead, you crushed her hopes.

You don’t love her. You only love yourself and your mum. Your love for her is so shallow and fragile that it can't stand any test in real life.

Selfish brat. That’s why it's eating you on the inside. You feel the guilt and loss, coz it was a bad decision to leave a great girl just because of her family issues. It’s been a year and you haven’t moved on yourself.

***

Be a man.

To love is to be responsible, as my bf always tells me.

I also came with a whole load of shit when my bf first dated me. Those are not just personal problems, but a whole mess of shit that involved life & death, large sum of money and crises. He knew it from the start, in the first month of dating itself. I chose to tell him coz I gave him the choice to stay or to break up with me— a girl with problems and from problematic background.

My bf told me he could have dumped me, but he made the choice to stay & go through with me, coz he really loved me. & he taught me how to solve those problems one by one. He estimated that it would take both of us 2 years to fully clear the mess & set things right.

I didn’t disappoint him. I sped up everything and completed clearing the mess in just one year. His love and strength, and wisdom empowered me to make right decisions & be bold and resolute. & because of him, I have a new life. I’m emigrating to be with him in November, with a more high-paying career waiting for me, and a happy life with him for the many years to come. I’m deeply grateful to him from the bottom of my heart, and for that, I love him very much.

That’s how a real man loves his woman. He gives her the strength to empower her, and move mountains together with her. I’m in LDR with him for the past one year, yet we overcame problems together despite the distance and obstacles.

***

To simply put it, when your beloved is a damsel in distress, you can choose to fight the battle for her and with her as her knight in shining armour, or just desert her and commit the crime of cowardice as a fleeing novice.

My bf did all for me, coz… “You are worth it," he told me. & for that, he’ll get his rewards for his courage and bravery.

This girl loves you 100% with her heart and loyalty till it makes you feel touched. She's great & you think of marrying her coz you know she can be a good wife and a mother. Do you know how rare it is to come across such a girl?

Isn't she worth fighting for?

& look at what you did.

You really don’t deserve her. A clenched fist cannot give, but it also cannot receive. You reap what you sow; it’s just a matter of time when you'll reap it.

Actually, you’re already reaping it. Think of the sleepless nights and worries you’ve had ever since the breakup. Your mind made a rational decision, but your heart knows it's not right. That's why you're posting here on forum.

Your real problem is not her issues, but your own fears and insecurities. There's no problem too big that it cannot be solved at all.

***

Lastly, what is love?

user posted image

Go think about it, and do your reflection.
*
I really love all the replies from you in this section. Thumbup sis 👍🏻
tsg_7
post Oct 18 2017, 06:06 PM

Look at all my stars!!
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Overall, TS bodoh.
fish_hoo
post Oct 18 2017, 07:27 PM

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you should moved on, and leave her to the one she deserve who will treat her as a real lover with sincerity, unlike you
mengfart
post Oct 19 2017, 12:24 AM

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Giff Me Mana Kotol
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why you so cb. you should have known her family background before going in a relationship with her. and now you dumped her because of that?
cc980024
post Oct 19 2017, 04:49 PM

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TS, I am very sure you don't really love her. If you have met someone that your dearly in love, no matter what is behind her, you will stay put. Even you see that the relationship package will come with loads of burden, you will want to be the first to be there to go thru the bad time, to protect her, help her. But you are not, you even see her family as bad apples. There is no right or wrong, if there is not enough love.. anything can be flaws.
Since you have call it off, please leave some mercy. Stop communicating with her and let her have an immediate pain and earlier recovery, instead of giving her false hope.
If she can't understand the reason, I think you should tell her the truth that her background is bothering you. Be cruel for once, and she can go for a better future.

As for your "ideal" to get a wife that can take care of your mother. For this generation, I guess it is quite foolish for a guy to expect their wife to take care of their mother. Is not that the women not willing to do so, but if this is the criteria, no women willing to marry such a man. Instead of a wife who can take care of your mother, should be a wife who can live in harmony with your mother. And this is not solely the quality of the wife, it should depends on how good a husband harmonize the relationship at home.

