This is a relationship that needs lots of work.
If you decide to pursue this be ready to lose your friends and maybe even if ur family.
insecure gf
insecure gf
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Oct 1 2017, 01:12 PM
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Junior Member
240 posts Joined: Aug 2007 |
This is a relationship that needs lots of work.
If you decide to pursue this be ready to lose your friends and maybe even if ur family. |
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Oct 1 2017, 05:01 PM
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Junior Member
525 posts Joined: Mar 2012 |
I have an extreme sensitive gf (she scored highly on a sensitivity test) who is insecure always and all the time.
But, she has been through a lot. And I decided to continue to work things out with her. It is tiring work. It is mentally and physically draining. I continued to persevere because on a fundamental level, she knew her faults and shortcomings and she wanted to work on it. Sit down and talk it out. Also, meeting up with other couples will help. She will see how other couples behave are adjust. |
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Oct 1 2017, 05:11 PM
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Senior Member
1,626 posts Joined: Apr 2013 |
try change position of thinking
imagine if she chat with a male guy, and went out for meal, whatever the reason, meeting etc, what is your feeling then? what you are doing, she do the same yea I'm not giving any opinion/advice here, coz I'm still forever alone. but try to put yourself in her shoes. if you truly love her, you need have tolerance for her "bad habit" too. If you think you can't tolerance this, then... you know what to do then |
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Oct 1 2017, 05:59 PM
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Senior Member
523 posts Joined: Aug 2017 From: some place |
relationship without personal space is suffering
its better to let go |
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Oct 2 2017, 12:36 AM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#25
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Junior Member
686 posts Joined: Mar 2005 From: Seri Kembangan / Kota Bharu |
QUOTE(toiletwater @ Oct 1 2017, 05:01 PM) I have an extreme sensitive gf (she scored highly on a sensitivity test) who is insecure always and all the time. Still continue? How long alreadyBut, she has been through a lot. And I decided to continue to work things out with her. It is tiring work. It is mentally and physically draining. I continued to persevere because on a fundamental level, she knew her faults and shortcomings and she wanted to work on it. Sit down and talk it out. Also, meeting up with other couples will help. She will see how other couples behave are adjust. |
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Oct 2 2017, 06:57 AM
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Junior Member
525 posts Joined: Mar 2012 |
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Oct 2 2017, 07:32 AM
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Junior Member
19 posts Joined: Feb 2012 |
Been there, know how it feels.
and ex dump me for the reason below. Wait till one day, she ask you choose between her and your colleague, and you probably end up choose her and cut contact with your colleague and friends and everybody. Then you suffered in silent Well, although she was the one dump me, but i can say i gain freedom rather than confinement. theres nothing worst than you yourself getting suffocated from no space |
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Oct 2 2017, 03:21 PM
Show posts by this member only | IPv6 | Post
#28
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Junior Member
37 posts Joined: Jun 2017 |
You cannot change her.
There are several factors that can cause a person to feel so unsecured. It might be something you did which caused her insecurity and went unaddressed, her bad relationship with parents, overthinking, pessimistic... etc. It takes alot of work to find out what causes these. If you can handle it, you can try to help her with her insecurities. Otherwise, you are free to leave the relationship. |
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Oct 2 2017, 09:57 PM
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Junior Member
222 posts Joined: Mar 2013 |
i feel u bro ... i kena before and end up become an anti social guy and i almost cut all connection with my friends even bros too ... like that very susah, i tried my best to cater her need and do whatever she wants ... end up i am the one who kena dump.
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Oct 2 2017, 10:17 PM
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Senior Member
1,894 posts Joined: Jan 2003 From: Kalamazoo, MI |
Drop it like it's hot bro.........all signs of craziness there.
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Oct 5 2017, 02:11 PM
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Junior Member
722 posts Joined: Jan 2005 |
If talking to a girl means don't love her anymore...how long does it take before farting means don't love her anymore? Mad woman.
If she is so keen on proving her belief that you don't love her, then prove her right. Tell that you love her so much that you are willing to prove that her belief is right. Now, can she stop playing the broken record? lol |
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Oct 5 2017, 06:10 PM
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Newbie
13 posts Joined: Aug 2014 |
QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM) I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her. aiya........love is like that one la. you should know every lady can be VERY SENSITIVE from others competitor or what so ever. both of you from different background. to make both of you together is easy but to make thing happen harmony is in impossible as perfect. just do the same thing as she did to you, see whats the respond from her. else like others advise, leave her lo. for us to advise or to said anything is easy. but the action that you need to take that might follow/not thru from heart is venerable. IF FOR ME, dump her la since there is no trust anymore even she lov you deep deep. else in the future married, got kids.....till the day you got grandkids still become a piece of shit topic to raise everyday will be like killing your mood. wats the point? leave la.We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back. Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart. sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this. |
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Oct 6 2017, 09:52 AM
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Senior Member
4,968 posts Joined: Jan 2003 |
QUOTE(CyrusWong @ Oct 1 2017, 05:11 PM) try change position of thinking If the guy does what his gf does , trust me the girl would have dumped the guy already.imagine if she chat with a male guy, and went out for meal, whatever the reason, meeting etc, what is your feeling then? what you are doing, she do the same yea I'm not giving any opinion/advice here, coz I'm still forever alone. but try to put yourself in her shoes. if you truly love her, you need have tolerance for her "bad habit" too. If you think you can't tolerance this, then... you know what to do then So putting in her shoes , she would have dumped the bf. |
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Oct 6 2017, 10:27 AM
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Newbie
13 posts Joined: Aug 2014 |
QUOTE(Drian @ Oct 6 2017, 09:52 AM) If the guy does what his gf does , trust me the girl would have dumped the guy already. IF IF IF IF im the gal, i canot tahan got others gal text him lo~~"i canot talk or provide the things that the others gal can mer?" <---typical statement.So putting in her shoes , she would have dumped the bf. LOL! |
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Oct 10 2017, 12:09 AM
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Junior Member
57 posts Joined: Jul 2012 |
There may or may not be a solution for this unless both of you tolerate and compromise with each other's attitude. Trusting each other is very important, and so are talking things out with each other. Tell your gf how you feel, and try to compromise.
