Hello there my friend. What you describe does sound like depression to me. I had/have similar symptoms, especially number 1 and number 6. I do relapse from time to time but I am doing much better nowadays. In fact, I think this year was the first year I did not have any suicidal thoughts at all. Been struggling with this since 2006 as far as I can remember.

I can offer you some anecdotal advice as to how you can help yourself. Sorry in advance for the wall of text.

1. First and foremost, please seek professional help if you are able. I was fortunate enough to have a psychologist available to me when I was in college and I learned a lot on how to manage my depression from her. When I relapsed into serious depression a few times after I was out of college, I couldn't go seek professional help but my previous experience with said psychologist really helped pull me through.

2. As cliche as this might sound: Focus on you. One of the damnest things that really trigger me last time was comparison. I compared to my friend who just got married, I compared to my friend who got promoted, I compared to my friend who drives a nice car, etc. You get the idea. I was a goddamn straight A student who came from a quite well off family with a full ride scholarship to study in the states. And I still was depressed. From an outsider's point of view, I have no right to be depressed. I got everything. It can happen to anybody and it is not your fault. My point is, until I started to focus on myself, I was never truly happy. Social media exacerbates these things, because people only post the highlights of their lives, not the lows. And if you compare your own boring mundane life with other people's highlights, you can't move forward.

3. Got the focus on yourself? Good. Now get on improving yourself. Take small steps, do things to better yourself from yesterday. Do things you like to do. Baking, cooking, painting, whatever. Even video games is good I might argue. I personally fell in love with the sport of powerlifting. I can pretty much say powerlifting saved my life. That's what I focus on. I exercise, and I train, and I get better every day. This transfers to your daily life, get better than you were yesterday, in whatever it is you like to do.

4. Take care of yourself. This one gets neglected a lot. A healthy mind starts from a healthy body. Exercise, eat right and sleep well. Quit smoking if you smoke. I can help you quit, I was a 1-pack-a-day chain smoker for 7 long years before finally quitting 2 years ago. Take good care of your sleep hygiene. If you don't know what that means, that means you got some homework to do. Get fit, get healthy and trust me, as you get more and more fit, you will automatically become a happier person. Do not fall into the trap of saying that you do not have time. You have time. You can minus 30 mins of TV every night. You can eat a bit quicker during lunch to take a long walk around the park during lunch breaks. There are so many ways you can exercise and keep fit, it only needs to be prioritized. Time can be made. 168 hours in a week, surely you can spend 3 hours in the week to jog or do whatever exercise you can do.

5. Talk. Learn to talk. This takes trust and it takes someone special and it will take a long time to develop. I was with my girlfriend for a good 3 years before I finally learned how to talk and express myself in ways that can relieve me of the stresses that I face. If you have that someone to listen to you, then good. If not, then it's okay too. Learn and cultivate that trust with someone you can trust your secrets to. If you simply need someone to listen to your rants, man, you are welcomed to PM me.

6. Lastly, remember you are loved. No matter what people might say, no matter who you are, I am certain there is someone out there who loves you. Do not hurt that person by hurting yourself.

That's all I got for now. I hope you can employ some of these advice so that you can help yourself. I'm here to talk to you if you just need a listening ear. I wish you well and good luck.

Hi there. Do you need someone to talk to? I can help provide a listening ear to you if you would like, for free! Just PM me and maybe I can help? I would love to listen and talk if that is something you would like to do. I've been around depression and suicidal thought for the longest time so I can empathize what you are feeling.