When after my 1st visit to my MIL (that time was bf's mother). My hubby actually asked how do I feel about his mom. I told him I am quite comfortable with her. He actually show me relief and telling me that "It should be ok, right? If some day I suggest we stay with her." Which of course I responded with a nice OK. But it never happen, until 1 day, my hubby came home telling me about his friend's family problem, DIL & MIL fight. And I asked him whether we will have this problem if we stay under 1 roof. To my surprise, it was never his plan to put 2 women together. He say "If I put my wife and mom together, I cari pasal aje." So those days when he asked me if we can stay together, he just testing me out. But to tell the truth, if we really have to stay together, I guess the fight between DIL+MIL will happen and the level is "no joke". tongue.gif


This post has been edited by cc980024: Oct 19 2017, 04:54 PM
Drivingmoc118
post Oct 19 2017, 09:23 PM

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TS don’t waste your time. Find someone that meets your criteria. And relantionship is about setting expectations. If she doesn’t meet yours, just say bye bye.

This post has been edited by Drivingmoc118: Oct 19 2017, 09:23 PM
coldman86
post Oct 20 2017, 01:48 PM

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one word to describe yourself --> "idiot"
cse.my
post Oct 20 2017, 03:28 PM

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siapa u ts ? go mirror toilet bowl la pls..
timesquare.net
post Oct 20 2017, 04:49 PM

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u just stay single ...
then u can save the girls in d world...
Lyu
post Oct 21 2017, 12:20 PM

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What a jerk...

N that girl stupiak enuf still wanna together with u
jovigrunge
post Oct 21 2017, 12:53 PM

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QUOTE(GuiltyAsCharged @ Oct 9 2017, 02:09 PM)
about myself
only child, raised by a single mother.

I has been with this girl, lets name her N
we broke up a year a go. I initiate it

She's a great girl. Really. she's a good enough that i felt she can take care of my mother.
now my mother is quite  a piece of work. so any girl i'm with, i looked for her character whether she can handle my mother or not
sure, there's a few side of her that i hope to be different.

so if she's great why i left her?

well while's a good fit for me, her family isn't

she came from a big family.9 siblings. and she's the only one who's a professional. and just a medical assistant at that.
her other siblings - blue collar worker and 2 drug addicts, a gambling addict late father (passed away during our breakup)
not really the kind of people that i wanna surround my spawns.
when i was growing up, my family kinda look up to one another
kinda like, - that cousin score 5a's, that cousin got into prestigious school, that cousin furthering studies in oversea
kinda a motivational boost of some sense
from what i can see her niece and nephew are not academically inclined nor are they well mannered. the kind that still aren't home when it's already late night
a bad influence. i don't want my child saying why their cousin could go out at night while they can't

since our broke up, she's been trying to gain my attention.
not everyday, but maybe she'll try to initiate a conversation maybe once every 2 weeks like that 
i have not given her any indication that i wanna back together, but it tore me inside that she hasn't move on and find somebody good for her
i still love her i guess, but marriage is more than just 2 people

and i haven't introduce her to my family
i know my mum would not approve based on her family background but i feel if wanna continue being with her, she would have to relent
should i get back with her? it's has been a year, and i don't think she even try to move on
that kind of loyalty moved me. should i totally block her from my life? i kept that line open solely because if she's need help, i can help her in ways that i can (she hasn't tried to get any for the past year)
maybe if block her that would get enough nudge to get her to move on?

i'm lost and it's eating me on the inside
would love to hear your opinion.
*
They say when you marry someone, you are married to their family as well. In this case you think too much about her family's background thus neglecting her outpouring of love and concern for you. You are looking down on her entire family when what matters most is her.

You realized that your action seems cold on her and instead of supporting her you leave her when it matters most. I don't think you are good enough for her and it's a blessing that she no longer be with you. She'll find someone more deserving and as for you, good luck in your hunt for missus perfect (if there's any). smile.gif

This post has been edited by jovigrunge: Oct 21 2017, 12:55 PM
lk3
post Oct 21 2017, 12:58 PM

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only god can judge a person
bearonice
post Oct 21 2017, 01:35 PM

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mama boy ...the end
ActuallyFlawed
post Oct 21 2017, 01:49 PM

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It's okay. You did the right thing. Just leave her because her family might give you a bad influence. You have the money, the qualification to find a better girl. You deserve way way way way way way way way better! Good luck!

 

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