This post has been edited by magicnox: Oct 23 2017, 10:51 PM |
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Oct 13 2017, 02:04 PM
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Senior Member
2,607 posts Joined: Jun 2010 |
QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM) I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her. Sorry as I might be the minority here suggesting you to dump her. I think this girl is really good. The problem with her is jealousy and I don't think it's about trust issue here but rather feel insecure with you. I'm guessing you might have a handsome face or pleasant personality and that what makes her melt with you.We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back. Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart. sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this. At the same time she wants to control you simply because she loves you VERY deeply and afraid of losing you to other females. Don't let go of this girl yet because you might not find another genuine and sincere girl like her in the future but rather try to fix that jealousy issue first. Give some time for her to understand that you are a true gentleman and not some random playboy. Once when trust took over that jealousy, you will find your relationship much smoother. Good luck! |
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Oct 17 2017, 02:54 PM
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Newbie
2 posts Joined: Sep 2014 |
QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM) I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her. She’s very insecure lol We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back. Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart. sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this. Tell her to read this post... Saying this isn’t u or u found this interesting post... What advise would she give for this kind of discussion.. Hopefully she can see that it relates to u guys ... Point is u love her and u feel this way why don’t u try communicating this to her.. Until it is resolve... if the cycle keeps repeating repeat the solution whenever u fight it will solve then u use that solution everytime until she realise the cycle is redundant... Because she either has to let it go or let you go.... simple as that ... Ask her this in 5 years time are you going to bring this up still? If no then why are we discussing events that u can’t change If yes then why are u still with me ? Relationship is not rocket science just need mutual understanding |
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Oct 20 2017, 04:40 PM
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Junior Member
57 posts Joined: Jul 2014 |
leave or die ...
choose 1.. |
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Oct 20 2017, 08:46 PM
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Junior Member
61 posts Joined: Oct 2017 |
QUOTE(incognito91 @ Sep 29 2017, 10:47 AM) I really need advice and am lost on what to do. My gf and I have been together for 1 year plus. She's very sensitive and insecure all the time. when we first got together, she went through my phone to check if i talked to any other girls. This was about 3 months after we got together and she found out that i was talking to one of my close friends since college. The thing is, i was just replying her like how i normally talk to her even before we got together. My gf assumed it as i was flirting and have interest in her. she asked me to cut all communication with her and i can't talk to any of my female friends. From that day on until today, ever so often she would remind herself of that incident and get angry and upset with me for days. She could go on and accuse me of not loving her anymore. Because she read the conversation, she knows that i did meet my college friend for lunch before but the meeting was before i even met or knew my gf. she will keep bringing up this issue and say why am i hurting her by going out with my college friend. To add to that, ever since i got together with her, I have never gone out with anyone besides her. Innocent people wants to win an argument, even at the cost of losing relationship. Mature people understand that it is better to lose an argument and win a relationship.We do have our ups and downs, and every time we argue it will be about this. Halfway through a happy flirty conversation, she'll remind herself on this issue and get angry with me. I have tried talking to her, comforting her, physically showing her more affection, shower her with surprises but all only works for a few days before the cycle repeats. Last night she accused me again that I love her less because she recalled back that incident. She was telling me that a guy was messaging her asking her how was she doing and the conversation ended up with me as the bad guy for talking to my college friend so many months back. Due to our distance and other commitment, we can't see each other everyday but we make it a point to meet at least once a week. That is of no help to me at all and it just makes me feel even more helpless when this happens. When I can, i do try to go to her place after work to be with her. It is at times like this that I feel like all the things i've done for her and given her all means nothing. Breaking it off is not an option since i don't want to lose her. I always recall back when we're not arguing, we'd talk about anything and everything and how happy both of us are. I do miss her smile all the time. I know that she loves me very much and I love her too. But I can't deny that this is driving us apart. sorry for the wall of text, i needed a way to get this out of my system and I don't have much friends to talk to about this. |
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