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 insecure gf

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toekong
post Oct 1 2017, 01:12 PM

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This is a relationship that needs lots of work.
If you decide to pursue this be ready to lose your friends and maybe even if ur family.
toiletwater
post Oct 1 2017, 05:01 PM

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I have an extreme sensitive gf (she scored highly on a sensitivity test) who is insecure always and all the time.

But, she has been through a lot. And I decided to continue to work things out with her. It is tiring work. It is mentally and physically draining. I continued to persevere because on a fundamental level, she knew her faults and shortcomings and she wanted to work on it.

Sit down and talk it out.

Also, meeting up with other couples will help. She will see how other couples behave are adjust.


CyrusWong
post Oct 1 2017, 05:11 PM

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try change position of thinking

imagine if she chat with a male guy, and went out for meal, whatever the reason, meeting etc, what is your feeling then?

what you are doing, she do the same

yea I'm not giving any opinion/advice here, coz I'm still forever alone. but try to put yourself in her shoes.

if you truly love her, you need have tolerance for her "bad habit" too.

If you think you can't tolerance this, then... you know what to do then
crumpetss
post Oct 1 2017, 05:59 PM

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relationship without personal space is suffering

its better to let go
loui
post Oct 2 2017, 12:36 AM

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QUOTE(toiletwater @ Oct 1 2017, 05:01 PM)
I have an extreme sensitive gf (she scored highly on a sensitivity test) who is insecure always and all the time.

But, she has been through a lot. And I decided to continue to work things out with her. It is tiring work. It is mentally and physically draining. I continued to persevere because on a fundamental level, she knew her faults and shortcomings and she wanted to work on it.

Sit down and talk it out.

Also, meeting up with other couples will help. She will see how other couples behave are adjust.
*
Still continue? How long already
toiletwater
post Oct 2 2017, 06:57 AM

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QUOTE(loui @ Oct 2 2017, 12:36 AM)
Still continue? How long already
*
Now she's fine. 3 yrs strong now
andrewcnk
post Oct 2 2017, 07:32 AM

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Been there, know how it feels.
and ex dump me for the reason below.

Wait till one day, she ask you choose between her and your colleague, and you probably end up choose her and cut contact with your colleague and friends and everybody. Then you suffered in silent doh.gif

Well, although she was the one dump me, but i can say i gain freedom rather than confinement.

theres nothing worst than you yourself getting suffocated from no space shakehead.gif

ActuallyFlawed
post Oct 2 2017, 03:21 PM

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You cannot change her.

There are several factors that can cause a person to feel so unsecured. It might be something you did which caused her insecurity and went unaddressed, her bad relationship with parents, overthinking, pessimistic... etc.

It takes alot of work to find out what causes these. If you can handle it, you can try to help her with her insecurities. Otherwise, you are free to leave the relationship.
TankerGadget Store
post Oct 2 2017, 09:57 PM

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i feel u bro ... i kena before and end up become an anti social guy and i almost cut all connection with my friends even bros too ... like that very susah, i tried my best to cater her need and do whatever she wants ... end up i am the one who kena dump.
pillage2001
post Oct 2 2017, 10:17 PM

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Drop it like it's hot bro.........all signs of craziness there.
RUI
post Oct 5 2017, 02:11 PM

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If talking to a girl means don't love her anymore...how long does it take before farting means don't love her anymore? Mad woman.

If she is so keen on proving her belief that you don't love her, then prove her right.
Tell that you love her so much that you are willing to prove that her belief is right. Now, can she stop playing the broken record? lol
lsthian
post Oct 5 2017, 06:10 PM

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QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM)
I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her.

We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back.

Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart.

sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this.
*
aiya........love is like that one la. you should know every lady can be VERY SENSITIVE from others competitor or what so ever. both of you from different background. to make both of you together is easy but to make thing happen harmony is in impossible as perfect. just do the same thing as she did to you, see whats the respond from her. else like others advise, leave her lo. for us to advise or to said anything is easy. but the action that you need to take that might follow/not thru from heart is venerable. IF FOR ME, dump her la since there is no trust anymore even she lov you deep deep. else in the future married, got kids.....till the day you got grandkids still become a piece of shit topic to raise everyday will be like killing your mood. wats the point? leave la.
Drian
post Oct 6 2017, 09:52 AM

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QUOTE(CyrusWong @ Oct 1 2017, 05:11 PM)
try change position of thinking

imagine if she chat with a male guy, and went out for meal, whatever the reason, meeting etc, what is your feeling then?

what you are doing, she do the same

yea I'm not giving any opinion/advice here, coz I'm still forever alone. but try to put yourself in her shoes.

if you truly love her, you need have tolerance for her "bad habit" too.

If you think you can't tolerance this, then... you know what to do then
*
If the guy does what his gf does , trust me the girl would have dumped the guy already.
So putting in her shoes , she would have dumped the bf.


lsthian
post Oct 6 2017, 10:27 AM

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QUOTE(Drian @ Oct 6 2017, 09:52 AM)
If the guy does what his gf does , trust me the girl would have dumped the guy already.
So putting in her shoes , she would have dumped the bf.
*
IF IF IF IF im the gal, i canot tahan got others gal text him lo~~"i canot talk or provide the things that the others gal can mer?" <---typical statement.
LOL!
magicnox
post Oct 10 2017, 12:09 AM

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There may or may not be a solution for this unless both of you tolerate and compromise with each other's attitude. Trusting each other is very important, and so are talking things out with each other. Tell your gf how you feel, and try to compromise.

This post has been edited by magicnox: Oct 23 2017, 10:51 PM
jovigrunge
post Oct 13 2017, 02:04 PM

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QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM)
I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her.

We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back.

Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart.

sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this.
*
Sorry as I might be the minority here suggesting you to dump her. I think this girl is really good. The problem with her is jealousy and I don't think it's about trust issue here but rather feel insecure with you. I'm guessing you might have a handsome face or pleasant personality and that what makes her melt with you.

At the same time she wants to control you simply because she loves you VERY deeply and afraid of losing you to other females. Don't let go of this girl yet because you might not find another genuine and sincere girl like her in the future but rather try to fix that jealousy issue first. Give some time for her to understand that you are a true gentleman and not some random playboy.

Once when trust took over that jealousy, you will find your relationship much smoother. Good luck! icon_rolleyes.gif
coolkidzephyr
post Oct 17 2017, 02:54 PM

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QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM)
I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her.

We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back.

Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart.

sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this.
*
She’s very insecure lol
Tell her to read this post...
Saying this isn’t u or u found this interesting post...
What advise would she give for this kind of discussion..
Hopefully she can see that it relates to u guys ...
Point is u love her and u feel this way why don’t u try communicating this to her..
Until it is resolve... if the cycle keeps repeating repeat the solution whenever u fight it will solve then u use that solution everytime until she realise the cycle is redundant...
Because she either has to let it go or let you go.... simple as that ...
Ask her this in 5 years time are you going to bring this up still?
If no then why are we discussing events that u can’t change
If yes then why are u still with me ?
Relationship is not rocket science just need mutual understanding

timesquare.net
post Oct 20 2017, 04:40 PM

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leave or die ...
choose 1..
BuddhawithinMe
post Oct 20 2017, 08:46 PM

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QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM)
I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her.

We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back.

Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart.

sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this.
*
Innocent people wants to win an argument, even at the cost of losing relationship. Mature people understand that it is better to lose an argument and win a relationship.

 

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